|23 👑| #1 Mommy to TWO baby boys | Living my BEST Life | Gods baby girl😇 | Future Domestic Violence Social Worker 👩🎓|
I hate that I’m referred to as “his baby momma”
I hate that people hate me because I’m “his baby momma” people who don’t even know me.
I hate that I can’t be known for being myself.
I hate that people who don’t know me, who have never met me, hates me because of stories they have heard.
I hate how people judge me and ridicule how I raise my kids because it doesn’t match how they raise theirs.
I hate how people treat me because of my “baby daddy”
I hate that I exclude my kiddos from things because I don’t trust people around them, people who have tried to hurt or wished something upon them because of my baby daddy.
Don’t get me wrong I love him to death. However, hate and darkn...
I thought my life was crazy before I switched jobs.
But really it was do-able.
Now, I’m barley able to breathe after I clock out at 5pm.
It’s legit like my life is on a timer.
If I don’t pick my boys up and home by 6pm then dinner and bedtime is off and the next day is even more harder to get going than normal.
I’m not a morning person and neither are my boys. It’s so hard to wake up and get professionally dressed and out of the house before 6am.
4am comes so early, and it seems like every time I get in bed I have to get right back up and get ready for my day.
On top of that... I’m currently in school so that makes my life a tad bit harder.
When I should be st...
I can sit here and say I can do it alone.
And trust me, I can. I’ve done it but I don’t want to anymore.
I can sit here and say I don’t need you.
But trust me when I say, you bring out the best of me. I never want you to leave my side.
We say things to hurt the other. Things we don’t mean.
We do things to hurt the other, things we regret.
But what is a queen without her king?
A sad woman taking care of her estate.
This road that we are on is bumpy and sometimes exhausting, but a smooth path is coming.
I know it💜
How can someone be “too independent”?
You take care of your kids, bills, and house.
You deal with life as it comes day by day.
How can that be “too independent”?
I do what I have to, I take care of my responsibilities and my kids.
It’s what I have always done.
I have 3 calendars, each full of everything going on and everything I have to pay or do.
I have my life in a good place, I’m finally good!
How is that “too independent”?
I’m so tired of hearing that.
I’m so tired of feeling like I’m not good enough because I have my life together.
I’m not sorry you are having trouble with the fact I have my shit together. 🤷🏼♀️
I wish you were here today.
You've been heavy on my mind.
All I want is a hug and for you to tell me everything is alright.
I just want to hear your advice and opinions.
I want to hear your laugh and you tell me about how proud of me you are.
I want to hear your stroies about the things you went through.
I want to just sit and talk about everything I've accomplished and how far I've come.
You were always my biggest supporter.
You always knew exactly what to say.
I miss you.
Everything I've done today it has reminded me of you.
2019 is full of accomplishments, I just wish you were here to celebate with me!
Everything is finally in place and I've ...
Days like today makes me miss my best friend.
Days where you are so mad at the world you just want to scream.
Days where you are so tired from working 2 jobs and going to school that all you want is a LARGE cup of straight up EXPRESSO!
Days where you are just need to vent and cry and not stop until you run out of tears.
Days where you form an angry mob and just bash every bad, hurtful person in your life.
I need my best friend today.
She always knows exactly what to say and how to make me a little less crazy.
I've been forming this "I don't give a fuck" attitude and I'm worried that its only going to make me allow hate on my heart.
I'm just really missing my be...
A trip to my favorite mall with my boyfriend was just what I needed!
A mini shopping spree after my first day at my new job.
We walked through just looking at all of the Christmas lights, holding hands and just talking!
He was literally just the most patient guy when we got into the store.
Him and Mack the sale associate helped me find a perfect new wardrobe!
They chit chatted about our kids and how we are excited for Christmas while I changed into every single new item they brought me.
I’m so lucky to have the sweetest boyfriend, the cutest little kiddos, and the best new job anyone could ask for!
Today has been perfect! 😊
This is it.
This is the moment I’ve been preparing for.
This is my chance to prove myself wrong.
This is it.
I’m starting my new job today!
This is the part where I face my fears.
Change is good, change means I’m growing! I just have to keep telling myself that.
My momma has called and checked on me a dozen times since 4am.
Making sure I’m not having a panic attack or just giving up completely.
I know to some people starting a new job is exciting and awesome!
To me it’s so much more, it’s like my world it turned upside down and I have to put the pieces back together again.
Change has never been something easy for me. I adapt fast but just taking that first step is alwa...
There is never enough time in the day.
When im here I wish I was there tucking them in, singing the a bed time song, reading them 10 books, and puting on thier favorite cartoon.
When im there I am wishing I could make money without leaving home.
But then reality sets in and I find myself juggling two jobs and school.
Now, im going to be there wishing I was the one making dinosaur oatmeal and double checking homework before the bus arrives. Im going to be wishing I could get a couple more cuddles in while we watch the 5th episode of PJ Masks.
I thought I was missing everything while being gone while they slept at night, but now I feel like im missing everything.
I hate ...
50 short hours left with my sweet sweet Kimberly.
