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Momma Beard 🦸🏻‍♀️

PO# 624612
United States
United States
25 👑 | Momma of ✌️| Proverbs 46:5 🙏 | 🌻 | CollegeGrad 👩‍🎓| “I am enough” 🤗 | Wonder Woman 🦸‍♀️ | Girlfriend 💜 | Homeowner 🏡 | Pup momma! 🐶
September 15, 2020
Rockford, United States

Losing my mom was the hardest thing I’d ever experienced.

She was my rock. My forever best friend. She knew me better than I knew myself. She was my other half. We were the perfect mother daughter duo.

Being pregnant and knowing she won’t be there through this pregnancy and during labor and every time something went wrong or even when I think I’m gonna lose it... is breaking my heart.

My mom had all of the answers. And I can’t believe she’s gone. So unexpectedly, so suddenly.

I thought if I stayed focused and busy I’d be okay... but that ultimately made the baby unhappy.

My mind is racing and I just wish I had my mom here to talk to.

I miss her so much.

Everything around me remi...

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
August 30, 2020
Rockford, United States

April 15, 2021

My grandma literally has is marked on her calendar!

She is expecting 3 great grandchildren in 2021.

Mine being the third.

January (little Baby LeConte, my Niece or Nephew)

March (Little Wicks, my baby cousin)

And of course Baby A in April!

Today me and my love OFFICIALLY came up with names for both boy and girl! (Just in case but... we all know it’s gonna be a girl (I’m speaking it into existence))

My grandma wanted to go out shopping already, it was so hard to tell her to wait because lord know I love shopping! Lol

She wants to get the basics (bottles, towels, washcloths, burp towels, pacifiers, baby blankets) Which I’m so grateful for but this time around I w...

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
August 28, 2020
Rockford, United States

People will be upset
People will hate me
People will blame me

People will disown me
People will have something disrespectful and insulting to say.
People will be hurt.

But at the end of the day.

I didn’t do anything to hurt anyone.
I didn’t say anything to hurt anyone.
I didn’t make moves to tear others down.
I didn’t intentionally hurt anyone.

I didn’t do anything, but at the end of the day I’ll take the blame.

Because that’s what I do. I take the blame for others.

I’m okay. My family will be okay.

ORIGINAL
August 18, 2020
Rockford, United States

Can we talk about the bloating?

Or even the nausea?

Can we talk about the bruising?

Or even loss of appetite?

Can we talk about the tiredness?

Or even self doubt?

Can we talk about the INJECTIONS?

Or even the sleepless nights?

Can we talk about the pain?

Or even the emotions?

Can we just talk?

Because my anxiety is going crazy!

And I’m feeling a bit fat! 😫

ORIGINAL
August 13, 2020
Rockford, United States

I’m not gonna get used to this.

Because honestly, I see it coming crashing down.

I’m not gonna get my hopes up, because they will just be torn to the ground.

This isn’t new territory for me. I’m very familiar with where my life is leading me.

Just gonna bow my head and pray to God that he has me.

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
August 11, 2020
Rockford, United States

I’m awful at keeping my secrets.

Everybody knows everything about me.

I hide literally nothing.

I am an open book.

If it were my best friends secret, that would be lock in key..

If someone trusted me with a piece of info that would be lock in key..

But my own.. well... not so much.

Ugh, I need to learn to keep my mouth shut! 🤐

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
July 26, 2020
Rockford, United States

They think they know me, but they don’t.

They’ve never taken the time to get to know me.

They’ve never spent the time to understand me.

They’ve never took the time to think outside the box.

But I’m realizing that it’s not my fault. It’s theirs.

I’m a strong woman.

I’m a strong mother.

I’m a strong girlfriend.

I know who I am, it took me a long time to figure myself out but I have.

That’s the thing, knowing yourself is a whole different level.

Drama has never been my thing.

So from here on out, I’m gonna live my life and let others do as they please.

If you believe what others tell you about me, that’s on you. It’s ultimately your lost because I’m a good person.

I don...

