Either you failed as a parent or I as a child
But it doesn't matter anyway as for me it all has been so unkind
He behaves like a dictator, you his victim
Both of you always hurling insensitive things and criticism
Ultimately making me feel numb
Million times I told you to not be opressed
But you wouldn't stand for yourself or anyone n make me too, depressed
Well I know the world is not a kind place for all
But had you or him been there for me, things wouldve been different for all
All you care for is relatives and society
But what about you, me and we as a family
Now none of us is happy or alive
All it does is wreck me and make me feel deprived.
Had you both not been so obsessed about rela...
Aren't we all the same , trying to be different in our own different ways?
You love me when you want to
Not when you have to
I can wake up whole night, even sing you a lullaby
While on phone you can't even say to me bye
I am so hung up on you
While you could just hung me on phone about you
I love you with all my heart and might
But you only only love me when you feel right
Although, you make me feel so low and fucked
Still, I make you feel so high and loved
All my soul and mind i used
In return I have loneliness, scares and mental abuse.
Lights all around me
While pitch black is all I could see
Rich people ,all their ego and shenanigans
Comfort found in "common people", their love and compassion
Some work to be famous n reach sky-high
While some like me wanna hide
Everybody works for material things and money
Takes heart andn soul to work for development honey
So lost, pessimism and hazy inside me
My soul could only be revived by people's agony
Doesn't make it matter if you just work for yourself
Cz at times, everyone needs a little push and help
Makes me alive and happy like sipping good aubergine red wine
Cz well I'll have to overcome my issues with other things and obsessive hygiene
My emotions flow sweet and sour ...
I'll never let you down n go,
Are the ones which hurt you worst n deep n leave you.
I burned the bridges connecting you and me,
Now there's no connect n no we.
Kill what hurts you,
Cz first priority n happy should be you.
How odd it is to feel alone,
Thinking about a million things and feeling none.
Is it the Monday blues or life blues which makes you frown and torn?
Or is it blue as in a porn?
Is it the color of the deep blue water?
Or the flowers you bought her?
Blue, the Genesis of Life,
Basis of clouds high up in the sky,
Blue the cold which makes your body, heart or soul cold,
Blue the color of our national bird?
Blue our mother earth?
Blue the color of navy, trust and respect?
Ultimately ,we born from and within blue and turn into black ash.
Every night I see this ghost
I dance with it in melancholy
Feel so helpless n empty
But then society says crying makes you girly
Smiling outside and crying inside
Nobody could see and sense in his eyes
A stranger would see a happy n high guy
These growing pains n sorrows can't even be slided away
At the end of these unknown roads
Lies either peace or more chaos
Will my pieces be further fragmented, making me more delusional
Or stick up all of my peaces together bringing me peace and closer to heaven
Well that's a million dollar question
One which can result into fission or fusion
Life is a wicked game full of irony
It led from you n me to we
Then things went a little maybe a lot eerie
Inside I'm screaming out loud,
In my mind, thoughts thunderstorm like heavy black clouds ,
Ready to downpour and let it all out,
But what really makes me enthrall is that there's anything left at all?
Every passing second I'm feeling more and more shit,
Like I'm falling deeper and deeper in this never ending pit.
But the world around me wants me to smile a bit,
Cz nobody gave me the license to be what I'm a misfit.
The reality I live is miles away from my reality,
And it's nibbling away my remaining bits of sanity.
So many voices muddle in my mind,
I feel like I'm Satan's favorite child.
With so many things going on inside me,
Daily I keep losing pieces of me.
With 'special help' of soc...
Within someone I find it all,
So much so that it makes me enthrall.
But then when I've them all,
My mind plays it's wicked games and resorts to withdrawal.
Initially I want to have, so I work hard for it,
Craving so bad that I just might die without it.
Butterflies in my stomach now turn quiet,
Cz their safe haven have now been destroyed.
