Alexx C. Jarbey
|The Uncontious. Child Of The Lost and Unfound.|
Ever felt like dying, but then realized if you did there’s a chance it might be worst than living?
(Awake From Your Night)
Screams in rage, while blinded by the blood on her face.
Clueless of its occurrence, but no regret of this phase.
Shattered glass lye in front of the door, but there’s no blood on the floor.
Drip drop, it’s cold to the touch.
Vivid memories of this day which ended in lust.
There’s no end.
Her HELL has awoken.
Her breathe trembles of anxiety.
Her mind steady lies the thee.
Mind: “Nothing is wrong with you, nothing happened.”
Alexx: “Why am I bloody?”
Mind: “It’s all fake buddy”
Alexx: “Then why does it reek of iron?”
Mind: “What could I say, you have a knack for realism my child. This is your life. Your profession is sight, though you doubt your own mind. I’m...
THE OBLIVIANS (4-3VER LOST)
Fragile and unprotected, the rest are you spiraling into the world of difference between the ages and a very long ride thru tragedy. You hate me, I hate you. We love each other. Hate me love me tell me I ain't shit . I'm gifted to be able to make you see this as a result of the most important part of time. We continuously waste it as if we're immortal. Our darkness discourages the purest form of light (energy). Without this we bare bones in hunger for the thought I could actually LOVE us. We are a missing piece of the puzzle that remains unfinished. We remain LOST.
07-07-17: How do I deal with the fact it hasn’t been a year yet and you’ve already been an ache in my life. Constantly you’ve shown me your love lies. I can’t say I don’t want you, cause I know I do. Though you hide the fact you feel the same. Surrender your heart to mine and we can both heal together! We all know wounds heal themselves. Steadily you force it to pick up the pace. Only if.... You knew that what I had leftover was yours. I have nothing left to offer anyone else. So can you please not play with my emotions when I couldn’t bare to see you shed a tear in my presence. I just want to be your “happy place”, i’ve come to realization that my love for you is not blind but unconditional,...
I had this great short story about myself I wanted to share with you all, but for some reason my phone decided to delete it from existence before I could post it, so I guess it wasn't meant to be read.
Little girl, your head stays in the clouds
Constantly I hear my name, slowly it became clearer and louder.
Grandmother: Girl, you heard what I said?
Grandmother: Child you have a 1 track mind
As a adolescent you often question things around you. We all know this to be familiar. If you've ever smoked marijuana you know for sure you tend to go back to that adolescent state of mind. Where you question things people seem to forget about. Now you wonder about why they've forgotten about it. What has become the distraction? Now you're wondering what happened for the word 'distraction' to derive into what it is. Your brain proceeds to...
My Heckler (he's just broken)
Why are you so eager?
Push me to the edge, and you volunteer
You want me to trust you, but threaten me
Concluding it with laughter doesn't make it less to see
Your mind is distinct to the bowels of darkness
Yet I seem to understand that your emotions do deteriorate, so I must be cautious
Walls are built, time is spent being optimistic of a future we both know to be impossible to mention
I just can't convince myself to let you go
My thoughts have become doubtful, I feel it to be familiar
I have forgotten who I am so I consume liquor
I question, I question, has he imprisoned his heart into an indestructible chamber, then I looked at his chest
There it was, every ...
Alexx: I honestly don't know what I'm getting into.
Chelss: It's that bad?
Alexx: He's... that bad.
Chelss: Damn, I'm sorry.
Alexx: No need to be, you see im feeling like I can save him. Like I can show him something that he's never had. Though im 23 n he's 37, our ages to him are hard to grasp. It's like you living in a box of hurt, pain, anger, and regret. Regardless of the feelings I've accumulated since the day we met. You've told me everything I've said you heard before. So how do I ever stand a chance to settle the score? When all you see in me is another failed attempt. Before you even give me a chance to explain your resentfulness and how its leading in. How can you let THEM b...
Drastic change had become fatal in the eyes of mine.
All I wanted was to ever feel for you.
