When 2 people overdose in your house at the same time one dies. As I saved my boyfriend my friend died. I already looked at life differently and when he died from heroin overdose in my house I was then in shock trying to process it all day crying myself to sleep, finally, that night, till I was just dozing off and a knock on my door as the door opens a voice that made me spring up and run in there hitting him telling him but you was dead. He said, "another 2 mins and I would have been they screwed something in my leg and shot narcane in my leg to my bone marrow that's how dead I was." Now the difference in life I viewed than others just went up a few more notches. The day after this event he ...
The Betrayal in the Dishonesty
Maybe one day u will sit back and understand what it is that bothers me so much about the situation at hand. The question is will it be too late then? Did u ever think that one of the reasons I fell in love with u was because of the crucial honesty I thought was a character trait of urs? Did u ever think that now with that trait now gone I dont look at u the same? Did u ever think that ur closed mindness is giving me regret n resentment towards u and our marriage? Now because of my love for Jehovah God I am forced to be in a marriage that I have to uphold to be obedient to Jehovah. To show him my love for him I'm willing to now be in a marriage that to me isn't...
True love is real
Boy it feels so surreal
Married under God's name
Our love for Jehovah and His son,
Jesus Christ, are equally the same
Together are souls are now one
It seems to be so much fun
Reality sinks in as u realize
Looking deep into each other's eyes
Every decision I make affects both you and I
Every decision u make affects me and you
Dreams do come true
And we both said I do
Time to buckle up and enjoy life's ride
No giving up no matter how you feel inside
We have to remember love conquers all
So the devil can never win any attempts to make us fall
Thank you God
All Glory to you
We will beat all odds
Your love is true.
What is love?
From the man above
But here on Earth it's as if it's null
Does God bring us our blessings
So our hearts can soar
Like a Lions roar
I've heard him call on me
If I deny him
Is my soul going to be the fee
Do I really want to stand on the rim?
Looking over the rail
I see myself being tormented down in hell
As I change my view
I look up
And see myself born again brand new
Is that something I want to give up
Everyone looks so beautiful
As they dance in the clouds forever more
In the end I'd rather be knocking on Heaven's door
Living in eternal life
Instead of living in sin
Why don't you just make me your wife
Than we both win
Living in His...
I've put my past where it belongs
Thanks to that my heart no longer longs
I'm writing a better story
Only thing is in this one God gets all the Glory
I've found true love
Thanks to the man up above
He promises he will never leave you nor forsake you
This, now, I know is true
He brought me you
Our love will be legendary this you know
Let's show the world what God did for 2 addicted sinners
Let's give it a go
And show the world with God anyone can be winners
Dedicated to my love
And the Glory goes to God for bringing me a man that treats me like a queen, a man who puts God 1st, and loves him just as much as me, we call it equally yoked...
I'm tired of disappointment
In order to spend time with you
I may need an appointment
What the hell am I supposed to do?
Cry out for your love
Only to be denied
So like a turtle dove
Believe me I have tried
To capture your heart
But you don't wish to be near me
So we're always apart
Cause you only know how to flee
But you claim there's love in your heart
Or could it be
You're only crushing my heart
You're not in this for you and me
Who is she?
Do me a favor and let us be
I can't take it anymore
It's time I walk out them doors
Don't say I didn't warn you
Why is love so blue?
The circle of life makes no sense
Born only to die
Do our lives even make a difference
Its like I exist
Only to drop tears from my eyes
And my friends only to disappear
Leaving more tears
Pain, pain and more pain
When will happiness rein
All I've seen is a world that's unfair
Am I the only one who even cares
Why are my loved ones lives not spared
Why is my life full of sadness
I'm so tired of all this madness
Where's the real love
You know like the type from the man above
Maybe this is just a test run
Screw it I'm done...
As I ramble you will hear how my life is in shambles
I decided to go down this road we call game in these streets
It seems that now I have greeted my defeat
What's done is done
It was hella fun
But the people I helped betrayed me
And for a small fee
A small bag of dope
I have lost all hope
At times I wonder if you would even care
If my life wasn't spared.
You say I'm your heart
But your actions are tareing me apart.
Do you really love me
Or am I where you set your anger free.
I don't want to give up on us.
That's why I put up such a fuss
But the way you love is ripping me into pieces.
You make me feel like someone's big pile of fesces.
I pray that you change
If not my funeral will need to be prearranged.
I'm at a loss for words
Because even after our talk
It feels like your stabbing me with a ton of swords.
I love you if only you had a clue.
I really don't know what to do.
Stay and let you tare me apart
Or flee and save my soul and very own heart.
Living in a world without fear
Causing me to let anger steer
When will my head become clear
Im makings mistakes
Leaving my life and ones I care about lives at stake
How is that fair
The ones around me actually care
Do you know that is so rare
But im jeapordizing their lives
Trying to cut others with knives
And they got my back
I wish loyalty was something they lacked
Im feeling ones love
Our time together is up to the man above
I shouldn't have risked his freedom
Now I will be the reason
For our time apart
If only I hadnt shown him my heart
The women in this day and age have no class.