Gonna feel peaceful and alive once again,
Even though had to give someone n myself agonizing pain
Creeps in the shame, paranoia, loneliness and guilt trips,
But then I feel numb and indifferent as if I didn't do it.
This vicious cycle keeps going on and on,
Making and breaking me back and forth.
It makes me hurt and regret so much that I self-loathe.
Worst times are the best teacher and mirror,
They shows us our inner strengths and true faces of the people around us , can turn strangers to family members.
Don't be afraid of the dark times cz they'll always come,
Just learn all you can and apply in the times to come.
There's no due diligence given to broken hearts n broken souls.
Broken hymen, broken hair, broken material things is all we care about.
But then, it is how everyone is thoroughly conditioned throughout.
Cz no matter how happy or sad you're you just gotta fake it n pout.
I'm alive but I miss life,
Cz you're not by my side.
No place to go or hide,
Nobody to seek for and confide.
You named me 'Setu' to bridge the generation gap,
While I couldn't even be there when you collapsed.
I know life is a bitch n nothing is pre-planned,
But no doubt I let you down n I accept it n understand.
From childhood to your end of days you always cared for me n loved me,
While I failed you countless times n wasn't there for you in your end time as I was so messed up within me.
You always loved me so much n had so many expectations,
I highly doubt I'll ever be able to repay you n be the wished for grandson.
Though I'm happy for you in some ways,
You're now free from your pain n ...
I've seen the "worst" people do the best things ,
And the "best" people doing the worst things,
But then we judge and label all the people and things,
Who the fuck even gave humans the right to judge?
But then Adam n eve had to mess the fuck up!
Seems like after all we all commit sins,
Only some confess while other hide behind their masks and thick skins.
I used to be a complete soul ,
Now my soul has been fragmented into countless bits.
So many multiple personalities have clouded my vision and make me forgetful,
The demons in my head nibble on my sanity and soul pieces by pieces.
I'm so lost in trying to help others and finding myself, I don't know who am i and when and how it will end.
Everyone is a sinner- conscious or not,
Some people wanna show off while some like me wanna hide.
People like us shine and give off different vibes and light.
Let's all put off our masks,
Try not to be a jerk , rather be a little amiable and tender towards others.
Everyone has a story to tell if you're a good listener.
Be yourself, don't try to be somebody you're not.
And while you're at it try to be beautiful rather than pretty or hot.
Be a reflection of what you want to see in others,
Also make sure of being happy and proud seeing yours in the mirror.
In this sheepherd of being sane, sorted, well planned and settled, dare to be chaotic yet peaceful, maelstrom and avant-garde.
Sometimes you feel like you're sinking deeper and deeper into the never ending abyss and that it couldn't get worse than this. But never give up. The struggle and pain will ultimately lead to something good and worthwhile. Don't expect friends or anyone to give you the courage , strength and support. You only have yourself in this world. But when you do walk through the empty roads alone, you'll see that you're stronger and happier than ever and that you don't need anyone for anything. That's real maturity n growth. Be proud of the pains and every bad thing that you've faced. Happiness is a way n choice of life. One who has learned to be happy alone has attained satiation.
Because only in our worst and weakest moments,
We find our innermost strength, courage and true friends.
Never let all the struggle and pain go in vain,
Cz even there's no rainbow without a little rain.
You believed in me n stood by me,
When, even self-love and faith on myself was devoid of me.
Hadn't you been with me,
I wouldn't have been the good and happy me.
I know I never opened up completely to you,
But destiny and time had other plans for me n you.
Slowly and steadily you crawled up to me,
And in no time it was no me and you, but we.
All the good and bad times spent together,
Made our friendship grow stronger and deeper.
To all those intellectual and crazy meaningless discussions ans so called 'difference of opinions',
To the all drinking together and nights full of getting into oblivion.
I wanted to quit and let it go so many times,
But you always holded me and never left my side....
