|23 👑| Single Mother 👩👦👦 | My sons are my world 🌎 | Loving my Life 🤪||
Three days until we take off on our road trip!
Three days until I can hug my nonna and nonno.
Three days until we finally get a break from our every day routine.
My great grandparents turned 98 this week and I’m so excited for them to meet my boys!
My boys are blessed to have great great grandparents alive and well! Nonna has the boys tons of books and toys saved up for them and nonno keeps saying he wants to take the boys fishing so they can bring back nonna the finest dinner in town.
Our road trip doesn’t stop in my hometown of Sparta.. we are continuing on to Missouri/ Arkansas for a few days and then to Nashville!
I’m excited to see all of my family and meet some new addition...
Momma im so sorry, im not your little girl anymore, I've grown into this woman I know you will adore. I know if you just gave me a little bit of your time you will see... I'm not your little girl anymore.
Daddy im so sorry, I did this to you I know I broke heart, I really didn't mean to. I ran off, just like you asked me not to do. I became a strong, smart young woman. I know you would be proud of the who I've become. If you would just give me a moment I can show you.
Im so sorry, im not who you wanted me to be.
Im so sorry, I chased after my dreams.
Im so sorry, I let the fire burn inside of me.
Im so sorry, im not your little girl anymore.
But I promise if you gave me a mom...
So this is where we are..
Upside down in this big ole world.
Never knowing the right words to say.
Never knowing the next move to make.
Just upside down.
The question is though, why?
Is it because we are afraid?
Is it because we are content?
Is it because we hate change?
We may never know.
But here we are...
I didnt fall in love with you.
I walked into love with you,
with my eyes wide open,
choosing to take
every step along the way.
I do believe in fate and destiny,
but I also believe
we are only fated
to do things
that we'd choose anyway.
And I'd choose you;
in a hundred lifetimes,
in a hundred worlds,
in any versions of reality,
I'd find you
and I'd choose you.
Tonight is night number nine that we have been in our lovely home!
We have been practicing new good habits brushing teeth before bed, bedtime set at 9pm sharp, and sleeping in our own beds! So far things have been going smoothly!
We have everything together and put away in their new spots, we even have pictures hung on the walls!
I have finished two DIY projects myself and they boys helped me finish three for their bedroom!
Our patio has white twinkling lights and a vintage patio set I found at a flee market last week!
Things are truly looking up!
I do have to work on somethings.. like learning to lock the door before going to bed, cooking for four people not twenty, and looking ...
Looking back this past year has been bumpy with lots of highs and lows, but I have to admit the last 9 days have been beyond amazing!
Moving into my own place was the best decision I've made in a long time.
I finally got everything organized and unpacked. I even began to create some DIY projects.
Today the main project was hanging all of the decor and pictures on the walls which sounds easier than it really was. I didn't realize how picky I am and how you actually have to be taller than 5' FT to hang a pictures on the wall without a stepping stool.
Tomorrow is my first day off work in over 2 weeks so me and my best friend are gonna make mirrors out of old glass coffee tables I ...
"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others for their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
Alot has happened lately, so much that my heart began to hurt.
This verse has been on my mind recently, and it helped me realize what I needed to do.
I need to forgive.
Forgive those who hurt me far more than they ever imagined, more than I ever thought was possible.
So this letter is not only for my penpals, this is for every person whom hurt me, for every person who is hurt or has hurt someone.
I forgive you. I pray you find peace, happiness, mercy.
“I love you”
What a crazy concept right?
Loving someone more than you love yourself.
Loving someone so much you change and think of them before your self.
Wanting to be near them 24/7, even to just watch them sleep.
“I love you”
It’s something that just gets through around.
Sometimes meaningless and others it’s breath taking.
I say “I love you” to my friends when I hang up from a phone conversation.
I say “I love you” to the guy I can’t keep my mind off of, the guy I always want to be next to.
“I love you” means so many different things.
This week I have learned that I love you means something to me. It’s not meaningless or pointless, it’s not something I say because some...
July is a big and exciting month for me and my boys!!
We get to finally get everything in order in our apartment. Thank gosh they are almost finished repairing all of the little things. 15 more days!!!
We get to go to our first Christian faith concerts! Thanks to our friends who won us all tickets
We get to spend the Fourth of July with all of our friends, and watch the fireworks.
And we get to take a mini family vacation to Tennessee to visit family! Nashville, we can’t wait to explore you!
I was reminded today Romans verse 8:28
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Thanks to Lecrae, and I th...
People look at me and see this short stubborn girl
a girl who is a single mom with two children
a girl who works harder than anyone else
a girl who fights to get a good grade
a girl who is wild but collected
a girl who is bright
a girl who fights.
Others look at me and see disgust
because of the mistakes ive made
the choices ive made
the lessons ive learned
the blessings ive recieved
the goals ive met
the achievements ive reached
the place i am
My grandma tells me all the time "You live by the choices you make" and I honestly believe that. I've worked hard to get where I am today. I made smart choices and found my way.
When i look into the mirror i see a bea...
I’ve learned recently that I suffer from Pistanthrophobia and Philophobia
For those who don’t know Pistanthrophobia is a fear of trusting people due to past experiences gone bad.
And Philophobia is the fear of being in love or falling in love.
