the Winged Messen...
|Who am I, you ask? I’m just a girl who believes in the power of compassion and the magic of loving each other ❤️ #FearMyPluto|
As I opened the passenger door to exit the car, in one swift, sudden and forceful move he had me by the neck in a choke hold from behind me.
He was shaking with adrenaline. He’s grabbed me forcefully before so I wasn’t afraid like I should be.. I had no idea what would happen in the near future as the situation escalated.
He began talking through his teeth demanding I give it back to him. His breath hot, voice raspy. I told him I threw it out the window.
I can’t recall any more words, just a feeling of powerlessness.
What I do remember is his arm fully extended to the side and high above my head. His left arm while his right arm still held my neck tight and both of my hands hol...
In the last week I was hit so hard in the back of the head it knocked me clear off my feet, I was fired from my new job because that morning I overslept and never heard my alarm, my left ring finger got broke, my left arm is injured, there are marks and bruises from my head to my toe, got grabbed in the face so hard my back tooth came loose, I was hauled away from a home by the police after I attempted to flee the scene in his truck, left behind at his family’s like I’m their responsibility, been cheated on, lied to, verbally abused, assaulted. My check from work never got direct delayed, I’m miles away from home and stranded.
Then to top it all off, my girlfriend’s husband was selling me ...
if it isn’t meeting your needs, walk away..
if it makes you defend yourself, run away...
If it isn’t reciprocating what you put in... walk away..
life is too short for anything less than what you deserve, never settle for less than what you’re worthy of and make sure it ALWAYS matches the time, effort, compassion, commitment, communication, empathy, trust and passion that you put in.
~Ignorance Is Bliss~
No matter how bad it hurts this time I’m giving up on you. You promised to stay away and hopefully you mean it because the last thing I need is your toxic ass bouncing in and out of my life whilst I make a serious attempt to deliver myself from you and your evil.
This is it. No matter the hurt now it can’t hurt as bad as your inconsistency to commit and I’m tired of being treated like a throw away option.
It’s too bad but you aren’t the one. If you were we wouldn’t constantly be separated more than we’re together so I figure this is my best chance of getting on with my life. I can concentrate on work and you can concentrate on fucking off far away from my cur...
Sitting here smiling and
reminiscing about this boy
I’m seriously missing
more than any of my childhood toys
Just a few short days ago we were sitting around watching the boob tube,
involved in my favorite sport of tongue lashings and kissing
Loving those nice full and
luscious lips when they touch mine
It’s like God’s grace
bestowed upon me
And his kiss is my blessing
Coming down smooth like white wine
It’s so spiritual all I can do
is radiate light and emit soul shine
He mesmerizes every
single one of my senses,
Who cares about the hurdles involved
and my dream of white picket fences
I can’t ever get enough of this boy
when life is going go...
Is there anything worse than feeling like an option when it comes to a person you’re always watchin?
Why does it feel like a yo-yo going down and rewound with a flick of the wrist? Pull me close then push me away in a twist and I’m always feeling’ the sway for you to display.
It’s making me dizzy and I feel so sick but worse is the fact that my hair is frizzy and you’re being a dick.
Don’t play with my heart, don’t hide the emotions. I warned you from the start I’m not something to don like some overpriced perfumed lotion.
I’m not a child’s toy to be used and then set upon some shelf for a boy such as yourself to be abused like some elf.
You’re going to lose t...
~The Apple of Your Eye~
She’s wildfire burning bright
A little contained and full of light
She’s mixed emotions with a lot of heart
But she’s too empathetic to
tear you apart
She’s deep as the ocean and
vast as the sea
She can capsize your boat and
make you an absentee
She’s got a heart heavier than
She contains so much compassion,
truth be told
She’s got a talent with words,
That ain’t for the birds
a wizardly wordsmith,
One thing is for sure
you’ll either be smitten silly or
Hurting for certain
when she slices and dices
the syllables loose and
chews you up like
the Christmas goose
She walks around as if
she’s got little wings on her shoes and
Her eyes tel...
