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the Winged Messen...

PO# 490575
United States
United States
Who am I, you ask? I’m just a girl who believes in the power of compassion and the magic of loving each other ❤️ #FearMyPluto
March 29, 2020
Ray, United States

I remember sitting on the car with you at that truck stop in Colorado and it was getting dark and we talked as the twilight began to settle in all around us and somehow we started to talk about losing each other and the thought of losing you hit me so hard and seared my heart so deep as I submerged myself into the thoughts of desperation and heartache in not having you in my life and right there as I literally sat right beside you physically,  I had to look away and set my eyes in a gaze directed down to my feet because the tears started to well up in my eyes and I couldn’t stop them from falling.
You promised me that night and many thereafter that it took so long to find me that we’d never...

LEFT OUT
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March 27, 2020
Ray, United States

Tread lightly my heavy footed frienemy~

.. one must practice the art in the way in which to exercise extreme caution if the plan is to screw over a person that blogs and has actively 700k readers that follow it..

exposure is the guilty man’s biggest fear.  

I’m not afraid to shine a spotlight on the damage you’ve done and I’m certainly not afraid to add your name, the perpetrator in it. Because, you see, if you wanted me to write about a better version of you, maybe you should’ve displayed a better version of yourself while in my personal space by using solid judgement and expressing mentally sound behavior.

The real question is how would you feel about one of your daughters meeting som...

LOVE AND HATE
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March 27, 2020
Ray, United States

             ~Wrong Way, Asshole~

Let’s talk about people that “ghost”..

Anyone had this psychologically twisting mind game played on them?

I mean honestly, who the hell does this? What kind of sick, mentally unstable, emotionally unavailable, highly disturbed and unhealthy unbalanced individual consciously and methodically inflicts such a cruel and passive-aggressive punishment on another person?

Who the heck are these people?

It’s obvious the upbringing of these psychologically perverse sickos certainly lacked any real strength of morals or any sense of honor displayed by whoever raised them and it speaks volumes about the character of anyone that believes this destructive behavio...

EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY
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March 26, 2020
Ray, United States

Well I guess this is it. I’ve been waiting for a few days (longer if you want to include the day this all started and you refused to communicate why you were mad, sad, discontent.. whatever it was you wouldn’t address but were feeling)  and I guess what I’m saying is that I’m done.  
I won’t beg you to talk to me. I asked you for an explanation but I guess in your selfish ways, you won’t concede and give me what I asked for... funny thing is, no one ever has no matter how complex or simple my request is.
I really thought we had something special and I thought I knew you. Apparently I was looking through those damn rose colored glasses again as usual and made you into someone you were not. I ...

A NIGHTMARE
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March 26, 2020
Ray, United States

Dear Mr “I’m too good to tell you the truth”
Mr. “I’m a liar liar pants on fire so I can’t give you a proper goodbye”,

I guess this is the goodbye you didn’t respect me enough to give.. I knew you were lying when you looked me in the eye the other night and swore to god you wouldn’t bail.

Seems like you got one over on me pretty good.. not once, not twice but three times and the third all you left me with was the conversations to roll around in my head of lies you spewed.  

In a month and half you took off on me three times. Coincidentally every single time the dope ran out. Shame on me. I’m such a fucking fool for thinking you were anything other than the person everyone here knew y...

MAKING MISTAKES
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March 6, 2020
Ray, United States

Mutual Reception
We sit together each morning before the day lights breaks through the dark of night without phones or computers, without televisions or music playing in the background, without any of the normal distractions that we would usually use to fill the vacant void of nothingness throughout our lives.

I lay my head down on his shoulder, or sometimes in the crook of his neck, other times I lay my ear against his solid chest as I listen quietly to the beating of his heart.

He cocks one boot across the opposite knee and I cock my leg upon his raises bent knee and our boots kiss as we sit in sometimes silence and at other times just listening to each other’s thoughts and opinions ab...

THE GOOD LIFE
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March 1, 2020
Williston, United States

            ~BADA-BOOM~

It happened.
In the early hours after midnight it finally happened. I actually felt like it was going to happen sooner while he had his head down there because I felt the tremendous pressure wanting a way of release but just as I was about to burst, he’d stop and then I’d have to work my way back up to the pre blast off moment and this continued again and again.  

No one has ever brought quite so far as this and it was all because he coached me night after night since coming together as a couple... who would’ve thought this 26 year old dude would have so much power.. I’m not sure if I should enlighten him or not... I have this sneaky suspicion he already knows I have...

