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PO# 493978
United Kingdom
United Kingdom
Just a collection of letters/thoughts with no specific person to send them to.
March 30, 2020
United Kingdom

Instead of waiting for the threads to be cut
I severed them myself, I'd had enough
Although I still fell at least I did by own hand
I had a better idea when I would land
If I would had waited any longer
The ties that bound would have been stronger
They would have turned from rope to steel
From my wrist up I wouldn't be able to feel
It was already starting to turn numb
And the wound appearance had already begun
You wouldn't come no matter how loud
I screamed from my lungs and I did howl

You watched on in laughter
Because pain was all you were after
You became all you said you weren't
The same as the others that want to hurt
Now your face is distorted with shock
Because I decided I wanted to d...

March 30, 2020
United Kingdom

It's my fault for believing in you
It only led to the hell you put me through
I knew the games you played
Would end in me being betrayed
I had to pretend I was having so much fun
While red flags signaled me to run
It's why I always took off
You were making me feel like I was lost
Because all you ever did was hurt me
But that was fine as long as you couldn't see

For if you turned a blind eye
You wouldn't have to count the tears I cried
You wouldn't have to notice me take to my bed
Exhausted by thoughts you placed in my head
Honestly it's best this didn't work out
I wouldn't have survived another round
I couldn't go on decoding the clues
I was supposed to know the answers to
I couldn't continu...

March 30, 2020
United Kingdom

I shifted through the work I wrote while I was under your influence. I split them into feeling broken and whole, the former outweighed the latter. Even with saying that I often struggled to write anything positive. I didn't feel special or chosen. I felt ignored, silenced, depressed, angry, bound and used. Whether I was fully aware of that or not isn't clear but my subconscious was screaming at me to take notice of the fact that you weren't good for me… Not in the slightest. I think that's a pretty big red flag, don't you?

March 28, 2020
United Kingdom

I saw you at her house
So I had to see myself out
Because I can't bear to watch
Your heart once again come to stop
By those manicured hands
I wish you could understand
I'm trying to ease your hurt
But I'm afraid I'm making it worse

And it breaks my heart
Watching you fall apart
I feel like I can't do anything more
Until you decide to call
Because every move I make
Seems like it ends up being a mistake
I'm not trying to be cruel
I'm trying to make sense of this situation with you

March 26, 2020
United Kingdom

All those fickle hearts
Float like embers in the dark
Carried upon the wind
In the direction of their latest sin
I gave you all that was mine
While you never had the time
Now we'll never know what we'd have
Because I was only your rehab
And she was like a drug
One you just couldn't give up
So if she burns through your veins
You rightfully deserve that pain

March 26, 2020
United Kingdom

I learned a long time ago that love doesn't mean having to fight for your place in someone's life. That if someone wants you, you don't have to continuously remind them why they should. I allowed you to let me forget that for a while. You shined so bright in a place that had been dark for so long. I let you see more of me than I'd ever shown anyone and every time you turned away I pulled words from my chest asking if it was enough to make you stay, if I was worthy of your light yet. I gave you too much power over me and far too late I realized that the darkness had stability, I knew what to expect from it and while I was alone within it, I wasn't lonely. At least not in the way I have been fe...

March 23, 2020
United Kingdom

I feel like you pull away
Whenever I say that I'll stay
Then you say a handful of words
That have me running scared
My heart can't take that kind of mess
Having to analyze and second guess
If I only knew what line we're on
I wouldn't have to turn and run
But it feels like I'm strung up
By threads that are about to be cut
I'm waiting for the blade to hit
It's such a terrible way to live

March 22, 2020
United Kingdom

I know I say too much sometimes but I learned from a young age that moments are fleeting. In the grand scheme of life you only get these miniscule pockets of time to tell someone what they mean to you, how they make you feel, how much of an impact they have on your life. More often than not you get one chance and it never comes again. People leave and people die then you're left holding words with nowhere to put them down. I know it's scary, I know it makes you vulnerable, I know you're setting yourself up to be hurt, but isn't it better to regret saying those words than to regret not saying them at all?

