Autum Leona Markham
|poetry. endless words. 23yrs.old. scorpio.|
so today was a good day desppite that i feel sad thinking about the past...Reading my writing in a notebook from so long ago, when it was probably almost a year ago makes me sad. i came across some writing that I recovered.... It was written about when an old lover had mean words for my ears and how unhappy I was about myself... my self esteem isn't so much better i'd say. I mean I do still talk down to myself. I just am not doing it all the time only when I get mad at myself because I fucked up with something or with Derrick. speaking of Derrick, He's mad at me right now. I don't know why, over him thinking that I was stalking him from his phone... Which even though I could have been I was n...
The world could be ours
Thw sacarfice we take to live in paradise
This is it. Be there for you. Be there for me. Lets get out of here and enjoy the view from a far away distance, the human view cant even catch a look at it. Some where, paradise, far away from every one and everything. No destination. Only goal is too keep going. No stop. No permenant residence. A life, living mobile, keep on moving. Around and around we will go. A route nobody knows even not us. We travel into the unknown. Oh! The places we will get to see. The people we will come across.of the events that awaits to be...
An experience of a lifetime. I wonder what i will be doing after this life. Will i settle again? Will I ...
I think ill write on her about my slutty side. Expose my nakedness.
But not within myself. Ill share on her whats under my clothes. What things i prefer to and expect to happen in the bedroom when sleeping with me.
I am no angel. Im not of innocence. Im a freak they say. The things i want and desire are intense so i have heard & here I thought that it was normal. I like to take the risk and be tortured. Oh please darling... tie me up? You better do it, even as I squeal and wiggle away i want you to man handle me and force me. Pin me down. Force me. I like it better that way. Talk dirty to me, tell how lucky i am Daddy. I like those words whispered into my ear. Bite my neck and do i...
1. What is your name?
Autum Leona Markham
2. How old are you? twenty three years old
3. Where are you from? some where far away
4. How tall are you? 61 inches
5. Are you a student? i was a student at one point
What do you do for a living? Writer & a mother.
6. What's your comfort food?
7. What's your favorite sport?
i like to play volleyball. raiders for football all day.
8. Who is your celebrity crush?
johnny depp and adam sandler
9. Are you religious?
i believe in god. i don't go to church. i don't claim a religion, but if you want me to i'd say that christian.
10. How did you learn about lettrs?
that everyone is going through something and needs to vent, nee...
I found this writing from my past dated back in October 10th, 2015.
I ask, beg, pled for him to stop saying the things he say. I even left for 5 days and when I came back he swore he will never do it again. But he just says whatever he thinks will allow me to let it go. I try to let go of the hurt I feel and i feel and it just won't go away because day after day I hear him say how he truly feels about me. Why must he just see my flaws? Why can't he have a kinder thought? A nicer word? Why does he only look at the negative shit he sees and feels for me? He holds onto resentment, does he know it's a choice? He can let it go. What do I do so wrong ? Why can't I ever just be me without ...
Hey. Well here comes another complaint
Another sob story
Boo hoo always me, bull shit.
Ugh. Pity me and my life i so live
Heart becomes damaged
And words left unsaid
And tears building up inside
Fighting the urge to let them flow
From hurt aches to painful things
I feel inside my bones
Oh how i just wish i could breakdown and cry
Maybe then i would feel better
Crying relieves stress at least thats whay statistics say.
Why must i get involved in my feelings? Why do i allow damage to my soul? What causes this pain to be felt ? Why can't i remain at bay, why does this hurt? Should I get used to it by now? And As Time Will Go On hopefully all become just...
THINGS I felt like randomly saying about myself or whatever. i feel like being random.
i hate the wind. in vegas, the city desert it's always windy it seems like.
i don't like politics. i dont understand it nor would i bother to vote because i think it's all bullshit, the goverment will pick who they want as president no matter what the costs.
i think that ghosts are real, that as humans we have a 6th sense.... i also believe in god and although i could be wrong i know i'm not wrong about something out there is bigger than us. I feel like i am always going to need someone in my life to keep me company. i am so scared to live alone and be on my own. i need someone, always.
i am strong i...
hello people of lettrs
i am doing better. we have a
bigger r.v... that we are now living in. a mutual friend of ours has moved in and soon i will be traveling across the united states, traveling. i am excited and anxious. i hope that we can get what we have that we can't bring with us sold quickly. Theres so much to be gone through before we are ready, but getting a bigger r.v. and our trailer to haul behind us is a step in the right direction. i am looking forward to this adventure and all the different kinds of people that we will meet i am wondering what kind of people we will run across. i hope all the best of course. i had my daughter for 5 days just recently and i am missing her alrea...
