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Lexie

PO# 493978
United Kingdom
United Kingdom
Just a collection of letters/thoughts with no specific person to send them to.
June 30, 2020
United Kingdom

#SkylarkChallenge4
#MyFavouriteWord

Name: Alexandra Samantha (last name omitted)

Nicknames: Alex, Lexie, Lexus, Alexa, Lexa, Alexis and Lex.

Story behind my name: It was meant to be the opposite way around. Samantha was chosen because my mum loved the TV show Bewitched when growing up. Alexandra because my dad and grandad are called Alexander (it's also my older brother's middle name) and my mum's name is Sandra so Alex + Sandra = Alexandra. The night before I was born my mum had a dream she was running after a dark haired girl called Alex so she decided if I had dark hair when born I'd be Alexandra Samantha. If I had light hair I'd be Samantha Alexandra. I was born with dark hair. I've ne...

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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June 30, 2020
United Kingdom

These preconceived notions paint me as weak
They overlook the countless times I’ve beat defeat
But they only exist because I bury the pain well
No one knows how many times I’ve journeyed to hell
Hidden in the dark and forgotten corners of my mind
Examples of how the world has been less than kind
My expression remains serious and composed
While my past resides internally in stories untold

The war I fought and scraped myself through
Well, it doesn’t look like much from your point of view
My childhood resembled that of a minefield
Wounds from those explosions far from healed
My adolescence was a combat riddled war-zone
One I scrambled my way through, mainly alone
My adulthood was nothing short ...

NORMANDY
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May 19, 2020
 

Hey,

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to promote social media on here, if I'm not I'll delete this.

I have started posting snippets of poems and monologues to Instagram. Each post has a song recommendation that portrays the feeling of the piece I've written. I also post lyrics that are poetically inspiring, so if you're interested in poetry and music you might want to follow.

Just search for @envyalice.analects on Instagram and I'll see you there ☺️

SIMPLICITY DAY
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May 11, 2020
United Kingdom

We are the product of a world without men
We are not soft, delicate or carefully kept
Covered in scars, deep wounds to our hearts
And alone on the battlefield, ahead we did charge
Into the storm of bullets we ventured
No white flag raised, no surrender

Our skin grew into a hardened armour
Because we never could rely on the protection of a father
Our edges are refined like that of a sharp blade
Because we know there is no hope of being saved
Every bullet and bomb we learned to deflect
Without cover or a safety net

We became weapons of mass destruction
Not needing anyone but ourselves to function
Picking ourselves up time after time
Instilling fear as we approach enemy lines
Even the ground u...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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April 27, 2020
United Kingdom

They call me fallen angel
Say I'm a friend of the devil
Because my wings turned black
And they never changed back

Now I walk through flames
A soul that can't be tamed
When I emerged from hell
It didn't go over too well

Everyone stared in disgrace
At the wry smile upon my face
Destruction bled from my fingertips
As the truth escaped from my lips

For not everyone survives the fall
In fact not many survive at all
When they cast me into the fire
They didn't expect me to come back flying higher

They wanted me to disintegrate
To burn up was my chosen fate
But the flames didn't dare lick my skin
Instead the inferno was consumed within

It wrapped itself around my heart
And of me it became a part...

SEE IT SHARP
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April 17, 2020
United Kingdom

I guess I've always known I'll never belong
Because everyone says goodbye after so long
And in my heart I do dread
That I'm too aware of what's coming next

Waiting for calls that never came
Because I'm not good at playing games
The smile on a face will twist with gritted teeth
The real person revealed from underneath

I can't help but feel so resigned
To the sound of lies between the sighs
But In my years of experience I still don't know
When exactly I should turn and go

I always hold on to the hope
That I will not be bound by another rope
But as time goes on all I can see
Is that fate stays the same for me

And no matter what changes I make
There's always someone waiting to take
They lure ...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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April 7, 2020
United Kingdom

This tale is something of a classic
But I think it's nothing short of tragic

An unfortunate soul goes ignored
When they deserve to be adored
They tear and rip at themselves
Because they don't feel of use to anyone else

They become another shooting star
That turns itself towards the dark
Fleeing from the countless eyes
That sold a thousand lies

Destroying its essence as it burns up
Feeling like it didn't shine bright enough
Falling to earth in the dust of a tear
Because this world instilled nothing but fear

In the downfall everyone makes a wish
Proving they prefer it not to exist
Then when it finally hits the ground
Many people come from all around

They shift through the damage
And sell t...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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April 6, 2020
United Kingdom

The petals of roses fade much quicker than the thorns lose their sharpness. They are  similar to memories in that sense. The good seems to disintegrate rapidly in front of our eyes. Nothing more than a fleeting moment of beauty. While the bad like to stick around and pierce the skin to remind us they're not going anywhere. That they are still capable of causing pain.

