|Loving is a great gift given to us. So please take care and love with all your heart. One will always remember those who loved them immensely.|
Why do you stay away for so long?
It’s no good for my heart.
My lips miss the delivery of kisses onto your face.
My body aches for your hands.
It is your hands that heal my broken soul.
This is me missing you.
If I could just remove you from my chest for a moment.
I’d hug you and say I am terribly sorry.
Sorry for your sadness.
Sorry for making you miss and love someone who is unattainable.
Nights without ur body Beside me,
seems to never end.
Long awaiting ur kiss, those hands so strong yet gentle. the weight of your eyes as they pierce my soul releasing all desires of you.
I want to wrap my legs around you, take you deeply, slowly,
My hands feeling every inch of this beautifully masculine man that you are.
Tower over me. Let me surrender, weak and owned simply by your presence alone. I wait for you
When I am no longer alive.
When I am deep in the ocean dissolved into the salty seas,
I shall die content, for I had moments with you.
Hold on to the way I loved you.
Close your eyes and with memories and mental photographs, see me, feel me, hear me.
Let your heart and mind feel all the longing, the kissing, the passion which had once flowed gracefully through my fingertips and on your body.
I never knew if you loved me at all. I’ll die never knowing because sometimes,
well sometimes life can be cruel or just mysterious.
May you never forget the scent of my flesh, the curls of my hair or the brown of my eyes.
May I have left you surly knowing what unconditional,...
The day is half gone.
The sun will soon retire for this evening. The breeze is gentle today. The birds seem quite the happy species, for they sing and sing and sing as if there is no harm in the world.
In my old ragged sweater of red, I sit on my deck in an old Adirondack chair. The one beside me is empty.
I can only wonder where it is you roam. Are you on safe lands or are you in foreign, unfriendly territory.
My heart is with you wherever you should be. My hands, these hands are empty, for only you can fill them.
Dare I say, “oh my dear, please come back to me. Be here with me and lay in the silence of my love.”
Without you this body will become frozen in th...
I took your picture out today so I can look into the most beautiful set of blue eyes the Universe has created.
And do you know that with this picture of you the sun suddenly made its appearance from behind the curtain of clouds?
As I gaze at your smile, I cannot hide the joy that comes to my lips as they begin to stretch across my face.
If anyone should see me they will see this mesmerizing twinkle, this glow like the Northern Lights coming straight from my soul.
And it’s all because of a picture of you.
Now, can you imagine what the “real” you does to me?
You in the flesh?
You couldn’t even imagine.
I think of you today.
Even tomorrow maybe.
Definitely every day of every month.
The image of your face so masculine,
your features so blinding.
Closing my eyes and feeling the warmth of the sun reminds me of your lips pressed against mine.
You kiss me and you place them in a movement which replicates the rotation of our earth, slowly, magnetically.
There is an extraordinary mesmerizing peace which is only felt in your presence.
And when you are to leave me, the wind and the sun will always remind me of you.
The sun with its graceful warming. The wind with its powerful strengths passing through my heart mimicking your soul touching mine.
I think of ...
March 31st, Matt and I broke it off. We will not be seeing one another anymore. It was short lived you see. I, knowing there was nothing there, continued to hold on because being alone for so long has made me hopeless.
Matt met someone else, she’s younger and very pretty and she’s also a gamer like him. I can’t blame him, they have way more in common. So I understand his decision.
It worked out.
Last evening I had a visitor, Nate came to see me. It’s like he can always sense when I miss him. I think I can sense when he’s missing me or thinking of me anyway.
When we come together, the world goes silent. Nothing exists but our bodies molded together by loving hands, warmi...
And so the sadness continues. I can only hide it for so long before it consumes me.
Four long gut wrenching years of wanting, wishing, looking, waiting, loving.......you.
Still even now I may no longer wait for you but I miss you and my heart just doesn’t seem to I understand that you will never come back.
This heart of mine, it hopes and it wonders and it searches for something, anything that may lead to you.
Your name, your face, all of you
I miss you Nate. That will never end.
Your kisses are like fruit to me.
And oooh how I Love fruit.
Today is a chilly day.
It’s 5:29 a.m. and I’m in the parking lot of my work.
A song came on,
“The Sacrifice”, from the movie “The Piano”. It reminds me of Nate. It’s getting a little easier but every now and then I remember him and I wish he is well.
The memories no longer drown me with sorrow. They leave me with a hint of a grin and a soft sigh.
Life is funny. It’s tragic, it’s confusing, it’s brilliant and all of that makes it worth living.
I can say through it all I truly loved deeply and there are no regrets whatsoever. I know I’ll never love another as I love Nate but that does not mean I will not love again. It will be a different kind of love but all in all, I w...
It takes me to a deep dark place where I can only seem to fit in.
“I’d rather have some of you then none of you”
I have none of you now.....
Happiness has come to extinction
Sadness is my wear.
Emptiness my perfume.
I bathe in my own tears
They wash me, try to heal me
But your smile, your voice, the kisses you left on my eyes....
Those are what heal me.
Shadows dance around me
Darkness consumes me now.
Because I have “none of you”
I did it. I went out on a date. It’s the first in over a year.
It’s was nice. He was nice.
He is tall and handsome and his words were like chocolate.
His eyes are sky blue and his smile I must say is luring.
He sat beside me and suddenly held my hand.
It was strange for at that moment, I looked up at him but sighed as I forced a smile because at that very moment all I could see was Nate’s face and it broke what’s left of my heart. 😔 🇮🇱 NPS 🥀
She wore knee high boots with a black lace bra and thong, her boots were shiny but the soles were muddy.
