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cupcake w/sprinkles

PO# 132335
United States
United States
yummmmmm yuuuummmmm. yyyuuuummmmm
February 11, 2019
 

Tunnel vision

Thumb_signature_1549934193921
LET'S FALL IN LOVE
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0
February 11, 2019
 

I really can't believe that you're actually doing this AGAIN!  I mean, I should be used to it by now, but no matter how many times you take off on me, good terms or bad, the pain it causes is no less painful than the first time you left.  You're emotionally scarring me even more than I already am, you have to realize this, don't you?  Are you able to recognize the damage that you're causing?  Or do you even care?  That's right, I almost forgot.  I don't matter to you, or at least that's the way you treat me and how you make me feel.  This will be the 6th holiday in a row in which you've given me the silence treatment and completely deserted me.
Happy Valentine's Day.  Yea. Yea.  I love you ...

LET'S FALL IN LOVE
2
0
August 30, 2018
Buda, United States

I love you. I need you here with me. I want to be wrapped up in your arms again. To feel the warmth of your breath on my neck. No more fighting, no more accusations or assumptions, no more holding back.  I would give my all for you.

My anger comes from pain, from heartache. Cant you see that?  I never used to be this way. Maybe its because i have expectations of how things should be going. Maybe it is simply because i dont get my way. I wouldnt say that was me wanting control, but rather me wanting to prove myself also. Constantly being denied that has taken its toll on me.  Im sorry for not being everything youd hoped for or everything that you need, but im at least willing to try. I miss y...

HOPE BATEMAN
5
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October 3, 2017
 

I'm not sure exactly why it is that you think that you can continue to play me the way that you have.  Maybe it's because I've been so damn stupid, convincing myself that I must be looking at things or taking things all wrong.  Or, maybe it's because I've simply gotten so used to the confusion of it all that I am nearly incapable of even thinking for myself anymore.  It could possibly even be that you have yourself convinced that I will never be able to break free from the hold that you've had on me, I am the perfect girl for you.  I've been so fucking twisted up and broken down that it's left me as nothing but a shell.  I have loved you so fucking much that I have  gone through what feels li...

WORLD DAY OF BULLYING PREVENTION
2
1
February 23, 2015
 

It's 8:46 in the morning.  It's an unusual time for me to even be at your house at this time on a Monday morning I suppose.  

CANCER
3
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July 31, 2017
 

Living in a nightmare.  Screaming at the top of my lungs, begging for mercy.  I can't hide the pain any longer, it's boldly written across my face.  With every tear that falls and every word that escapes my lips only to fall on deaf ears, brings with them just another reminder of how cruel and detached this world had become.  It's as if I've become accustomed to the hatred of those I thought once loved me.  Of the lies I know too well, yet once believed to be pure and true.  

ORIGINAL
2
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July 14, 2017
 

I don't know who I am anymore. Lost in this world, like a maze, twisting and turning, only to wind up at yet another dead end.  No way out.  Panic setting in, creeping up like a theif in the night.  I can't move, I can hardly breath, the tears begin to fall streaking my face, dampening my pillow.  When will it end?  The uncertainty and the insecurities have taken control of my body and mind.  

NEVER GIVE UP
1
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June 29, 2017
 

I'm losing who I once was, because the person that I am now has become lost in the struggle to find who I used to be.

ORIGINAL
1
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June 18, 2017
 

If you only took the time to understand.  *sigh*. If you only knew how much I do honestly love you.  You know, not every situation in life is so damn black and white.

ORIGINAL
2
0
February 25, 2016
 

Just like in war, if a mission has been compromised, the mission is aborted and all evidence destroyed.  You have compromised anything that we may have had between us.  Whether I want to or don't want to, I have to walk away.  You knew the risk that came along with your decision, and you took that risk!  I'm devastated that you were willing to jeopardize our bond.  And for what?!! You thought that you were helping the situation?  Helping me?  You'd have to know what the situation is and define what exactly the problem is before you can even make an attempt to fix or help it.  What you don't quite seem to grasp is that he gets off on getting MY friends on HIS side.  Getting MY friends to disre...