MELODIC ROSE
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April 2, 2020
United Kingdom

You got too used to me apologizing for how you made me feel
When I questioned if anything we went through was real
And the most heartbreaking part of this is still not knowing the truth
Did you ever care or was I just a string of words to be used?
Because when I saw you were with her alarm bells rang in my head
Telling me you wouldn't want me when you could have her instead
I was nothing but a placeholder, a thing to waste some time

When you knew all along, no matter what you said, you'd never be mine
It's a cruel game to play, to awaken a heart that has been beyond dormant
Just so you could have something to torture and torment
And all the way through when I got scared you pulled me right b...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 31, 2020
United Kingdom

The light had come back in your eyes
I know because I was there
I saw the moment you forgot about her lies
And the way she left you without a care
Your smile had recovered
Your shine was new and bright
Nowadays you're looking duller
Because she swept back in through the night
She just could not bear to accept
You wouldn't wait for her anymore
About her you would forget
So she turned up outside your door

Her succubine energy swayed your brain
You let her slink her way back inside
Thinking nothing of the oncoming pain
Or how the gleam would once again die
All that time you had meticulously spent
Putting the pieces back together
Recollecting yourself now there's nothing left
It all became unbou...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 31, 2020
United Kingdom

Looking back on my dating and relationship life is rather a sad thing to do. There was no time period where it felt blissful and comfortable. I was awkward, on edge, silenced or made to feel less than. At most there are a few single moments where something was nice like a gesture or a rare good comment but it would always snap back to the norm as if it never happened.

So when you came along with your poetry and your songs I thought "yes! This is it, this was what I was waiting for!" I was so excited and happy, I thought you understood, you were giving me a story to be proud of, all I had heard about you was that you were so kind and genuine. Then came the snap back to the norm, it all faded...

STARS
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March 30, 2020
United Kingdom

Instead of waiting for the threads to be cut
I severed them myself, I'd had enough
Although I still fell at least I did by own hand
I had a better idea when I would land
If I would had waited any longer
The ties that bound would have been stronger
They would have turned from rope to steel
From my wrist up I wouldn't be able to feel
It was already starting to turn numb
And the wound appearance had already begun
You wouldn't come no matter how loud
I screamed from my lungs and I did howl

You watched on in laughter
Because pain was all you were after
You became all you said you weren't
The same as the others that want to hurt
Now your face is distorted with shock
Because I decided I wanted to d...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 30, 2020
United Kingdom

It's my fault for believing in you
It only led to the hell you put me through
I knew the games you played
Would end in me being betrayed
I had to pretend I was having so much fun
While red flags signaled me to run
It's why I always took off
You were making me feel like I was lost
Because all you ever did was hurt me
But that was fine as long as you couldn't see

For if you turned a blind eye
You wouldn't have to count the tears I cried
You wouldn't have to notice me take to my bed
Exhausted by thoughts you placed in my head
Honestly it's best this didn't work out
I wouldn't have survived another round
I couldn't go on decoding the clues
I was supposed to know the answers to
I couldn't continu...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 30, 2020
United Kingdom

I shifted through the work I wrote while I was under your influence. I split them into feeling broken and whole, the former outweighed the latter. Even with saying that I often struggled to write anything positive. I didn't feel special or chosen. I felt ignored, silenced, depressed, angry, bound and used. Whether I was fully aware of that or not isn't clear but my subconscious was screaming at me to take notice of the fact that you weren't good for me… Not in the slightest. I think that's a pretty big red flag, don't you?