HIGH HEELS
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February 21, 2020
Sharon Springs, United States

Proverbial Cliff Diving

Today, together, we took the polar plunge into the cold and murky depths while holding each other’s hand.
The way I felt supported by him was amazing as he managed to instill and secure my self confidence level. He exceeded any and all expectations I had as we worked our way up to speaking in the monumental moment of truth.
This morning he looked me dead in the eye and told me the truth shall set us free and it did, it really did.  It felt like a huge release when we finally worked up the courage to leap without looking, to think without processing and to deal without repercussions.
We decided together how to approach the situation that was prohibiting us and  bloc...

LETS GO TRAVEL
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February 6, 2020
Ray, United States

Annie,

I hate not being there and giving you 100 percent like you deserve. But I promise you when I get back I will forever and always be yours.

I know most people lie and play with people’s emotions but I promise you I’m not that person.

You were put in my life for me to love Annie. Not to hurt.  Not a fling but some thing we spend the rest of our lives building on. I’ve never had someone understand me like you do. Even though I have been happy in relationships in the past I’ve never felt so level with someone. I sometimes felt so different that I started thinking that maybe It would be best to not even try another relationship. With you I finally feel like I can just open up  and be my...

JUST LOVE
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February 5, 2020
Ray, United States

I didn’t want to leave you this morning when I had to go to work.
My body knew what my mind wouldn’t dare think.. somehow believing if I thought that you’d leave me, you might actually follow through on my thought and do it. Silly me, I didn’t even realize things were already set into motion and it was there, like the elephant in the room, we didn’t talk about it, but it was there and I know we both felt it.
You promised. I even told you how everyone always leaves after they promise they won’t. I told you how they either leave or die but that everyone I love is ripped away from me and how badly I’m afraid to love anyone anymore. It hurts.  I don’t know why I actually thought you’d be any di...

LOVE TILL IT HURTS
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February 3, 2020
Williston, United States

The Beginning of the Story of Us

Me:
I could’ve laid like we were this morning before work on my loveseat, tangled up in each other for the rest of my days and been happy and content. You make me happy and I’ll never be able to explain just how much that really means because I didn’t realize how ungodly unhappy I was until you came along. Funny how that works but I’m for certain one thing and that’s that the universe surely brought us together and did so for a reason. I want you, but I guess I needed you, too. I hate being needy but I’m not ashamed to admit it. I was so sad before I met you. And while I try not to put my happiness on the shoulders of anyone but myself so I don’t get let down...

JUST LOVE
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January 27, 2020
Williston, United States

             “The Response;”

Re-reading your text.. I finally have a response...
I want to see where we go with this. I have high hopes because we seem to just click and I think there’s a lot we each bring to the table that compliments the other. I’m not going to count my eggs before they hatch but it’s almost ideal. Like the dream of a lifetime.
I believe we have the potential to come together and unite to form the “Power Couple” status. Saturated to its very core and foundation with strength, honor, trust and integrity. What more could you ask for? I’m not gonna run from you if you get weak; I’m going to catch you and stand behind you and give you encouragement while shouldering their bur...

SEXY
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January 13, 2020
Ray, United States

Seriously?
Dear Drunk Dave,

You know why you can’t get a hard on ?...
you know why you’re only 44 and suffering from cataracts in both eyes?

Of course you do but you thought I was too stupid to figure it all out; how bad your drinking really was, matter of fact you counted on it. Again you insult my intelligence. I’m not some dumb ass blonde like you had hoped at all. Hell, I’m not even blonde.

You claim to not know why I’m mad. Please dude. You thought you had me all figured out. You don’t have shit figured out and the more you ramble the more ignorant you get.

Last weekend with you was horrendous. You were so drunk you were stumbling all over the place, you were slurring your words, ...

I'M OUT
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December 16, 2019
Ray, United States

Dear Mother,

It’s been a year since you left your mark for a final farewell on my heart. The searing and scarring of my soul. I’m not sure how I feel but I know I’ve thought about the things you left behind way more than I should’ve allowed since your passing over into the spiritual afterlife.

Often times, the pain would cripple me leaving me to wallow in the depths of despair and angst with little hope of ever returning to the person I once was before your last but most damaging jab.

The stabbing of my mind, the holes you left gaping open leaving me to question my self worth, marring my self confidence, questioning my existence.

I’m coming out of the hurt with a freedom of forever nev...

POSITIVE ATTITUDE
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December 9, 2019
Williston, United States

Dear Rico Suave,

You got me fucked up when you underestimated my keen ability to sense the smell of your utter bullshit as you spewed it from that filthy mouth of yours. You should be ashamed of your foul and vile self.