ORIGINAL
2
1
December 12, 2015
 

Ive been a part of your life as well as your sons now for over three years.  I for one, do not take that lightly.  Knowing that I and I alone am responsible for my own destiny, makes it that much more difficult when I cant seem to make myself get up and do even the simplest of tasks.  I have in the past placed blame on you for my broken dreams and this state of chaos that ive been stuck in, but ive now come to realize that it isnt your doing.  You are not responsible for me and my failures.  I somewhere, somehow have gradually lost the strength, the courage, and the confidence that I once embodied, and its up to me to find it again.

ORIGINAL
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June 15, 2015
 

Wtfever!  I've given a crap when nobody else has even thought twice about whether I was even alive or not.  You've come to town how many times?  And how many of those times have you bothered to stop by, or so much as even call for that matter?  My apartment is right off the highway and yet you can't be bothered to do much as even stop in for even a second.  How do you think that makes me feel?  When Zoey was born, when I first had her, you weren't concerned about coming to help me, yet with Angela you're all over it!  Angela knows wtf she's doing, I on the other hand did not!  I had to pretty much teach myself how to have relationships with people, how to do something as simple as carry on a ...

ORIGINAL
2
0
June 14, 2015
 

I'm not OK with the fact that you are still and will probably continue to announce and shove down my throat my shortcomings, as if you have none of your own .  I know what I did and I know what I didn't do. I know what my intentions are and where my heart lies.  How do you expect me to smile and be exuberant as you're telling me these things.  I cannot handle that, and I won't either.  I am just as capable of walking away as you are.  The difference lies in that I see your worth and the simple joy that we could bring one another.  You on the other hand, from what I can tell, don't seem to see me as anything other than what once was.  It's sad really.  It makes me sad that you don't see MY sig...

ORIGINAL
0
0
April 9, 2015
 

understanding.  what does it mean to be understood, to be truly understood?   for me, first and foremost, it would mean that I'm given the opportunity, without interruption, to voice my mind.  to be not only heard, but listened to.  listened to without recognizing that  look of anticipation or impatience behind their eyes, waiting for the moment to jump in full force with whatever thought, comeback, response, excuse, opinion, justification or what have you, that's been the primary focus since the conversation began.   waiting for their turn to come back with some witty remark, to discredit, disprove or simply disregard whatever it happens to be that has possibly made them just a little uneasy...

MYSTERIOUS DOOR
2
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April 4, 2015
 

I'm lying here, right here on your bed,  not even two feet from you.  i look at you and have to ask myself... how did i get here? what is it that keeps me coming back to this nonsense, to this unrelenting downpour of discouragement? this confusion, the self doubt and the ridicule?   I'm right here next to you, although you look right through me, past me, over me, around me.   wait a second...you can't see me...can you?   you refuse to...don't you?   I mean, it's not as if I'm invisible...well, in all actuality, I'm not...am i?
  well...AM I !?!!?  

GDMFSOAB!!!  why am i STILL here?  what the fuck is it that I'm so drawn to, or stuck on, or can't let go of?  have I really sunk so low that I'm...

GRATEFUL FOR FAILURES
3
1
March 13, 2015
 

ok...so this is something that I wrote a while back, when I was feeling very alone and betrayed by someone whom I thought was my friend.   they had a friend in me, yet didn't seem to know how to be one in return.   I found that out the hard way.   I hope you like it, or maybe some of you can even relate in some small way.   if so, please feel free to comment.  thanks.   MUAH

                    DAYS SUBSIDING

it's 6:48 am, another day beginning before the last one ends.  I sit here in this empty room, surrounded by the world, not knowing what the day has in store for me.  constantly confronted by evil, disguising itself as the truth.  there's no escaping the endless torment of my mind, the ...

ANGEL BREATHING
1
1
March 11, 2015
Austin, United States

there's something different about you.   I know it, you know it, they know it, we all have noticed.   barely recognizable at first, that crooked smirk of yours slowly becoming...ordinary.

