I dont know what i did or didn't do to deserve this, and perhaps im just impatient or i need to get out of my head.
This template of a life might be the result of a hero.
I know i will do something wonderful someday and only hope to be loved and honored then.
This gives me time to focus, time to heal. This period gives me a break, to forget everything i ever knew about affection and overcome my fears. Maybe then i could breathe unfearfully and walk meekless, i could speak deeply therefore love wholly.
So thank you to all those who dumped me on holidays, just before or were simply unfaithful.
Thank you for not staying and not persuiting me, thank you for givimg me this time to...
As i learn today i can shape tomorrow, i plant seeds and i water them, then i watch them grow!
such as this town since ive lived here it seems ,
and this field as i thoroughly continue to nurture it .
Have you learned about what you are interested in?
haven't you searched and searched for a career or hobby to pour your mind body and soul into? what are you waiting for? why do you spend your time waiting, settling and waisting.
must i remind you, this is YoUr life-to do with it as you choose and achieve the best imaginable.
Find a seed and love it, plant it and watch it grow.
Make a choice and watch it shape your reality
with this day i honored you by gloating in your golden rays, as i always do.
i dirtied my hands with the golden residue i aquired pedaling my weight about.
i swam past turmoil and tribulation since you ground me with your ever changing glory
If i could i would fall asleep on lush grass surrendering to the midnight stars. i would trust your soil to cution my curves and his strong arms to keep me warm. i would know i was safe to rise in morning to your light since you have yet to fail me, even those days i was sure you wouldn't show.
i have not found someone who can accept my love for you and him both. you win, always.
I'm sorry we humans are so selfish.
if there was s...
Happy Birthday darling.
there is reason for things an unexplained path that takes form with every word and every step, every breath.
my path was once unguided and un lit. branches hit me in the face and i tripped over jagged rocks, i cried in frustration and looked up to the sky. i would wonder how i could live a life i loved.
im glad you were in my path.
you taught me so much and I will be able to love you forever. your always in my heart and prayers.
I thought you would be here come spring. Then again I always hope they stay, but they never do, they run.
You ran so quick. So fast. So far.
I am still here and my savior clearly did his job.
I cant open my door to someone without faith. I have worked way to hard and come much too far to settle for less than I deserve.
And so i wait and WaIT and wAIT. I will continue to wait until something changes, a shift happens and i begin to see in my face the hope and his happiness shine through you.
I dont care how long.
I will waiT.
Until im old and grey, if i must.
I will wait.
Would they love me if they knew...
My faith; hope, dreams, wishes-prayers, thoughts, accrued wisdom, paranoias, fears...
...Or lack there of...
Maybe thats why they all run away, because I am an open book...
Or because they thought i had these deep dark habits and addictions and they were wrong, so they leave.
Or maybe they realize they cant hold me up when i need be lifted.
Their faith is too weak and their morals are too shallow. Their proud ethics are dust in the wind.
They have not found and accepted the light within.
So they then leave.
Those that know me love me, but why doesn't he?
Integrity is something i hold high up in the sky, as a muse and as a commandment.
Without it i might have never made it out alive
With it the options are endless and i am a rock.
i am weak at times and i am vulnerable under this candy hard exterior, but i think this i love.
When i usually crave sweets to fill in the cracks of my satisfyingly blessed life i want instead to spent time with him.
When i look into him i feel home; calm, rested and in the moment.
His eyes wanting to appear brown are this magnificent sight of light, mystery, and strength.
Oh dear life those tears last week were so rich and hot rolling down my resisting cheeks yet welcomed by the time they stung my chin. They were like poison being extracted from my heart. Possibly making a habitable environment for love to grow.
I will not soon forget those tears, they came from so de...
If I dance without judgement and look without self conscience, i will be in a better place.
And when i love without boundaries and explore without fear
I receive a better place in this race.
I see that the me who questions her reflection. And I see the him inside, no one admits to.
This life is such This journey that the stranger sitting next to me fulfills me like a long hug. A passing smile is such glorious light under the darkened sky.
I love you. I LOve you. I l0vE yoU.
For being human for being in my sphere for changing for challenging me.
You are a being that evolved this nation and brought light into this world.
For people like you come and then leave achieving a grand purpose leaving the world better than when you came.
You have always been my hero.
Rest my king for you are undoubtedly cherished and celebrated here.
You are understood and I love you.
Oh dear dear,
I am new and so filled with The divine light.
You are here. And to my understanding determined to massage the mystery out of the moment and leave with tangible value.
Although, my friend this is not so very possible.
And im here in this place. Without you, without anyone. Maybe this was your wish for me
So dont worry; if you do, did or ever thought of it
Im grown now, and I'm sorry if i ever hurt you.
I don't know what to do anymore
Ive eaten all the chocolate cake i can i have drunk the last drop and i have wasted all my tears on false reality
Im here now in this place and i have no clue why.
I miss you, although you pushed me away because i was no longer purposeful . Now im here and i dont know why.
But im happy and im strong. Stronger. Im not angry.
I fell and i fell again
In and out of love,
On the pavement and into many walls
Then one day i accepted that i had a purpose.
I gripped loosely on the handle bars and began this beautiful journey.
