the Winged Messen...
|Who am I, you ask? I’m just a girl who believes in the power of compassion and the magic of loving each other ❤️ #FearMyPluto|
~Signs of Things to Come~
*Morning of the full moon, blood moon, blue moon, lunar eclipse aspecting the 11th zodiac sign of Aquarius at 11* signifying 11/11 and Seth’s Life Path Number in Numerology is 11... *
after our 3
for Dan and I.
Yesterday we slept together bodies interlaced and cuddled all day. He had the day off and it was beautiful. I made the fam a nice bacon wrapped meatloaf, homemade mashed taters, gravy, an Italian salad, carrots and ranch to snack on.. got almost all the laundry done.. was a nice peaceful day.
I gave seth more insight as to his astrological aspects and hopefully now that he is learning about his dark side, ...
I do believe In the end, the most profound and deeply embedded thought you're left with after all other reminders and obstacles begin to fade, is how they made you feel. ❤️
Out of my league
Fatigue sets in
I wallow in sin
Drowning in the
Engulfed by ghosts
Doubts creep in
Taking the Plunge
In that bottle of gin
Bouts of clarity
Surf the conscious mind
Depths of hangups
Over my head
lay there dead
Stubborn as an ox
Smartest girl in blocks
The future is
Clear and concise
Swimming in sutures
Inside and intact
Living in dreams
Dreaming in reality
This is my spirituality.
(Written long ago regarding a past relationship that hurt me but published today, as I’m cleaning up my closet so to speak so I can make room for the things I love that don’t hurt me)
I miss you so much.
I feel as though my body is nothing but an empty vessel devoid of all things...
Empty where there once used to be so much of us I kept contained within the space between my skin and my bones.
We were so much more than where we’re at during this moment.. two people who connected and now here we are turning into strangers... I hate it.
I thought about calling.. but remembered the reason we are worlds apart to begin with.. it’s sad that even when I’m with you I...
~No Half Assed Attempts~
Oh holy shit!
The apocalyptic epiphany I had last night after months of distress was so empowering and so freeing to finally watch as all the pieces of the puzzle just fell magically into place and it was exhilarating!
Today and everyday forward I’m heading back into the direction of focusing my energies to myself improvement while making the necessary adjustments where needed to be bigger and better than I was the day before!
I had a most valuable lesson served to me these last seven months.. one I most certainly could’ve lived without and cost me EVERYTHING...
However, I broke the secret code, busted through the veil of silence and busted the glass ceili...
Let’s just set the record straight.. our biggest issue has always been communication.. I wanted to break it off because after months it wast changing.. it was never work .. I told you I didn’t care how long you worked but to call me . When I attempted to break it off YOU PROMISED ME we’d work on it and I replied it’s a “WE” think g it’s a “YOU” thing and now another two months down the road after SPEAKING TO YOU in person in front of Seth and in February the first time the two of you went to Minnesota and you wouldnt answer I had Seth relay the message I was couldn’t pay everything along or I was giving to drown and you agreed to pay “everything else” if I paid the house pmt.. you never did...
Im thinking you didn’t love me after all...
When you commit to her - you don’t just say the words.
You understand her value - because when you’re together you feel it. You feel her love, her beauty; how her genuineness can’t be replaced.
When you’re with—when you commit to her—you don’t have one eye wandering at the options. Because you understand that those options are bullshit - it’s all an illusion, it’s just your ego saying, “I want the intangible more,” and your fears saying, “I’m not ready to be so happy, to be vulnerable.”
But in you heart you know you don’t really have another option.
She is the one who is in your heart, and you’re smart enough to kno...
~The Pleasure of Seduction~
He loves my ass.. he’s always so impressed I can take his massive throbbing love stick and be able to slam into him during the heat of the moment and feeling him grow bigger, as his breath gets heavier and his breathing gets quicker...
I get turned on by priming him up and impressing him, pleasing him gets me fired up...