STARS
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March 28, 2020
United Kingdom

I saw you at her house
So I had to see myself out
Because I can't bear to watch
Your heart once again come to stop
By those manicured hands
I wish you could understand
I'm trying to ease your hurt
But I'm afraid I'm making it worse

And it breaks my heart
Watching you fall apart
I feel like I can't do anything more
Until you decide to call
Because every move I make
Seems like it ends up being a mistake
I'm not trying to be cruel
I'm trying to make sense of this situation with you

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 26, 2020
United Kingdom

All those fickle hearts
Float like embers in the dark
Carried upon the wind
In the direction of their latest sin
I gave you all that was mine
While you never had the time
Now we'll never know what we'd have
Because I was only your rehab
And she was like a drug
One you just couldn't give up
So if she burns through your veins
You rightfully deserve that pain

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 26, 2020
United Kingdom

I learned a long time ago that love doesn't mean having to fight for your place in someone's life. That if someone wants you, you don't have to continuously remind them why they should. I allowed you to let me forget that for a while. You shined so bright in a place that had been dark for so long. I let you see more of me than I'd ever shown anyone and every time you turned away I pulled words from my chest asking if it was enough to make you stay, if I was worthy of your light yet. I gave you too much power over me and far too late I realized that the darkness had stability, I knew what to expect from it and while I was alone within it, I wasn't lonely. At least not in the way I have been fe...

THE SUN
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March 23, 2020
United Kingdom

I feel like you pull away
Whenever I say that I'll stay
Then you say a handful of words
That have me running scared
My heart can't take that kind of mess
Having to analyze and second guess
If I only knew what line we're on
I wouldn't have to turn and run
But it feels like I'm strung up
By threads that are about to be cut
I'm waiting for the blade to hit
It's such a terrible way to live

STARS
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March 22, 2020
United Kingdom

I know I say too much sometimes but I learned from a young age that moments are fleeting. In the grand scheme of life you only get these miniscule pockets of time to tell someone what they mean to you, how they make you feel, how much of an impact they have on your life. More often than not you get one chance and it never comes again. People leave and people die then you're left holding words with nowhere to put them down. I know it's scary, I know it makes you vulnerable, I know you're setting yourself up to be hurt, but isn't it better to regret saying those words than to regret not saying them at all?

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 22, 2020
United Kingdom

Just lay your head down, take a rest
Know that you are doing your best
It's okay to stop sometimes, take a breath
Figure out what move is next

And when you wake
I pray the world admits to a mistake
That it'll tell you, you don't have to wait
It only stopped so you could take a break

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 20, 2020
United Kingdom

I'm only shouting from wounded places
And from confined spaces
My soul has third degree burns
So it hurts whenever it's turned

I know that it's no excuse
It does nobody any use
I'm working incredibly hard
To stifle the pain before it starts

But sometimes it does escape
I don't want that to be my forever fate
And I know the walls of this home
Protected me but at the cost of being alone

Now all I want is to break free
Reclaim some of the innocence lost to me

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 18, 2020
United Kingdom

I haven't felt my heart in years
It's been wrapped up in a thousand fears
But I felt it try to break free
When your eyes landed on me

The threads around it strangled
As it fought its way to untangle
All the mess that it had made
Back when it was looking to be saved

Maybe it needs a little reassurance
That it holds some kind of importance
Because it was somehow always wrong
When it thought it knew what was going on

And with that it had settled on being alone
Creating a beat to a tune of its own
Then when the blood rushed in
It realized it was living without not within

An electric charge sparked to it's head
It realized it'd been living half dead
Now I feel like it's trying to catch up
To m...

CREATIVE ILLUSION
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February 25, 2020
United Kingdom

I'm feeling pretty speechless
I don't know how to write happiness
I shouldn't make promises I can't keep
Like to make light of the words I speak
Because inside the darkness does creep

A few months ago I was secure
Right now I'm not so sure
Every time I feel vulnerable
My self-confidence takes a tumble
And the foundations I built start to crumble

I thought I had healed my wounds
I guess that was foolish to assume
But now I know exactly where they are
I'll sew until they work themselves into scars
Then only draw on them to create my art

I can't promise after that I'll never be neurotic
That my soul won't be drawn to the chaotic
But I'll use it as a muse like times before
I'll paint my life ...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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February 18, 2020
United Kingdom

I don't want to be another generational product sold
I don't want to package my body then be left out in the cold
After all isn't that what happens when your looks fade?
You get tossed aside, forgotten and thrown away

That's if before then your actions aren't scrutinized
By the jury of strangers that watch behind the screen with their eyes
I could easily inundate you with pictures of myself here and there
But to see my face everywhere well to that I don't think I'd care

I don't want to box myself in plunging necklines and short skirts
I want more than how I look to define what I'm worth
If that means I'm old fashioned and behind the times
I'm perfectly okay with that and I really don't mind...

