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the Winged Messen...

PO# 490575
United States
United States
Who am I, you ask? I’m just a girl who believes in the power of compassion and the magic of loving each other ❤️ #FearMyPluto
January 21, 2019
Ray, United States

               ~ Fear My Pluto ~

Understand me when I tell you this; I have an obsessively penetrating Hades Moon and I do not fear you or anything you represent for I am forged from the fire and have the ability to plunge into emotional depths that would drown you. My intense emotions are my strength and power.
#pluto #HadesMoon #emotionalpowerhouse #plunge #intensity #depth #strength #forgedfromfire #survivor

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INTO THE UNIVERSE
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January 21, 2019
Ray, United States

God it sucks. I wanted you to be the one. You know? I wanted it so badly I continued to go back time and again over the last month knowing the end result because I’ve been here before.. like deja vu.. insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I allowed you to take me for granted, diminishing my self worth as you would blatantly show me I didn’t matter to you. You made yourself clear as a sunny summer day it didn’t matter to you whether I stayed or left and the total lack of respect you so unpleasantly bestowed upon me gnawed away at my self esteem ..

I kept trying to be a better girlfriend making excuses for your shitty behavior, but the truth...

LIGHT LETTRS LOGO
3
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January 19, 2019
Williston, United States

                    ~ Memories ~

God it feels so good to be happy again.. I made a decision a little while ago and I’ve stuck to my guns and honestly I’ve come such a long way from where I was at even just a month ago.. when I smile nowadays I can see the genuineness in my eyes.. and I feel better on the inside, better than I have in a really long time.. I knew what I was getting into.. I knew better but I didn’t listen to my gut instinct as usual and I paid for it.. I’m slowly making my way back and I don’t know if I’ll ever be so willing to put my happiness into another person again. I’m still learning to love myself unconditionally. Tough lessons had to learned and the rewards had to be ...

LIKE A BOSS
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January 16, 2019
Ray, United States

               ~Work Related~

It's 4:30 in the morning
I jump up outta bed
to the alarm warning
Time to rise and shine
Gotta make that money,
nose to the grind
Waiting on Miguel,
he's running a little behind
So I sit in the dark
Wish I could make waves
back to my bed
like a land shark
Wondering where this mofo be at
I swear I'm gonna holla at him
with a baseball bat
Get yo ass outta them sheets
I'm so bored I'm making beats
We all tired,
side effect of our condition
putting us in a fucked up position
We gonna be in trouble
Jerry gonna burst our bubble
Suffer the fate of running late
so we gonna have to fabricate
Some long ass
drawn out fairy tale drama
our boss takes what
we...

COFFEE
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January 16, 2019
Ray, United States

              ~Calling You Home~

I know you need your freedom
I understand
your innate need to roam
But I hope you understand
I miss you when you’re not at home.
I never thought you’d be the one
My shining star, my warm, bright sun
Yet here I am thinking of your touch
I just need and want you so much
You’re the guy I want
You’re the guy I need
Come home soon so we can smoke
and don’t forget the weed.

Let’s plant the seed of love
Have faith in the man above
We can overcome everything
And turn nothing into something
I miss you more than you’ll ever know
This longing for you
is really starting to blow
Time ticks by way to slow
I just really wanna get you to go
But most importantly
I...

FLIRT
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January 15, 2019
Ray, United States

                ~Rough Exterior ~

So the most unlikely of persons has come into my life.. my initial impression of my latest passion was that of cold steel, a body guard type, no nonsense, mean muggin kind of man, not a scowl but an “I mean business” type of air he had about him... so much so I kept to myself and stayed away from him as much as possible until the moment came where being in contact with him was unavoidable as he was dropped off by our lead at my booster pump and he was there with me and we were alone..  so I made the best of the situation and decided to talk to him and win him over...
the Latino was graceful and actually well spoken and could hold a conversation with me whic...

LUSTFUL
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January 15, 2019
Ray, United States

             ~Swallowed Bitterness~

And despite it all.. all the displaced anger, harbored resentments, daggers thrown, swords stabbed, dreams shattered, hearts broken I still miss you more than I can convey. I miss who I thought you were and would do anything to have access to that guy I imagined. I need him. I need his strength, his earthy roots that kept me grounded, the weight of the words he softly whispered when I felt unsure.. I miss the you I made up in my head and while I realize that guy must’ve never existed in reality he was real in my mind and he made me feel so fucking secure and absolutely ecstatic.
I realized after our last rendezvous about half way home I wasn’t wearing the...

