Autum Leona Markham
|poetry. endless words. 23yrs.old. scorpio.|
I am hurt & yet I keep quiet I can feel that the tension inside me is building up inside me
It's hot & he only wants me to take care of the baby
He was happy to get rid of me
Had to have his sister do it for him
He's such a lame I think to myself.
Why do I choose to be with someone who
Does not want me ? Only when it's convenient.
No apologizes no remorse no forgiveness & now it's just
A curse. A bad luck to be in such a relationship like this.
It's crazy. It's not right. You shouldn't be doing that.
Yet here we are at it again & doing the strangest of things that normal people don't contribute to.
I'm sweaty & I'm angry.
I'm angry for what's happening around me.
For him being only one...
Man I messed up again when my intention was to only just help.
Fuck i feel bad especially when he just told me not to do it with remodeling our home I should have been thinking more instead of acting so suddenoh. Ugh. I'm frustrated with myself. This sucks I always seem to mess up and I didn't realize it until it was too late. Now hes mad at me. Doesn't even want to associate with me. I mess up constantly when can i give myself a break. I need to get things right. He still don't like my attitude towards other people that come and go in life. I am going to have to remember to stop calling him names when we fight and argue
I need to get my attitude right, shit... i am getting out of hand. Bec...
Wow it's been forever it feels like that I have written
My soul so badly has been needing it's fixed to be released
Sind hatred and negativity stirring up in my being. It's dying to get out of myself. I am arguing and been fighting with Derrick for couple days now. It's sad I wish it wasn't like this. I have been just cleaning everyday now & that's pretty much It. I want to go fill out for food stamps & cash assistant in the state of California. Derrick is working on having the car worked on & getting it fix so that we will be mobile. I hope that all goes well with the Mini Cooper I miss driving it. Even though I'm the one that gets accused of burning out the clutch which I must admit yeah t...
Hello how are you? I hope that all is well thank you for all that you have done for me. I know your in heaven smiling down at all of us. I miss you so much and not a day goes by that I don't think about you . I Always imagine what life would be like if you were here with me. I wish you see and meet. My daughters. They're growing so big and so fast. I wish you could be here. I am always going to remember you And my heart will always miss you. I could never forget you, your mom nobody can or will ever take your place. Your always going to be my mom. Thank you and I love you. I hope that your happy. Xoxox hope you can read this and know that i am thinking of you this mother days
Today is mother day
I don't really like to celebrate it
Being that my mom passed away
I don't have her here to show how much I miss her and how much I love her.
I am a mom now, I'm glad to have celebrated with my youngest daughter
I hope that ilka had a good day, I'm sure she did with her family.
I just got Zoey to lay down she didn't want to go to bed I wouldn't either if I was her. My daughter is going to get sitters tonight and although I'm going to miss her I need the break. I am wanting to have her back though right away. I doubt that will happen though since my daughter's sitter loves her and wants her constantly . I am lucky to have her in our lives she's great with Zoey. I reall...
i'm sad, i'm hurt, i'm disappointed, i'm angry but you know what? i'll put on a smile and move on. it will hurt, but i will survive. i've been through this before. I wasn't added onto the obituary of my brother and it hurts me because he had consider me his sister growing up. i've been in this family since diapers. He has always supported what Dad taught us about unconditonal love. I believe both of them. Bob is the one who excluded me of being listed as the family. Although it hurts and to contact him about it, well the response i got was sacarstic and rude. he doesn't care. i am sadden by this, but it's not like I didn't see it coming now. I just need to remember that Dale didn't feel that ...
I don't know if you get lettrs in Heaven. I am not sure if you can read what I am writing to you or if you know what's going on I hope that you do. I just want to let you know, I am missing you alot. I am sad by your absence in this world. I was really looking forward to coming out there with my family and visiting you, showing you my family that I had made with my husband and daughter. I wanted to show you that I am doing good in life. I am sad that I can't make you at least a little bit proud. I hope that there wasn't any hard feelings between us I don't think that there was. I am sorry for what you were going through that made you feel you had to take your own life. I don't lo...
Oh man. Another family member dead. A tragedy. Pain comes in like a wave upon a shore. It doesn't feel real. This is unbelievable I'm trying to to grasp reality. Trying to wake up from this dream. I am taking it All in. Tears come to my eyes. I cry half the day away, swollen and now my head hurts. What was going through his Mind the moment my big brother took his life? What were the voices saying? Was he already planning this and for how long? He was better than this. He could have just asked for help. His son seen the nightmare, always going to haunt him the picture of his dad blood every where and a hole in his head. Too late to stop him. My heart goes out to Zach. Brandon and. Derek and ...
Ugh this sucks. She feels alone, he's being mean & cold to her. Stubborn humans, standing their ground. No budging no compromise. Just laying it down no way to get them to swallow pride
Ideas come about
What ifs linger thru each of their minds and in reality it's all because of me being in the way. I'm the underline issue. I try to talk to one giving it a try on making it easier. Feeling comfort. No awkwardness. Just the feeling of being left out. Seems like one gets more of this, that or the other. Both minds wondering if he notices the other more than the other. Cant it be equal? Nope not here..not when someone is as selfish as him
Have to have it his way cant he even pretend to care?
