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PO# 516010
United States
United States
Always? Always.
October 21, 2019
 

I see ghosts
In the face of every stranger
When I have to do a double take
When I swear it’s your face I see

I hear ghosts
When I’m alone in a room
When I turn to look into your eyes
And there is no one around

I feel ghosts
When I swear something brushes against me
When I expect to apologize for running into someone
And all I’m met with is emptiness

Your spirit haunts me in that emptiness.
In that space where nothing exists yet everything seems to be, that’s where I find you.

Everyday. For eternity.

Always.

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THE EDISON BULB
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September 14, 2019
 

Access: Denied

You cannot come into my life and disrupt my peace.

Access: Denied

You cannot make me feel the things you do and then disregard my feelings when it’s inconvenient for you.

Access: Denied

You cannot make me feel guilty for doing what is best for me just because it does not benefit you.

Access: Denied

You cannot use me like a security blanket and throw me away when you’re done.

Access: Denied

You cannot ask me to come back when no one else will stand with you the way I did.

Access: Denied

I can’t even get through to myself anymore.

Access: Granted

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HEARTBREAK
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August 18, 2019
 

My heart is broken.
Not because of an unrequited love
But because of humanity.

I go through my days laughing and making others laugh
But at the end of the day, there is still so much pain.
So much hate being spread.

I have opportunities daily to make the people around me forget about their worries for a while.
Yet it is never quite enough to wash away that taste in their mouth.

The world still has an ugliness
Crawling out from the shadows
Waiting beyond each corner

I’m so tired of holding my breath between tragedies.

I’m so tired of holding on to little moments because of the fear that I may not have many of them left.

I’m so tired

My heart is broken.

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SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW
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March 24, 2019
 

It’s a funny thing, time.

They say it heals all wounds, but
That’s not really true — is it?

How can time heal all wounds, when it is precisely time that brings more heartache, more trials.

No.
Wounds heal.
But time does not get credit for my battle scars.

I have hurt, bled, cried over these wounds.
Begged time to slow down so that I could process it all.
But it never ceases. Never slows.

Time is ruthless. Uncaring.
She will push on and leave us behind if we can’t keep up.

But we do, don’t we?

It’s a funny thing, time.

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A QUIET DREAM
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March 13, 2019
 

Show them your joy
Your excitement

Make them laugh
Make them smile

Comfort them
Dry their tears

Cry your own tears behind closed doors

Hold in your pain until their suffering is over

Muffle your cries so you don’t bother them

Be strong for them, but keep your weaknesses a secret.

Beautiful hypocrites

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STARS
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January 31, 2019
Midwest City, United States

I cannot
And will not
Blame anyone but myself

I created these walls that are closing in on me

I built those barriers that I wish to god others would break through.

I didn’t know what I was doing when I built them, but now I think I’m beginning to understand.

All along I wasn’t keeping others locked out

I was keeping myself locked in.

Now, more than ever, I wish to be seen. To be worried about. To have someone stay up and tell me everything I need to hear.

But I’m here. Inside these walls.
Trying to calm your storm
While mine tears me apart.

See me
Feel my pain
I’ll take yours like it was my own
Just please don’t forget I’m still here.
Inside these walls.

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DARK NIGHT
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January 20, 2019
Midwest City, United States

It’s a beautiful life
It really is.
Even with so much darkness and hate around us, there is so much to love and be grateful for

It’s a hard life
It really is.
Even with such beautiful people in the world, there are so few willing to share that love.

It’s a short life
It really is.
Even in our youth, we are all desperate to experience so much in so little time.

That’s what we are. Desperate.
For love
For acceptance
For adventure

I can’t wait to be old and gray.
God I hope I live a beautiful, hard, long life.