~Proof of Service~
Talk is cheap and I’m done listening to the words when they aren’t backed by action.
I’ve been lifted up while being told too many times how my eyes hold the secrets to the universe only to be dropped on my ass by the same person a month later stating that I’m nothing more than a piece of shit based on their own struggles of insecurity.
Show me~ don’t tell me.
Every time that woman manages to interject herself into my life it literally paralyzes me.. I can’t think straight, my mind goes at ten bazillion miles an hour. My thoughts all spill over into one another where one ends and another begins immediately so every conscious thought is like scrambled eggs all running together and nothing makes any sense.
She manages to make me question who I am, my sense of being, my worth to not only my myself but what I’m worth to others as well.
I question my purpose here on this earth and so I begin to wonder if I have any purpose at all. My self esteem dwindles to a puddle of nothing.
Worthless, lack of direction , no real ...
I can breathe again
It’s been a wild and crazy ride
The fresh air expands in my lungs and it feels good but it takes my breath away for a solid moment... one word comes to mind: frigid
It’s bitter cold out
With temps dropping below the negative fifties here but i feel
It and that’s the most important thing..
the sensation saturated my bare skin as it begins to first numb and then burn the parts of my body that are exposed and fast, too... within minutes. It wouldn’t take long to freeze to death in weather like this and I’m thankful for my home, my heat, my blessings.
I welcome the burn
Because I can finally feel it ... all of it
Every sensation, every tingle
I was not myself lately
It’s rhyme time and
I like that bright sunshine
Mixed with a few clouds
A welcome retreat
In order to beat the heat
Warm wind sweeps through
My skin sun kissed dripping
You lay your money down,
As if to say I’m your safest and surest bet
Intensity blazing from the
Got that shit eatin grin on
and that star gazin, fire blazin
Dreamy look in your eye
You wanna eat me like warm apple pie
I retreat without skipping a beat
You won’t give in or ever admit your defeat
Follow my lead much like a gallant steed
Fully aware I strip myself
Your loins begin to ache and become tense
You heighten my sense
My Dear John Letter to you, John
I’ve decided that the time has come to part ways as the situation I find myself in with you has no semblance of balance and our relationship has turned sour and toxic.
I see you as manipulative, dishonest, taking what you can without giving in return. The scales are lopsided and there is no sense of equality. You use your anger as a way to scare me, control me and your lack of commitment tells me you cannot be trusted and you are an unhealthy attachment I must release and move rapidly and with great haste away from.
It was fun while it lasted but you’ve been playing these games for quite some time now and I was a wiling participant up until last week when yo...
I was the symphony and you orchestrated every note while fine tuning in the gap of the silence between.
Talk about two people determined to make it work.. I will say this; there’s an unmatched loyalty and sheer determination cooperating within this relationship. Something of the likes in which I have not experienced before and I have to admit it’s quite stunning really.
I’ve never met anyone that refuses to give up and continues to utilize ways to make whatever is broken work regardless of time and effort. Matter of fact, speaking solely for myself, it’s because of that investment of my time and the amount of effort I’ve put into something that motivates my determination to continue and not give up.
We have come to the conclusion we just don’t do well as “boy...
~ Fear My Pluto ~
Understand me when I tell you this; I have an obsessively penetrating Hades Moon and I do not fear you or anything you represent for I am forged from the fire and have the ability to plunge into emotional depths that would drown you. My intense emotions are my strength and power.
#pluto #HadesMoon #emotionalpowerhouse #plunge #intensity #depth #strength #forgedfromfire #survivor
God it sucks. I wanted you to be the one. You know? I wanted it so badly I continued to go back time and again over the last month knowing the end result because I’ve been here before.. like deja vu.. insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
I allowed you to take me for granted, diminishing my self worth as you would blatantly show me I didn’t matter to you. You made yourself clear as a sunny summer day it didn’t matter to you whether I stayed or left and the total lack of respect you so unpleasantly bestowed upon me gnawed away at my self esteem ..
