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Alek

PO# 61166
United States
United States
A writer looking to free himself with the written word.
May 16, 2018
 

You've filled my heart in ways I could only dream

Alas I am alone, in my head without any reprieve

It's battle within myself I know I can never win, only survive

You hold me tight in hopes you might bring me comfort, but...

I'm still alone, no matter how tight you may squeeze I am alone

I can not promise to be here forever, but I swear I will fight

Because you deserve all the effort I can give, all I can muster

I thank you for loving the me I can never hope too

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May 10, 2018
 

Your love is the music that tunes out my demons

-Adam "Aleksander" Wilson

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May 10, 2018
 

For You

I've begged and pleaded for a release

Asked and wished for an inner peace

But yet nothing has come from any of my pleas

I know inner pain that has crippled any hope of being fullilled

I feel a weight that continues to drag me down no matter my struggle

Yet I continue to struggle

No matter the pain, the agony the suffering I keep moving forward

I wanna stop but that little part of you that I let in wont let me

Your love wont let me drown when I let myself sink

This love is the light that keeps the dark from consuming me

You ask that I keep fighting if I wont do it for me, do it for you

For you I will wake up everyday

For you I will fight through...

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May 2, 2018
 

When I lose the inspiration to write I feel like a part of me is missing.

The peace at mind I get from putting out all my feelings, it's just so relieving.

It lets me get out everything my voice is to afraid to speak, it lets me let go.

But when I can't pick out the words, they start to drown me.

All I can do is sink into the dark depths of myself.

From time to time I find the strength to swim up a bit, but the words soon pull me down again.

At least I get a gimps of light.. of peace because without it I'd...



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April 25, 2018
 

Where is my inspiration?

I'm left with nothing more then a desperation

A desperation to get these words out, I need that release that peace

Putting words to paper is my only hope, my only way to cover this crease

This crease. this crack.. this blockade is leaving me fitting to burst

In a wave of emotion, I'm not ready for the hurst

To take me away, I have to much left unsaid.. It's too much

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April 23, 2018
 

May my words be the salvation from a mind that wants me dead.

ANOTHER CHANCE
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April 23, 2018
 

The true beauty in writing is often hidden away.

We make edits and changes in hopes that we can change what we perceive as imperfections.

Perhaps in a way we make these changes because we don't see ourselves as perfect so how could we believe anything we've written could be anything less.

Caking on edits in hopes of masking anything others might see as wrong or imperfect is never the way to express ourselves.

Writing should express the writer in the rawest form, as they are not as they are as a face in the crowd.

Believe in the beauty of your words and the beauty of the writer putting them to paper.

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April 23, 2018
 

I like to pretend I'm strong

Like I don't have issues doing simple tasks, without a pep talk

I have the strength to speak about my issues without always relying on writing

That fears don't consume me, and never hinder my progress

Ready to jump in without the fear of how I'm gonna land

I also like to pretend I'm normal

Where I can love without pause and unconditionally

I can do things without making excuses, just so I can hid away

Help when I'm needed and not just when its too late

To not pretend being alone away from the world would be better for everyone

I like to pretend I'm happy

Just so maybe one day I will be without having to pretend i am




  

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April 23, 2018
 

Ever longing

This soul can not be quenched of its desire

A longing for more that it will never acquire

A soul begging to be fulfilled

Never noticing all that it desires is within grasp

An ever reaching helping hand just out of sight, just within reach



  

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April 20, 2018
 

My hands are beginning to ache, from all the letters that I've written. Just to describe how much I truly love you, and show you what you really mean too me.
Going back now through all the letter never sent really puts in perspective just how much I wanted everything to be perfect. I never felt good enough for you, never thought of myself as deserving. Maybe I wasn't, maybe I  just let myself think that. Love was a strange feeling for me, and for you this must of been just as strange to try and love another. To think four years ago I started this letter, and It just now that I'm able to understand what went wrong. Even now that we've both moved on, I have regrets but I think that's normal f...

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April 20, 2018
 

I miss being the child overwhelmed with emotions, who could cry when he was sad and laugh without worry.

That child who's innocents wasn't yet tarnished by death, heartache and the demons I'd come to host.

I miss being terrified of death, now its just a struggle to wanna live.

Now I'm just a husk of who I once was, looking and searching for what once made me whole inside.




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April 19, 2018
 

Pieces of my heart were mine to give.

Give to those I valued most, those I cherished above all.

All the while hoping they'd stay close, so while with them I'd still feel whole.

Whole is not what I am anymore, that is nothing more then a memory.