Your taking that away, what I'm giving, what I'm fixing.
Within myself, something's missing
For the first time in my life, I felt pure happiness
Now, I don't know what to do
My darkness is letting in the light
Parts of me wants to hide
Fear is great, but also non-existent in this place
In my mind
Thoughts of me, thoughts of he, thoughts that I just can't fuckin' grasp
All this that I HAD
TAKE IT ALL BACK
This poison takes me to a place I never want to be
Makes me speak of truths seen and unseen
Things that shouldn't be told to you
I can't stop this growing hunger...
I never knew of this kind of anger, til I knew of betrayal, bashing, and the thought of being pushed away when only giving yourself the thought that you could ever love again. I've become numb to the pain issued to me, but yet I still loved you wrecklessly. Afraid of losing you would be the death of me, like I said before (loving you wrecklessly). Things I do, like listen to you, respond to let you know I can hear, tell you I love you and why, you turn around and say I'm a lie. Understanding that you have been off worse than I, but our personalities and our lives somehow intertwined. Didn't you feel the same? No? Oh.. Guess I've been alone, the times when I get thrown to the side like unwan...
Hearing the thump of a dying heart. Why must you be careless and tear it in parts? Don't play games that'll be the start.
My love is lust forever after. Words can harm you, so why would I listen? Your words are non-beneficial to this hearing. Be silent and calm, refusal to reminisce of when.
Nothing's left to make me soft. Hatred has set in and I have developed my ways. I have chosen to protect the dying heart, due to the past mistakes I've made within. I'm an "asshole" you say. I laugh in humor, cause you don't know my pain.
Don't hate me for my love being in vain. I loved women, n I loved men. But never had it in return the way I gave it. So I guess i'm just fucked then.
As I gazed in awe while the ink left the pen. I wondered how this simple machine brought thoughts to visual content.. Seeing to believe.. This paper it bled to absorb it so neatly for it to become a read. What an amazing invention, what an idea. Kudos to the being that brought this to humanity. A way to release, a way to destroy, a way to control emotions in those who feel still. Then those who yet aren't really there, they are silence with no pen, their silence is within unopened. Let it build, all the real vanished.. keep still, would you please, not do that to me. For all that paper and a pen can ever be.. Is the only real things my life has to need. If it wasn't for writing I wouldn't be....
Underestimated, low rated, when is graduation.
Humiliation to the name of the people uneased.
The level of stability when runnin' these streets.
No too long ago you told me, your dreams were at reach.
Why can't you see them now, has the truth made you seek?
Who loves you, who loves you not.
I told you last week, it's crazy baby.
Things have lately seem to leave stains and stink.
I want the time spent with you to benefit us both, while your pushing me away, I'm losing air, I have choked.
You have taken over me, the very thing that I spoke.
Upon never doing, due to the last, which turned out to be a joke.
I can see it in your eyes that your fighting, we move forward n then move back.
I should t...
Dear Last Person I Kissed,
I promised myself I wouldn't fall for another man after my heart was crushed for the last time. It seems that I had a little love left. I feel that I'm being wreckless giving it to you. I tend to let you in then try and push you out. It's almost like I'm pulling you at the same time. I don't know why you feel the need to be an asshole towards someone who has only been genuine to you. I can't seem to understand that. It seems that you're emotions are scrambled as well as mine. I don't want to give up on you. I know that I may have to, I have no tears to shed on this situation. Which means I don't really care, I've been told things so fucked up towards me by people t...
Us passive people tend to see the good in everyone, but everyone doesn't see the good in us passive people.
Your true self hides behind your unhappiness. So be happy and you'll see it's you, that makes you.
p.s. Love yours
I find myself thinking more of you, everyday.
Majority of the time, I know your thinking about me.
Just as much as I am you.
I remember the times we exposed our intimacy and you'd tell me I was the most beautiful art.
Although it was heard before it was new everytime it came from you.
I was your kryptonite, the very thing that made you melt.
But you loved melting in my hands, you knew this was safe.
Like a baby swaddled and held in its mother's arms.