ORIGINAL
July 13, 2020
 

Pastor John Gray said “I am willing to step into other peoples reality so that I am able to feel what it’s like to be them. The challenge is, I don’t often see that coming the other way, because if there was ever empathy then we wouldn’t see this lack of humanity”

These words spoke right to me.

I feel so deeply for people and the situations they may go through or are going through.

I try so hard to help them and move mountains for some who wouldn’t bother to ask if I’m even okay.

My heart breaks for the lack of understanding people hold.

Pastor Gray definitely touched me this morning.

EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY
July 9, 2020
 

The questions I ask myself all the time is "Why are you not good enough? Why is the world always so against you? Why does everybody hate you?"

The problem I've learned is my anxiety is constantly on 10.
The problem I've learned is my feeling doesn't get hurt my heart does. I take things way to personal and I make it into something most of the time it isn't.

The problem isn't others, its me.
Im not good enough because I make myself not good enough.

I am always there for others, and I think about other before myself. I always check in and make sure my family is okay and good and they don't need anything. I do without asking, and I expect nothing in return. I just want my family ...

ORIGINAL
June 25, 2020
 

The fact is, disrespect is everywhere.

I can't hide from it. I can't ignore it. I can't avoid it. Nothing i do will stop it.

Everywhere I look its there.

So the question is, what do I do? How do I handle this anger that is inside me? How do I keep my mind straight?

Because this isn't just about me anymore. Its about my kids too, and im suppose to be their protector.

So tell me... How?

ORIGINAL
June 13, 2020
 

Why is it that I’d bend over backwards for someone who wouldn’t do that same?

Why is it I care about theirs feelings and opinions when they don’t care about mine?

Why is it that I’m always the one who is honest and upfront, when I don’t get the same in return.

Why is it I’m worried about being respectful and caring when I’m not receiving the same in return?

I’m so overly done with life.

I’m to the point depression isn’t even where accurate, it’s beyond that.

SIMPLICITY DAY
June 8, 2020
 

Growing up, all I wanted to do was make you proud.

All I wanted was a relationship with you where you accepted me for who I was.

But when I graduated high school with a 4.0 you resented me.

When I had my first baby and didn’t need you, you hated me.

When I didn’t need you anymore, you left me in the dust.

When I graduated college, you made fun of me.

When I bought my house, you were jealous of me.

This “relationship”.... it’s never been a parent-child relationship. Not even in the beginning.

I was never good enough, never. No matter how hard I tried.

I did things differently, my mind set wasn’t the same. My life choices never went down the same path as yours.

Most parents ...

SIMPLICITY DAY
May 31, 2020
 

Colts vs Vikings tickets bought ✔️
Outfits bought (picked out) ✔️
Hotel reserved
PTO scheduled

We are half way ready!

And to be honest I’m kinda excited!

This is my next goal! 2020 isn’t gonna be all bad, there is gonna be some light in all of my darkness!

The Vikings hasn’t played the Colts since 2014! The year I met my Love!

Best part, the oldest Beard Baby is going with us!

Finally, something to look forward too.

SIMPLICITY DAY
May 29, 2020
 

My problem is I don’t process things.

I just turn to things that make me feel better.

Shopping, shopping makes me feel better.

My shorts were delivered today.

And my Poshmark order is scheduled for tomorrow delivery.

ORIGINAL
May 26, 2020
 

I’d really like to know what I did to all of these people.

Like what did I do for you to treat me this way?

Was I too nice?

Was I too caring?

Was I too open and friendly?

What did I do?

I’d like to know what I did to my family... And to my “friends”...

Like what did I do?

Because I’ve been stabbed in the back so many times I can’t even count them anymore.

I’ve been nice and helpful to so many who didn’t deserve it.

I’ve been a shoulder to people who could careless about me.

What did I do wrong.

SIMPLICITY DAY
May 25, 2020
 

I tell myself the things I feel is silly.

I tell myself I’m being over dramatic and emotional.

I tell myself it’s nothing to fret about.

I tell myself that, how I feel is just all in my head.

I do this because my feelings, my emotions, my worth... never really meant anything to anyone.