POSITIVE TIMES
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January 15, 2019
Ray, United States

     ~Does Such A Person Even Exist?~

Cutting you off is one of the hardest actions I’ve ever had to take. I still find myself wanting to reach out to you.. but then all I have to do is relive how cold you are to remember that I have no time for that kind of strife in my life and I hope you’re happier now that you have the freedom to pursue someone you feel would be better suited for you. And honestly, I hope she is; because no one deserves to be hurt and bartered the way you did to me no matter what. Maybe there is someone out there that can be satisfied on what little you wanted to invest in maintaining a half assed relationship, someone happily satisfied with nothing at the end of the day...

JAGUAR
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January 15, 2019
Ray, United States

We all have our standards and mine just don’t align in a way that’s consistent with you and while this is ok, I wish we somehow could’ve managed to be adults and either readjusted or mutually decided to release the Union in the correct way that caused both parties the least amount pain, anguish or suffering.

Honestly, I hope you come to senses and don’t continue to lash out and project your past relationship baggage of issues the next object of your affection. Learning from our past mistakes are the biggest building block and our stepping stones we can use when deciding to engage with another person.

I also know quite keenly that the last day of us being together you were still lying and ...

JUST GROW
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January 15, 2019
Ray, United States

      ~My Unconventional Family~

Conversations in this household on any given night include and are certainly not limited to; murder by glucose injection, guests staying the night followed by howling and barking noises coming from the room they're staying in... Oh my! 👀

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BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE
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January 14, 2019
Ray, United States

~To the Guy that Didn’t Stand By Me When I Needed Him Most~

Thank you for showing me who you really are.

Thank you for not being here to show me the love and give me the mental, physical and financial support when I really, really needed you most.

Your direct lack of any kind of action showed me your true colors. You showed me the truth of your character, the lies you spewed to me even when I had the proof you were lying that proved to me the type of moral uprightness you held was nothing more like a severe deficiency of integrity. The way you had no sympathy, offered no condolences of any kind or notion of my soul suffering and mental anguish showed me how you truly held no compassion f...

MAKING MISTAKES
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January 13, 2019
Ray, United States

Cold as ice
Never nice
Hearing those words
made a splice
My heart it aches
Made a huge mistake
Thought that true love
was the only real thing
worth fighting for
Instead I see it’s more like a
reason to head out,
running for the damn door
The great escape
Run away as fast as you can
Hurry up and bail Mr Noncommittal Man
It’s ok
I understand
You don’t like me
I get it just fine
Just allow me to pour
a glass of white wine
To drink these feeling of self doubt, fear and loathing
down my throat
Because right now I feel like they’re surrounding me
like a moat
My self esteem is being withered away,
It’s gone missing and led astray
Let me regain some confidence
if only for just a
sing...

LOVE LONGER
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January 13, 2019
Ray, United States

I love him, you know. Really, really love him. I admire his bravery. I adore his rawness, like a wild majestic animal enduring the thrill of the chase.
I’m going to be so sad and lost without him.
I wondered yesterday if what I felt for him was genuine and true love or passionate and superficial lust?

I’ve come to the conclusion that I truly love him and the reason I know this to be true is by the way I’m not fighting selfishly to keep him here with me when really deep down inside my soul is drowning at the thought of him leaving any day now.

I want to scream and beg and plead for him to stay here, to please stay with me,don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me because I need you in my life...

SOUL
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January 13, 2019
Ray, United States

~Haunting Memories of my Past~

October 30,2017
Applebee’s
Williston, ND (The real FRIGID HELL right here on planet Earth)
This is where it all started to unfold...
the first date.. the first kiss..

I feel like everything that has happened in my life  led me to you and finding you IS and HAS BEEN exactly where I’m meant to be. This is my TRUTH.
My choices both good and bad,all the heartaches I didn’t understand, all the times I felt broken with the bitter taste of regret lingering...After this night I realized it ALL HAD to happen.. EVERYTHING. All of it. Because when I’m with you, it all seems worth it, my past no longer feels irreparable or hurts so bad because it would’ve only taken ...