March 22, 2020
United Kingdom

Just lay your head down, take a rest
Know that you are doing your best
It's okay to stop sometimes, take a breath
Figure out what move is next

And when you wake
I pray the world admits to a mistake
That it'll tell you, you don't have to wait
It only stopped so you could take a break

March 20, 2020
United Kingdom

I'm only shouting from wounded places
And from confined spaces
My soul has third degree burns
So it hurts whenever it's turned

I know that it's no excuse
It does nobody any use
I'm working incredibly hard
To stifle the pain before it starts

But sometimes it does escape
I don't want that to be my forever fate
And I know the walls of this home
Protected me but at the cost of being alone

Now all I want is to break free
Reclaim some of the innocence lost to me

March 18, 2020
United Kingdom

I haven't felt my heart in years
It's been wrapped up in a thousand fears
But I felt it try to break free
When your eyes landed on me

The threads around it strangled
As it fought its way to untangle
All the mess that it had made
Back when it was looking to be saved

Maybe it needs a little reassurance
That it holds some kind of importance
Because it was somehow always wrong
When it thought it knew what was going on

And with that it had settled on being alone
Creating a beat to a tune of its own
Then when the blood rushed in
It realized it was living without not within

An electric charge sparked to it's head
It realized it'd been living half dead
Now I feel like it's trying to catch up
To m...

February 25, 2020
United Kingdom

I'm feeling pretty speechless
I don't know how to write happiness
I shouldn't make promises I can't keep
Like to make light of the words I speak
Because inside the darkness does creep

A few months ago I was secure
Right now I'm not so sure
Every time I feel vulnerable
My self-confidence takes a tumble
And the foundations I built start to crumble

I thought I had healed my wounds
I guess that was foolish to assume
But now I know exactly where they are
I'll sew until they work themselves into scars
Then only draw on them to create my art

I can't promise after that I'll never be neurotic
That my soul won't be drawn to the chaotic
But I'll use it as a muse like times before
I'll paint my life ...

February 18, 2020
United Kingdom

I don't want to be another generational product sold
I don't want to package my body then be left out in the cold
After all isn't that what happens when your looks fade?
You get tossed aside, forgotten and thrown away

That's if before then your actions aren't scrutinized
By the jury of strangers that watch behind the screen with their eyes
I could easily inundate you with pictures of myself here and there
But to see my face everywhere well to that I don't think I'd care

I don't want to box myself in plunging necklines and short skirts
I want more than how I look to define what I'm worth
If that means I'm old fashioned and behind the times
I'm perfectly okay with that and I really don't mind...

February 17, 2020
United Kingdom

I would have went away if you just asked me to
You didn't have to achieve that by being cruel
I know better than to push when I'm not wanted
Learned that from memories to which I'm haunted

But this time I thought I would belong
It doesn't surprise me that I was wrong
Now deep in my muscles and bones I do ache
From carrying the weight of all my mistakes

I wish I could sleep until I finally die
So I don't have to feel my numb soul inside
I know this seems like an overreaction
To the fact I am no longer in fashion

But if you add up my life you would feel
This final event was anything but trivial
I had worked on accepting I would be ignored
Then you showed up, knocking on my door

You told me ...

February 7, 2020
United Kingdom

Fuck you for building me up
Then making me feel like I'm not enough
I have so much to offer but you'll never see
The potential in someone like me

Go ahead and turn your back
Count the qualities you think I lack
I guarantee your numbers are wrong
My heart may be fragile but my soul is strong

It has to be because I have fought
Against everything everyone thought
I could punch my fist through the wall
Built on my perception and watch it fall

Then when all the pieces scatter
I'll light them aflame with laughter
At the end of the day why should I care?
No one ever looked beyond while it stood there

And I was sick of my truth being ignored
Of all my authenticity going unexplored
Maybe now all t...

February 4, 2020
United Kingdom

The storm currently raging outside
Perfectly sums up how I feel inside
The war that's waging between emotions
As they battle each other with devotion
Love is trying to reach for my heart
Sadness pushing to keep them apart
Happiness is trying to light up my eyes
While anger dampens it with past lies
I know what I need to do to grow
Half of these feelings I need to let go
They have protected me for so long
But they are not useful to hold on

I know I have the sting of a bite
Anger and sadness screaming it's right
You see my edges have been roughed up
By previously listening to the voice of love
I'm worried about making a mistake
With choosing who's advice to take
So they continue to fight for a...