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LIGHT LETTRS LOGO
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January 9, 2019
Midwest City, United States

You are manipulative
Sly
Charming as hell

You find a way to make me apologize at the end of every argument
Never finding fault in your reflection

Yet it’s my arms and my bed you find yourself in when you’ve had a bad day

You ask for so much
And give so little in return

I would do anything for you
You don’t have to push
You don’t have to make ultimatums
I’d give you every part of me
Until there was nothing left

I wish you would just see me
See me like I see you
I fucking hate you

I fucking love you

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LONE SOULS
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January 8, 2019
Midwest City, United States

Who would you write to?

In those final moments
When you are saying your goodbyes
Leaving behind only memories
And this note

Who would you write to?

Odds are you will think of someone you love very much
You want to ease their mind
Tell them it wasn’t their fault

Who would you write to?

In those final moments
Would you write to a friend you are leaving behind
Tell them they couldn’t have done anything

Who would you write to?

Would you take the time to write each and every person that ever delayed this note?

Would you take the time to write all those who made you feel hope and love and life flowing back into your body?

What if by the time you finish your note
And remembered all those w...

SLAPPIN' THE BASE
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January 3, 2019
Midwest City, United States

Words
Firing out of your mouth like bullets,
Leaving permanent scars

Sticks and stones will surely break my bones,
Your words will hurt me worse

The sting of outward thoughts you can’t take back
Are nothing compared to the bite
Of words left unsaid.

So shoot me.
Rattle me with your ammo.
I’d rather feel your anger
Than miss out on your passion.

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ROCKO
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November 19, 2018
Bryant, United States

Spare change?
Sure I have a few dollars you can have!
Have a second?
Sure I can listen for as long as you need!
What should I do?
Sure I can give you my thoughts!
Can you help with this?
Sure I can take a look with you!
I need you to do this for me.
Sure I can handle that.
Tell so-and-so this and that.
Sure.
Do this first so I can focus on this.
Okay.
Why are you mad?
I’m not.
I don’t know why you can’t do one small thing for me.
I did.
Why do you have to be so mad all the time?
I’m not.
Why do you act so tired all the time?
Because I am..

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PRIVATE JET
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September 16, 2018
Midwest City, United States

There’s this door
On one side there is age, beauty, religion, politics, race, sexuality, society.
On the other side of this door is where I am with you.
When we are together we hold that door shut firm, hearing the noises of judgement and hatred from the other side, but never wavering in our faith in each other.
The door always opens
We always have to face the other side
But we never have to face it alone

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THE DOOR IS OPEN
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September 16, 2018
Midwest City, United States

I am here for you
Always
When you have a bad day and knock on my door
I answer
Always
When you climb into my bed with tears ready to fall
I hold you
Always
When you ask for advice about things I do not know
I try
Always

The tables don’t turn
Not with you
Never
You sit on the side of comfort and support
While the rest of us cling to our seats
Shouting out words to ease your pain while the stormy waters rock the rest of us under water
See, we share this boat
But you only brought a life jacket for yourself

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FLOWER PASTELS
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April 29, 2018
 

The voices

Every time happiness creeps into my life
Even for a moment
The voices scare the light away

Leaving me in the dark
Alone with my thoughts
And never trusting the voices coming from the mouths of people I love

People I should trust

Your words are nothing
more than a mirage
Surely to lead me down some forsaken path

To trust is to be vulnerable

And that’s all I’ve ever been.

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RESPECT
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April 29, 2018
El Reno, United States

To be young and take joy in something as simple as a car ride
Windows down even though the wind is a bitter cold
Even though it smells of cow manure
We cranked up the music we don’t know the words to and let the wind cut through us
Sisters
Not by blood
Not even by marriage
But by life

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ENDLESS STARS
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April 17, 2018
Midwest City, United States

All my defenses disappeared when you walked in.
My words stuttered
My movements awkward
My mind a blank stare into a world where we’ve already met.

I only just met you, but I know exactly what you’re going to do to me.
What you’re going to mean to me.
What I’ll never be to you.

I’ve already imagined our entire lives together and seen it fall apart.

