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Angel Insixiengmay

PO# 636541
United States
United States
“in order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it”
September 19, 2018
 

To the friend who became more

I hate you.
I hate myself.
I hate us.

I hate how you weren’t 100% honest with me.
I hate how unsure you were when it came to me.
I hate how you kept pulling me in.
I hate that you kept pushing me away.

I hate that I let myself think it was okay to be second.
I hate how long it’s taking me to get over this.
I hate how much I’ve opened up to you.
I hate how I convinced myself that the way you were treating me was okay.
I hate that despite all of this, I still fell in love with you.

But most of all.. I hate how we let ourselves ruin us.

BE KIND
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September 17, 2018
 

To the friend who became more

I thought because we were  friends first you’d be more gentle with my heart and take great care of it.. but it was because we started as friends you decided to take advantage of the fact that you knew I’d always forgive you and id always have a place in my heart for you no matter what wrongs you have done me. all the wrongs you have and continue to do to me.. but no more.

So from the bottom of my heart, fuck you.

BE KIND
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September 14, 2018
 

A letter to you

the dark grey clouds from the storm you created have been drifting off. but with every look, you feed the beast. so the clouds they keep getting bigger following me as I go.. pulling me in. almost to remind me that what we had WAS real. for us, it wasn’t our time. thus creating this storm.
but like I’ve told you before I am no storm chaser. so I must go to a happier place, where the sun always shines and the moon is always smiling at me.
hopefully someday we’ll be under the same sky.

NEVER FORGET
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September 11, 2018
 

To the boy I fell out of love with

I can’t imagine what pains are creeping through your body now a days.
I want to take the pain away so you don’t have to feel it, any of it.
God has been putting so much on you and all I want to do is hold you close.
The only way I know how to be there for you is to listen.. but how do you listen to someone who doesn’t want to talk..
Several sleepless nights later, I have come to realize if what ever you decide to do helps you feel at peace in the end .. I have to let you make that decision on your own and understand why you felt what you did.
all I can do is be here for you when you need me. please for the love of god need me...because I can’t lose you t...

NEVER FORGET
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September 5, 2018
 

Exactly 4 years ago today I wrote a letter. One that no parent, sibling, or friend would want to find. And with that letter came a very dark time.. one that strengthen me.

“To whom this may concern,
The girl you once saw so happy captured in those photos, is no longer here. She’s gone. There was no reason for her to stay. She turned to so many to find help... but no one was there. No one could help her. She’s gone. She couldn’t stay. There was no home for her. There was no love for her. There was no family for her. Then it got to her. If there was nothing there then why stay.
So this is goodbye.”

I share this with you all now because i have truly healed and it’s a part of my story that I...

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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September 5, 2018
 

To whoever will listen

Is it bad to think about death as much as I do?
How much is too much?
How much is unhealthy?
Because it honestly sounds so inviting.

GREAT THINGS
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September 3, 2018
 

To the boy I fell out of love with

I can tell some days are darker than most. The words “it’ll be okay” or “things will get better” are engraved in your head, but it’s the last thing you want to hear.
To take the pain away you escape through your own version of healing. The things you share with the world is you screaming for help behind masculine words...
I may not be in love with you but, I still love you. With that, I still worry about you.
Now I don’t believe in God but for your sake .. I pray to God every day to ease up on the life lessons before he breaks you so far to the point of no return.
If words aren’t what you need right now that’s okay. If all you need is someone to listen,...

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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September 2, 2018
 

A letter to you,

I’ve been trying to figure out how you have the power to make me feel so miserable when we have only spent a little over 2 months together.
How.. in that short amount of time did you achieve the one thing only those I’ve spent years with could do.

ORIGINAL
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September 1, 2018
 

A letter to you,

Can’t you see that I already think your amazing just the way you are now .. and when you finally fully heal you’ll just be that much more amazing too me.. But the ending isn’t what I crave, it’s the process of you getting to where you want to be that intrigues me.
I want to see that glimmer of hope each time you over come your demons. The hope that things will and can get better. I want to see yourself confidence grow and flourish.
I want to see you fall in love with life again.
I want to see all the little things in between, so I can appreciate the man you’ve truly become.  

I’ve been wanting all of you knowing damn well, you don’t even want half of me..

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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September 1, 2018
 

To the girl who has his heart,

Be gentle with it. Take care and cherish it. He’s been through a lot and deserves a break. I hope you value him as much as Others and see the beauty of him through his pain. I know he’s a work in progress but it’s progress worth seeing and watching him grow into the man he wants to be.

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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September 1, 2018
 

A letter to you,

What do you see in her that you don’t see in me? Why is it with me you’re acting different? Every one else got your full attention but I barely get any. Maybe I shouldn’t wait ..
maybe you don’t actually want me, you just don’t want to be lonely.
Maybe you are just dragging me along til you find some one better. You’re probably taking all this time because you’re deciding whether or not to settle for me. I’m not your first and only choice. I can say that’s okay but it’s not, I’m not...
I’m not okay. But this is the shit I’ve been knowing and have been whiling to put myself through because my dumb fucking ass wants you.
Broke or whole. I’ve grown to want you. I hate mysel...

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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September 1, 2018
 

A quote:

To the girl who’s having a hard time...
It’s better to have nobody, than to have someone who’s half there or doesn’t want to be there. It’s better to feel alone, than to be with someone and still feel alone or feel like you’d rather be alone. It’s better to depend on no one, than to depend on someone who always ends up disappointing you or failing to meet your expectations. It’s better to not have anyone to care about, than to care about someone who enjoys hurting you and causing you pain. It’s better to not be close to anyone, than to feel attached to someone you feel so distant with at the same time. It’s better to be sad by yourself, than to be with someone who makes you even mor...

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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September 1, 2018
 

why...
Why are you the way you are?
Why do you act without thinking?
Why do you hurt the ones you care about?
Why can’t you make the right
decisions?
Why can’t you see that you are the problem?
Why do you always fight back?
Why can’t you learn your lesson?
Why aren’t you like everyone else?
Why can’t you let things go?
Why can’t you see that you are not enough?
Why...

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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