She walks over to her slave who stands naked with a blind fold over his eyes and slowly lowers him to his knees and as doing so she gently bites his bottom lip.
On his knees she pushes is face in between her thighs and on her beautiful flower.
Pulling away and grabbing him by his hair she tells him, "get on the ground and do everything as I say you worthless bitch boy!"
On the floor he is subjected to feeling with his lips the leather of her boots. The soft black leather pressed on his mouth.
"Lick the sole of my boot and do it slowly and just the way I like it."
He replies, "yes maste...
You are my diary.
It’s been 1month and 11 days.
This is the longest I have gone without seeing him in the past 9 months.
I do not think we will be seeing each other again.
I feel it in my heart.
He is gone.
I wish it were as easy for me as it is for him. To just not care. He is capable of loving and caring. I’ve seen it you know.
When he talks about his mom or his best friend Cameron.
The way he plays and touches Bella.
But for some reason only God knows, he doesn’t care about me.
I’m having a really hard time letting him go.
Days go by and I still wish
him well and happiness.
If you should ever be so lucky to know me.
If I am in your life you know
I am silly, funny, and divinely weird.
These few things will keep you warm.
But you also know that I give you my hand, my shoulder, my ears for you to scream.
And if you should cry, I will be the wind and I shall blow your tears dry.
If you are tired and worn I will wrap the biggest blanket around your wounded soul and I will rock you to peace.
I can try to mend your broken heart with the pieces I have left of mine.
So you see? As a healer, I am lucky to have you.
And as the wounded, you are lucky to have me.
We complete each other.
If you should ever be so lucky to know me. 🦋
I could live by my pen-
Always follow your heart, for it is the comfort and warmth for your soul.
Your heart knows what you need.
It shall never steer you wrong. 💙🦋
Repeat after me,
Take this day in my hand.
It will be a joyous most beautiful one at that.
I will be happiness and happiness will be me.
All the beauty of this world I will soak up.
I will give thanks to the lessons I’ve been given to conquer.
All is right in my world
All is right in my soul.
Nothing and no one shall break my spirit.
For I am Golden.
It’s been much to long since I’ve written you.
You’ve always been there for me, I thank you with all my glory.
Life has been up and down. More down I suppose. My father is still alive but still dying. The dementia seems to have paused its deterioration of his brain for a bit now. So he’s eating and recognizes us more frequently lately.
The man I love is still frozen, he’s as cold to me as the blizzard is to the morning. He doesn’t care for me nor will he ever, but as you know I did except this behavior because I thought, I’d rather have some of him and not none of him. But this belief has left me more broken and more torn.
As you would say, “Amy, he will treat yo...
The glorious beauty of winter.
It’s cold will remove all pain.
Watch the old year wither away.
The earth now sleeps
And prepares for new beginnings with the growth of Spring.
Love winter, for with winter comes peace and sleep.
It prepares us for the rise of a new earth. 💐
Have you ever wanted to run up a great big field and scream out loud,
“Come back to me”
Have you ever closed your eyes to relive the moments of laughter, kisses and eyes that make you believe?
And in that moment of looking into their eyes you whisper,
“Always find your way back to me, no matter where life takes us”.
Have you ever watched the love of your heart sleeping?
As they are deep in dreams you hold their hand on your heart and say,
“This heart beats for you, when you are lost or broken or angry at the world,
Listen for the beating sound,
Feel it in your hands.
Let it guide your way
And return to me”.
Oh my Nathan. 😞
There are some beautiful memories of time spent with you.
The kissing, the holding, the touching.
But of the memories, there is one that simply is truly the best.
Midnight, rain, you, me and your Orange Tractor 🚜
I want to say Thank You.
Thank you for making me feel like a school girl again.
When I look up at the night sky in the rain, I remember that night.
Although it leaves my heart hurting, it also illuminates my eyes and my smile.
So thank you.
Goodbyes are never easy. Especially when you say it to the wind,
For the person you need to say it to is already gone.
Knowing you will never speak to one another again has a way of setting grief and mourning into your heart with a door way leading to your soul.
Everything becomes dark, cold, silent.
Your goodbye never quite heard and therefor never understood.
No matter how crippling this Goodbye is, it’s no match for holding on and never being able to love the person openly where the whole world can view.
So Goodbye it is.
The memories of you will keep in my thoughts.
May the world give you happiness and peace.
Nope, we haven’t met yet.
I have no idea who you are
or what you even look like.
I don’t know your name or your age or even if you are close by or far away.
I do know we will meet.
You and I will find one another and you’ll fall head over heels with my bum and I with your smile.
I will spoil you with kisses.
My fingers will travel your body and they will leave trails behind for every night I will journey that body and conquer as Indie has in all his adventures.
I will kiss you so deeply and so much that when we are apart you’ll still feel the warmth of my lips all over you.
I anxiously wait for our meeting.
And once we are together please do not...
Goodbye Old Year
2018 has been an interesting year.
The highs, the lows all have great value.
Love gained, love lost.
Memories made beautifully by a lover. A lover who may become a permanent stitch in ones life or perhaps they were just passing through to teach a lesson or fill the moments emptiness.
Anyway it’s all meant to be. The universe has an extraordinary way of playing our cards.
No matter where 2018 left me, it left me with this,
Life is beautiful even when it’s chaotic, sad or confusing.
Take a moment and watch the sunset, take a deep breath and remember Life is beautiful.
Late night meeting.
Sitting on his lap on his tractor as the rain pours down on us.
Tracking through the woods
I look up at the night sky and I feel the rain on my face.
This is the most beautiful night of my life, on his lap riding through the woods in the rain.
I will treasure this memory for all my life.
Thank you Nate. 🇮🇱🦋