You really thought you could play game on me and I wasn’t going to immediately see through your strategy? Your motives were transparent as fuck. You didn’t even present me with a challenge, it was too easy to expose your hand fabricated pizza pie of deceit and lies.

Then to reference my character when you tried to offer an insincere apology? Say what?!? Let me make myself crystal clear when I tell you this; I’d rather live in the truth of my stellar character than in you...

MAKING MISTAKES
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December 9, 2019
Williston, United States

Dear Drunk,

Hello there Mr Inebriated,
I trust you’re doing well all things considered.

I just had to clear the air about a few things;

1.  First and foremost your neediness for validation is really on my last fucking nerve and I can hardly stand talking/texting you because no matter what the subject, it comes out. Instead of saying you miss kissing me, you ask if I’ve been missing your lips. Instead of saying you dream of me, you ask if I’ve been dreaming of you.  I can hardly stand how much validation you need. It’s a real problem cause I hate stroking your inflates ego with bullshit pettiness that really doesn’t mean diddly squat. Just stop already. If I miss you, I’ll be the one to t...

SUPPORT AND SAVE US!
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December 9, 2019
Williston, United States

                     ~To Be~

The freedom to be who we are without being required to be anything less or anything more, no judgement, just liberation, comfort and security in your own skin.. now that’s where the true, unadulterated power lies and has the ability to shine a light for the world to witness from within.

Be you~ in the skin you’re in.
❤️

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BRILLIANT
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November 29, 2019
Ray, United States

I hope whatever it was you were searching for.  
You, who filleted my heart open, searching through every nook and cranny, every crevasse of my soul leaving remnants of your filthy fingerprints etched of blood in your wake, I hope you found what you were looking for.
~alm

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KISS CAM
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November 10, 2019
Ray, United States

I realize at the given time that I’m quite content in being single and I’m just not ready to make any commitments right now to anyone.
I value my alone time far too much to allow anyone to take residence in my sanctuary and this is all new for me.
I don’t miss him anymore. Of course I haven’t seen him in nearly two months either but I no longer wake up with thought about him and I fall asleep quite peacefully without his presence parading through my mind before closing my eyes for the night. He doesn’t plague my dreams.
I know that any life by his side would be committing to a life of self doubt, uncertainty, insecurity, violence, turmoil, resentment, self hate, loneliness, suffering and d...

THE SWEETEST
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November 10, 2019
Ray, United States

  ~Forgiven but Never Forgotten~

I recently allowed the son (a 30 year old) of someone I mistakenly thought was a friend of mine move in.. it became evident by day #2 when he decided to jack up some kid’s bike that was laying out in THEIR yard that morning that things weren’t going to go as anticipated.

I live in a town of say....population like 700... it’s tiny, I mean really tiny and everyone knows everyone here. I actually had to tell him (as if it wasn’t common sense) to return the dang bike even though he felt entitled to take it because it was just “laying out in THEIR yard....” this generation really grinds my gears when the entitlement card gets played... if you didn’t buy it, work...

OH NO!
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October 30, 2019
Ray, United States

             ~Retribution~

I’ve finally been graced with a sense of balance for all that you’ve done. I’m finally to the point that I can potentially give to you what you’ve given to me, which consequently has been nothing less than shit if you don’t remember.

You contacted me last night from the local jail where you’ve taken up lodging since the early morning hours of the 21st of September. You decided to bust in my house at 3:30am while me and the boys were asleep and once again took what you felt entitled to and departed without so much as a glance in my direction.

Then, last night you had the audacity to ask me for a few favors, just like I knew you would once you were apprehended an...

YOU MAD
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October 30, 2019
Ray, United States

Wish I knew then what I know now... wonder if it would’ve made any difference?
I wrote this as a FaceBook status one year ago BEFORE I became emotionally and sexually involved with the abuser.

{So my favorite guy out here, The Don, Juan of the Williston Cartel (LOL) and I were talking about menudo yesterday on our drive into work and our other coworker was like.. “it’s gross and slimy!” Juan said it’s really good and I told him I was scared to try it.. today when he picked me up for work (I rolled my ankle earlier moving stuff) he carried my bags to the truck and then lifted me up in it and after he dropped me off,  I noticed he snuck a few homemade tacos in my bag.. I betchu he got some ...

MAKE YOUR MARK
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October 25, 2019
Williston, United States

                 ~Darkened~

My world has been blackened by memories of you. They haunt me even during sunny days.  

I’m working through the process and really allowing myself to feel everything I’m going through without hesitation.

I miss what I thought we had. For me, my life with you was a very real thing but for you, since getting you out of jail this past June, you only had one intention and it was never to build a good life with me.