Memory.. a memory that is burned in my head never to be forgotten.

Forgotten had I that when you give someone a piece of you that is a risk you alone take.

Take is what you did, never to return leaving me empty.

Empty and cold never to be complete.

Complete another has shown me her hollowed heart, she is like me.

Me... no, no we maybe incomplete but together we can fill in the pieces.

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April 18, 2018
 

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You gave me love, when all i knew was grey.

You'll never really know how just much I love you.

Please just don't take her away.

The other night, my dreams took me away.

I was so scared, I'd never see you again.

Then it got dark dear, so very dark dear.

I lost my sunshine my only sunshine, my dreams took her away.  

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April 17, 2018
 

Trying to write again, is proving difficult once again. I have all the words, but I'm surrounding myself with to much doubt. It's not even like I want praise or to be noticed, I just want it be something I think I'm not and that's perfect. I want every word i write be as freeing as when it comes to me, but it always gets lost in translation. That filter of doubt that continues to block every hope and dream of mine just keeps being this burden I can't release, I just want to let go of my doubts. Once just once to have the relief of not doubting everything I do or write, just to feel at peace.

I remember when I first tried writing, it felt special my own. I shared it with those special to m...

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April 17, 2018
 

Write for the release of your inner most sorrows.

Write for the peace of mind each word brings as it touches paper.

Write for each fight of those demons who say you're a failure.

Write for each day you continue on when it feels like to much.

Write for those who love you and want to see you get better.

Write for yourself when its the only hope of relief.

Write.. just write.

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October 9, 2017
 

I often see my love for you as the greatest of burdens, and I am sorry if that sounds awful but hear me out. You are a great weight on my heart that I will never be strong enough to lift. I often feel a need for you rather then a want. When all I want is a moment of silents my heart screams out for you, like a lost child to his mother. You've become the air that fills my lungs when all I want is to stop breathing. You are the motivation when all I want is to quit. You' re so much to me and I often hate you for it, you bring me light when all I want is the dark.
This love...this need for you in my life is often crippling... for so long misery was my friend, it was all I knew but you came alo...

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August 11, 2017
 

Hello my sweet, how are you?
I love you, so much words can barely describe just how much.
You look beautiful today, you always look beautiful actually but I just wanted to say it.
Are you okay? Awe sweetie it'll be okay..

These words remain only written, never said.
While my love for you shines as bright as the very sun, that light is often buried deep.
All my doubts, along with all my fears press down that light I hopes of putting it out.
So often I'm left mute, to afraid to speak the words my heart screams out loud.
I know you think you're at fault but please don't think that way.

But I've found an outlet, to which I may speak.
By writing my love letters, I can fill you with...

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August 10, 2017
 

"Theirs a hole in my heart where you use to be" These lyrics still hold true after all of these years. While time and the love and caring of another has mended the wound you once left, a piece of me will always be gone. I still to this day remember the pain, nothing can quite describe it. It's as if your heart was torn in two, never to feel whole again. I hoped that one day, just maybe you'd make me feel whole again... but you never did. I at the time grew resentful of you, why show me all the joys of love only to take it away. Yet I never stopped loving you, and I think this upset me even more. How could I still love someone who hurt me like this, why do I still care so much for you.
About...

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August 7, 2017
 

Have you ever had a dream that didn't quite feel like a dream? A dream that so real it felt as if you were just waking up to begin your day? What about a dream that doesn't just last a single night, but continues day after day with little to no rest? I often feel as though I live two lives, one of everyday norms and the other of madness. Nether feel more real then the other, yet they couldn't be anymore different. Now while I can tell the difference between nonsense and reality, in that moment the lines seem to blur.
I am without filter, without fear and no doubt can hold me down. Perhaps my dreams show me a glimpse of my life had I not had such fears in life, was not simply bound by anxiet...

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August 3, 2017
 

I often wonder if other writers are as critical of their own work as I am of mine.
I've written more letters then I care to share, but yet never am I satisfied with the result. Countless words laid to paper only to make its way to the trash bin. Countless hours all in vain as I discard all that I am. Whether its the words, the pen or even the writer nothing ever seems right. So much effort, yet I never feel satisfied. I have gone as far as to make it a rule to never proof read anything I write in fear of all of the faults that I would inevitably find. Even when I do finally send those letters that I've taken so much time to craft, I'm am heavily burdened with self doubt to whether or not it...