I will no longer get to have random slumber parties in the middle of the night with her and her 20 American Girl dolls when she can't sleep.
I will no longer get to walk into her room and be asked to tuck her in.
I will no longer get to hear her say "I love you"
I will no longer get to help her calm down during her behaviors
I will no longer get to hold her hand while shes happy or get to dance to all of her favorite songs.
I will no longer get hear about her wedding with Michael, or how her brother is finally off work and is going to bring her pizza.
I will no longer get to take her shopping on the day...
Some girls find happiness and joy out of the destuction of others.
Some girls find peace when laughing and joking about someones life.
Some girls cover thier envy by being "savages"
Some girls call others names to help thier ego.
They are the evil within this world.
They are full of hate and anger.
They lash out at others, to make themselves feel better.
They join together to empower each other.
They've too been broken, and still are.
They choose to hurt instead of heal.
They choose to ruin someone emotional state,
They choose to laugh at someones toughest battles.
They don't care who they hurt.
They don't care what happens during the destruction.
I used to back down, just ignore the problem.
I used to give up, and move on.
I used to care and want to fix things.
But now I am here, and I'm just so tired of the fight.
Literally, this has been going on for YEARS now... Frankly, i'm just tired of it.
I'll always be "the bad guy"... I can't change that.
But I realized I have a choice to either continue to deal with the nonsense or move on and ignore it...
And with all of the change and new things occuring in my life, this is definitely going to be apart of that.
I'm a different person than I used to be, i'm not 18 anymore. I'm not weak and naive, i'm GROWN. I'm a BADASS momma!
I've been fighting for almost 5 ...
So many of my friends are having babies.
So many are getting pregnant.
So many are getting promoted or taking better jobs.
Me, well I’m finally in a happy place.
However, lately... I’ve been thinking about the future.
I know I want more children.. I’ve always wanted 5 of my own.
I know I want to finish school and be in my dream career before I have more but I’ve been thinking.
Thinking about the different things I want to do compared to the things I’ve done with my boys.
Like not cutting the umbilical cord from the baby until 24 hours after birth.
Giving breastfeeding a real shot.
Using more organic foods and home remedies.
Not bathing or wiping the baby off until 2 hours ...
Tonight my baby boy starts his first big adventure without me. He gets to spend an entire week with his nana and papa. Im super excited for him, when I was younger I loved going with my parents on the Road. My oldest son, Alexander, LOVES going as well.
He is headed to Memphis, TN for his first stop, he will be making his way up to New York and down to Texas with a few stop in between. He gets to explore the States with a front row seat. By the time he gets home this weekend he will have been to nearly 20 different states.
Ayden is already wrapped around his papas finger. He can do no wrong in his eyes. What Ayden wants, Ayden gets... and trust me that isn't always a good thing.
My papa is heavy on my mind today.
I woke up today thinking about him.
I looked at my son realized that they look almost identical to him. With their big eyes and they way they walk.
I miss my papa so much, especially today.
This song is my favorite, it always reminds me of him.
“Tell me, what does it look like in heaven?
Is it peaceful? Is it free like they say?
Does the sun shine bright forever?
Have your fears and your pain gone away?
'Cause here on earth it feels like everything good is missing since you left
And here on earth everything's different, there's an emptiness
I hope you're dancing in the sky
And I hope you're singing in the angels' choir
And I hope the ...
Its not them, its honestly not even him.
They were and still are just expressing their feelings, how could I be upset with that? How could I blame them? How could I hate them?
I know he talks to them, I know he flirts and has a way with his words. How can I be mad at him for being himself? For expressing who he is?
I feel so bad for all of the hateful words I've said to them and how rude and bitter I was towards them. It took me a LONG time to realize that it's no ones fault. That no one deserves to be blamed. That no one deserves to be treated unfairly. That we are all in the same position one way or another.
Actually, it is someones fault. It's mine.
I'm the one who has ...
My Christmas tree is missing something.
It’s decorated with blue and silver bulbs and a pretty glittery silver topper.
The lights are bright white and gorgeous.
But it’s missing something....
Growing up, when decorating my family’s trees we had ornaments from 3 generations back on each side of the family.
My grandpa came from Sicily and his grandparents made their own ornaments.
My great grandma on my grandmas side had 10 kids and never had the extra money to buy ornaments, so she and my family created their own.
Our tree was filled full of family history! The ornaments were from all sides of my family, including the ones me and my brothers made growing up.
And each year my mo...
Today we laughed, and I mean we really laughed.
It was like we were in the "honeymoon" stage all over again.
We play fought.
We craked jokes.
We acted silly.
We tickled each other.
We cuddled and just talked.
We said "I love you!" a million times.
I know the honeymoon stage doesn't last long, but today I'll never forget.
Today our hearts beat as one.
Our family was together and we were happy!
We started over, FROM THE VERY BEGINNING, and we are walking ourselfs through all of the stages of a relationship.
He is and always will be the love of my life.... My soulmate.
Some people are hateful
Some people are mean
Some people are jealous
Some people are pure EVIL.
Some people judge.
Some people hold grudges.
Some people are living in 2014.
Some people never move on.