|Loving is a great gift given to us. So please take care and love with all your heart. One will always remember those who loved them immensely.|
Please make this pain end.
I can’t stop crying. I cry and I cry and my stomach hurts so much and my eyes burn.
Breathing in between sobs is getting harder and harder. Please make this pain stop.
This crying, this sad pain is over baring.
Just make it stop. Please God make it stop.
My face...I do not recognize you anymore. This face isn’t mine.
The heart break kills me.
It’s killing me....slow
Just make it stop.
I am letting you go, not because I stopped caring. But because you don’t care enough for me.
You will always remain in my heart, it beats for you.
I will grieve immensely for you’ll be gone never to be seen again or held again in my arms.
I will always think of you and that will be the only joy I’ll ever know.
My heart is broken, my eyes wounded, and my soul will forever be missing pieces.
Marry me, marry me and you will have a happier life.
Take my hand and you will float in unconditional love for the rest of your life.
For the way I love you, an Author would write our love story and it would make for a beautiful love story for all the world to know.
Standing on the front porch in my long white summer dress with my hair swaying as the wind whispers through it,
“He’s coming home”
Your truck coming up the driveway, dust dancing around your arrival. And me, me wearing a smile and my heart beating fast with anticipation of your arms wrapped around me.
Marry me, give me the honor of cherishing you through the light and the dark days.
I’m feeling sad and mad all at the same moment.
I think back on all the people I’ve loved and held my hand out for. How I’ve been just taken but never given.
It’s making me cold and numb. I won’t go out of my way to hurt anyone ever.
But I also don’t wish to give my all to anyone anymore.
Tired of being set in the background and only taken out when desired to play with.
I’m so fucking done with this mediocre life.
Withdrawing myself and just living in silence. Staying away from people.
I don’t know if I’ll be missed or even remembered.
And at this point?
I don’t care.
Today I had a brush with what could have ended my life.
The electric shock was so big I fell back and dropped to the floor.
I woke up in a hospital bed. I don’t remember being in an ambulance or being taken off the floor of my workstation.
I’m home now, but I wonder.
I deserve so much more. I’m a great person with a world of love to give and I think it would be nice to be loved with greater or equal value.
I’ve sold myself short. I settled for being second choice, when I deserve so much more.
I need to stop giving myself away to a person who has no value of me.
Love makes us stupid doesn’t it. I don’t want to die unloved by a man.
I need to give...
These next few months are the hardest.
Every summer my baby goes far away. She goes to stay with her father for 2 months. It never gets easier for me. Sadness just reeks off of my body.
While driving to work in the dark of morning, I mourn. I cry.
She is the reason I continue to live in this brutally lonely and pitiful life.
Living , for me has always been torture. Having her is a blessing but in the same breath it’s a punishment because I can’t allow myself to die of my own hand. She needs me.
I love her and never want to let her down. So I put on my best makeup and paste the smile I keep in a box beside my bed on my face.
She will never know how truly agonizing lif...
I can sit here looking out at this great beautiful world and I can think of you.
But what good is it?
I’ll love you for all of my life but what good does that really do me?
You will never be mine.
You will always be........
I wish I could marry you.
I’ll never marry because it cannot be with you.
Still, I wish I was married to you.
We would have three children. Ava and two of our own.
You’d come home and I’d be waiting for you by the window. Evert time life takes you places, but always home to me and our babies.
You’re leaving again. I hate goodbyes.
I’ll be thinking of you every moment of every day that you are away.
You are missed tremendously.
There are no words to express this longing, this pure sadness of missing you
Please stay safe
Don’t ever think for one second of your life that you are not thought of, missed, or cared for.
Til’ we meet again. Kisses and hugs.
I love him so much I feel sick to my stomach. I miss him so much it makes my heart break and my eyes fill with sadness.
He will never understand just how much he means to me.
I’m sad all the time without him. And I am without him so frequently.
If I could tell him anything it would be this:
“I need you, my soul feels sad and lost without you by my side.
I want to wake up everyday to you, with you. My life would be nothing if I couldn’t kiss you.
I love you so much.”
This is what I wish I could say to him.
My dearest Nate,
You’re probably gone but it’s expected.
You tell me not to worry about you but telling me not to worry about you would be the same as telling me not to breathe.
Remember, don’t think for one second of your existence you are not thought of, cared for, loved or missed so much.
My heart aches when you are away.
So please return this way my heart can dance again not just beat.
Wrap your arms around me because in your arms my soul is at peace.
I won’t really know if you’ve gone away or if your itinerary has changed.
If you are gone know I carry you in my heart and thoughts and will do so until you are in my arms once again.
Life takes you away from me so often but that’s ok, it only proves how much I love and miss you. It will make for your return to be even more thrilling, for when you are with me I will drown you in kiss after kiss and my hands will be full with happiness....you.
The days without you don’t seem to matter really. They come and go with no meaning.
My heart is hurting but my mind sings a tune which soothes my pain with memories of you.
Memories, ah who ever imagined could be a healer of loves gre...
He was here again. The night felt frozen in time. And in that time, Nate was mine. My fingers on every part of his body. It’s as if I’m connected to his flesh. My hands never get enough of him.
He’s leaving again for a long time and so I’ll die a little every day once again until I get to be with him. If I get to see him again.
I want to tell him that we should just forget the world and we should make a baby, get married and have every waking moment with us kissing and loving and kissing all over again. Some songs are better left on repeat.
Oh Dane, I never want to know what living is without him. My soul does not know how to be without connecting to his.
