|Loving is a great gift given to us. So please take care and love with all your heart. One will always remember those who loved them immensely.|
Maybe one last ride on your tractor before I go?
Before I move so far away that all I’ll have to remember you are the stars and the mental photographs
My dearest Nate,
So many goodbyes yet none were real.
I got the job I applied for in NY. I begin November 10th.
I’ve begun packing my stuff, Ava and mom are packed as well.
This is it.
Who knew the night you walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye would be “The Goodbye”.
A new beginning for me.
I’ll always remember to love you.
For the first time in almost five years,
I have no words.
His actions baffle me.
His words poison me.
His smile is pure evil
His hands destroy
His thoughts, unattainable
Is his heart made of pure coal?
Is it blood? Or perhaps Venom that flows through his veins?
His eyes blue
But are they blue because they are translucent appearing empty?
He makes the devil seem innocent compared to his ways.
He burns me with the cold of his soul.
He suffocates my heart.
I am dead.
I get to love you.
When I’m old and grey let the memory of you bring a smile to my face and a song in my heart.
I get to love you. We are not a couple. Friends, I’d like to think.
Through my life, the happy times the sad. The confusion, the loss.
What’s most important in life’s journey?
I get to love
Peace in my heart.
It’s all I want.
It’s all I’ve ever wanted.
The sweet decadent feeling of love, joy and steadiness.
Peace in my heart.
You set these feeling within me.
It’s been a while. I’m thinking of you but you’ve expected that I bet.
Missing you has become a big part of who I am.
I still wish you were mine.
I wish you slept in my bed every night just so I can wake from a deep sleep and look at you and smile with peace in my heart.
It’s been a sad week. A friend of mine is leaving me. We worked together on the same shift but now he’s leaving.
I didn’t realize how sad it would make me until the change was finalized. I cried.
The deep sadness is real.
I didn’t think he’d miss me but Thursday he came to me and got really close to my ear and he said, “You’re my best friend Amy, I’m going to miss working with you but you will see me again. This I promise you”.
My dear sweet Marlin, you have been such a staple in my life.
Who will wipe my frown and replace it with a smile like you have? Who will stare all the way down the warehouse just to smile at me when our eyes meet?
Oh how I’ll miss...
It’s where I am.
It is where I will always be.
After the exhale, it feels like I’m going to fall.
Is hurting, stings like a bite from a wasp.
My soul searches for you.
And she finally gave up,
dropped the fake smile
as a tear ran down her cheek and she whispered to herself,
“I can’t do this anymore”
When you go you will take a piece of me with you.
You never left my side.
You took care of me the best way you knew how.
As I look at your frail body, your tiny face and your lifeless hands.....
I kiss your forehead and tell you oh how much I love you daddy.
We will meet again I am sure of it.
Go in peace, May you suffer no more.
I’ve been told some sad news. My father is now in hospice. Which means it’s only a matter of when. We knew this day would come but one never really prepares for this. How can you?
What makes all this harder is not having someone who can wrap his arms around me and just hold me for a moment. Let time be frozen in his arms. When he can say to me, “it’s all going to be fine Amy, it’s all going to be alright”.
How does one comfort themselves?
My big question.
How do I comfort myself when there’s no one to comfort me?
After Nate said I should allow myself to meet someone, I did.
A friend who has been asking me for a date finally got his wish.
It was tough, I mean all the while I wonder how Nate was and thought of kissing him all over his face! (It’s something I did every time we met).
Chad is nice and kind and funny. He has a warm heart and even bought me roses. That was sweet. He doesn’t know my favorite flower is the Iris.
At the end of the date he hugged me and moved in for a kiss. I pushed my face into his chest and just hugged him. I had no desire to kiss him. Next time I will try to allow myself to go with it. He isn’t Nate and he never will be. This is my greatest challenge ...
Why must I miss you so much.
You’re always in my thoughts.
I miss you so much I can’t stand it.
I just want to kiss you and touch you and feel your body naked against mine.
Your lips pressed on mine.
Why must I miss you so much?
In the dark of night
Silently lit by her moon, she sits on the rocks on the hill top. Looking down into the darkness where the ocean waves dance and kiss the shore.
She stares out deep into the sea in which is seen only by the light of her moon.
Deep in the distance she wonders.
Her love it’s owned.
This brave and beautiful man so strong yet scared is somewhere out there yet to claim her.
She’s prepared to shield him with her love, her joy and her pains.
The wind blows softly through her long black hair. Her dress long and blue as his eyes.
Her lips slightly apart.
Her eyes dark and sad yet somehow they show a great pride.
For she knows within the depths of her soul h...
“Sometimes you have to make decisions that hurt your heart but calm your soul” - Unknown
From that night with him.