In a blink of an eye this stranger became my everything.

If only I could introduce myself.

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LOVE, HER
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April 16, 2018
Midwest City, United States

I don’t remember the precise moment when everything turned upside down.

I have memories of before, and I have memories of after. Somewhere in the middle is where you’ll find me.

I don’t remember when my point of view became my point of you.

When I walk, when I talk, when I blink, when I breathe it’s all for you.

I can’t carry these heavy organs, the weight of gravity is too much, whenever you’re too far.

I don’t remember when I quit being me and started being the thing you will never know.

These words, these emotions, all for you but you’ll never know.

You may hear them, but they won’t be from these lips.

I don’t remember when I started caring.

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A QUIET DREAM
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February 9, 2018
 

It becomes increasingly difficult to explain the way you make me feel.

Every day, there’s something new that reminds me of you
Or more precisely
The effect you have over me

You know that feeling when you first lay down after a long day?

When you stiffen your muscles because all the pieces of you are settling

And the longer you lay there, the more you relax and let your body sink in.

Every time I see you, it’s like that initial shock of realizing how tense your body has been

When our eyes meet, my bones settle back into the places they were always meant to be

As you walk towards me my breathing slows, my body relaxes and sinks into the essence of you.

Nothing will ever feel that go...

NICK WALKER
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February 1, 2018
Midwest City, United States

Once in a while, I let myself feel.
I open that bottle and I shake everything out.

It spreads like chills
Starting in my chest
Covering my body
Until I’m wrapped in a blanket of my nightmares
Woven tightly together with my fears
Washed in my anxiety.

I stare at the spot on my wall with the chipped paint
And I let myself feel.

I don’t cry much anymore.

I use to cry so hard I would be sore the next day
Now I sit and think and sometimes I laugh

I use to cry because I didn’t understand why I felt this way
Now I laugh because I do.

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NIGHTMARES
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January 23, 2018
Midwest City, United States

They say actions speak volumes
Yours were slow
Soft yet powerful
Lingering
Intoxicating

You were my favorite song
My favorite quote
The only noise that could wake me from a sleep that your voice alone could lull me into.

Everything else is just background noise.
I just wish it weren’t so damn loud.
I just wish I could turn the volume up on you like before.

The radio is silent.
The cd is scratched
But the label so clear
What I wouldn’t give for one more dance to your song.

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VINYL
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January 19, 2018
Midwest City, United States

I spent an eternity crying
Looking out this window
Over this city with all its lights
Watching life pass by

I spent an eternity breaking my own heart
Watching the pieces fall from my hands
Putting them together to form new shapes

I spent an eternity wishing
Hoping
Praying
For someone to save me.

You didn’t pull me away from my window of lights
You didn’t tell me I had put the pieces of my heart together wrong.
You didn’t tell me you were there to save me.

Instead
You held me right there in that window
We watched life pass by together
We traded pieces of our hearts like they were candy
Each part of you was sweeter than the last.

We spent an eternity there
Far away from the world
Far ...

HEARTBREAK
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January 2, 2018
Midwest City, United States

It’s wrong
It’s illogical
It’ll never happen

The things I tell myself
To get you out of my head
Off my mind
Away from my thoughts
Into the past

God help me
You’re the best and worst thing
That has ever happened to me

I can’t function with your eyes on me as you sit across the room.

Our eyes meet
We share a smile
Dammit

Everything was black and white
Sometimes gray
Before I met you.

Now there are shades of the rainbow streaking across my heart
Up is down
Left is right

Stop looking at me
Please
For the love of all that is holy

Don’t let me catch you staring
Don’t ask me to meet you after class
Don’t put your hand on my arm
Don’t
Don’t
Don’t

Okay fine. Do it.

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STARS
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January 2, 2018
Midwest City, United States

I went home for a while
Because that’s what’s expected of me

I go home, I play along.
The endless game of charades
Guessing what you want from me this time.