Give them drugs or money and they let u have that ass.
They know nothing about being loyal.
Then they have the nerve to demand being treated like their royal.
You can't believe nothing they say.
Each word is a lie.
When your not at home or have gone away,
they cause pain that makes you cry.
They sleep with your family and friends
and this isn't where it ends.
They build up trust
All to steal your money .
Because they're lazy this is a must.
Then they start acting all funny.
Before you know it they say they're done.
Wow wasn't that ride so much fun.
Now because of women like them
Women like me are running thin.
We're being hurt every single day.
It's obvious to see
You never loved me
You throw the word love around
Often causing others to drown
Do you realize what you have done?
My heart isn't a game made for fun
It's obvious to see you never cared
To you my feelings weren't worth being spared
I wish I never met you
You really have no clue
When questioned why I won't be intimate and close. Did the person asking ever think because in life they have hurt me the most? I remember mentioning before I came how every message to other women were just the same. You say you love me but the deception was mine to see. You did the exact same thing as before. So don't bother saying bye when I walk out them doors. Your love was and is fake. My loyalty to you is my biggest regret and mistake. Doing right and standing by your side only made my love for you and my spirit disappear, die, and subside. Thank you for being so untrue.
It's so crazy how life throws you curve balls! People wonder why I've put up walls. How can one person still cause so much damage? Two years have gone by you would think I could manage. More and more secrets pour out. How many are there? Nobody hears me when I shout. Life is so unfair. Tell me did you ever really care? If I have to ask the answer has to be a no. If I had watched your actions I would have known. They did nothing but reveal your true feelings. I guess I was the guest star on your show. My prayers reach beyond these ceilings. My shouts may not have been heard but God hears me that's for sure.
Neveah Destiny Pickens
July 19, 2016
Today is the day I buried you. 7 years ago and I still hurt just the same. I never got to know who you would become, knowledge of only your very name. While over time you have watched from above and witnessed who your mother has become. How come things like this happen? My downward spiral began and it started with me trappin. At this point in time I had 8 years of sobriety. Almost 4 years later I fell weak. I tried to stay strong but it didn't take long. Any variety is what began my new addiction streak. I swore I would never use a needle. Your birth/death along with his abuse was sure to be my excuse. My only escape was now within the needle. Every drug...
At a young age I left & went away
It's what I had to do to break a vicious cycle.
I became strong & made my own way,
but now days I feel like I'm in the process of recycle.
I'm definitely considered green,
It takes everything within me not to treat others so mean.
I had 11 yrs 9 mos clean,
than when u truly needed me,
home is the direction in which I had to flee.
I was here to stay,
the things u said & did
caused me tremendous hurt & pain.
Scarred my life & heart,
terrible memories stuck with me like a stain.
The Lord & I relationship,
torn so terribly apart
as my life began to fall apart.
The only thing that cured the pain,
was methamphetamine in my vein,
or at least...
Why try and fix it now? The damage is done. I'm a Taurus you know the cow. The kind of sign who makes you want to run. I believe you said worst sign you have ever dated. We were together and you do nothing but contradict. To me you say I'm underrated. You lie in my face and claim to others I'm nothing but a disgrace. You say I can rule your world and be your queen but behind my back I'm cruel and I guess mean. Why because I'm not as affectionate as you and i believe your involved in things you say your not. Now you trying to claim it was a joke and not true. Also trying to fix shit cause now your on the spot. The damage is done and I guess I'll be the one to run. Seeing how you thought you wa...
Love is a setup for pain. It's not like dancing in the rain. With a happiness that's full as your twirl. Feeling as if your the only one in the world instead it makes you wanna hurl. Fake, lies, and bull crap so fuck it let's call it a wrap. I didn't do this you did maybe the next girl your with you won't fib.
Good souls being taken from us prematurely. Leaving our lives empty due to loved ones dying so early. They say when one life enters the world one is taken. A father's life ends for a daughter's to begin her makin. She will have no memories with him nor here his voice ever again. She's around 6 months old. Once she's older she will be waiting to hear her father's story be told. How will her life from here on out be? Being a daddy's little girl is something she will never get to see. For her this life is so unfair and not enough people care. If they did they never would have pulled the trigger. There's something here to be seen, a picture that's so much bigger. A daughter without her hero all ...
Message in a bottle hitting you at full throttle. Who sent it to save us? If you have to ask you couldn't know of Jesus. Can you believe he gave his life for us and without a fuss? Some of us spiritually bound. Sad thing is all we have to do is seek who needs to be found. Once this is done you can turn your whole life around. All you have to do is pick up His book and take a deep look. You might get a little shook but freedom has a price and it sure is nice. Treat each other with love and have faith in the man above. Is this price too much or just enough? It's as easy as this and it will bring your life so much bliss. Jesus where are you at? See simple as that. He will open the door and be th...
The world's full of greed leaving our soul for the Satan to feed. When will people learn we need to love one another? This will cause Satan's flames to be smothered. He will no longer influence us to treat each other so cruel. Give the power back to the one who needs to rule. We can beat the odds all we have to do is have faith in Jesus and God.