The whole abusive ordeal has been so hard on my heart and soul. Especially when I realized the reality of the issue was nothing more than my pipe dream. You don’t love me..
you never did. You only came here with the intention to get what you could and h...

HEARTS CAN MEND
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September 16, 2019
Williston, United States

                       ~MORE~

I wanted to be more..
More than just a stupid bitch
More than just a piece of ass
More than just a place to stay when
you have no where else to crash
More than the things you stole from me
More than a quest for you
to say you conquered
More than just a “white girl”
More than second or third choice
More than a sick bitch
More than a trophy
More than an object
More than your personal punching bag
More than your rage release
More than my drugs
More than your drugs
More than money
More than a sugar momma
More than a side show to conceal in a tent
More than being left behind
More than your blame
More than my own cryin damn shame

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STAY RAW
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September 7, 2019
Williston, United States

     ~Releasing the Beast~

I can’t even tell you how much distaste I feel for you right now.
You’ve finally managed to push me into the point of no return. You could’ve had it all and I’m glad I decided to snap today because you’re not worth two flips of a fucking wooden nickel. You’re a fat ass, disrespectful, illiterate, thieving, lying, spic scum that deserves to rot in hell for the angst and turmoil you cause in other people’s lives.
Just as I’ve felt the snap in the past regarding other exes, yours for me happened tonight out of sheer frustration. That’s it. Game over.
Just like that, it is over. You’re no longer appealing to me. Matter of fact, you make me sick and your sick mental h...

THANK YOU
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July 31, 2019
Brookings, United States

       ~Missed Opportunities~

I think what hurts the most is that all the things I suffered through were for nothing. It was all for nothing and didn’t mean a damn thing.

For me, my severely deformed finger signified how much pain I’d suffer through for the glory of our love.
My bashed face meant I was willing to stay despite the blow I had taken.
The three weeks I struggled through in Texas was proof I had the ability to stick it out longer than most.
The drain on my back account to put money on his books and the funding if phone calls was meant to prove I had an obsessive type of loyalty and I was unwilling to let even the most adverse actions compromise it.

But when he left and wal...

NOBODY CARES
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June 22, 2019
Ray, United States

              ~Checking Out~
                   Vacancy

Learning another valuable yet most painfully excruciating lesson right now.

I mean, honestly, it was silly to do to begin with but in my defense I honestly felt in my heart that it would turn out as it should and all would be right in my world for even just a moment... after everything I’ve been through, I still had hope to hold on tight to... that is, until I didn’t.

Sometimes, we put faith into something no one else believes; be it an idea, a thought, a goal, a pursuit in the chase for happiness, a person... I myself had bet upon a human.. I went up against every adversary, every so called “friend” that shot down my faith in this ...

LIMITS EXIST ONLY IN THE MIND
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May 25, 2019
Ray, United States

             ~Take a Load Off~

Kind of a novel idea about making the world a better place and in doing so releasing a burden you may or may not be carrying..

Here’s the thing though, chances are if you find yourself thinking of someone you could and just mayyyybeee should forgive while reading this lovely blog post  (but that ego keeps the death grip on the dirty deed making it all but impossible to let go) than it’s a burden being carried.

Take a load off.. release the beast and find it in your heart to just forgive and let it go.

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UNAFRAID
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May 23, 2019
Ray, United States

Strong women amaze me.

We go through a plethora of scenarios meant to test us, encouraged to break our spirit and soften our stance and yet instead of becoming weaker, our strength multiplied.

My girlfriend has been staying here since recently coming back from a domestic situation in Texas which turned violent .. we spent most of the night talking, telling tales of real life scenarios we were able, by the grace of all that is sacred and holy,  to endure, sustain and conquer when the odds were stacked against us.

We aren’t meant to be controlled, we didn’t come equipped with a remote and shame those that think they should make an attempt to try. One thing I know for certain, the day wi...

SUMMER SIP
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May 19, 2019
Epping, United States

And just like that it hit me hard when I knew you were never coming back.
And everyone I talk to is happy you’re gone except me and no one can understand after how completely hateful and bogus you were and have been to me, how little for my regard you thought of me and the way you mistreated and abused me in Texas as to why I sit and just cry while cradling my head in my hands to hide the shame on my face.    

Everyday since being home I’d wake up and check my phone to see if you were back. If by some chance by the grace of God you were going to come to me with comprehension of the ways in which you wronged me, the ways in which you jeopardized our relationship and make amends. Instead of ...

STAY PATIENT, TRUST YOUR JOURNEY
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