Explore
Sign Up
Login

Aryananda

PO# 624578
India
India
Completed 12th
July 10, 2019
 

Everything needs balance
World, nature, life......
Ups and downs, high and low.
I was on the edge of being high for days.
Now, I am looking into a deep void
ready to fall.
All my demons,
the worst and the mighty is here
Eager to haunt me
I am barely keeping them at bay,
Holding myself back
from taking that single step
To fall into chaos.
- Nandu

MADE WITH LOVE
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
1
0
July 10, 2019
 

At times, knowledge is a curse.
And I am cursed
I know, l understand, even when I say
"l don't know" with desperation filled voice
I know. I always fucking knows.
When I say I don't know what I mean is that I am not ready to acknowledge it.
I am refusing to take a look at it because I also know better than anyone else that if I do look at certain things I will be screwed. I will be more of a mess than l currently am. And l don't have the energy or strength to deal with it. I will end up crying, vulnerable, and in too much pain.
Still, deep inside I know that I know.
Yet, I lie to the world and myself that I don't. Maybe, one day l will fool myself too. Maybe one day I will be relieved of ...

MADE WITH LOVE
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
1
0
July 1, 2019
 

Everything needs balance
World, nature, life......
Ups and downs, high and low.
I was on the edge of being high for days.
Now, I am looking into a deep void
ready to fall.
All my demons,
the worst and the mighty is here
Eager to haunt me
I am barely keeping them at bay,
Holding myself back
from taking that single step
To fall into chaos.

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
0
0
June 19, 2019
 

I don't know what I am feeling anymore. I used to be so damn sure of my feelings. Always in control of myself. Now? I don't know anything anymore. I am blank, angry, sad, lost, rebellious, irritated, frustrated. My head is spinning with a whirlwind of emotions. Making me incapable of doing anything. I am desperately seeking for a release. I need to fill myself with smoke, or be drunk senseless, or to draw lines in the skin and to replace the darkness with pain. Or the most fulfilling one - be lost in ecstasy. But I can't. I don't know how much longer I can remain strong without giving into my cravings. And to think that I used to be so sure of myself! Speak about irony.

- Nandu

Thumb_signature_1561000218562
LIMITS EXIST ONLY IN THE MIND
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
1
0
June 12, 2019
 

As much as I want and long to fly high
I can't.
I too am tied down like mundanes
I too am tied down, not by anything alien
But by myself.
The happiness, smile, arrogance, don't care attitude ,everything....
It is just a mask, a pretense, a lie.
Hiding behind this mirage,
I am just a broken soul haunted by her past, fleeing from her insecurities,
scared by her loneliness,
desperately searching for light, an escape,
from the deep abyss that she is in.
Seemingly close but distanced by light years.
She can see the world, observe it,
understand its secrets.
But sadly, she is invisible to the world.
It never hears her cries,it never understands.
After all, she was made to be understanding  b...

PASSION OVER PERFECT
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
2
0
June 12, 2019
 

As much as I want and long to fly high
I can't, I too am tied down like mundanes
I too am tied down, not by anything alien
But by myself. The happiness, smile,   arrogance,  don't care attitude ,everything....
It is just a mask, a pretense, a lie.
Hiding behind this mirage, I am just a broken soul haunted by her past, fleeing from her insecurities, scared by her loneliness,
desperately searching for light, an escape,
from the deep abyss that she is in.
Seemingly close but distanced by light years.
She can see the world, observe it,
understand its secrets.
But sadly, she is invisible to the world.
It never hears her cries,it never understands.
After all, she was made to be understanding  b...

PASSION OVER PERFECT
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
1
0
March 8, 2019
 

Self-harm may be closely related to self-hate. Hating ourself, thinking less of ourself, the feeling of being worthless, unwanted, unlovable and ugly. But it is not neccessary related always. Self harm is not about hating ourself. It is about escaping the pain,the darkness, that threatens to swallow us. The emotional ache that is a zillion times greater than any physical pain. Replacing the darkness luring us in with the white hot pain of bleeding. It's an escape from pain through pain. I was wrong. Self-harm is always connected to self-hate. It's either the reason that prompts us to do it or it's what holds us from going over that edge. First by its presence, the later by its absence.

- Nan...

ORIGINAL
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
0
0
March 8, 2019
 

Self-harm may be closely related to self-hate. Hating ourself, thinking less of ourself, the feeling of being worthless, unwanted, unlovable and ugly. But it is not neccessary related always. Self harm is not about hating ourself. It is about escaping the pain,the darkness, that threatens to swallow us. The emotional ache that is a zillion times greater than any physical pain. Replacing the darkness luring us in with the white hot pain of bleeding. It's an escape from pain through pain. I was wrong. Self-harm is always connected to self-hate. It's either the reason that prompts us to do it or it's what holds us from going over that edge. First by its presence, the later by its absence.

- Nan...

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
0
0
January 15, 2019
 

I feel like a child, who is in a room
with lots of chambers,
most of them open for her to play, observe, and explore.
She is thrilled and excited
with her newfound precious and dedicate toy. But, even in the middle of all these excitements, she get curious  wondering what's in the chambers that are not open to her.
All she knows about it is that,
it has got darkness but she believes she is strong enough to face it,
maybe that's her naiveness.
And at other times she will feel an unexplainable sadness,
the feeling that she is not good enough for those quarters to be opened for her. On other days,
there are only calmness in her,
patiently exploring the things that are accessible to her...

LIGHT LETTRS LOGO
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
1
1
January 11, 2019
 

Isn't it strange how the mind works?
When we are alone, sad and miserable we will try our best and fall in love with our solitude, and build a perfect fantasy world for us to escape to and will become happy or as happy as we can in the chaos. But as soon as life gifts us with the friends and the life that we always craved the emotions that we suppressed in the past will come up to haunt us. It will hit us with the loneliness that we deeply felt before falling in love with it. Raising all the insecurities the past had cultivated deep inside our hearts. Draining our strength and making us vulnerable. But despite all these catastrophic emotions we will try our best to enjoy the love, friendship ...

ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
1
1
January 9, 2019
 

When you realize that the road you taken was a subconsciously deliberate one to be alone. The choice to be alone in its literal sense than to be alone in the middle of a crowd. That moment of realization can hurt you, swallowing all the strength that you attained in your solitude. Leaving you as an adorable mess.

-Nandu

Recovery Through Words
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
1
0
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
1
0
January 8, 2019
 

The mind have forgotten the events, the moments, the people and the actions that made you feel sad, hurt and lonely in the past but the heart is still clinging to the emotions you felt, like it is the only thing left to hold on. And you will be startled by how fast it can make you feel down, sad in a perfectly normal moment maybe hitting you out of nowhere, maybe by a word uttered, or even when we take a look too close at a random emotion. All the feelings of the past can rush in faster than light leaving you in a mess of sadness, tears and loneliness.

- Nandu

Thumb_signature_1546995132330
ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS
Thumb_1499094046
PO#624578
1
0