|Loving is a great gift given to us. So please take care and love with all your heart. One will always remember those who loved them immensely.|
And she finally gave up,
dropped the fake smile
as a tear ran down her cheek and she whispered to herself,
“I can’t do this anymore”
When you go you will take a piece of me with you.
You never left my side.
You took care of me the best way you knew how.
As I look at your frail body, your tiny face and your lifeless hands.....
I kiss your forehead and tell you oh how much I love you daddy.
We will meet again I am sure of it.
Go in peace, May you suffer no more.
I’ve been told some sad news. My father is now in hospice. Which means it’s only a matter of when. We knew this day would come but one never really prepares for this. How can you?
What makes all this harder is not having someone who can wrap his arms around me and just hold me for a moment. Let time be frozen in his arms. When he can say to me, “it’s all going to be fine Amy, it’s all going to be alright”.
How does one comfort themselves?
My big question.
How do I comfort myself when there’s no one to comfort me?
After Nate said I should allow myself to meet someone, I did.
A friend who has been asking me for a date finally got his wish.
It was tough, I mean all the while I wonder how Nate was and thought of kissing him all over his face! (It’s something I did every time we met).
Chad is nice and kind and funny. He has a warm heart and even bought me roses. That was sweet. He doesn’t know my favorite flower is the Iris.
At the end of the date he hugged me and moved in for a kiss. I pushed my face into his chest and just hugged him. I had no desire to kiss him. Next time I will try to allow myself to go with it. He isn’t Nate and he never will be. This is my greatest challenge ...
Why must I miss you so much.
You’re always in my thoughts.
I miss you so much I can’t stand it.
I just want to kiss you and touch you and feel your body naked against mine.
Your lips pressed on mine.
Why must I miss you so much?
In the dark of night
Silently lit by her moon, she sits on the rocks on the hill top. Looking down into the darkness where the ocean waves dance and kiss the shore.
She stares out deep into the sea in which is seen only by the light of her moon.
Deep in the distance she wonders.
Her love it’s owned.
This brave and beautiful man so strong yet scared is somewhere out there yet to claim her.
She’s prepared to shield him with her love, her joy and her pains.
The wind blows softly through her long black hair. Her dress long and blue as his eyes.
Her lips slightly apart.
Her eyes dark and sad yet somehow they show a great pride.
For she knows within the depths of her soul h...
“Sometimes you have to make decisions that hurt your heart but calm your soul” - Unknown
From that night with him.
All I can hear are the words he uttered.
“Amy, I’ll help you find a man, shoot I’ll have them lined up for you”.
At that moment I thought, “where is the broom and dust pan so I can clean up the broken pieces of my heart”.
All I’ve ever done was love this man, and be kind to him.
And these are his last words to me.
Today was a good day. The beach was most beautiful this morning.
This evening I’m home sipping on yummy wine watching Outlander, a super series of war, love and time travel.
Today was a good day.
I’m not sad all the time.
Only when I’m not with you.
How will I learn to be.
Knowing I’ll never be with you again.
I do hope that I had some meaning in your life. Maybe I made you smile or maybe your soul felt home in my arms, as mine did in yours.
I still picture your hand in mine as I follow it’s curves with my fingers.
This pain, it’s incredible and it’s infinite.
Lend me your ear and I’ll kiss it just before my lips whisper in it, “I Love You”
There will always be that One.
Who’s presence will heighten the senses of your body.
Who when they kiss you, you forget your own name.
That One, when they leave it makes your world so empty and quiet. You can no longer hear the birds or the wind or laughter.
And you certainly no longer hear the beating of your own heart, for it sits so still as if it’s forgotten to how to beat without the sound of his voice.
To the One: I love you. I miss you. I need you.
Your energy, your smile, your voice all carry my soul and my heart.
I’m sorry we’ve managed to loose each other.
I’m sorry goodbye was in our vocabulary.
To the One.
I still miss him so much.
I wonder if he misses me.
Does he think of me even just a little.
I cried yesterday just a little.
I’ll cry the rest today.
Do not kiss my cheeks
For they taste of salt.
The roads left behind from my eyes to my chin.
Roads left from tired worn Tears.
The night so dark and warm. No stars to see. I stand alone.
But if I close my eyes long enough and stand still in the field of green, I can silently envision stars above me and you in front of me.
Facing me you hold my hands and tangle your fingers with mine.
No words need spoken. No sounds but the crickets.
I feel your lips on my forehead as your beard tickles me softly.
Nothing in this world brings me peace and tranquillity like the feel of you.
Let me let you go....
How do I say goodbye to someone I love so purely?
I don’t. I just learn to let you go without ever saying goodbye. Without ever seeing you again.
I miss you
You’re thought of everyday.
These are words I’ll never here.
A knocking at my door and it’s you.
Holding me in your arms as if never wanting to let me go.
This will never happen for me.
Maybe Gods great plan is for me to be alone. I don’t deserve to be loved. Maybe I’m just passing time alone.