Dear Autum Leona Markham,
I don't know what to say....
Its very tough time ur going through....
Its not east to be in that situation
Please don't feel bad for it...
I just couldn't resist myself to write this.....
Be strong and be proud for what u r .....
Dear Autum Leona Markham,
Absolutely not dear....
I am fine...
And hope u r also fine.....
I just want to talk to u that's why
Dear Autum Leona Markham,
Thanks for your impression on almost all my posts....
Really very grateful to you:)
With great regards,
figues. i am giving it my all.
so many changes, so sudden.
no more do i want to boother him.
i think it's time I let go too...
I can't get him back.
What was there is... now lost...
I am going to stop with holding on.
and start to let go.
instead of falling, i'm going to fly.
just beause it's over doesn't mean that
it's a bad thing... a horrble ending for me.
my heart aches, yeah... i can't deny it. but
i'll survive. I need to start telling myself this.
I need to believe it inside myself as well
in order for it to take effect.
I am done feeling a type of way by it.
I am going to enjoy my life where I am at now.
That's with my daughters. I couldn't ask for more.
Hello your letter made me smile. :)
Have you read my past writing.?
Hello, I came across your writing on here and read your letters in the past, I scanned through & seen that you weren't much different than I. I seen how you have the devil's hand wrapped around your throat, as you keep on inhaling the smoke that sucks you up blowing these pipe dreams up we exhale. cloudy views are foggying up our memory. not knowing what day it is and time is flying faster than ever before.... we don't even have time to watch it go by. We're running a muck, running the streets, get cranky and moody...been up for too long our bodies weren't meant for such treatment. We lose our teeth, rotting from the back working it's way to the front. We think being young will l...
i'm always seem to get it wrong
but i'm trying to tell my self postivie
things each day, looking into the mirror
at my reflection of myself. i look into my eyes
and tell my self i'm worth something. i'm good.
i'm smart and i will be okay one day. even if it's not today one
day i willl remember what happiness from within feels like.
pain is something that demands to be felt.
it only lasts a few seconds. it' our minds that make it out
to be worse than what it really is.
It seems i always write about negative things
and it's the bad things that i want to vent.
when will i create something good to vent about ?
when will i want to express a feeling of bliss and joy.
how could you be fine? remember the day you told me that
you wanted me so badly. you'd do anything for me.
what happened? now your saying your sick of me
as we keep injecting this hardcore drugs to just get
us a rush, filled with adreline and blood pumping
to get our hearts going, to intensify what happens in
the bedroom between two naked bodies.
this drug and our blood mixed in a shot
we take this feeling and run with it as far as it will
allow, but it always seems to fade away...never
lasting long enough to get the full satisfication
always wanting one more. ouch. poke. scar tissue
is always a pain. misses hurt and leaves brusies
upon our arms, leaving track marks. just sca...
It seems that my words on here is a request, a need, for love to find me. I feel like I've been desperate on. Here. I am always writing about the bad when I should spend as much energy writing about the good. I had a good time with Derrick mom and his sister along with the baby... but then I wanted to go home
I was 3 days sober and it didn't feel very comfortable in my skin. I wanted to crawl out of myself. Sober? Why does it bother me so much. Also when I take a shot of my demons no longer will he come and devour me. Undress me. Not even with his eyes. He's lost interest in me I can't blame him. I suppose I could make the feeling mutual. After all requitied love is such a sad thing to face....
Leo male (him)
and Scorpio Female ( me )
The prestige and credit that go with any line of work are very important to Leo, so both would be encouraged to gravitate away from mixing business with pleasure as there is little need for playing mind games with each other.
Instead, Leo is likely to give due praise and hang up the best of Scorpio’s work on the family household walls. She can spend enough time fulfilling her own ambitions whilst quietly taking a personal interest in where Leo spends all his time, achieves his goals and even be there for when he needs a reminded as to why he attacks the world everyday.
Scorpio and Leo both have a firm sense of protecting their love fro...
I dont know what to do With My life Which makes me Sad. I'd do anything to have him love me. But I wont let this build up inside me . I just won't.
I hate how he looks at me with no care in his eyes that I can see from my view.
I hate how I feel, left out and as if I don't matter. Forgotten. I hate that I feel this low and that some one else's view & impression of me matters to another.
