|23 👑 | Single Mother 👩👦👦 | My sons are my world 🌎 | Loving my Life 🤪||
Two faced people..
Let me tell you about two faced people..
They act like your their best friend until your back is turned, that’s when the cruel evil comes out. That’s when they stab you in the back.
Every time you turn your back the knives goes deeper.
Every time you tell them you are there for them (pretty much your dumbest move ever) they go and tell others about how you told you this or that and they don’t want your help.
It’s understandable to not like someone, to want to keep your distance. But when you act like your friends, share every aspect of being friends and then when you turn your back it’s all taken for advantage that’s just unforgivable.
It’s amazing how someone c...
“Love is not always roses, honey, and tea. Sometimes it is difficult being you, and sometimes it's difficult being me. And in the night if we are restless and our love struggles to make sense, know that I will fight for us. Because I love you, and I know that you love me.”
I’ve played many sports growing up.
Basketball in elementary school
Football in middle school
Softball in high school.
My dad always taught me to be competitive and ready.
You may be on a winning streak and lose your next game.
You may turn what would have been a home run into an out in seconds.
That field goal that looked perfect may be flagged.
You never know who will win the game until the clock runs out and the score isn’t tied.
Once in high school I hit a home run at our rivals home, ended up hitting the school bus and breaking the front window and I got all three bases home and we were ahead 4 runs. We lost by one run that day.
Things change in a spilt of a second.
He made me smile.
Made me feel whole again.
Made me feel I was worth something.
Made me feel loved.
It’s crazy, I know.
But those random messages puts a huge smile on my face.
The way he has a cute nickname for me makes me melt.
The way he says “I want you!” makes my heart skip a beat.
I haven’t been this happy in months, haven’t felt worth anything in years, I haven’t felt love and companionship in what feels like eternity.
It’s like we fit together perfectly.
He shows me the things I don’t see in myself and I show him the things he doesn’t see in himself.
The love we share is something special, something rare.
Im finally happy!
I dreamt of you again, my love.
I woke up after the doctor handed me you and said “Congratulations! Here’s your daughter, Aria Elisabeth, Miss.LeConte!”
I went through the entire pregnancy. I felt each craving like it was real, I felt every contraction and every kick. I cried at every ultrasound. And shopped like crazy!
It was so surreal.
Why did I have to wake up?
Your hair was so beautiful, long and curly just like your nana’s.
Your eyes were dark brown, they could bring anyone to their knees.
The look in your brothers eyes made me realize you would never ever have an unprotected moment in your life. You were loved by them way before you made your arrival.
It’s amazing how r...
My mom always told me that if I carried hatred in my heart, I would never be at peace.
She always wanted me to let things go, "Forgive and forget" if you will.
My mother is a very smart woman. She has been through so much, more than I could imagine and some how she always has a smile on her face.
She lets things go; things she can't control, things that aren't important, things that bother her.
I have been working on letting things go.
There are moments when you have to take a step back and ask your self "Is this worth it?".
Worth putting everything on the line for.
Worth fighting for.
Worth going through hell for.
If its not then why would you want to carr...
I remember the first kiss.
I remember the first cuddle.
I remember the first laugh.
I remember the first date.
I remember the first touch.
I remember the first beat (to our synced hearts)
I remember the first fight.
I remember the first make-up.
I remember.. Do you?
Do you remember how our first kiss happened? Or where it occurred?
Do you remember where our first date was? Or the events that brought us there?
Do you remember our first laugh? Or better yet.. Our first hello?
Do you remember? I mean, how could you forget?
It’s those memories that haunt me sometimes. Those were the days I had you in my arms.
Now, we are miles apart. In completely different worlds it seems lik...
I’ve always knew when someone was lying to me.
Whether I figured out the truth before the lie was told or the expression on their face when telling the lie.
I have a way of finding out what I need to know.
Actions speak louder than words. However, sometimes those actions are also lies.
I’m being lied to at the moment, the person who is lying doesn’t even know I know the truth.
The sad part is I’m not the only person who this person is lying to.
It may only be sticks and stones to some people but to me it’s more.
To me you’ve took my trust away, and to be honest it’s hard to regain that trust back.
It’s not the first time we’ve been lied to by this person so maybe I should have...
I’m tired of being the nice girl.
The girl who checks in on others
The girl who makes sure everybody is okay.
I’m tired of being the girl everybody walks over.
Makes fun of
And laughs at
I’m tired of being the center of people’s jokes.
I’m just tired.
New Years was my way of changing, having a start date and celebrating things slowly as I reach each goal.
Yet people think I’m changing to become them.
Ridiculous, I know.