February 2, 2020
United Kingdom

There are those who submerge themselves in waist high water with their feet firmly on the ground and when they stand they preach what it is like to truly drown. Then there are others who find themselves capsized in the middle of the deepest ocean, in the worst storm, with creatures dragging them further below the surface. When they finally break free and breathe the sharp air that feels like knives on their inflamed, misused lungs, they won't preach to know anything at all. Simply because they don't understand if the feeling they had was drowning to death or fighting to live.

January 30, 2020
United Kingdom

I don't understand what I did
To be treated like this
I have always been left waiting
A pattern that has me hating
That's not a state I want to be in
But I don't think against it I'll win
I have been used and thrown aside
For something new traveling in on the tide
Not a second glance taken towards me
As I fought against the waves of the sea

At this point I want to be adrift
Head towards something of a gift
In the shape of someone who notices
Just how far from the coast it is
Someone else who is bereft of land
Who could at least half understand
Why I chose to float away
Instead of fighting day after day
They would lift me aboard their boat
So on the water I will no longer choke
Then we'll set...

January 28, 2020
United Kingdom

Johnny Cash narrating the modern day
From under ground in the confines of his grave
Unable to change his suit from black to white
Because we still haven't got it right

Divided we stand still in class, religion and race
When the label of humanity should be the one and only face 
We should stop judging people by the money that they make
By the colours, garbs and vows they may take

Instead of separating who has what and why
We should all stand united side by side 
Why what a world that would be
If we could appreciate the differences in you and me

Instead of fighting wars and people fleeing from their land
We'd stand together strong hand in hand 
But for now we are victims of the time
We all c...

January 23, 2020
United Kingdom

I don't hate you but I think you're being unfair
You're not showing me that you really care
By not talking to me directly
You're inadvertently rejecting me
Whether or not it's your intention, I don't know
But it's making me feel like I should just go
I never planned on talking hours on end
I just wanted you to know you had a friend
I didn't ask or beg for that response
You said you'd find me, assumed I was lost

And maybe you were right in a way
But I am more so now with the lack of words you say
You're the one who started this chase
So why do I feel like the only one running the race?
If you really wanted me you would show it
Or perhaps it's too much for you to admit
All I know is I am tired...

January 21, 2020
United Kingdom

Sometimes the loneliness creeps in at night
I'm fine one minute then suddenly not right
I reach for the phone but there's no one to call
The only company is the emptiness in the hall
But I don't even know if I could describe
What is happening to my insides
How could anyone paint this sorrow?
My bones feel heavy but at the same time hollow

And my heart could collapse in my chest
That's if at first it doesn't go into arrest
I have trouble reaching for the comfort I seek
Because I don't want to be known for being weak
I know in myself that I am strong 
But everyone needs someone after so long
Right now I can't recall the feel of human touch
I'm thinking three years without it is too much

I won...

January 19, 2020
United Kingdom

I want to scream at the world to listen
But at the same time I want to go missin'
They say "you only write about yourself"
That's because all I have is my sense of self
I've never been accepted outside
Everyone made sure I stayed inside
Stepping over the threshold
Only ever landed me in a chokehold

When they all ripped me apart
They made sure to take a piece of my heart
They knocked the breath out of me
When they forced me to my knees
And when I landed flat on my back
They took the opportunity to attack
The wolves then knocked at my door
Just so they could take some more

I'm so sick and tired
Of having to be good and quiet
I just want to let go and scream
I want their world to fall apart at...

January 18, 2020
United Kingdom

You've added more pages than I can count
Because I have no way of knowing what this is all about
Did you pick me up just to put me down?
Did you forget about me when you left this town?
I don't know what else I can do
I'm having trouble getting through to you
All I know is that I'm feeling dejected
That once again I was rejected
But you're busy I'm trying to understand
I'm trying to not let my thoughts get out of hand
Just let me know, just let me see
Do you still plan on finding me?