Because of these two I have passed up many different opportunities to be in a happy, healthy relationship.
There are many women in my life that have had bad experiences with men including myself.
This girl I know has a husband who hasn’t ever really been a true husband to her for many years, always off with another woman or doing his own thing.
Another woman I know, knows her man is constantly cheating but keeps telling herself, friends, and...
Twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle twinkle little star..
I sing this to my boys every night right before bed while rubbing each of their cheeks until they fall asleep.
Last night though, my boys sang to me. I’m not sure how, but they always know when I’m not feeling well or have something on my mind because they end up doing something sweet like this.
I’ve been stressed out lately between working extra hours at work and the extra papers I’ve had to write for class as well as house hunting.
But some how my children have been able to keep my sanity to a low. It’s amazing how well a two and three year old k...
The bathroom mirror is my worst enemy.
When I shower, I keep the lights off.
My smile isn’t real.
My heart is lost.
I thought I was okay..
But I am truly not.
It’s not because I don’t love myself because I really do!
It’s not because I don’t believe I am gorgeous because I do.
It’s not because I’m depressed because well actually I might be.
It’s because I’ve been through so much, I am starting to see what others see.
I’ve been hurt so badly, I’m starting to believe what that say about me.
I’ve been pushed down so many times I’m becoming weak.
However, I still have faith I’ll get through this.
I have an amazing women pushing me and praying for me, loving me and guid...
The people in my life have been awful latley.
They have been inconsiderate, unapprreciative, disrespecting, assholes.
Excuse my langage....
I have never been so upset with my family in my entire life, and we have been through some tough times to the point we were on nontalking terms.
To be honest, its not just my family.. Its a guy too.
I sometimes question if men have competitions with thier friends on how many women they can piss off, or hurt. In my honest opinion all men are the same.
I have realized that I am easily persuaded. There is two men in my life that can talk me into doing just about anything. Once, I handed over $6000.00 over for no reason (I seriously, sti...
Thank you for being selfish.
Thank you for being needy.
Thank you for playing hard to get.
Thank you for changing the people I love.
Thank you for being so available.
Thank you for being a hoe,
Thank you for being so easy.
Thank you for being so destructive.
Thank you for not giving up on me.
Thank you for always giving me a way.
Thank you for the happy moments.
Thank you for another day.
You are strong.
You are brave.
You are incredible.
You are extraordinary.
You are beautiful.
I felt like I was trapped in a burning house
I couldn’t breathe
I couldn’t see
I was lost and scared
I felt like nobody care
I felt like I was alone in the world.
I realized over the weekend that I’m not stuck.
This weekend has been a HIGE eye opener for me.
Sunday, I enjoyed a nice day on the boat with my family and babies. Then I spent some much needed time with my best friends and finished the night watching shrek 1 and 2 with popcorn and tons of snacks with my boys.
Monday, fireworks and a bike ride along with swimming and enjoying the weather.
And today.. recuperating from the weekend. The sun definitely did it’s work on my body because I’m as red as a lobster (...
I looked into the mirror and didnt like who I saw.
I saw a girl who gained to much weight and had too much makeup on her face.
I saw a girl who was showing to much skin and wore a smile that you could tell wasn't real.
I saw a girl who was exhasted but covered it up really well.
that was last week
Today, I looked into the mirror
I saw a girl who changed her perspective
Who lost a bit of weight and found her smile
a girl who looked refreshed and relaxed
I saw a girl who is in the process of becoming something great
I saw a girl who looked sort of familiar.
I can’t sleep tonight.
I’m not sure if it’s because I know I did the right thing or if it’s because for the first time ever, I wish I was wrong.
So much has happened, but nothing has changed.
So much has been said and promised, but no actions have been taken.
What should I believe? What should I do?
I believed what I saw, but sometimes my eyes deceive me.
I did what I promised myself I would do, take a step back and watch for a bit, to see if any actions were being taken.
I honestly couldn’t tell you if there has been or not. I haven’t seen any though.
I guess this gives me a chance to work on myself.
I’ve realized that I’ve been a person I don’t quite like.
I have become ...
Tonight is the first night in almost 2 weeks that I’m able to sleep in my bed for longer than 1-2 hours.
I’ve worked so much lately I can’t even remember when the last time I’ve actually gotten to just crawl into bed and fall asleep to a movie with my boys.
It’s hard I have to admit to be away from them, but soon it will all be worth it.
I’m have almost saved 3/4th of the amount I want before moving and I’ve already started to buy things for the new place.
Many people want to see me and my boys fail for their own pleasure or gain, but I’m a proud LeConte and if you know anything about a sassy Sicilian I would watch out.
Brother bear 2, Carmel and kettle corn, and chocolate milk to...
I read this poem this morning by Reagan Myers called “Depression is funny like that”.
The part that stuck with me was “If I get out (meaning her bathtub), I have to be a person again. Have to put on clothes, put lotion on my legs, eat a bowl of cereal at least, take care of this terrible body that refuses to take care of me back.”
I used to feel this way everyday, like I had no control over who I was and how I felt.
I wanted to be happy, enjoy life live on the edge but I couldn’t, I physically couldn’t. Getting out of bed was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Staying awake long enough to eat and shower was an achievement.
Today, I’m the complete opposite. I can’t tell you how I got h...