When I voice my feelings they are shrugged off with “that’s all in your head. Come on now. Get real, Amber! Your just trying to start drama”.

When I voice my feelings, people make me feel like I’m wrong and I should just live by their opinions.

So eventually, I just learned to shove my feelings down and disregard them. Nobody else cared about them, so why should I?

But now, now I have this man. ...

SIMPLICITY DAY
May 15, 2020
 

Let’s be honest.

I’m never gonna be good enough.

For nobody.

Not for my family.
Not for my friends.
Not for any man.
Not even for my kids.

So, why try?

Why put myself out there to get hurt? Why?

Because if I’m being honest, I’ve cried myself to sleep for two days now.

SIMPLICITY DAY
May 8, 2020
 

Selfish?

What’s that?

Can you be selfish when your a single mother?

Does that even exist?

Do I even deserve that?

Can I be selfish?

Wait, no!

I can’t be.

It’s not for me.

Selfish.

I wish I knew you better.

SIMPLICITY DAY
April 19, 2020
 

“You got the right one
You got the right one
I just really hate you
All that game you've been running
Now it's time that I played you
And why I let you do me
Like a door wide open you ran right through me
But you done find the right one nigga
Fuck you and all that
Blast on Twitter then I'ma blast back
You want a ratchet then I'ma be that
Don't make me call my boys and have yo shit peeled back
Oh you really don't know how you making me feel
You make me wanna kill a man
Oh you really gonna make me show you how I feel
You got the right one, nigga
You got the right one
You got the right one
Damn, I really hate you
I'ma say it again cause the truth is I made you
Now you out here fronting
When you ...

ORIGINAL
April 2, 2020
 

"I bet you're from out West somewhere
Hazel eyes and dark brown hair
And everything you wear fits you just right
I bet you drink martinis dry
And never let him see you cry
I bet you're more promiscuous than I
I bet you're bold, I bet that's why
You seem to occupy his mind
I bet you're smart
But do you know about me?
(Is it you?)
Is it me? Is it you?
Tell me who
Who's the other girl?
Who's the first? Who's the fool?
Who's the diamond? Who's the pearl?
Are you mad? Me too
And I wonder in his world
Is it me? Is it you?
Who's the other girl?
Who's gonna put on the red dress
Scarlet letter on her chest
Can't love with this on her conscience
Tell me who's the other girl, girl...

ORIGINAL
February 17, 2020
 

“Don't you dare try and reappear
After you already got me standing here
I can't believe you would come at me looking for
A little bit of sympathy
Like I wasn't the one you left all alone crying
Looking like a hot mess
Don't show your face 'round here anymore honey
This is something you better get through your head
'Cause I'm giving you up
Just like I did them Marlboro Lights
And I'm giving you up
The same way I did the whiskey on ice
And it's all so tough
You turn me into a man I don't even recognize
I'm giving you up
The same way you did me out in the moonlight
What the hell are you thinking coming 'round to visit
Completely uninvited messing with my brain again
Couldn't give me the satisfac...

SIMPLICITY DAY
February 13, 2020
 

“I do my hair toss
Check my nails
Baby how you feelin'?
Feeling good as hell
Hair toss
Check my nails
Baby how you feelin'?
Feeling good as hell
Woo child, tired of the bullshit
Go on dust your shoulders off, keep it moving
Yes Lord, tryna get some new shit
In there, swimwear, going to the pool shit
Come now, come dry your eyes
You know you a star, you can touch the sky
I know that it's hard but you have to try
If you need advice, let me simplify
If he don't love you anymore
Just walk your fine ass out the door
I do my hair toss
Check my nails
Baby how you feelin'?
Feeling good as hell
Hair toss
Check my nails
Baby how you feelin'?
Feeling good as hell
Feeling good as hell
Baby how you feelin...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY 2020
January 31, 2020
 

I think I'll take a moment celebrate my age
End of an era and the turning of a page
Now it's time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next twenty five years
In my next twenty five years I'm gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I've done
Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears
And I'll do it better in my next twenty five years
My next twenty five years I'm gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I'm doin' here in my next twenty five years
For my next twenty five years I'm gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Dr...

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