I say what I know you want to hear
One slip up could give me away

It’s more trouble than it’s worth to protest
When I’m punished for making the loner feel welcomed.

I’m hurting too
But I comforted you.

I don’t belong here
But I made sure you felt wanted.

You listen
But you never really hear.

I talk
But never about what I really want to say.

I went home for a while
But now gone.

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MARTHA LUCIA
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December 31, 2017
Tecumseh, United States

Memories are what hold us back
Remembering a hard past
Memories are what push us forward
Stories of a better future

Every choice, every thought
Every word, every desire
Predetermined by the voice in our head
Memory being the driving force

Our paths being etched and carved as we move through life.
Made from our flesh and bones
Our very breath being forced out of our lungs because that’s what we remember.

It makes me wonder
If we ever really had a choice
Or if our paths were destined to cross, but only for a moment.

I guess
Everything
Happens for a reason.

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NEVER ENDING
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December 22, 2017
Tecumseh, United States

Old habits die hard.
I catch myself staring a little too long.
Laughing a little too hard.
Knocking on your door a little too often.

It was never really put into words,
But somewhere along the way I lost you.
Suddenly you leave your door open.

When we’re in a crowded room
All I can see is you.
I know you feel my gaze as you head to the spot.
Our spot.

I’ve met you there a million times before.
My feet are moving before I even think twice about what’s happening.

I almost doubt that it could be true
That you would meet me here after all this time
But then I see you

Standing beneath the stars
You look up at them with that childlike wonder in your eyes.
The very thing that made m...

CHRISTMAS ICON
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December 19, 2017
Tecumseh, United States

This all started with a glance
One look and my heart was stolen
No longer beating for me but for every breath you take.

This pain hurts just like the others. Something so familiar it must be right.
I wouldn’t trade a single moment
Not even the ones that almost killed me

I’ll take these feelings, the pain and the hunger, the love and the lust.
I’ll take it all and make you something beautiful and terrifying and messy and wonderful.

A life together would be so damn complicated.
But it would be wonderful.

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CHRISTMAS ICON
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December 13, 2017
Midwest City, United States

Perhaps the cruelest fate
The one where I come home every day to the place we fell in love
The one where I show up just seconds after you leave
The one where we miss each other by milliseconds
And yet by a lifetime.
You’re so near I can smell your perfume still lingering by the window where you stood.
If I stand still enough, in that moment, and clear my thoughts of anything but you, I can feel you there with me.
If I hold on to that moment long enough
Maybe
Just maybe
You’ll find your way back to me.

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ENDLESS STARS
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November 29, 2017
Midwest City, United States

When I say I miss you
Don’t mistake my words
I don’t
Miss
You.

I miss the memory of how I felt when I was with you.
I miss what you use to represent.

I miss all the things that I got from our friendship
The laughs
The messages before bed
The fluttering in my heart
The life returning to my dying soul.

I miss what you use to be to me but will never be again.
But I don’t miss you.
Right?

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LETTRS BRIGHT
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November 25, 2017
 

I think of you

Whenever I'm happy or sad
anxious or mad
It doesn't matter.

It's completely irrational,
maybe even mad,
but here I am.

Maybe my curse is such as we are all cursed to look at the stars.
Beautiful and fierce and inspiring, but never to touch.

You are the universe and all the stars and the moon and I am just an admiring observer.

You are a whirlwind of power, mighty and just
Yet as gentle as the rain that washes away all evidence of my presence.

You are the waves that can soothe a broken soul
The same waves that can wreck a ship lost at sea

I was lost in your eyes

You wrecked me.

ORIGINAL
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October 23, 2017
Midwest City, United States

You smell like Christmas.
It makes sense now that I think about it.
That’s how you make me feel,

Like when I see Christmas decorations
When I hear Christmas music playing in the mall
When the first snow falls.

That feeling when you can’t help but to smile
And you smile from the inside.
That’s how you make me feel every time you look at me.

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THE SUN
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