TEAR
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January 13, 2019
Ray, United States

Dissolving without Guilt

noticed at one point his attitude changed and he became short fused because I “slammed the truck door” after re-entering the vehicle from taking a pee; I adhered to his request and vouched to shut the door “like a girl” without ever raising my voice.. then looked out at the stars and this reaction seemed to evoke a furious rage worse than I’ve ever witnessed and he bashed the console, the dash, steering wheel and the outside body of the truck with fighting fists of aggression and anger but my shutting the door too hard is considered not taking good care of the truck and it won’t last long because of it...? The fuck?!
Then after the above attack on the truck I need t...

LAND OF THE FREE
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January 10, 2019
Ray, United States

It turns the blood cold, you know?

There you are, happy-go-lucky and smiling, minding your own business, lost in the thoughts from only awhile ago when you were out eating at your favorite restaurant, watching the chef grill your food in front of you. That blissful moment of having everything good.. food, soda, your man by your side. Life was good and you’re reveling in your moment of bliss .. and that’s when you’re abruptly and suddenly pulled back down into reality.. the blow to your torso comes out of nowhere.. the coffee you just purchased slams into your body and explodes all over you burning your skin.

You try to regain composure, wondering what just happened. As you adjust your foc...

ABUSED
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January 10, 2019
Ray, United States

Who Is This Guy?

Listen, I’ll tell you the truth.
He looks mean as fuck. He has this penetrating, engaging but most intense look that appears to be peering through your soul.

He’s got the heart of a lion.. so full of love it’s overflowing from his cup.

Generous beyond anything I’ve known.. and this guy has the nerve to ask me if I think he’s selfish.. ummm nah my dude,  you’re far from it

He’s thoughtful.. always thinking ahead .. always willing to jump in and lend a hand whenever the occasion calls for it.

His love is like a warm, heavy blanket on a blustery winter day.. it shields, satisfies and protects me.

He’s loyal and dedicated.
There is nothing he can’t do. I mean to tell you...

CHASE DREAMS
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January 5, 2019
 

            ~Me Loving Me for Me~

All in all in the last several months I’ve grown immensely and I’m proud of myself for acting with an unmatched level of maturity while maintaining my integrity and solidifying my dignity and self respect.

I allowed the words to flow forth as they spilled into my heart, they hurt. At first I wanted to react as I always have.. I had so much to say in an attempt to defend myself but then I decided that reacting would only cause me more pain, along with regret. I just can’t do it anymore. It’s not that I don’t care.. it’s that I know I have a choice as to where I’m going to expel my energy and reacting to negativity is not where I want to use my very little ...

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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January 5, 2019
Ray, United States

               ~Rough and Tough~

You with the rough, tough exterior and the heart as soft and pliable and as solid as gold
You take such good care of me that I can’t help but be falling madly, deeply in love with you.  Just by being you, it gives me a profound feel of safety and comfort I haven’t felt in so long... like I’m going to be alright and that  not alone in this cold crazy world.
I’m nervous about you leaving for home but I also believe you when you tell me you’ll be back. I also believe that prior to our unlikely but important merger a few short weeks ago you had every intention of going home and not returning .. I know I’m the one you’ll return for.
God I’m gonna miss you so mu...

DEGREE OF LOVE
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January 5, 2019
Ray, United States

             ~Tangled Up in Two~

Can I just say how much you’ve changed me and how blessed I am to have you in my life.
I know I’ve told you already but you somehow managed to restore my faith in men as well in relationships.. real relationships.. ones where you become friends first. The kind where you enjoy doing little things for each ; where you learn and grow together because I think it’s so important to be a friend first and foremost .. it’s so much harder to fuck a friend over when you have mad respect for them.
I never thought I’d need you like I do but I’ve grown so fond of you around me.
They say absence makes the heart fonder and while I’m happy you’re home and enjoying that qual...

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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January 5, 2019
Ray, United States

                 ~Missing You~

I know you need your freedom
I understand your innate need to roam
But I hope you understand I miss you when you’re not at home.
I never thought you’d be the one
My shining star, my warm, bright sun
Yet here I am thinking of your touch
I just need you so much
You’re the guy I want
You’re the guy I need
Come home soon so we can smoke and don’t forget to bring some weed.
Let’s plant the seed of love
Have faith in the man above
We can overcome everything
I miss you
I need you
But most importantly
I want you now and forever.

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SEXY
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January 5, 2019
Ray, United States

                 ~Offer Declined~

As the drama unfolds in this scenario I can’t help but be cautious and feel a bit skeptical as to what your motivation is.

