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Alexi

PO# 142077
United States
United States
expressing what I can with words
October 18, 2019
Forest Grove, United States

I am tired.

Tired of being treated like the different one
the young one
The bold one
the old one,

I’m really tired.

Of being the lesser one
because there is ALWAYS better one
of someone assuming I’m the weak one
though the first to speak one,

I’m really god damn tired.

But at least I am whole
And I am one
Unlike the someone
who tries to mentally dismember the ones who actually
have their s h i t together.

Dwelling on the opinions of sheep
is the Achilles’ tendon  of our inner lion.
It is peaceful to remember one thing;

Those with the largest insecurities
beg on their knees
behind ugly words
for as much confidence as you.

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
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PO#142077
2
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October 14, 2019
Forest Grove, United States

a sharp rusted knife dug into my heart when I heard that you passed
one of the brightest lights
of the town,

The man from 534.

since then, I find myself forgetting you’re gone.
it might be that I subconsciously do not want to believe I won’t see you again,
it might be because I have not properly grieved yet,
it might be because the lump of iron in my throat swells the minute my eyes lock on your now very lonely house.

the house named 534.

in a way of closure and coping I permanently got your address on my body,
because for every day for 20 years
you were one of the brightest lights i was ever shown
and every time the tattoo needle pulsed through my skin
i felt the dimness of y...

MADE WITH LOVE
Thumb_1571975231
PO#142077
2
0
September 18, 2019
Forest Grove, United States

  my love fulfills me
in my darkest thoughts he pulls me to light
when my mind goes from one subject to the next without thought
like  a never ending rollercoaster of  combusting emotion
he pulls them apart like tangled thread and mends them
to have found the other half of your soul is one of the most fulfilling things
Our hearts play the most beautiful rhythmic tune as our souls dance

SUPPORT AND SAVE US!
Thumb_1571975231
PO#142077
3
0
February 7, 2019
Portland, United States

the year started with loss.
loss of employment
friends.
loss of trust
my own confidence.
as I looked in the mirror with dripping eyes and
a sore heart I saw it
I saw the brokenness and the hurt
and I saw hope and clarity, because how many times have I looked in the same mirror and smiled?
probably more.
it finally became a reality that
“this too shall pass”
that my small world wasn’t caving in,
it was just going through some shit.
as the warm February sun illuminates the asphalt in front of me, I am finally at peace.
it is consolidating to know
the beauty of life is not it’s stability,
but it’s ability to be unpredictable.

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THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX
Thumb_1571975231
PO#142077
2
0
February 5, 2019
Forest Grove, United States

loving someone
having the capability to be unwaveringly mesmerized by a person
the warmth emitting through his eyes
the gold dripping from his lips
the purity and grace in his voice
the steady,caring touch of his hand
the shot of liquified, pure energy racing through my veins as his golden lips touch mine
he is love.

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THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX
Thumb_1571975231
PO#142077
2
0
January 4, 2016
Forest Grove, United States

Today I put your clothes away
The 4 jackets and 3 hats you left me
Today I put my feelings away
The broken pieces you left me

I carefully folded them like they would shatter and then came the memories
Like a slideshow they poured in
When you gave me this jacket
When you giggled because it was so big
When you told me it looked better on me than you

I guess it hurt so much because I didn't think I'd have to do it
To put away your things was to put away my memories
And I suppose I can't give them back yet because looking you in the eyes might make them shatter again
Because handing you the bag of clothes and hats is handing you the last piece I had of you
And maybe there's some par...

ASPHALT GREY
Thumb_1571975231
PO#142077
1
0
December 29, 2015
Forest Grove, United States

My first panic attack began when I got the message on my phone
You said you were so sorry
But nothing had happened but I knew what was about to
The instant feeling of falling
Of shaking
Of not breathing
Is all what I felt as you drove in that little white truck to my little brown house to break my little broken heart just a little more

You sat on my bed while I kneeled next to the toilet trying not to puke you waited on my bed because you knew
I sat next to you and looked you in the eye and right then and there you grabbed my hand and apologized with those same stupid eyes and the same stupid hair and the same stupid heart that fixed mine just to break it

People change you said
I can...

CAVE ENTRANCE
Thumb_1571975231
PO#142077
1
0
January 9, 2015
 

Today I was called ugly
Immediately after, the girl said she was joking
She laughed
I didn't laugh
Today I was called ugly
I was taken back by the fact someone I've known for so long could look me in the eye and say that
To joke around with something I didn't think was funny
Today I was called ugly
Watch what you say to people
You never know what will stay in their mind
Today I was called ugly
Tomorrow I will remember it.

ORIGINAL
Thumb_1571975231
PO#142077
2
0
January 6, 2015
 

Sometimes it's hard to like what I see
The constant negative emotions eating up inside of me
It's hard to stay happy when nothing seems to be
Is this just a sad story or a fear of being free?

Being free from the tears
Free from the doubt
Free from always thinking about what's wrong with me and what I can't do
When really all I should worry about is being happy and trying to preserve the phrase "just be you"

Sadly, it's seems for every "you're fine the way you are" there's ten more "go kill yourself"s, and it's gone too far
For years we've lived in a broken place
Where people are put down for sexual preference and race
A world so hateful it's like saying "Hi" is a sin
And you might as well b...

ORIGINAL
Thumb_1571975231
PO#142077
2
0
September 8, 2014
 

What has the world come to,
People run away from love,
We run out of fear in hopes that if we run fast enough we can escape our hearts,
Love is a living thing,
It lives in all of us and the faster you run the faster your heart will beat,
We all tend to automatically cower when it comes to giving our hearts away,
But sometimes the future is different from the past,
Maybe this time it will be okay.  

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ORIGINAL
Thumb_1571975231
PO#142077
3
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