I gush inside and today I was so wet and turned the fuck on. He usually can’t climax (so he claimed) with me on top but today he did.
He had the lube bottle and used it as a prop..
while I was concentrating on just breathing and he was telling me to relax. (I’ve taken him inside my ass like a champ several times.)
If I ...
Written on March 23,2018)
~Letters I’ll Never Send~
To the Love of My Life,
I have throughly enjoyed the time I’ve spent here with you. You are my breath of fresh air, the calming of my inner chaos.
North Dakota was a different place before I was graced by your presence.
Remember when I told you I used to be afraid? I think it stopped after meeting you. I actually don’t know when I was no longer afraid anymore but I’m almost positive it had to do with you.
The way we came together was so weird but the way fit when we were complete strangers was magic. It couldn’t have been planned better..
I have never in all my years been more at home than the first night I slept in your arms. We ...
As you can imagine.. being in a new relationship after the dramatic and sudden conclusion of a most volatile and hostile one, this whole holiday ordeal had me sitting heavy with some seriously high social anxiety just as we were about to depart for St Cloud to spend the holiday at the sister’s house with her family.
I was doubting my ability to be liked or even tolerated for that matter, full of fear and worry as evidenced.
You know what though? I actually believe things went very well.. I portrayed the very best of myself, offered my genuine kindness, my warmest wishes and revealed my huge but vulnerable heart and I believe all in all the fit was just about as perfect as could be.
As a writer, I'm struggling to write the single most difficult letter of character to the federal courts for my son Jake, who is facing the loss of his freedom for the next five years in a federal prison...
The words are there but Im feeling overwhelmed, anxious, I woke up with a whirlwind of intense sadness. I didn't raise a criminal, he doesn't deserve to go to prison... He's a productful member of our society and upstanding citizen of this country. A single man, who grew up in a struggling single parent household where love bonded us and money eluded is but somehow we survived.
He has never been in trouble before, not even a speeding ticket. He has never bee...
Just start to think of me as you would the collective
I’m the fleshy version of an
anti detonator of sorts..
the fundamental tool implemented
to “diffuse” things about to blow...
because I wield the weapon...
of sparkle bishes
It’s true, ask anyone that knows me they’ll tell you the truth!
When another person looks down on you and they begin to feel superior to the inferior.. that’s when I like to make the SURPRISE appearance of the lion that rawrs within...
I promise that what you see is not always necessarily what you’re gonna get.
A beast lies beneath this veil of silky, soft and fragrant skin and you’ll walk way thinking I’m anything EXCEPT INFERIOR.
I got what I wanted but it wasn’t what I needed... dammit.
I really have to start being serious about taking my own best interest into consideration and stop tossing it aside for what I think I need..
Some things are just too much and even though I come off as proud and sure and strong..
I knew I was losing it.. little by little I could feel
It and it’s just not worth my heart .
I came here with the best intentions and I’m
really the best person since moving here both inside and out.. hoping to save myself and my kid’s stuff and you know what!? I GAVE IT ALL I HAD. My best shot. As of today.. I lost it all.. my job has been jacking me around on the last 3 checks, I invested all I had into my boys and my responsibilities and I’m down to nothing and tired of fighting for something that’s had me hanging off the ledge on more than one occasion. I have dined in the best restaurants as well as cried from the hunger pains from starving...I’ve climbed up the latter thinking I was ...
Our morning rituals are so different as I watched and listened this morning as he got up out of to get ready for work...
he wakes and gets outta bed with the initial alarm.. (I still wonder where people that do this come from)
Then there’s me; I have like 6 alarms set all with a 10 minute snooze and I don’t get up until the last one is going off, not a snooze button before ... then I get up and go stumbling to the bathroom to start the shower and even as I emerge to get my morning going, I’m still groggy and stumbling..
Happily, he goes right into work like he’s been up dancing the jig all night and just walked off the dance floor, no grogginess, no stumbling, gets hi...