All I can hear are the words he uttered.
“Amy, I’ll help you find a man, shoot I’ll have them lined up for you”.
At that moment I thought, “where is the broom and dust pan so I can clean up the broken pieces of my heart”.
All I’ve ever done was love this man, and be kind to him.
And these are his last words to me.
Today was a good day. The beach was most beautiful this morning.
This evening I’m home sipping on yummy wine watching Outlander, a super series of war, love and time travel.
Today was a good day.
I’m not sad all the time.
Only when I’m not with you.
How will I learn to be.
Knowing I’ll never be with you again.
I do hope that I had some meaning in your life. Maybe I made you smile or maybe your soul felt home in my arms, as mine did in yours.
I still picture your hand in mine as I follow it’s curves with my fingers.
This pain, it’s incredible and it’s infinite.
Lend me your ear and I’ll kiss it just before my lips whisper in it, “I Love You”
There will always be that One.
Who’s presence will heighten the senses of your body.
Who when they kiss you, you forget your own name.
That One, when they leave it makes your world so empty and quiet. You can no longer hear the birds or the wind or laughter.
And you certainly no longer hear the beating of your own heart, for it sits so still as if it’s forgotten to how to beat without the sound of his voice.
To the One: I love you. I miss you. I need you.
Your energy, your smile, your voice all carry my soul and my heart.
I’m sorry we’ve managed to loose each other.
I’m sorry goodbye was in our vocabulary.
To the One.
I still miss him so much.
I wonder if he misses me.
Does he think of me even just a little.
I cried yesterday just a little.
I’ll cry the rest today.
Do not kiss my cheeks
For they taste of salt.
The roads left behind from my eyes to my chin.
Roads left from tired worn Tears.
The night so dark and warm. No stars to see. I stand alone.
But if I close my eyes long enough and stand still in the field of green, I can silently envision stars above me and you in front of me.
Facing me you hold my hands and tangle your fingers with mine.
No words need spoken. No sounds but the crickets.
I feel your lips on my forehead as your beard tickles me softly.
Nothing in this world brings me peace and tranquillity like the feel of you.
Let me let you go....
How do I say goodbye to someone I love so purely?
I don’t. I just learn to let you go without ever saying goodbye. Without ever seeing you again.
I miss you
You’re thought of everyday.
These are words I’ll never here.
A knocking at my door and it’s you.
Holding me in your arms as if never wanting to let me go.
This will never happen for me.
Maybe Gods great plan is for me to be alone. I don’t deserve to be loved. Maybe I’m just passing time alone.
Was it all a Dream? Were you ever really here?
The kissing must have been daydreams.
For when I’m awake you’re never really near.
Your soft skin, your rough beard.
I’m not really sure, for it all seems weird.
Your hands, your eyes,
The sad goodbyes.
All don’t seem to be real.
The tears, the sighs, them gorgeous blue eyes.
It cannot be, it couldn’t be, none of it is/was real.
It’s suddenly another day. A day that has beautiful meaning with sad songs playing in the wind. It’s almost as if the wind itself plays the music for me.
He is gone, and so the sky opens up.
I love standing in the quiet as the rain washes the sadness away. I love dancing in this storm known as life.
I repeat to myself, “It will be ok, memories will make you smile, no more tears. Dance it away, laugh it away but most of all Love it away”.
Memories of him will always warm my heart, he will be missed but my heart will love again. Time will be a friend to me.
Love it all away.
After a night of what was thought to be never ending crying.
This morning I woke and the pain is there. Loving and missing someone who has no desire to love you can be earth shattering. But with time I will feel better. I do not regret any time spent with him.
You see, he treated me as I allowed him to treat me so it’s only my fault.
Making the choice of never seeing him or touching him will always linger as the loss and grief does, but if I continue to indulge in my hearts desires, I’ll never find true love.
True love will never find me.
May he find happiness and may his heart flutter and shine without me. One can never fake the smile and the joy he showed while in my arms. ...
Please make this pain end.
I can’t stop crying. I cry and I cry and my stomach hurts so much and my eyes burn.
Breathing in between sobs is getting harder and harder. Please make this pain stop.
This crying, this sad pain is over baring.
Just make it stop. Please God make it stop.
My face...I do not recognize you anymore. This face isn’t mine.
The heart break kills me.
It’s killing me....slow
Just make it stop.
I am letting you go, not because I stopped caring. But because you don’t care enough for me.
You will always remain in my heart, it beats for you.
I will grieve immensely for you’ll be gone never to be seen again or held again in my arms.
I will always think of you and that will be the only joy I’ll ever know.
My heart is broken, my eyes wounded, and my soul will forever be missing pieces.