Never ever I thought of it,
But finally I'm changing myself bit by bit.
From feeling so badly lost and messed up in life,
Now I feel so afresh, cheered up and bright.
Don't know the reason behind this blissful change,
But I welcome it with open arms and courage.
From feeling stuck up on people n things,
Now I feel like I'm a bird with open wings.
After months of feeling lonely n fucked up,
I finally made my decision to meet you up.
N damn it was one of my finest decisions yet,
We met, talked, kissed n finally together slept.
After so much internal resistance n self blockade,
I finally made a leap of faith.
With you I feel so powerless yet powerful,
All your care, love n emotions makes m...
We don't have to find answers all the times,
It feels good and light to get lost at times.
Forget all the past, melodrama and sorrows of life,
Just breathe in, calm and soak in the good vibes.
Not all is gone and lost,
Try to look past the grief and hurt.
Life is an adventure of ups and downs,
Don't be broken, torn and in frowns.
Be happy and glad to have this beautiful life,
Not even the sun always shines.
Try to live rather than just be alive,
Cause some days are blue and some days bright.
Try to let go and begin afresh,
Don't always be a fucked up mess.
Live, laugh and love as much as you can,
Cause honey you only get one trip around the sun.
Not everyone suffering is your problem.
Be a bit carefree and relaxed poor child o mine!
Hope, holding on and letting go,
Are the key to rejuvenating and healing.
Even when the demons in the head,
Keeps on saying that you're just sinking down and dreaming.
The day when we first walked together,
Is the day,which I will forget never.
That sparkling smile, which you gave me on that moment,
Made me forget all my pains and torment and I was a free spirit in that moment.
We talked,laughed,shared a lot,
All those stories of our past,
Which we cherish, remember
And some we wish we could've forgot.
We were enjoying every moment of our's,
With smiles on our faces,
Lots of thoughts in our minds,
And a ton of feelings in our hearts.
On that day,we also started a journey of us,
Which may have a lot of twists and turns.
I don't know where it will take us,
But it was one of those pure and serene things which suddenly happens.
There are many things whi...
Sorry to my lover,
That we couldn't stay together.
Our relationship was flawless and it would have last,
Only if I wasn't so caught up in my past.
In this harsh and cruel world,
You made me feel loved.
You loved me with all your might and heart,
While all i did was make a wreck of your and my heart.
From the chats to the phone calls,
Everything of you just made me fall.
Then came the day we finally met,
It was chaotic yet peaceful and perfect.
We laughed ,hugged and kissed,
Did my first slow dance and got overwhelmed.
Slowly you came near me,had me wrapped,
We slow danced,cuddled and it was damn perfect.
Such a perfect person and relationship I thought,
But then my bad luck and dest...
Oh my sweet lil ;)
How can I thank you enough for everything you gave?
In all the rain and wilderness in my life, you came up like petricor.
Like a bright streak of light in complete darkness,
You filled me up with love and togetherness.
Walking with you hand in hand,
Made my feel like I'm finally at my homeland.
May you always be happy and carefree the way you are,
Just like a shining star.
Although we only had a short run,
But it was full of pure love and warmth.
We went ahead on our different paths,
Yet when I remember that night and our kiss,
The chords and shivers of love still strikes my heart.
I hope that you have the best for your future,
I'm gonna be with you forever and ever....
Depression depression why don't you get off of me
I'm already the worst me
Oh! How have I not felt happiness in so long like forever
I try my level best but one thing or another n we are back together.
Is it the bullying,sexual assault or the mental sickness
That I feel completely helpless n emotionless
Feel like a liability I'm too much for everybody
Used n manipulated like a toy, not cared for or loved by anybody
Years n counting of all the suffering n despairness
Will I ever have peace of mind and happiness?
Please take me home to a place where I belong
I can't take this any long !
Everyday I feel like I don't even know me
Nothing affects me no more I'm so done
Trying to hold back...