The Incident in which we never
We Never Fully Recovered
I’ve waited nine excruciating, long, anxiety ridden, waterworks flowing freely days for a phone call, a text, something-anything, just a signal that you were open to communicating and I got nothing from you .. I told myself after tonight I’m not longer waiting.. 9 days is too long and isn’t healthy and the longer you continue to isolate me the easier it will be to walk away.
I’ll give you credit for the one time you attempted to make contact but I was on the phone with my supervisor and for being the zodiac sign of steadfast persistence and o...
I’m tired of you hurting me
Sick of being ignored
I’d rather be alone than
Feel so unadorned
You might not mean to do it
But then again you must
The way you snuck off
Meeting that skanky girl
looking so rough
You planted the seeds
Sowed the mistrust
That’s ok, yeah it’s alright
I know my worth
and you’re gonna be
All alone tonight
Maybe you’ll continue to strike me with your crushing blows
Who the hell knows?
But I’m like Houdini
Disappearing like a
one gulp Martini
I hope he chokes you up
When her husband
Fist pumps you
A nice bump on your lump
You thought you
could play me
Like I wasn’t gonna see
The betrayal in
your lame hit
That I’d actually
take your bullshit
~Anne & Dan~
And with venom fueled by hatred and a ferociousness I never imagined you were capable of, I watched in horror as you ripped my beating and bloody heart right through the walls of flesh from my chest with a focused and continuous series of cheap but intentional low blows making swift and immediate contact with such sheer force and with the precision of a seasoned serial killer of sorts.
So fast I could only stand there while you mutilated the sacred bond, severed it like a savage.. you don’t love me, hell its obvious you don’t even love yourself so how the hell could you ever love anyone else?
Nothing I have ever done coul...
Dissolution of My
It took you 10 days to finally make the phone call and while we celebrated our 7 months anniversary yesterday, miles away and completely separate from each other, it’s not the same anymore.
I sent you a card but you never sends me anything. Never has. Nothing for Christmas, nothing for Valentine’s Day.. my birthday is coming and I expect it will be more of the same (and it certainly was).
You lost my house by not making the payment while I was consumed with my efforts going into getting YOUR car dealership off the ground in a different state, working my ass off for YOU and for nothing while you ...
Ahhh yes... despite our differences this month I asked you to call me tonight.
We obviously need to talk and it’s going on 11pm and I see as per the norm, talking to me even though we haven’t talked since what?? Almost two weeks ago.. I’m at the very bottom of the barrel of the things you have time for and I won’t even be surprised if you don’t call and if you do, despite the importance (I FEEL OUR RELATIONSHIP is IMPORTANT) of our conversation, you aren’t going to allocate but a few minutes to me before you cut me off and tell me how there are more important matters for you to attend to such as sleep (because you waited to call instead of calling earlier) instead of b...
I want to know why, after all the pain inflicted from falling in failure and disgrace from my last relationship, I even bothered putting so much effort into the next one only to be told once again I was not worthy of the requirements I need to feel emotionally supported.
My whole life I’ve been cast aside, tossed away and told I’m not worth it.. regardless of what it is.. time, money, stuff, skill, patience, love, affection, nourishment, compassion, etc.
I kept lowering the requirements little by little requiring less to sustain my well being instead of raising that bar of standards and putting more of myself in and yet, I’m still discarded like a forgone conclusion.
I’m left facing myself ...
There is something very significant and deeply profound when a relationship is forged through the blazing fires of facing issues surrounded by deep seated painful experiences buried in the depths of the unconscious realms of the psyche as they bubble uncontrollably to the surface and begin to ooze...
that bond you create with another human being has the potential to last a lifetime.. a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, something as simple as answering the phone in the middle of night and offering a proverbial hand to reach out in the dark or to sit with another person so they’re not alone while they face and maneuver their way through their darkness can mean the difference between life an...
