A short haiku. Not very good but felt like posting
I used to be sad a lot
and then i met you
now I can not stop smiling
2 April 2019
this has been weighing on my heart for about 2 years. and it still hasn’t let up yet.. the heartache of a broken friendship is fierce. but i’m trying to push through.
I’ve been thinking of you a lot. The way your laugh used to be the most infectious disease and how when we talked everything always seemed to be our secret from the world. It was the friendship every little girl dreams of having. Safe. Protected. The sister we were never given. But as the years pass and the spaces between our conversations grow I’m beginning to see our friendship through the lens of older, wiser eyes. And that friendship I craved, that validation I wanted so badly never came from you. Instead, ...
for any of my friends here who have been following my journey from the beginning, you’ve been with me through a few relationships. and you have seen my soul pour for them. well my sweet friends, I have finally found the one my soul lives for. the one who lights up my sky like fireworks. he is my blessing. enjoy (:
love is a game of chance. strangers coming and going. walking the same streets and smiling at the same friendly barista at the local coffee shop. commenting on the same new construction in the city to a coworker. being mesmerized by the same sunset from different back porches. forever together but the paths never crossing. until one night the moon shines a little brighter. and t...
You left such positive comments on my last post I decided to post a few old writings from last summer. Thank you all for your support. Also! I thought i’d share that i’ve entered a writing competition for a magazine. I’ll keep everyone updated (:
Heartbreak - 17 v. 21
When I heard him say “I love you” for the last time it seemed like any other day. I didn’t savor the sound of his voice and how it made my heart melt like ice cream cones in the summer. We were every lover’s envy. We saw eternity in each others eyes and lived in between innocent kisses. I never imagined a day where our love wouldn’t be enough. Where the lust of two young high school lovers wouldn’t satisfy the craving in ...
Hello guys! So clearly it’s been a while.. I haven’t posted in over a year and i’ll be honest I haven’t been writing as much as I used to. But I took a little while today and tried to get at least some thoughts on paper. Give me your opinions!
As I lay curled up in my blankets the solemn evening creeps into my room through the window cracks. Slivers of moonlight bounce through the room like tiny shooting stars. I count my breaths slowly waiting for the silence to be broken. The demons of the night begin to rumble and drag their claws through the walls of my small white picket house. From the outside my home looks lovely. White walls and lively green vines snaking their way across the roo...
so before you read this piece it's very important to me. i wrote about myself from the perspective of someone who i know felt true and genuine feelings towards me and i wanted to remember that feeling forever. he has read it and said it was magical how i read his brain like a map.. please please feel free to leave feedback, i love it and cherish each comment so much. Thank you friends!! enjoy my piece, i think i'm really proud of this one.
i remember meeting her. she had soft brown hair the fell on top of her small breast. her skin was a soft golden, kissed gently by the sun. she had this smile that radiated so much joy it was as if every ounce of her was pure and whole. her laugh ec...
how it feels to date someone who doesn't love you back //
at the beginning you used to praise my body like it was a sunrise on the coast of eternal bliss. you told me my voice sounded like honey and that my lips tasted like strawberry daiquiris on a summer day. i remember the way your finger tips would glide across my skin like some form of admiration in an art art museum. i thought i was your favorite piece.
these days it feels like all we do is talk in circles, both trying to convince us your love isn't a myth to be challenged. but every morning when i wake up i'm a little more empty than before and i don't know when i'll be scraping the bottom of myself for crumbs but the days are numbe...
as i walked across the campus i saw the faces of everyone i've ever known in strangers and it made me feel small. i saw beauty and love in the brown eyes of a girl sitting on a bench and i saw balance and eternity in the light steps of the boy rushing to class.
it was in this moment that i felt the most empty i've ever felt. the most nothing one can feel, or rather — not feel.
i realized a few things. i will never be the blonde hair girl with a perfect body and a voice that makes people melt into the ground on summer days. i will never be the skateboard guy who is mysterious and never doubts his lack of thought towards other's perceptions of him. i will never be the freshman english teacher...
he is the kind of guy who makes flowers grow out of your chest on a cold winter morning.