PHOENIX
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February 17, 2020
United Kingdom

I would have went away if you just asked me to
You didn't have to achieve that by being cruel
I know better than to push when I'm not wanted
Learned that from memories to which I'm haunted

But this time I thought I would belong
It doesn't surprise me that I was wrong
Now deep in my muscles and bones I do ache
From carrying the weight of all my mistakes

I wish I could sleep until I finally die
So I don't have to feel my numb soul inside
I know this seems like an overreaction
To the fact I am no longer in fashion

But if you add up my life you would feel
This final event was anything but trivial
I had worked on accepting I would be ignored
Then you showed up, knocking on my door

You told me ...

CHIRAYU 4
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February 7, 2020
United Kingdom

Fuck you for building me up
Then making me feel like I'm not enough
I have so much to offer but you'll never see
The potential in someone like me

Go ahead and turn your back
Count the qualities you think I lack
I guarantee your numbers are wrong
My heart may be fragile but my soul is strong

It has to be because I have fought
Against everything everyone thought
I could punch my fist through the wall
Built on my perception and watch it fall

Then when all the pieces scatter
I'll light them aflame with laughter
At the end of the day why should I care?
No one ever looked beyond while it stood there

And I was sick of my truth being ignored
Of all my authenticity going unexplored
Maybe now all t...

JUST LOVE
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February 4, 2020
United Kingdom

The storm currently raging outside
Perfectly sums up how I feel inside
The war that's waging between emotions
As they battle each other with devotion
Love is trying to reach for my heart
Sadness pushing to keep them apart
Happiness is trying to light up my eyes
While anger dampens it with past lies
I know what I need to do to grow
Half of these feelings I need to let go
They have protected me for so long
But they are not useful to hold on

I know I have the sting of a bite
Anger and sadness screaming it's right
You see my edges have been roughed up
By previously listening to the voice of love
I'm worried about making a mistake
With choosing who's advice to take
So they continue to fight for a...

JUST LOVE
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February 2, 2020
United Kingdom

There are those who submerge themselves in waist high water with their feet firmly on the ground and when they stand they preach what it is like to truly drown. Then there are others who find themselves capsized in the middle of the deepest ocean, in the worst storm, with creatures dragging them further below the surface. When they finally break free and breathe the sharp air that feels like knives on their inflamed, misused lungs, they won't preach to know anything at all. Simply because they don't understand if the feeling they had was drowning to death or fighting to live.

LIGHT LETTRS LOGO
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January 30, 2020
United Kingdom

I don't understand what I did
To be treated like this
I have always been left waiting
A pattern that has me hating
That's not a state I want to be in
But I don't think against it I'll win
I have been used and thrown aside
For something new traveling in on the tide
Not a second glance taken towards me
As I fought against the waves of the sea

At this point I want to be adrift
Head towards something of a gift
In the shape of someone who notices
Just how far from the coast it is
Someone else who is bereft of land
Who could at least half understand
Why I chose to float away
Instead of fighting day after day
They would lift me aboard their boat
So on the water I will no longer choke
Then we'll set...

LIGHT LETTRS LOGO
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January 28, 2020
United Kingdom

Johnny Cash narrating the modern day
From under ground in the confines of his grave
Unable to change his suit from black to white
Because we still haven't got it right

Divided we stand still in class, religion and race
When the label of humanity should be the one and only face 
We should stop judging people by the money that they make
By the colours, garbs and vows they may take

Instead of separating who has what and why
We should all stand united side by side 
Why what a world that would be
If we could appreciate the differences in you and me

Instead of fighting wars and people fleeing from their land
We'd stand together strong hand in hand 
But for now we are victims of the time
We all c...

LIGHT LETTRS LOGO
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