ORIGINAL
1
0
March 10, 2015
 

I used to know exactly who I was and what i stood for. today...well today is a different story.   today I'm confused,  disheveled, not quite sure which direction to go.  can't find my up from my down, this way from that. it's getting harder and harder to stay focused, to come up with a plan and to stick with it.  
I used to believe that I could accomplish just about anything.  now...I'll find myself in a panic at merely the thought of leaving my apartment.   the unpredictability of my so called life has become unmanageable, unforgiving, unrelenting and unsatisfactory.   I'm beginning to hate myself, allowing this explosive rage to build up inside of me.   starting at the very bottoms of my fe...

ORIGINAL
2
1
March 5, 2015
 

"OUR LITTLE SECRET",  whispered daddy.

THE BICYCLE STAMP
2
1
March 4, 2015
 

What you think of me, well, it's what keeps me going.  When you think poorly of me, I think even little of myself.   I don't know how to be any different than who I am.   

ORIGINAL
0
0
February 11, 2015
Austin, United States

Here today, gone tomorrow.   Life is so unpredictable, never knowing what to expect.   All one can do is live life as it comes and, be grateful for the good times and be patient through the bad.   Learn not to take things so personal, it's just life happening.  Walk with your head held high, don't pass up opportunities that may never present themselves again,  love without limits, hold no regrets nor grudges.  Remember to give credit where credit is due, do not be so hard on yourself and try to remain open to every wonderful possibility.

JOKING
0
0
February 19, 2015
 

I don't know how else to say this...so I'll just say it.  It's over.  I'd only be setting myself up for more heartache and failure if I stayed.  You have tore me down for the very last time, and I've finally mustered up the courage to fight for myself and to regain my independence.  So, this is it.  I have nothing left for you to take and am no longer willing to give you any part of myself.  goodbye and good riddens.

  DO NOT BOTHER TO TEXT, CALL, EMAIL OR ATTEMPT TO CONTACT ME IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM.  YOU HAVE BEEN BLOCKED.  

LETTRS FUCHSIA
1
0
February 3, 2015
Austin, United States

keep on swimming, keep on swimming,

FOREVER YOUNG
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0
February 2, 2015
Austin, United States

If not for the marks on my wall, I'd be unable to distinguish one day from the next.  Minute by minute, hour by hour, I've sat here waiting and wondering if I'll ever even see you again.  Thinking to myself how pathetic I'm being, yet unable to tear myself away from this place.  This is the very spot that we met and fell in love. The very spot where, exactly one year later, you asked me to stay with you forever . The very same spot where my life had taken on new meaning, a new purpose.  

ORIGINAL
0
0
February 1, 2015
Austin, United States

Why do Ifeel as if I'm going crazy?  Losing all self control when it comes to loving you.  Constantly chasing after the love that I feel that I deserve.  Wanting you to want me, the way that I undeniably crave the warmth of your body against mine.  The sound of my name on your lips. I love you, if that makes me crazy then so be it.

WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL ...ALWAYS

WILD AT HEART
0
1
February 1, 2015
Austin, United States

The things that I've been through, I wouldn't wish upon my own worst enemy.  If given the opportunity, I wouldn't change a thing.  We are all products of our circumstances,  and I love the ME that mine have created.   
LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE

ORIGINAL
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0
January 30, 2015
 

The days have become shorter, and the nights longer.  the world engulfs me, swallowing me up, leaving me stuck in this alternate universe.  time passes as if in slow motion, watching as my mistakes unfold right in front of my eyes, twisting knots inside my stomache, ripping away at me from within.  how do i save myself from this agony, this unrelenting torture, the suffering and pain that i subject myself to over and over again?  fully aware of the detrement that my thoughts alone are capable of, yet continuing the struggle, the war, with my own worst enemy.  ME, MYSELF, I.  
Its lonely here, not another tortured soul.  

...

LETTRS FUCHSIA
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