He wants me go make quick easy cash
I do all the work
Play my part
No kissing and he must be able to know all what is going on
I must listen for if i dont there will be no excuse for what tthw consequences may hold up against me. Wreck havoc. Not today. Im such a disaster. He is
Willing to sell me away,
For whatever price you want to rent me just to get rid of me and have the benefits i make. Only for him to spend altho it is towards daily needs and wants for all parties involved. Maybe then he will allow my baby to come back home where sge belongs. How i miss her so much. My heart aches. My tears swell up in my mind with these sadden thoughts crossing my mind, trying to cope what i'm set...
so I am waiting for my baby father, her daddy as well as mine. I am a bit strange. I'm weird. I'm not average I'm out there
quick to see me
get naked and be there waiting for me. I'm not sure where I am going with this. I am sneaking around trying to find the crown. drown me into you
I'm drawn to your charm.
I'm glad to be here
sitting here waiting with you
I hope to never lose.you.
you always will have me
wanting you. loving and missing you. dreading the day. you go away.... i hope that you will be with me, waking up each day with me right there.
random poetry i suppose we can call this. goodnight
so today was a good day desppite that i feel sad thinking about the past...Reading my writing in a notebook from so long ago, when it was probably almost a year ago makes me sad. i came across some writing that I recovered.... It was written about when an old lover had mean words for my ears and how unhappy I was about myself... my self esteem isn't so much better i'd say. I mean I do still talk down to myself. I just am not doing it all the time only when I get mad at myself because I fucked up with something or with Derrick. speaking of Derrick, He's mad at me right now. I don't know why, over him thinking that I was stalking him from his phone... Which even though I could have been I was n...
The world could be ours
Thw sacarfice we take to live in paradise
This is it. Be there for you. Be there for me. Lets get out of here and enjoy the view from a far away distance, the human view cant even catch a look at it. Some where, paradise, far away from every one and everything. No destination. Only goal is too keep going. No stop. No permenant residence. A life, living mobile, keep on moving. Around and around we will go. A route nobody knows even not us. We travel into the unknown. Oh! The places we will get to see. The people we will come across.of the events that awaits to be...
An experience of a lifetime. I wonder what i will be doing after this life. Will i settle again? Will I ...
I think ill write on her about my slutty side. Expose my nakedness.
But not within myself. Ill share on her whats under my clothes. What things i prefer to and expect to happen in the bedroom when sleeping with me.
I am no angel. Im not of innocence. Im a freak they say. The things i want and desire are intense so i have heard & here I thought that it was normal. I like to take the risk and be tortured. Oh please darling... tie me up? You better do it, even as I squeal and wiggle away i want you to man handle me and force me. Pin me down. Force me. I like it better that way. Talk dirty to me, tell how lucky i am Daddy. I like those words whispered into my ear. Bite my neck and do i...
1. What is your name?
Autum Leona Markham
2. How old are you? twenty three years old
3. Where are you from? some where far away
4. How tall are you? 61 inches
5. Are you a student? i was a student at one point
What do you do for a living? Writer & a mother.
6. What's your comfort food?
7. What's your favorite sport?
i like to play volleyball. raiders for football all day.
8. Who is your celebrity crush?
johnny depp and adam sandler
9. Are you religious?
i believe in god. i don't go to church. i don't claim a religion, but if you want me to i'd say that christian.
10. How did you learn about lettrs?
that everyone is going through something and needs to vent, nee...
I found this writing from my past dated back in October 10th, 2015.
I ask, beg, pled for him to stop saying the things he say. I even left for 5 days and when I came back he swore he will never do it again. But he just says whatever he thinks will allow me to let it go. I try to let go of the hurt I feel and i feel and it just won't go away because day after day I hear him say how he truly feels about me. Why must he just see my flaws? Why can't he have a kinder thought? A nicer word? Why does he only look at the negative shit he sees and feels for me? He holds onto resentment, does he know it's a choice? He can let it go. What do I do so wrong ? Why can't I ever just be me without ...
Hey. Well here comes another complaint
Another sob story
Boo hoo always me, bull shit.
Ugh. Pity me and my life i so live
Heart becomes damaged
And words left unsaid
And tears building up inside
Fighting the urge to let them flow
From hurt aches to painful things
I feel inside my bones
Oh how i just wish i could breakdown and cry
Maybe then i would feel better
Crying relieves stress at least thats whay statistics say.
Why must i get involved in my feelings? Why do i allow damage to my soul? What causes this pain to be felt ? Why can't i remain at bay, why does this hurt? Should I get used to it by now? And As Time Will Go On hopefully all become just...