Was it all a Dream? Were you ever really here?
The kissing must have been daydreams.
For when I’m awake you’re never really near.
Your soft skin, your rough beard.
I’m not really sure, for it all seems weird.
Your hands, your eyes,
The sad goodbyes.
All don’t seem to be real.
The tears, the sighs, them gorgeous blue eyes.
It cannot be, it couldn’t be, none of it is/was real.
It’s suddenly another day. A day that has beautiful meaning with sad songs playing in the wind. It’s almost as if the wind itself plays the music for me.
He is gone, and so the sky opens up.
I love standing in the quiet as the rain washes the sadness away. I love dancing in this storm known as life.
I repeat to myself, “It will be ok, memories will make you smile, no more tears. Dance it away, laugh it away but most of all Love it away”.
Memories of him will always warm my heart, he will be missed but my heart will love again. Time will be a friend to me.
Love it all away.
After a night of what was thought to be never ending crying.
This morning I woke and the pain is there. Loving and missing someone who has no desire to love you can be earth shattering. But with time I will feel better. I do not regret any time spent with him.
You see, he treated me as I allowed him to treat me so it’s only my fault.
Making the choice of never seeing him or touching him will always linger as the loss and grief does, but if I continue to indulge in my hearts desires, I’ll never find true love.
True love will never find me.
May he find happiness and may his heart flutter and shine without me. One can never fake the smile and the joy he showed while in my arms. ...
Please make this pain end.
I can’t stop crying. I cry and I cry and my stomach hurts so much and my eyes burn.
Breathing in between sobs is getting harder and harder. Please make this pain stop.
This crying, this sad pain is over baring.
Just make it stop. Please God make it stop.
My face...I do not recognize you anymore. This face isn’t mine.
The heart break kills me.
It’s killing me....slow
Just make it stop.
I am letting you go, not because I stopped caring. But because you don’t care enough for me.
You will always remain in my heart, it beats for you.
I will grieve immensely for you’ll be gone never to be seen again or held again in my arms.
I will always think of you and that will be the only joy I’ll ever know.
My heart is broken, my eyes wounded, and my soul will forever be missing pieces.
Marry me, marry me and you will have a happier life.
Take my hand and you will float in unconditional love for the rest of your life.
For the way I love you, an Author would write our love story and it would make for a beautiful love story for all the world to know.
Standing on the front porch in my long white summer dress with my hair swaying as the wind whispers through it,
“He’s coming home”
Your truck coming up the driveway, dust dancing around your arrival. And me, me wearing a smile and my heart beating fast with anticipation of your arms wrapped around me.
Marry me, give me the honor of cherishing you through the light and the dark days.
I’m feeling sad and mad all at the same moment.
I think back on all the people I’ve loved and held my hand out for. How I’ve been just taken but never given.
It’s making me cold and numb. I won’t go out of my way to hurt anyone ever.
But I also don’t wish to give my all to anyone anymore.
Tired of being set in the background and only taken out when desired to play with.
I’m so fucking done with this mediocre life.
Withdrawing myself and just living in silence. Staying away from people.
I don’t know if I’ll be missed or even remembered.
And at this point?
I don’t care.
Today I had a brush with what could have ended my life.
The electric shock was so big I fell back and dropped to the floor.
I woke up in a hospital bed. I don’t remember being in an ambulance or being taken off the floor of my workstation.
I’m home now, but I wonder.
I deserve so much more. I’m a great person with a world of love to give and I think it would be nice to be loved with greater or equal value.
I’ve sold myself short. I settled for being second choice, when I deserve so much more.
I need to stop giving myself away to a person who has no value of me.
Love makes us stupid doesn’t it. I don’t want to die unloved by a man.
I need to give...
These next few months are the hardest.
Every summer my baby goes far away. She goes to stay with her father for 2 months. It never gets easier for me. Sadness just reeks off of my body.
While driving to work in the dark of morning, I mourn. I cry.
She is the reason I continue to live in this brutally lonely and pitiful life.
Living , for me has always been torture. Having her is a blessing but in the same breath it’s a punishment because I can’t allow myself to die of my own hand. She needs me.
I love her and never want to let her down. So I put on my best makeup and paste the smile I keep in a box beside my bed on my face.
She will never know how truly agonizing lif...
I can sit here looking out at this great beautiful world and I can think of you.
But what good is it?
I’ll love you for all of my life but what good does that really do me?
You will never be mine.
You will always be........
I wish I could marry you.
I’ll never marry because it cannot be with you.
Still, I wish I was married to you.
We would have three children. Ava and two of our own.
You’d come home and I’d be waiting for you by the window. Evert time life takes you places, but always home to me and our babies.
You’re leaving again. I hate goodbyes.
I’ll be thinking of you every moment of every day that you are away.
You are missed tremendously.
There are no words to express this longing, this pure sadness of missing you
Please stay safe
Don’t ever think for one second of your life that you are not thought of, missed, or cared for.
Til’ we meet again. Kisses and hugs.