All I can...
My fingers are bare for they miss roaming in your soft beard like a hunter in the woods.
My lips are dry, for your mouth is a reservoir that I seek to drink from.
My arms are empty, for you are the slow caress that heals my spirit.
My eyes are blind, for you dear Nate are the sight I seek and the light that beams my hope and my dreams.
My body is hollow, without your entrance, without your swim I am an empty pool.
Kiss my eyes and fill my heart with life, for the air you breathe into me makes me superhuman.
The memories of you flood my world.
The deep ocean of your eyes wash my soul clean or rather empty.
The curve of your lips when you smile hold a mystery not known to me but so desired by my heart.
Your leaving so sudden was not seen as the forever goodbye it turned out to be.
Now I weep and rain storms collide for your absence kills my being.
With this she learned nothing really changed. The older she became the sadder she grew.
Time shows on her face....worn and tired.
With these lines she cannot hide the sorrow for she wears it like a scarf through the winter days.
If her hands could tell a story of their own you'd hear and see madness and melancholy along with the scars of love.
I’ve decided my own fate.
It will not be tomorrow or next week. If I’m still here next year, it wont be time either.
I’m waiting, as I have all these years.
But in some years to come, when I feel everyone will be alright.
That’s when I will go. I will leave this place and the loneliness with it.
Feeling nothing will truly be the peace I have looked for all these years. Dying will be bliss.
I’ll finally be free of this constant pain.
I live for these moments.
Although they are far and few in between, they unfold in my day to day thoughts.
Sometimes existing is only easy for I anticipate your return.
I wonder, does God himself feel what it is I feel when you are near me?
If so, surely he will always bring us back together.
These feelings rare and exquisite should never be left for extinction.
Keeping you away never to return you to my arms would be poisonous.
The peace, the tranquility of being with you is beyond explanation or definition.
To be in your presence is the purest of joy and happiness my heart could ever know.
All I can say to you is
For laughter and splendor is brought to my heart and cleanses my wounded soul.
Why do you stay away for so long?
It’s no good for my heart.
My lips miss the delivery of kisses onto your face.
My body aches for your hands.
It is your hands that heal my broken soul.
This is me missing you.
If I could just remove you from my chest for a moment.
I’d hug you and say I am terribly sorry.
Sorry for your sadness.
Sorry for making you miss and love someone who is unattainable.
Nights without ur body Beside me,
seems to never end.
Long awaiting ur kiss, those hands so strong yet gentle. the weight of your eyes as they pierce my soul releasing all desires of you.
I want to wrap my legs around you, take you deeply, slowly,
My hands feeling every inch of this beautifully masculine man that you are.
Tower over me. Let me surrender, weak and owned simply by your presence alone. I wait for you
When I am no longer alive.
When I am deep in the ocean dissolved into the salty seas,
I shall die content, for I had moments with you.
Hold on to the way I loved you.
Close your eyes and with memories and mental photographs, see me, feel me, hear me.
Let your heart and mind feel all the longing, the kissing, the passion which had once flowed gracefully through my fingertips and on your body.
I never knew if you loved me at all. I’ll die never knowing because sometimes,
well sometimes life can be cruel or just mysterious.
May you never forget the scent of my flesh, the curls of my hair or the brown of my eyes.
May I have left you surly knowing what unconditional,...
The day is half gone.
The sun will soon retire for this evening. The breeze is gentle today. The birds seem quite the happy species, for they sing and sing and sing as if there is no harm in the world.
In my old ragged sweater of red, I sit on my deck in an old Adirondack chair. The one beside me is empty.
I can only wonder where it is you roam. Are you on safe lands or are you in foreign, unfriendly territory.
My heart is with you wherever you should be. My hands, these hands are empty, for only you can fill them.
Dare I say, “oh my dear, please come back to me. Be here with me and lay in the silence of my love.”
Without you this body will become frozen in th...
I took your picture out today so I can look into the most beautiful set of blue eyes the Universe has created.
And do you know that with this picture of you the sun suddenly made its appearance from behind the curtain of clouds?
As I gaze at your smile, I cannot hide the joy that comes to my lips as they begin to stretch across my face.
If anyone should see me they will see this mesmerizing twinkle, this glow like the Northern Lights coming straight from my soul.
And it’s all because of a picture of you.
Now, can you imagine what the “real” you does to me?
You in the flesh?
You couldn’t even imagine.
I think of you today.
Even tomorrow maybe.
Definitely every day of every month.
The image of your face so masculine,
your features so blinding.
Closing my eyes and feeling the warmth of the sun reminds me of your lips pressed against mine.
You kiss me and you place them in a movement which replicates the rotation of our earth, slowly, magnetically.
There is an extraordinary mesmerizing peace which is only felt in your presence.
And when you are to leave me, the wind and the sun will always remind me of you.
The sun with its graceful warming. The wind with its powerful strengths passing through my heart mimicking your soul touching mine.
I think of ...
March 31st, Matt and I broke it off. We will not be seeing one another anymore. It was short lived you see. I, knowing there was nothing there, continued to hold on because being alone for so long has made me hopeless.
Matt met someone else, she’s younger and very pretty and she’s also a gamer like him. I can’t blame him, they have way more in common. So I understand his decision.
It worked out.
Last evening I had a visitor, Nate came to see me. It’s like he can always sense when I miss him. I think I can sense when he’s missing me or thinking of me anyway.
When we come together, the world goes silent. Nothing exists but our bodies molded together by loving hands, warmi...