My selected delicacy, You were for me.
We made dreams, goals, promises and proved our love for one and the other.
Now it's thrown away
p. s. your once second-hand lover
House Worth Effect
I used to love you, was mad about you
All I wanted was your love and to be loved
By you, it was reminisce
Though it was only 50% of
It was all worth it
Heartbroken over something that never wasn't entirely mine, but if
You were, I wasnt 100% yours
Either was our love for each other
Shared between 2 others, not enough left for us
I hate when some men say they don't get enough credit for being loyal. Maybe because that's what your suppose to do.
When they are given credit they go and mess up. How about you just be loyal cause it's the right thing to do. You don't see some us doing that.
Women and men are completely different species.
I see your face
Though you're not in my presence
I feel your skin
But you seem so distant
Those tears that run from your eyes
There's pain in knowing my love is vain
Doubting in what was once held dear
My heart shakes in fear
The blood that floods my streams
The electricity within my needs
Your giant hands against mines
Those little things make love blind
Or bind within this kiss
Only proves our lustrous bliss
My past is now lye, and you're the reincarnation of love's eye
My knight and shining armor has become the dragon who blocks the light
You once held the key to my freedom
Now you hold the knife, tell me why you kill me so
When once I was all you'd ever know
To me ....
She screamed, she screamed over and over for me to come. She shed her tears please come, it's better for you.
How could you possibly know that Ebony? As she swore with those words and I couldn't stop her as much as I tried.
Don't you see it? Gazing into this girls eyes I seen my future if I stayed. But I love him, he's my heart.
Moons overshadowed the water and I could see it. Then I seen him standing there lost. I smiled as I ran to him.
Suddenly I was stunned, she taps him and he's relieved. Who is she, she is not me. This cannot be.
Remind: He began leaving and I was afraid.
I questioned why was this decision so sudden. Why without me?
His refusal to answ...
-I love her, but I love him too
-I loved him, but I loved her too
-They showed me I wasn't loved back the same
-I'm a loner in this world of love
-Thought love always had a happy ending
-Whether together forever or killed
-Love always resumed in that place once ran to for comfort
-For theirs is in one another
-They love each other the way I love them
I loved her, more than life itself. And She knew that.
That's why she looked at me the way she did when she knew my most deepest thoughts.
I couldn't tell her that I could not stay. For me she built us a tower to be distant from the world that judged us.
Must our love be defined as lust cause we both are of the same gender. I hear her shout to me in the distance "Alexx, they'll be here soon to destroy us, why must they hate us for what we have?"
I hear the cannons as they shout "fire!" her tears shed as the tower we'd built began to crumble like the ash from an un-flickered cigarette.
As I fall to sacrifice my life for hers. He catches me, this arm is all I can see from my distance...
I use to wonder what betrayal felt like until one day I felt regret. That's the moment I knew what would come next (betrayal). Then denial set in later and I found myself smiling in a sick dillusion that this world could really be different when I knew it wasn't possible.
Call me insane for being optimistic in a world so screwed by society. That's what they call me, insane. Too much knowledge in my observation of what's around me, and ignorant to the streets. Seems more to be a compliment than an insult. Dismiss yourself from my presence is how I feel.
I hate your betrayal... Merry Hollow's Eve
Drowning in my own depression
Humans overwhelm me with hatred
Steady I ask but they don't tell how I suffer from my own tears that mock me
No longer do I ask the question why
Despair - Complete absence or loss of hope.
Alexx in orbit, to all mankind who was once strong dominators of the planet you call your own. Is it really yours? Or have you all been transferred from a former planet millions of years ago. Because the simple fact something went wrong and humans were greatly needed for future purposes. Your not the only kind. There's others like I. Most call us weird and things they cant explain are unidentified. It's all a lie if my opinion was worth the screen it's being typed on. My mind's in tune with the thing unknown that only the willing could comprehend.
It's dark and lonely here. I wish to be who I really want but it's not possible for me to think nearly of the impossible cause i'd be conside...