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June 28, 2017
 

When I first started to write my vows, I made myself a promise to myself that I wouldn't accept anything but my very best. So after countless attempts I noticed that while every thing I wrote was good, it just didn't say just how much you mean to me. So I decided somewhere along the way that I wasn't just going to tell you how much I love you in one attempt, but that I should do it over many. I wanted a love that was different, anyone can just say I love you or call you a cute name. I wanted a love that always felt special, always felt like it was something that reflected who we are together. I know that you want more from time to time, but telling my stories this way is so much more special....

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November 1, 2016
 

I have been very lucky to have experience love at its highest of heights and its lowest of lows. To say I'm thankful for not just benefits that love has given me but it's lows may throw some off, but you don't really know love until every aspect is shown to you first hand.
Describing love for the first time is like having your heart replaced by a jet engine at take off, it wont stop and cant be stopped. It  beats so fast it seemingly is going to rip from your chest just to be near her. They seem so perfect and nothing can change how you feel because at that moment nothing else matters, and that selfishness that you once felt just disappears because no longer do you care for just yourself bu...

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March 9, 2017
 

I'd call you my everything, but that wouldn't be enough.

I'd try and tell you all the ways I'd love you, but I just don't have the time.

I'd try and explain to you just how much I really need you, but I just don't know how.

I'd try and show you all the joy only I can bring you, but I feel you could do better.

I'd try and...

I'll just tell you I love you and because of you, I know what it's like to be happy everyday and not just someday's so thank you for loving something broken and making it feel fixed.

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November 1, 2016
 

It's amazing how easily writers block can give you just the worst feeling of unfulfillment.
I must of started 15 different poem/letters only to feel as if they aren't any good.
Whether it's a lack of what or genuine emotion I'm lacking, it's certainly been quite the bummer as of late.
Perhaps I merely needed to vent out my frustrations.
Maybe its as simple as writing down everything till I see something I like, or perhaps I just need to look deeper and find that in which I've been missing.

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October 28, 2016
 

I write this as a final parting gift, to a love that I have since lost.
I hadn't truly lived until I first felt loves tender embrace, at first it terrified me. My heart felt like it was jumping about in my chest, looking to burst from my chest at any moment.
It wasn't by any means a perfect love, but it was the love I needed as it taught me so much. It showed me all the joy I had been missing, and I showed me just how much suffering I hid deep with in me. I felt as if any challenge put before me could be conquered. The depression that I often felt drowned me, was left calm and shallow, it was the peace I so longed for.
I remember our special place, for me it was here that I knew I fell i...

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October 11, 2016
 

What  is love?

It is as a weight that drags me down to depths you can not fathom.

As well as a gust of wind attempting to lift me of all of my sorrows.

It's the thing that motivates me when nothing else can.

It burdens me when all I want is peace.

It is forever, no matter what may divide it.

It is inescapable when all you want is to make peace.

For me love is a blessing, but it is also my curse.  


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September 23, 2016
 

The perfect words rarely come often, but when they do I have you one my mind. You exemplify everything I've ever wanted in another half, because when together you're the only one that just seems to fit. You aren't just that pretty face that has my heart skipping beats with a mere glace, but you're also intelligent and caring well beyond my understanding. In what seems like a role reversal it was you who cam to my rescue when all i knew was doubt. You've become the torch that has lit my way in my self inflicted darkness. I find myself wanting to be selfish with you by wanting to hid you from the world so only I can bask in your light. Although to do this would be a crime to my fellow man, a cr...

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July 31, 2015
 

I wanted to write for you, and share with you what I dare not speak just yet.                            Life is strange to say the least, for we don't know what or whom may come into our lives.                     Over and over in my head, these words become scrambled.            Viciously storming themselves, into the chaos that envelopes me from day to day.                              Every fiber in my being, welcomes the thought of just speaking them..    Yet fear consumes me... and I am left weak.                                Of course I know I must fight it, the fear mustn't win.                   Underestimating these feeling, those words and the power they hold is a foolish mistake...

INTERNATIONAL FRIENDSHIP DAY
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July 7, 2015
Youngstown, United States

We all have stories to share.

But fear and fear alone, bundles each thought deep inside.

We fear to be judged, fear to be heard and fear we wont be accepted.

But it is that very fear we all must overcome.

We with every word, letter and verse become more whole.

But you must first take that first step by grabbing our pen.

We all have stories to share, so go on and tell yours.

I can't wait to read all about it...




Alek






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April 14, 2015
Youngstown, United States

I walked into our special place last night, you know the one only we could share. It was so beautiful, much like the love we once shared. I asked if for one more moment, in which we held hands like before. My eyes began to swell, and as I wiped away those heavy tears. I saw you once again in our special place.

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