January 10, 2020
United Kingdom

I just feel like I'm the last of my kind, like the apocalypse happened and I'm the only survivor. I don't mean it in a narcissistic way, I'm not any better than anyone else, it's more in a lonely way. There are communities I should be able to fit into the chronically ill or the ones who preach individuality but I look at it all and I feel like I still don't quite fit.

Don't misunderstand me, I have tried and I have wanted to but you can't force your soul to feel like it belongs somewhere it doesn't. Most of the time I accept that, I get on with my lot, I do the things that keep me busy, trudging on through, quietly existing and wondering if I'm even really here. I mean if there is no one ar...

January 8, 2020
United Kingdom

Who was I fooling? Why couldn't I see?
You would never choose someone like me
Because at the end of the day who am I
But a girl with no more tears left to cry?
They ran dry and were all used up
On half reciprocated love
My heart carved out and hollow
Shattered by broken promises of tomorrow
And I can't muster one ounce of despair
I've tried but there is nothing there
Deep down I knew how this would end
But it was nice for a while to pretend

For a minute my life wasn't a sad story
Instead it was one of struggle and glory
But every chapter must come to a close
I just didn't expect it so soon I suppose
I desperately didn't want it to take a turn
I didn't want my character to yet again burn

January 8, 2020
United Kingdom

I don't know what to do about this feeling I have
It's like I want to cry while I laugh
And the pull in each direction has me confused
I guess I'm a little too used to being used
That's why being held on the line
Makes me feel anything but fine
Because it's always expected
That I'll be pushed away and rejected
And with that reality I had grown content
But now I'm a little on the fence
This heart beating inside my chest
Has me convinced you're nothing like the rest

Though a problem lies in my mind
It knows I've rarely met someone kind
So how can I be one hundred percent sure
You're not like the ones who came before
You see in the past I have been wrong
And people have deceived me lifelong

January 5, 2020
United Kingdom

An eerie look into what's to come 
A future of bloodshed, bombs and guns
We didn't vote these people into power to start a war
Have they all forgotten what has been before? 
The loss of life, faith and deviation
That rocked the world across all Nations
There are no winners in battle waged
Just petulant men filled with rage
How dare you decide on this future for us?
How dare you pay for your sins with our blood?
Handle this like adults with dignity
See past your malice and bigotry
If not there will be the high cost
We'll all have to watch on as lives are lost
Enough is enough, don't you understand?
You're the only ones who can stop this before it gets out of hand
It is for the sake of humani...

January 4, 2020
United Kingdom

My not so imaginary friend
Is standing me up again
Making me look deluded
With all his plans so convoluted
They say not to believe
But I know he wouldn't deceive
Although I am getting scared
That he left me here without a care
I try to find and prove the signs 
But they are half completed every time
They say I'm reading into it too much
"He hasn't got time for you, love." 
Treating me like a child with a dream
Not facing reality it would seem
Looking at me through disbelieving eyes
Like I'm telling some sort of lie
Everyone saw what he wrote
So why are you taking my hope to choke?
Unlikely things happen all the time
Life has a habit of turning on a dime
The bad can't be predicted
Sometimes th...

January 2, 2020
United Kingdom

Dreaming of purple skies
While the hands of time pass us by
Waiting for the oncoming storm
To wash away what is worn 
They like to say it's scattering
But we know it's our souls shattering
We breathe our essence into the atmosphere
As we hold each other near

Because the destruction that is set to come
It all started in our lungs 
We know better than anyone how much this will hurt
When the first lightning strike hits the earth
But there's nothing more I'd like to do 
Than to ride this storm out with you 
And the blame may lay at our feet 
As the flood flows through the streets

But from our vantage point I must admit
There is something beautiful about it
That the sky turning into a different ...

December 31, 2019
United Kingdom

Someone on Twitter posed the idea of writing all the things you're proud of this year but since it's coming to the end of the decade I took it one step further, 10 years of positivity. It's so easy to focus on the negative, I do all the time so I pose the challenge to look back on the past 10 years and pick out the things that make you proud. I tried my best to keep everything in chronological order but you don't have to.

These are mine (Age 14 - 24):
Having the initiative to drop out of a hostile school environment to educate myself instead.

Getting myself into a recording studio writing and completing a song which I then sung live and recorded in one take.

Writing and producing an origi...