Again I’m gonna make my circle smaller. Soon there won’t be anyone but me. And I’ll be okay with that.
I suppose those people could just be jealous.
I used to be this shy little innocent girl.
The one who did no wrong and was perfect.
The one who walked in straight lines and stuck her picky out while drinking tea.
That was all me.
However, somewhere along my journey I’ve lost that person.
I’ve become this girl who leaves the cereal bag on the counter after having a midnight snack.
The girl who waits until last minute to finish her homework.
The girl who can lay in bed all day and pay no one but her kids mind.
The girl who can lounge in her jammies for days straight while on her off days.
That is me..
That’s the part I promised I would change.
I promised myself this on New Years, and I’ve done really good until today....
It’s been 41 days since I promised myself that I would become a better person.
I changed completely.
From my hair to my attitude.
From my morals to my values.
and everything in between.
There are people I started talking to again.
Loved ones I’ve reconnected with
Things I’ve done that I never had the courage to do before.
I’ve had coffee alone in a cafe
I’ve walked along the river path
I’ve began to read poetry on a daily
I’ve fell in love with myself all over again.
These things have brought me back to the person I used to be.
Things other people loved about me.
I’m a bright star in a galaxy!
I’m a Lilly in a field of roses.
And I’m very proud of m...
In high school I had 2 dates to prom.
I was stubborn and didn’t want to go, but my best friends Zak and Matt both made me go and be their date.
We went to dinner at this fancy Italian restaurant.
They both gave me beautiful flowers and corsages.
They both danced with me and made me feel loved.
They were the best.
Tonight I get the pleasure to escort my beautiful client to her prom. This will be the second one we have gone too!
I’m excited to take many pictures and watch her glow as the music comes on and she’s dancing so free on the dance floor.
Over the last year and half she has become one of my closes friends.
She always hugs me and tells me that she loves me and I’m her be...
Do you know how hard I work just be who I want and have what I want?
Do you know hard it is to break my own rules to change a lifestyle that I don’t like?
Do you know how it feels to be completely invisible to the world?
To be considered the “black sheep” of the family?
Do you know how hard it is to achieve all of my goals and dreams and still be there for my kids to achieve theirs?
Do you know how hard it is to not cry or give up when you receive a bad grade?
I work so hard every day, and all I honestly want is for someone to see.
I want someone to just hold me and tell me that I’m not alone.
I miss my best friends they used to be have my back they gave me their shoul...
He is going to be 3 years old in less than 22 days.
I have his spriderman cake bought,
His decorations hidden in the bottom of the hall closet.
And I am making his present as we speak.
All I can think about is how my little 6 pound 11 ounce baby isnt a baby anymore.
He is so smart,
So witty and funny.
He is so independent.
Gentle and kind.
Sweet and innocent
He is everything I prayed he would be.
He is the best big brother,
The most loving son
The strongest nephew
and a very handsome little hunk.
My son is perfect.
And today he proved that to the world.
Today my almost 3 year old recieved his very first scholarship for school.
I can't ev...
I don’t miss you, I miss the thought of you.
Having someone to hold me.
Someone to be there for me.
Stand up for me.
Care for me.
Someone to complete me.
I miss everything you were suppose to be.
I miss everything I dreamt you would have been.
I don’t miss you though.
Seems like our first date was just yesterday, even though its been years.
I used to get all pshyched, not knowing that it would end so quickly.
We had a flame, but we both knew it wouldn't last.
Our bumpy roads were just too bumpy for our young love to last.
I don't fret over the past, I know what we had was real and I got to experience that with you, which most never do..
I still have those moments where I think back, but then I smile because I would have never gotten where I have.
You left an imprint on me, made me believe I could be something.
You sparked a fire inside my soul, something I never knew I had.
Those long midnight conversations, made me feel wh...
Today I realized that all families are different.
I realized that there are families that are close and smothering, and others that are distant and careless.
I was told that I was one of the lucky ones, to have a family that is not only caring but also loving.
It amazes me to see others with family who only care or love when its on thier time.
It amazes me to see how others go days, months, and even years without talking or seeing thier loved ones.
I used to think that it was all just show, but I have witnessed the careless act first hand and it saddens me.
My children have a huge family, bigger than I ever imagined. They were blessed to have 3 sides of family; mine (thier m...
23 has never felt so good.
I know this year is going to be my year.
Even though I gave myself so many goals to reach before I turned 23. I realized that I'm not ready to reach them, just yet. I'm just not.
I'm going to live my life to the absolute fullest.
I'm letting those who I don't believe are in my life to help me achieve greatness go. I'm leaving them in the past.
I'm moving forward and allowing myself to be happy and to be loved.
I'm going to except that which I can't change and change that of which I can.