I kept trying to be a better girlfriend making excuses for your shitty behavior, but the truth...
~ Memories ~
God it feels so good to be happy again.. I made a decision a little while ago and I’ve stuck to my guns and honestly I’ve come such a long way from where I was at even just a month ago.. when I smile nowadays I can see the genuineness in my eyes.. and I feel better on the inside, better than I have in a really long time.. I knew what I was getting into.. I knew better but I didn’t listen to my gut instinct as usual and I paid for it.. I’m slowly making my way back and I don’t know if I’ll ever be so willing to put my happiness into another person again. I’m still learning to love myself unconditionally. Tough lessons had to learned and the rewards had to be ...
It's 4:30 in the morning
I jump up outta bed
to the alarm warning
Time to rise and shine
Gotta make that money,
nose to the grind
Waiting on Miguel,
he's running a little behind
So I sit in the dark
Wish I could make waves
back to my bed
like a land shark
Wondering where this mofo be at
I swear I'm gonna holla at him
with a baseball bat
Get yo ass outta them sheets
I'm so bored I'm making beats
We all tired,
side effect of our condition
putting us in a fucked up position
We gonna be in trouble
Jerry gonna burst our bubble
Suffer the fate of running late
so we gonna have to fabricate
Some long ass
drawn out fairy tale drama
our boss takes what
~Calling You Home~
I know you need your freedom
your innate need to roam
But I hope you understand
I miss you when you’re not at home.
I never thought you’d be the one
My shining star, my warm, bright sun
Yet here I am thinking of your touch
I just need and want you so much
You’re the guy I want
You’re the guy I need
Come home soon so we can smoke
and don’t forget the weed.
Let’s plant the seed of love
Have faith in the man above
We can overcome everything
And turn nothing into something
I miss you more than you’ll ever know
This longing for you
is really starting to blow
Time ticks by way to slow
I just really wanna get you to go
But most importantly
~Rough Exterior ~
So the most unlikely of persons has come into my life.. my initial impression of my latest passion was that of cold steel, a body guard type, no nonsense, mean muggin kind of man, not a scowl but an “I mean business” type of air he had about him... so much so I kept to myself and stayed away from him as much as possible until the moment came where being in contact with him was unavoidable as he was dropped off by our lead at my booster pump and he was there with me and we were alone.. so I made the best of the situation and decided to talk to him and win him over...
the Latino was graceful and actually well spoken and could hold a conversation with me whic...
And despite it all.. all the displaced anger, harbored resentments, daggers thrown, swords stabbed, dreams shattered, hearts broken I still miss you more than I can convey. I miss who I thought you were and would do anything to have access to that guy I imagined. I need him. I need his strength, his earthy roots that kept me grounded, the weight of the words he softly whispered when I felt unsure.. I miss the you I made up in my head and while I realize that guy must’ve never existed in reality he was real in my mind and he made me feel so fucking secure and absolutely ecstatic.
I realized after our last rendezvous about half way home I wasn’t wearing the...
~Does Such A Person Even Exist?~
Cutting you off is one of the hardest actions I’ve ever had to take. I still find myself wanting to reach out to you.. but then all I have to do is relive how cold you are to remember that I have no time for that kind of strife in my life and I hope you’re happier now that you have the freedom to pursue someone you feel would be better suited for you. And honestly, I hope she is; because no one deserves to be hurt and bartered the way you did to me no matter what. Maybe there is someone out there that can be satisfied on what little you wanted to invest in maintaining a half assed relationship, someone happily satisfied with nothing at the end of the day...
We all have our standards and mine just don’t align in a way that’s consistent with you and while this is ok, I wish we somehow could’ve managed to be adults and either readjusted or mutually decided to release the Union in the correct way that caused both parties the least amount pain, anguish or suffering.