THINGS I felt like randomly saying about myself or whatever. i feel like being random.
i hate the wind. in vegas, the city desert it's always windy it seems like.
i don't like politics. i dont understand it nor would i bother to vote because i think it's all bullshit, the goverment will pick who they want as president no matter what the costs.
i think that ghosts are real, that as humans we have a 6th sense.... i also believe in god and although i could be wrong i know i'm not wrong about something out there is bigger than us. I feel like i am always going to need someone in my life to keep me company. i am so scared to live alone and be on my own. i need someone, always.
i am strong i...
hello people of lettrs
i am doing better. we have a
bigger r.v... that we are now living in. a mutual friend of ours has moved in and soon i will be traveling across the united states, traveling. i am excited and anxious. i hope that we can get what we have that we can't bring with us sold quickly. Theres so much to be gone through before we are ready, but getting a bigger r.v. and our trailer to haul behind us is a step in the right direction. i am looking forward to this adventure and all the different kinds of people that we will meet i am wondering what kind of people we will run across. i hope all the best of course. i had my daughter for 5 days just recently and i am missing her alrea...
Dear Autum Leona Markham,
I don't know what to say....
Its very tough time ur going through....
Its not east to be in that situation
Please don't feel bad for it...
I just couldn't resist myself to write this.....
Be strong and be proud for what u r .....
Dear Autum Leona Markham,
Absolutely not dear....
I am fine...
And hope u r also fine.....
I just want to talk to u that's why
Dear Autum Leona Markham,
Thanks for your impression on almost all my posts....
Really very grateful to you:)
With great regards,
figues. i am giving it my all.
so many changes, so sudden.
no more do i want to boother him.
i think it's time I let go too...
I can't get him back.
What was there is... now lost...
I am going to stop with holding on.
and start to let go.
instead of falling, i'm going to fly.
just beause it's over doesn't mean that
it's a bad thing... a horrble ending for me.
my heart aches, yeah... i can't deny it. but
i'll survive. I need to start telling myself this.
I need to believe it inside myself as well
in order for it to take effect.
I am done feeling a type of way by it.
I am going to enjoy my life where I am at now.
That's with my daughters. I couldn't ask for more.
Hello your letter made me smile. :)
Have you read my past writing.?
Hello, I came across your writing on here and read your letters in the past, I scanned through & seen that you weren't much different than I. I seen how you have the devil's hand wrapped around your throat, as you keep on inhaling the smoke that sucks you up blowing these pipe dreams up we exhale. cloudy views are foggying up our memory. not knowing what day it is and time is flying faster than ever before.... we don't even have time to watch it go by. We're running a muck, running the streets, get cranky and moody...been up for too long our bodies weren't meant for such treatment. We lose our teeth, rotting from the back working it's way to the front. We think being young will l...
i'm always seem to get it wrong
but i'm trying to tell my self postivie
things each day, looking into the mirror
at my reflection of myself. i look into my eyes
and tell my self i'm worth something. i'm good.
i'm smart and i will be okay one day. even if it's not today one
day i willl remember what happiness from within feels like.
pain is something that demands to be felt.
it only lasts a few seconds. it' our minds that make it out
to be worse than what it really is.
It seems i always write about negative things
and it's the bad things that i want to vent.
when will i create something good to vent about ?
when will i want to express a feeling of bliss and joy.
how could you be fine? remember the day you told me that
you wanted me so badly. you'd do anything for me.
what happened? now your saying your sick of me
as we keep injecting this hardcore drugs to just get
us a rush, filled with adreline and blood pumping
to get our hearts going, to intensify what happens in
the bedroom between two naked bodies.
this drug and our blood mixed in a shot
we take this feeling and run with it as far as it will
allow, but it always seems to fade away...never
lasting long enough to get the full satisfication
always wanting one more. ouch. poke. scar tissue
is always a pain. misses hurt and leaves brusies
upon our arms, leaving track marks. just sca...
It seems that my words on here is a request, a need, for love to find me. I feel like I've been desperate on. Here. I am always writing about the bad when I should spend as much energy writing about the good. I had a good time with Derrick mom and his sister along with the baby... but then I wanted to go home
I was 3 days sober and it didn't feel very comfortable in my skin. I wanted to crawl out of myself. Sober? Why does it bother me so much. Also when I take a shot of my demons no longer will he come and devour me. Undress me. Not even with his eyes. He's lost interest in me I can't blame him. I suppose I could make the feeling mutual. After all requitied love is such a sad thing to face....
Leo male (him)
and Scorpio Female ( me )
The prestige and credit that go with any line of work are very important to Leo, so both would be encouraged to gravitate away from mixing business with pleasure as there is little need for playing mind games with each other.
Instead, Leo is likely to give due praise and hang up the best of Scorpio’s work on the family household walls. She can spend enough time fulfilling her own ambitions whilst quietly taking a personal interest in where Leo spends all his time, achieves his goals and even be there for when he needs a reminded as to why he attacks the world everyday.
Scorpio and Leo both have a firm sense of protecting their love fro...