Look Satan quit lyin and hatin. You will never take 1et place as long as I'm around showing my good grace. You don't have the speed or an even pace. Now you need to stay out of my children's face. You're nothing but a disgrace. You think you're really witty. You're lucky I showed you pitty the day I cast you out of Heaven. Now Hell is your rest haven. Even in the beginnin you thought you was winnin. All because you had everyone sinnin. My holiness can give any soul a cleansin. Don't you know without me the world wouldn't even be spinnin. You're right about being the one fakin because there is no mistaken not even one of my children's should are ever yours for the takin. I let you roam around ...
Fuck God he can't save you. He let's me do as I will. Steady turning his back on you. He gave me your soul that was the deal. Your soul is my favorite meal. You gotta know. The man above doesn't know unconditional love. He let my demons and I run freely on Earth. He allows us to take your children from you at birth. Your life nor your children's have any worth. How is that love unfailing? I laugh in his face everytime I make one of you jump over the highest railings. I'm the one winning the good and evil race. Thru each addiction I cause your life the biggest afflictions. God allows me to do so. He told me go ahead give it a go. Anything goes see if you can take their souls. Each one of you t...
You gotta be kidding me with that goodbye letter. You really think you can do any better? That's absolutely fuckin absurd and the funniest thing I ever heard. Do you remember when I stole your sole? You was so ready to go. Have you ever heard of show and tell? I hope so. If not I'll show you how you will never leave hell. You've already been sold. The devil will always have your soul to hold. I don't give a fuck what you've been told. I knew once you snorted that 1st line you would always be mine. God can't help you. You will never stay clean. You must not have a fuckin clue. I own you. Without me you don't even know what to do. Let alone to truly have fun. We will live a life on the run. You...
It's weird to feel homesick yet I don't feel I have a home. While at the same time I feel all alone. Wishing I had a family I could call my own or maybe even just one real friend. Someone that I knew would always be there for me we're my life could depend on their defense to my very own end. Instead, everyone seems to play what we call both sides of the fence. Always leaving your heart in suspense. A pain like this is way too tense. Yet I still feel homesick. To them my kindness and generosity, seems to be there next lick. Leaving me with a ferocious curiosity as to why my heart hasn't turned cold. All the shit I've been through and I'm only 31 years old still with a heart of gold. Or why it ...
How is one to know it's meant to be? Often praying the others love will set you free. Wondering if you're the one who will always be by my side! I get scared when my heart beats this hard. I can't run and hide because I feel like this is the perfect card I've been dealt. I truly believe joy is all that's left to be felt. Is my soul set free all cause you want to be with me? I know u will treat me right and like a queen. You have never treated me mean. Now that we're both clean what will be our next scene?
By April McMullin
This is a goodbye letter. Just know I had to do this to make my life better. It's nothing you did even though you were never there through any of my bids. Plus you robbed me of all the Finer Things in life. You made me extremely lazy. Damn this is pretty crazy. As I sit here and write this, I'm realizing with you in my life there will never be any Bliss. Being under your influence is not something I miss. You took all of my money. Then when I would miss a day you had me acting all funny. I remember the times you had me commit absurd crimes. You did nothing but cause me hard times. Always causing me to be very manipulating and always contemplating. Anything goes as long as I get to get high. ...
Every single day I sent in my cell praying the next day I would not wake up not in jail. I've sentence myself to my own self made hell. Why is it when I look around I only hear a snake hiss sound? I want nothing more to be on the other side of these locked doors. Everytime I try to run I only go round and round in a circle, on the rec yard is where I spend most of my day room time. No privacy or place I can find to have a moment with peace of mind. Instead I'm surrounded by bitches I find hella weak. So-called friends Secrets they can't even keep. One's there's no doubt will leak before the end of this very week. Some of these women very beautiful. The only thing is beauty is not only skin de...
As I sit and do my time I began an inventory of humankind. More inspections All In My Mind only to find a whole lot of deception. It's a good thing I haven't been blind. Thankfully, my perception hasn't made me lose my mind. Just a minor bee sting, compared to the pain which was the one thing that led to methamphetamines in my veins. All the mask an unbearable pain which was what caused a tremendous heartache leaving my whole life at stake. Of course, I begin to break as I look around and see nothing but snakes. I've always wondered why everyone so fake being yourself as easy as baking a damn cake. I guess some people don't understand we're all human and make mistakes. Now days being yourself...
Throughout life you go through situations designed to be your toughest trials and greatest tribulations. My hurts, betrayals and abandonments left a pain in my heart that felt unbearable. This caused me to lose all hope. My life had become nothing but terrible feeling as if I was at the end of my rope I begin chasing any kind of dope. Which led to what felt to be an endless journey of addiction. Some used by snorting, others smoking, some drink but I choose using a needle entering through any vein. This has caused my life so much friction trying to fill an emptiness or cure that unbearable feeling of pain. Not realizing the reality in each attempt was completely vain. While at the same time m...