I have small goals this year.
Like I said, this is my year!
Change is in the air.. Get ready for it 😉😊
Today is one of the 3 days that I impatiently wait for every year.
Today is the day that I celebrate fully because it's MY DAY.
Its MY 23rd birthday.
I have always loved my birthday, even still to this day I get overly excited.
Today is the one day out of the year that I put myself first. I do ME.
The other two important days are my sons birthdays.
My parents are the best, this year the through me a surprise birthday party a day early.
Lets just say I am defiantly feeling TWENTY THREE!
Cant wait to spend the entire day with my boys!
This is going to be ONE TO REMEMBER!
I want a love that consumes me..
I want passion..
I want adventure..
And maybe even a little danger.
But look at me..
I have nothing close to that.
My 2018 pipe dream
Its that rare moment when I realize that I've been day dreaming for 20 minutes over stupid crap that really shouldn't matter to me.
Like those who I thought was my friends...
Really just wanted to be in my life because I shut out thier husband or boyfriend so that they could still get info or the daily highlight of my kids or my life..
Like those who say they are my friend but never call/text to see how I am and let months and months go by before even looking at my text message or seeing that I've called.
I just spent 20 whole minutes doing the exact thing I told myself I wouldn't do. The exact thing I promised myself I was going to change.
I let them get to me. I sh...
Its a new day,
A new year,
A new beginning.
Cheers to me for making it this far.
For staying so strong,
And for achieving so much.
Cheers to me for staying true to myself.
As others have done, I will do the same.
I'll leave those in the past.
I'll grow with each downfall and each goal I reach.
I'll stay strong and true.
I'll fight demons that have followed me into the new year.
I'll work on my weakness
And become an even better mother than I already am.
This will be MY year.
I'm feeling 23!
Sometimes, I think... If I changed someone would finally fall in love with me.
But then I think... Would they really love me? or would they love who I became..
I don't think I could live with "what could be"... So, I'll be patient and wait until someone loves me for me.
Even if it takes a lifetime.
Ill be 23 years old in less that 24 days.
Scary thought, I know.
I used to count the days down and was so excited when it finally became January 16th.
Now, I just wish time would slow down.
My life isn't where I wanted it to be.
I had plans, and I know that plans change but.. This, this wasn't how things were suppose to be by the time I turned 23.
I was suppose to be graduating college, starting my career, getting married, having kids.
I skipped a couple steps.. The 1 step I didn't wanna skip was the married part.
I haven't met my "true love" my "soul mate" or "forever".
I haven't met my "other half".
I had planned that when I turned 23 I would be either planning a weddi...
I had a crazy dream..
Obviously it was years from now but it was still sort of crazy!
I was pregnant.. again with a boy..
and I had a ring on my finger
YES, a ring..
I saw myself at my baby shower and behind me there were stacked boxes that read "Stefan".
My brothers wearing shirts that says "Unk again"
My mom and dad holding my 2 boys
"Stefan" I thought to myself.
When I was younger I wanted 5 kids, all boys.
Stefan was the 3rd in line.
Its been so long ago, I honestly forgotten.
Ive prayed for so long, asking for guildance to show me the path to my true love and a huge family.
This dream felt so real and so right.
I just k...
"I was a boat stuck in a bottle
That never got the chance to touch the sea
Just forgot on the shelf
No wind in the sails
Going no where with no one but me
I was one in one-hundred billion
A burned out star in a galaxy
Just lost in the sky wondering why
Everyone else shines out but me"
These are lyrics from one of my favorite songs "Yours" by Russell Dickerson
The song is actually kind of a love song. Thats not why its my favorite though.
I love this song because of the very first verse. This verse is how i feel every day, every second, every minute. I feel like im alone in this huge world.
No one to confine in.
No one to love unconditionally (excluding my children)
I thought potty training was going to be so difficult, but my son proved me wrong.
5 days, a new big boy potty, and $10 from papa is all it took!
He gets so excited when he potty's its so cute!
He jumps up and down, calls papa and then gives Ayden (his little bubby) a high five.
My son is such a big boy!
He is so excited to start school like his unks next year.
I'm so excited to see where this next year takes me and my boys!
How do you do it?
How do you jump from one man to another without attachment?
How do you let those men in?
You see im lost.
I havent been able to allow anyone in, much less myself.
So tell me..
How do you do it?
You seem happy!
You seem in love.
But after months of dating it ends..
Not much longer you are invovled with someone else..
You see, its not that I want to be noisy.
Its just that im lost.
And I cant seem to find my way..
So tell me...
Girl to girl
Women to women..
Broken to broken..
Just please help me understand.
Help me open up.
Help me let people in..