Honestly, I hope you come to senses and don’t continue to lash out and project your past relationship baggage of issues the next object of your affection. Learning from our past mistakes are the biggest building block and our stepping stones we can use when deciding to engage with another person.
I also know quite keenly that the last day of us being together you were still lying and ...
~My Unconventional Family~
Conversations in this household on any given night include and are certainly not limited to; murder by glucose injection, guests staying the night followed by howling and barking noises coming from the room they're staying in... Oh my! 👀
~To the Guy that Didn’t Stand By Me When I Needed Him Most~
Thank you for showing me who you really are.
Thank you for not being here to show me the love and give me the mental, physical and financial support when I really, really needed you most.
Your direct lack of any kind of action showed me your true colors. You showed me the truth of your character, the lies you spewed to me even when I had the proof you were lying that proved to me the type of moral uprightness you held was nothing more like a severe deficiency of integrity. The way you had no sympathy, offered no condolences of any kind or notion of my soul suffering and mental anguish showed me how you truly held no compassion f...
Cold as ice
Hearing those words
made a splice
My heart it aches
Made a huge mistake
Thought that true love
was the only real thing
worth fighting for
Instead I see it’s more like a
reason to head out,
running for the damn door
The great escape
Run away as fast as you can
Hurry up and bail Mr Noncommittal Man
You don’t like me
I get it just fine
Just allow me to pour
a glass of white wine
To drink these feeling of self doubt, fear and loathing
down my throat
Because right now I feel like they’re surrounding me
like a moat
My self esteem is being withered away,
It’s gone missing and led astray
Let me regain some confidence
if only for just a
I love him, you know. Really, really love him. I admire his bravery. I adore his rawness, like a wild majestic animal enduring the thrill of the chase.
I’m going to be so sad and lost without him.
I wondered yesterday if what I felt for him was genuine and true love or passionate and superficial lust?
I’ve come to the conclusion that I truly love him and the reason I know this to be true is by the way I’m not fighting selfishly to keep him here with me when really deep down inside my soul is drowning at the thought of him leaving any day now.
I want to scream and beg and plead for him to stay here, to please stay with me,don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me because I need you in my life...
~Haunting Memories of my Past~
Williston, ND (The real FRIGID HELL right here on planet Earth)
This is where it all started to unfold...
the first date.. the first kiss..
I feel like everything that has happened in my life led me to you and finding you IS and HAS BEEN exactly where I’m meant to be. This is my TRUTH.
My choices both good and bad,all the heartaches I didn’t understand, all the times I felt broken with the bitter taste of regret lingering...After this night I realized it ALL HAD to happen.. EVERYTHING. All of it. Because when I’m with you, it all seems worth it, my past no longer feels irreparable or hurts so bad because it would’ve only taken ...
Dissolving without Guilt
noticed at one point his attitude changed and he became short fused because I “slammed the truck door” after re-entering the vehicle from taking a pee; I adhered to his request and vouched to shut the door “like a girl” without ever raising my voice.. then looked out at the stars and this reaction seemed to evoke a furious rage worse than I’ve ever witnessed and he bashed the console, the dash, steering wheel and the outside body of the truck with fighting fists of aggression and anger but my shutting the door too hard is considered not taking good care of the truck and it won’t last long because of it...? The fuck?!
Then after the above attack on the truck I need t...
It turns the blood cold, you know?
There you are, happy-go-lucky and smiling, minding your own business, lost in the thoughts from only awhile ago when you were out eating at your favorite restaurant, watching the chef grill your food in front of you. That blissful moment of having everything good.. food, soda, your man by your side. Life was good and you’re reveling in your moment of bliss .. and that’s when you’re abruptly and suddenly pulled back down into reality.. the blow to your torso comes out of nowhere.. the coffee you just purchased slams into your body and explodes all over you burning your skin.
You try to regain composure, wondering what just happened. As you adjust your foc...