I hate how I let these emotions get the best of me and causes an ugly side of me to show, vulnerable and weak. My heart upon my sleeve. My face expressions giving away my feelings. My heart is always showing how it looks. Evidence of damage done. What sorrow this has done. Nobody will ever know just all that my heart has been through.
I hate that I am treated like a kid. Like I have to ask for permission. I have consequences that consist of being gro...
The feelings come in waves
Of emotions that run so deep in my heart. Love lost hurts
And it hurts when it isn't received by another. It hurts when someone finally moves on with their life and your no longer apart of their present time nor going to be in the future. It's like the chapter is over. End of story. No more. That's it. Over. Done. Finished. What will happen next if anything at all does
I miss so many people and wish I was able to make more memories with them.
I miss my family, my children...and my exes. I miss my childhood that I spent so much time wanting to get out of and here i am wishing I had enjoyed it more. I am resenting. I take things for granted and don't realize unti...
Hello I came across your Words as I was browsing to find some thing I dont know what I'm searching for Ijust Keep Searching. I am a soul like your self engulfed, Captured, Sucked in by a demon that I Keep on inviting in. Now, I'm in too deep before all it was too late it Sucked me in so suddenly. what a Shame now I must be now I came across some one similar to me. in some sort of way we Cross
this valentines day isn't what it's all cracked out to be
especially nothing i had expected to happen
i'm utah waiting for jacob to arrive in a small
town called mesquite, nv.
jacob picked me up and we went by house. i wanted to slap him so bad when i had seen him sitting there in the seat. we did get into a fist brawl and it wasn't pretty. I ended up leaving with Jacob and when I arrived to jacob's i got on my computer and played
a stupid game on him with his phone. I locked him out and boy was he mad. I slept on
Jacob's bed and Jacob was sleeping on the couch in the living room I noticed when I had woken up. I went home in the morning and derrick was asleep on the c...
So I often write negatively about myself and I think it's helping me destroy myself. Like I'm taking away the love I should be giving to myself. I am thinking I should write positive things that way when I read back on my words they won't be so mean or harsh. I wouldn't be sitting here hurting my feelings over what others think or feel about me. I am in a good mood today. I slept for hours say like 12 hrs Last night.
Dear the person I once knew
Hello there are so many things I wish I could have said to you. Our love was once new and feeling so high we felt that we could fly. Days went by and soon it was months. Too bad it only lasted for as long as it had. Both of us made mistakes and I am not here to be putting on the blame. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone for my fingers aren't clean neither are yours. I am missing you and what could have been
Wishing we could continue with what was left written.
Words we exchange only thing I have to find is the meaning of existence. What do I do? I need your company your understanding. You are my favorite person to be with a day with you is what I miss so des...
so here i am writing once again. i have jealously issues
this i've came to terms with. i handle it better than before
i guess going through the same shit begins to wear on you.
i am working through my problems with myself. i'm trying to
remain calm with somewhat a leveled head.
i suspected that my man was cheating he was at least
doing something that he wasn't supposed to be...
insulting my intelligence was rude.
but what if he had admitted to whatever he done?
what would i have done differently than what i'm
doing about it now.... i would keep doing the same
thing as what i'm doing now and that's not a damn thing
about it. i accept the love i believe that i deserve. i'm lo...
so today was a good day. i learned how to drive stick shift. i am now able to drive i'm sure derrick will be impressed. i still need some practice but i got the hang of it now. i haven't drove on the freeway yet but i'm going to be soon. susie was suppose to be with me the whole time and she just let me go on my own, with a mutual friend of ours. i was able to bring us to his house in one piece. i am a bit more confident than before. things are going at home i suppose. i want my sexual life to be more action and to do more bdsm things rather than the normal, every day to day sex. i am wanting to change it up a bit, i need to allow my self to be more open than before. i am always wanting sex. ...
I am a sexually active person
This is true.
I'm not a whore anymore
No longer go I sleep with random
Guys out of feeling pity for them.
I don't fall for the sad talk to get in my pants playing me and not having a care for me in the world. Ĺ
so as i sit here and wonder what to make of my
relationship. trying not to be so hard on myself.
mistakes are made on a constant bases.
when will i ever get this right?
am i really not all what he wants. obviously.
that's why he has another girlfriend.
what am i going to do? i need to start to love myself.
even when other people that i want to love can't seem
to find the emotion for me i need to try to
be more positive. i hate feeling like i want to cry.
especially when nobody cares and it's a waste
of time. i am always pitying myself. like i think that
i'm going to just have a miracle fall into my lap.
ugh i need stability. secui dont rity. i want to be happy.
i want to be ...