How have i made so many bad decisions in such a short existence here on earth
All i do anymore is cry
Am i not worthy
Am i not able or willing...
I know I've made many wrong turns and i have resisted for so long
I am young
I am so truly sorry
I wish I could take it all back sometimes
And change everything
Please forgive me.
I wish to push on in this life and make it a better place for my children.
If i can right the wrongs of my ancestors and be a role model to those void of hope please dear God, let me.
If i can bring light to the darkest, and if that is your will for me, the let it be done.
I have nothing left but you. These tears are not even heavy enough to make a point, ...
I can see how you think my enthusiasm is caustic and I can understand how you think my positivity is delusional
I think you have never been truly scared or alone. I don't think you have never had taken from you the one thing that ever meant so much to you.
I think you have no idea what true unconditional love is.
Therefore, myself through your eyes is incomparable and misunderstood.
Your ignorance sums me as "weird" and "crazy" and you are incapable of seeing past that.
I understand, I was once like you.
Movement slow and the stare is hard,
Focused and determined
You are professional
If love has no name and knows no face,
Why is it your name is reverberated in many facets of my life and your face cause a visceral reaction.
My heart beats faster and i feel light headed, Why do i have no appetite or material desire?
Is this what I have waited my whole life for; spent weeks yearning for and years wishing, months praying and decades hoping for?
Is this all that is left of your once tender lips?
The scraps and imperfect cuts. These are the repercussions of light summer affairs.
Misconceived by one party, he trots along, joyfully ignorant and carelessly breaking hearts with the best of i...
When you find me i might be married with a family of my own.
I might be alone and still following my dreams or my heart
I didn't want things to be like this, i had no clue. Although like so many things in life one has no choice, i had no choice.
I hope you know the high importance of reputation and the power of kindness. I hope you are richly polite and deeply positive. I pray that your family is well and wise.
If i ever find you, i want to hug you like we spend every day together.
I want to look so deep into your eyes and find a place to stay, so that i can see the world through your eyes, even if for a day.
I love you.
...And maybe your lips did have a purpose when they locked mine.
Maybe they were speaking the language of love to my soul and telling me it will be alright an that life is maybe meant to be taken a little more slow and that I need to slow down a little and take it easy.
And that everything will work out just fine because God has a plan and you are his delicate creation put onto this earth to shine.
Maybe they were saying "I pity you, you are innocent like and different and i want more of you. I want to explore you and get to know you. I want to see the world through your eyes."
Perhaps they said, "I love you, but we can't possibly be together because the stars are not aligned right, fa...
Why did you ever lay your lips on mine if you hadn't a purpose for their action?
If you had a motive for your behavior i yearn to know if it was fulfilled.
I think of you daily and i dream of you often, sometimes i think you are my best friend, until reality proves we hardly speak anymore.
It is like a divine hand scooped you up and away from me. And this is true to the occurrences in my life, for i now expect such misfortune in love...Yet if i am wrong and worthy of someones love, God will inevitably direct the scene to a happy ending.
Thank you for being a great friend and human being in this world.
The glory in success lies in the daily grind and discipline.
...The glory of discovery stems from acceptance and trusting in yourself
...Knowing how to love comes from being loved
...Being open to new ideas is knowing and owning your own.
Maybe if i love someone, they will love me back.
If i accept their love they will love in return; unconditionally, with or with out designer labels? With or with out makeup? Happy or blue?
Would they love me if they knew...
Dear The Feared,
There are so many fine lines in life.
To be respected or to be revered
To be revered or feared
To be feared ar scared
To be scared or ingenuine
To be ingenuine or unemotional.
There is a fine line between too much and extreme.
In love or obsessed, obsessed or addicted
How does it feel to be shunned? Apart from the approachable.
Are you lonely?
Is this what you dreamt your self doing when you were a child?!
I understand wanting your space and quiet but why must your fine line be so sharp and, often.
I want to reach out and hug you so that all those fine line mesh into one and those bricks you have made your wall out of crumbles to sand.
Because your eyes wil...
Dear Mission Control,
She sits and will wait in this foreign land.
On a ledge, in the dark, pumping intention to the city.
For her mission to continue
she is ready for suit and armor. Her long hair is unsuitable for such a career yet it holds her in the moment and at heart.
The city awaits and the world fiends such a specimen to rearrange the frayed vision and spoiled paradigm which is now running the show.
Her nails dig into the brick wall on which she awaits.
Patient yet pumped she follows protocol.
I see her waiting in the dark from my window, and I wonder, have you forgotten about her?
If your hair were different, i would love you no less. If your eyes were tired and dull i would still look at you the same. Fashion is an expression of ones self but we are more than a style or image, and if you had none id love you the same.
Your smell is intoxicating and nothing will change that.
If i had one wish it would be to dance with you for the rest of my life.
If you be patient, love will come knocking at your door and embrace you with unwavering compassion and acceptance. I trust this to be true anyway.
I have searched all around for the formula resulting in true love, then i found it lying within the truth.
I can only pray that we will someday meet. As i am a modern career woman, you are as this world has shaped you, full of passion and good will. My search has come to a halt and i will follow this lit path on which i walk and keep my eyes peeled for you, because when i do meet you i wont mind being the only one in the world with you.