I know you said you fall fast but a red flag can’t be ignored and I’m forced to pull away due to knowing that while you may indeed love me it also appears you love everyone else as well and I can’t have such a light weight love in my life as mine is heavy and true..

I love everyone too but not romantically and you telling this girl you want to bend her over and that you love her only a day before meeting with me has my mind blown and I’m smh because I knew it was too good to be true.

I have to be able to trust you and while you me...

BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE
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January 5, 2019
Ray, United States

       ~Stop Asking Me to Change~

You are always so quick to point out why I’m wrong and what my major malfunction consists of whenever we misinterpreted something said by one another.
I want you to love me for who I am. Is it too much to ask?
I’ve tried changing for the men in my life from the past and it still never works.. when I change one thing they’re quick to point out another imperfection and another and another and so I’m kept busy by trying to fit in the mold of their perfect creation and they never change or recognize this extremely toxic behavior of finding fault in me.

I’m not jello, I wasn’t created to fit inside your box of illusions.
I was created to bestow my love upon...

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
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January 2, 2019
Ray, United States

                           ~No Love~

I have so many conflicting emotions soaring through my body like a whirlwind of fire and ice combined. Fiercely hot one minute than cold with exasperated indifference the next.
I can’t help but feel even as you laid on your bed of death you took one last lunge to lash out at me in an attempt to cause mortal wounds irreparable by actively allowing and encouraging that piece of shit gutter garbage you delegated at our family spokesperson to speak to my children, your grandchildren, in such a manner that would forever put you and him under a cloud of scrutiny and disgust beyond anything they ever knew beforehand.
To think you had the audacity as a mother t...

DESPAIR
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January 2, 2019
Ray, United States

                     ~Please Hold~

Please excuse me. I'm hurting inside, I'm not my normal self and my thoughts are racing and mind is jumbled. Please be patient with me. I can't sleep but I'm so exhausted so you're stuck with me and my exploding emotions...
I've suffered more loss lately and dealt with more demons than any one person should be allowed.  It's been one helluva tough year for me; I'm not asking for pity, I'm hoping for compassion, empathy, loyalty, support.
Forgive me.
Thank you ❤️

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RESILIENT
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January 2, 2019
Ray, United States

              ~Forming Friendship~

Yes...open your arms and your heart. Be brave enough to use your wisdom to penetrate through shallow first impressions of the new people you meet because honestly one of the most important lessons this year has taught me is that some of the best and most meaningful relationships regarding the most important people of my home team started out as being cast under a veil of misguided information and misunderstood communication implied by other people so miserable in their own life that they attempted to persuade opinions and furthermore cast unjust judgement as a way to pit us against each other. Always, always, always form your own opinions under unbiased ter...

SMILE TODAY
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January 2, 2019
 

                         ~2018~

This year was plagued by of the worst heartache and heart breaks suffered ...
doused in depression with wet cheeks,
Many sleepless nights, insomnia woes me.
Wasted warm sunny days spent cooped up behind four walls and separated by a door for good measure.

People floating in and out...
the people I thought would never bail are no longer a part of my life.. some people only showed up temporarily.
Some people that had been permanently placed decided to leave...
some people only reached in from a distance to hurt me one last time before they took the final bow as they exited the stage one last time.

Some people came for self gratification.. to validate thei...

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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December 16, 2018
Ray, United States

               ~ Goodbye ~

Perhaps through your hatred I learned the love and through your actions I learned how not to act. May you Rest In Peace knowing you never had the power to break me and you made me stronger and more resilient than most, the shade you threw at me only provided my light to appear brighter and my color to look more vibrant against the hue of your perpetual darkness. Thank you for the special effects.

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LET FAITH BE BIGGER
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December 1, 2018
Ray, United States

           ~Dark Dilemma~

Doing the dreaded and unthinkable task that no child ever wants to do; contacting and communicating with my mom’s friends and family to give them word she’s dying and that hospice care has began so it’s only a matter of time.

I’ve let it all sit inside my soul for far too long now until the burden extracted itself in the form of tears and heaves passing through my chest from being so tight I can only manage to gasp the air I breathe in.  She hasn’t talked to me or my two youngest boys in over two years.  For us, the only way to deal with her ostracism was to pretend she was already gone because any other thoughts would’ve been torture.

Please pass the word around...

DO RIGHT
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