everything about him is a dream. i remember the first time i noticed that his smile lays across his face like rose petals. and when i hear him laugh it comes from somewhere deep inside him that is made of light and majestic waves of clear blue, salty ocean water
he's the devil wrapped in angel wings and i'm mesmerized by the way his fingers curl perfectly around my throat when he puts his cherry lips on mine.
his eyes make me want to pour my chest out even when i'm happy, and for someone who only turns to the pen when i'm really looking for a bottle of pain killers, that says something.
i hope he k...
it's scary living in a world where my only solace is the fact that one day i will cease to exist. because as hard as i try to enjoy my days i've been given i can't seem to find anything in them to enjoy.
am i supposed to love that my bestfriend is more like a distant stranger? someone who comes to me when she needs me to water her soul with love and sneaks away when i've grown empty.
am i supposed to enjoy the fact that every boy i've ever loved has torn me apart like young girls pulling the petals off innocent flowers screaming "he loves me, he loves me not" into the air like sirens? when they take my heart and ignite it with their gasoline words is the flame supposed to keep me warm or ...
that's how it took for me to fall in love with you. for me to give you every piece of me that i'd been hiding since my heart got broken.
that's how long it took you to realize i'm not the one you want. i'm not the type of girl who's worth fighting for because to be honest i have a hard enough time fighting for myself so i don't expect anyone else to try.
when i first met you you weren't mine for the taking. your heart was wrapped in another girls soft hands and she had a death grip on you. i'm sorry we had to meet then but i think it showed me that you do in fact have a heart, because if i base it just off us you'd be the most empty person i've ever met.
you told m...
I haven't written in a while and I feel as though I owe my friends on here some bit of an okay or sign that all is well, since I know some of you are worrisome because of the darkness hidden in my writing.
well friends, yes I am perfectly okay. lately I've been bogged down with a lot of typical life trials... 2 jobs, full time student, love life complications.. but hey! all is turning out okay for me.
I don't want to make this too long, so to keep it short and sweet, i'll try to start writing again. so all of you lovely faces can keep popping up every so often on my kitchen counter.
with all the love,
here's an attempt at another short story. i got so much lovely feedback on my last one and it's reaally mootivated me to try again. so here we go!! SOTD //
Drew had always been different, and he recognized this about himself from a very young age. While other kids would run about with smiles and laughter dancing abut them, he seemed to have a perminent frown plastered across his face. He wasn't neccessarily sad, just curious.
As he grew older his curiousity became unfulfillable. Drugs became his favorite escape, but even after a while those seemed to make him crave something else even more. Something he wasn't even sure what it was.
At 16 he had already endured more than any man sho...
6 ways to break your heart //
1. tell him you love him. when you get into your first big fight and you can feel him slipping through your fingers and the fear rushes through your veins like wildfire spills that you love him onto the coffee table. you probably don't mean it but say it anyway. he'll stop and look at you like you've told him the meaning of life and he'll kiss you into a summer sunrise. you'll feel your body relax and you'll melt into his chest until you forget that this was an accident. you've only known him for 2 months. tell him you love him when you're laying on his couch in the basement. when you can feel the words burning through your teeth because now you feel it, you ca...
i guess no matter how many angry letters i write i'll never be able to erase you from my memory. and no matter how many hearts i grow fond of, they'll never build a fire inside my chest like you do.
i wonder if you know how much i love you. i wonder if you lay in bed and you feel so incredibly full of love and affection. that even though you don't return this love, it helps you conquer this world day by day knowing someone would lay down their everything for you.
you accused me of talking to someone. and at first i was angry that you believe a rumor. but you believed me, and that lightened the pain i felt at your accusation. but, don't you get it? has it not sunken into your skin by n...
i know i'm quick to anger, i have acquired that ugly trait from my father, and i'm sorry. but one thing i've never done is insult you directly. i may get angry and i may fuss about a situation but i never call you out of your name, or show the hurt side of my feelings. i'm quick to hide pain with fury.
so here it goes, here is something i've been wanting to scream to the sky since what seems like the beginning of us.
and that may seem harsh but there's nothing more so than the way you have treated me. so often i take the high road when the other person didn't deserve it, and so often do i turn the other cheek. but i'm done living in silence. you've hurt me. deeply ...
hello friends, so i've never written a short story so here's a stab at it for the SOTD (:
today was long over due, and i'm surprised it took this long to be quite honest. with my jumbled thoughts invading my brain i grabbed my wallet and the envelope containing a short letter for my wife, Amelia.