The Tyranny of Evil and Vile Individuals
Sometimes when our cries go unanswered and the silence surrounding us is deafening, the feeling of defeat and loss has you beat you have to re-adjust your thoughts and refocus the lens on not what you miss but what is bringing you to your knees.. the root of the problem and how it manifested and more than likely the other issues that popped up as the root problem grew bigger and bigger from lack of response in addressing it...
when you begin to see with clear eyes the disrespect, the lack of integrity displayed day in and day out, lack of gratitude for all the hard work and effort you put in Boo, the unbelievable level of immaturity that is exhibit...
~Rejuvenate the Soul~
I kind of lost myself for a minute there but I’m slowly finding myself once again.
Recognizing my strengths, identifying my weaknesses, learning to improve and modify the consistent instabilities on a daily basis.
Working diligently on my self worth to gain a greater sense of self confidence while attempting to reconcile the past and walk away from it with a greater peace and love in my heart.
I’m going back to being simple while leaving all the complications behind. I’m implementing the needed necessities to be the truest and best version of who I am and I’m once again going to put myself first (this is so very hard for me as I’m so unselfish and get more s...
You Think You Know Pain?
You know what they say; hindsight is always 20/20 and as the relationship to the man I love deteriorates and crumbles right before my eyes while no matter what I do or say has any impact on it’s total and complete annihilation I came to the devastating realization and painful conclusion that he never really did love me.
My heart hurts.
Ahhh yes... despite our differences this month I asked you to call me tonight. we obviously need to talk and it’s going on 11pm and I see as per the norm, talking to me even though we haven’t talked since what?? Almost two weeks ago.. I’m at the very bottom of the barrel of the things you have time for and I won’t even be surprised if you don’t call and if you do, despite the importance (I FEEL OUR RELATIONSHIP is IMPORTANT) of our conversation, you aren’t going to allocate but a few minutes to me before you cut me off and tell me how there are more important matters for you to attend to such as sleep (because you waited to call instead of calling earlier) instead of bal...
Blessed are those of us who are willing to embrace the freedom to be unapologetically who we are and without being required to be anything less or anything more.
No validation needed, no judgement, just full liberation, contentment, comfort and stable security to just be...
to be proud of who we are, manifesting our truth in the skin we’re in.
Now that, my friends, is where the true essence of unadulterated, raw power lies and it gives us the incredible ability to shine from our spiritual soul, a light brighter than sun from within for the whole wide world to witness.
Show me your sun!
The Essence of Price-less
I’m learning that the only real tangible currency in a successful and meaningful relationship is “time”...
It’s one of our most valuable treasures and a precious resource we can’t and don’t physically possess yet we have full access to use it in any way we see see fit.
We can utilize it and we have the power to proactively decide where and on whom we’d like to allocate and deposit it into. We can pick the person or the place we feel it will yield the best return in order to really make it count.
We can’t keep it, time will keep on ticking, ticking, ticking away so putting our most valuable resource into another person exhibits our conscious ability to prove to ...
My Mantra for the Day
I refuse to carry around any bitterness, anger or hate from those that have wronged me or negatively crossed my loved ones because it’s toxic for my kindred spirit, my spiritual soul.
To hold on to those corrupt emotions would be equivalent to ingesting a potion of poison and I would surely perish and die a thousand miserable, slow and painful deaths.
Instead I’m going to forgive those people and pray for them profusely while practicing and perfecting the art of releasing that which is malefic and indigestible.
I’m learning to transform myself into the best version of me and taking back my power one day at a time instead freely giving it away to anything unwort...
Feeling blessed and thankful for the most amazing, most incredible, supportive women in my life who took the time to offer a hand to help me up whenever I fell, lifted me when I felt weak in the knees and couldn’t support myself and held on until I found the inner strength to stand once again.
Thankful that they assisted me in finding my voice when I felt ashamed, intimidated or afraid to speak up for myself, the accommodation they offered in my everyday life while nursing my sick Mother who had dementia.
They collaborated together as a team to pick up the shattered pieces of myself that were scattered everywhere after breaking from the major losses suffered in which I was unable to come ...