as i walked out of the house i took note of all the small details i had taken for granted for the passed 7 years.. i smiled as the door made that once annoying squeal as i pulled it closed. as i walked down the stairs i ran my hand along the railing and winced as my finger hit the nail that i'd been meaning to fix. i watched as the blood dribbled down my finger. rubbing the blood off on my pan...
over the past few days i have realized something so simple that i'm shocked it took me 19 years.
you can't control other people's actions, but you can always control how you respond.
i've heard that phrase before but i always applied it to when people bully you and you ignore them instead of retaliating. but i never quite thought of it on a deeper, more personal way. i never thought it was applicable to my life as a whole. until now.
i've dealt with a lot of deceit over the course of my life. and i've let it drag me down into a pit of despair til i was suffocating in my tears. but i've realized, they hurt me. but i don't have to stop living MY life that i've been blessed with. i can be ...
my birthday is soon and i'm dreading it.
what's the point of celebrating a life that is more lonely than lovely.
"like lipstick traces on pillow cases, some things in life are undeniable"
my favorite song lyrics that are still true even after 8 years
i think ill be taking a break from the world of romance for a while. at least until i can take a hot shower and the steam doesn't show your finger prints on my skin.
but i hope you still taste my kiss every time you lick your lips. and i hope you smell me on your pillow and hear my laughter in your favorite tv shows. and when you sit on the couch in the basement at night i hope the seat next to you feels cold. you threw away someone who would've loved you til the end of time. i hope you realize that.
as i drove to work this morning i sat in silence. the only noise was the roar of the engine. i didn't turn on the air, but rather i soaked in the chill of early fall. i kissed a cigarette and blew out the flame between you and i.
you don't own me anymore
i've always been the type to find myself curled up on my bathroom floor at 2 am crying over the pain of everything. but it's gotten to a point where i don't cry. i don't find myself hiding in the corners of dark rooms to find peace in my head.
i just sit. i walk around empty.
i think that's why i'm having such a difficult time letting you go.
i know you don't treat me well. you don't listen to me, you don't support and uplift me, you don't care about my thoughts, you're overbearingly possessive. you're everything that's crippling my brain and i hate it.
but i look forward to cuddling up on the couch with you. i look forward to coming over early on thursday's when you make me cinnamon panc...
i don't have much to say except that i love you and hold you close to my heart.
but i can't keep loving a empty room. my voice echoes too much and it's not very welcoming and comforting here.
i hope you understand. i love you, but i can't stay with you.
every time i see your smile diamonds fall out of my eyes and cut my cheeks til i have a permanent bloody grin on my face too.
tomorrow is your birthday. i've been here for the past 6 of them, how funny that 6 years ago this time i was a young girl who was hanging off your every word. a young girl with no one but myself, my thoughts, and you.
i hope you know i'm forever grateful for you, you saved me.
but i hope you know we can never again go back to 6 years ago. we can never return to the innocent love and affection we shared between our hearts and our lips and our fingertips.
because you might have saved me once, but you killed me more. your venomous words and your heavy, bruising hands taught me that even in love, even in innocence and trust there is fear and agony. you took away my protection.
falling in love with you was such a privilege. to find someone who makes me laugh at nothing and who's smile makes my heart stop, it was everything. my favorite moments aren't the ones where we went out or when we got caught by the cops for making out in your car or when your mom tried to come in your room when we were a little too close. it wasn't any of these scary yet amusing moments. my favorite is the night i fell asleep in your bed while you played video games. or the night we kissed for the very first time and you didn't know what to do so we sat criss-cross towards each other and you put your hands on my knees. my favorite moment is after you broke up with me. you held my body, frail ...
i remember the day clearly,
i met you at the park and we wandered down a trail until we came to my favorite spot.
we sat together on the massive boulder i had come to find comforting when i needed somewhere to run.
i lit a cigarette, and we began flooding the air with meaningless words. we told each other we would keep in contact when you left.
i told you i'd stop being sad, i would find myself soon.
you told me you would stop being so reckless, you would grow up soon.
it's been 10 months
i'm still sad
and you're still fighting your mind from the inside of jail cells.
i hope we keep our promises.