|I had two longings and one was fighting the other. I wanted to be loved and I wanted to be always alone.|
Hopefully one day
When we meet,
As two people happy.
Some place of choice,
We could rejoice
Knowing that when we loved
We did love truly.
Who knows, we might
Even share a good joke
And binge on some laughter.
Of all this I am not sure though.
Knowing me, as to how
I wallow in self-pity,
I will surely carry around grief,
Like a part of me.
But believe me, I'll not let
You see my sadness.
You see falling in love was not easy,
It is not always a beautiful thing.
It leaves you with those scars,
So permanent to live with
Yet if I had the heart to fall in love,
I can surely muster a smile.
And I will gather all
The bits of happiness
To my face, to face you
With a face filled ...
Perhaps for you I don't exist.
My passions, my emotions,
They are just misplaced notions.
For you, I know my expressions
Wouldn't actually matter,
As they would never reach you
To make, enough of an impact.
I know this though,
For you what exists,
Is the four walls that contain you.
I know you have made your pact
With them, while you gently
Live in that confinement.
The relationships that come
With it, have pinned you down
To the state of a kept woman
And oddly enough it is what
Makes you happy.
Can't you see, what I can see?
Happiness is not what
That surrounds you,
Happiness is you!
As when you smile,
A smile such sublime as that
I find myself to drop down and drown
In that smile of your...
Like a corpse,
Sometimes when that distant
Image of happiness,
Somewhere buried deep down,
Beneath the layers
Of that troubled mind, rises
To the surface, for you to find.
Suddenly over the sleeplessness,
Of the dead night, you realize;
It was this delight that
Kept you going, over and over
When the music of silence filled you,
And yanked you towards
An inch closer, to the thought,
That you could have ended it all,
If you would have just at all,
Tightened that sadness around you,
To give it a closure
Once and for all.
Every day, while unraveling our lives.
Usually, while traveling into our predestined lot,
We meet from across the street.
We meet, at the same place, at the same time.
Every day our eyes gently touch upon
Each other's presence, followed by
A pinch of recognition that dawns.
A slight sign to speak into our
Thoughts, intended to ignore.
For we know deep in our hearts
That we would never meet.
There's no purpose, no need
To let our hearts desire to feed.
We would never know how it feels
To cry or smile for each other's cause.
And yet, every day we take a pause
At the precise moment,
Right from across the two extremes
Of that crowded street,
Drenched in chaos, we steal a glance
And let our minds...
If I had one last kiss to give,
I would give it to you.
I now am certain of that.
I know I have not been
Certain of many things
In life, including you!
I have let my mind
To lead me to learn
Of doubts and fear,
Of active indecisiveness
And passive emotions.
But now, I know for sure,
If I had one dying wish
And if that were to be a kiss,
I will surely give it to you.
Your letters fill me with
A strange sense of sorrow,
Which starts small in my mind
And ends with me to remind
Of all that I left behind.
Part by part, it grows and I know
It is not over and yet to follow.
I search for a reason, a thought, to hold
To my doubts of you and me.
When I think of it now,
I feel I never offered you my love.
All I ever gave you was just
Broken pieces of me with sorrow,
Some bits of confusion
And lots of loneliness.
It's easy to fake this smile.
All you have to do is,
Look at happiness in its
Eyes and reflect on its soul.
What is then difficult is to
Stop faking this smile!
As every time you look
Into the abyss of your mind,
There's nothing but listless
Memories that you find,
Which fail you to remind
Yourself that happiness
Is not just that brittle mark
Painted over your lips.
It's in fact the feeling that
You fall back upon,
When you realize that
What you live
Is life no more!
I am glad you shared about whatever you could. I completely, perfectly and absolutely appreciate and respect your thoughts.
Regarding books, I also associate most of the lines on every page of the book with some or the other happenings of my life which are either yet to happen or might already have happened.
I like poetry the most. Specially of Javed Akhtar's.
About music. There are days when I want to cry but couldn't , so for that sad songs are there.
And on days when I just want to be happy. I have rocky and energy songs for that.
Music is one of those special people I can't live without. When I am not tired but I just want to sleep, I dance weirdly with full energy for...
I don't have the need to wait anymore,
For anyone or anything,
To lead me to my conclusion.
For I flow with my mind closed
As I slip into the memories that collect
Over and over across my eyes,
And in those still measures of the night,
The loneliest hour past the midnight,
When sleep as a silent spectre slides
In through the heavy pupils of my eyes,
In between the rumbling thoughts
That trade with my peace.
It is as if they sign a truce.
And I rise to fall into a sleepless dream.
Where I am but the colour of my darkness.
I float away from the hint of light,
Away on that sordid stream,
Endless as it is, it fills me inside out,
Tugging me into the state of eternal morbidity.
Here, I have wit...
Have I ever told you this?...
I think not, it might have slipped
My mind I guess.
Or perhaps I thought
It to be too trivial to be stressed.
I think it is because I took
You for granted...
But now...now that...
I guess it doesn't matter anymore...
Well... I must say that you look
The prettiest when you sleep.
There were times when
I used to lie there beside you,
Wide awake, enchanted by
The warmth of your breath,
Looking at your pretty eyes,
Closed in the assurance of
A bright tomorrow.
Your tender palm on my chest,
Falling after every rise of my sigh.
It felt like your hands could
Feel the depth of my sorrow,
Not just when they actually
Touched my tears but also
Across the realms of
What is it that you think, with your
Eyes fixated somewhere in between
Tense reality and subliminal thoughts?
Is it about life that you think?
Or is it about something else?
Has anyone ever told you that your eyes
Reach the peak of their beauty,
When they indulge with you in your thoughts?...
Do you ever chance upon the thoughts of me?
No, not intentionally but just casually.
I mean when the mass of thoughts
That you have accumulated over
A period of time, flows across your mind,
Does some astray thought, do remind
You of me? Perhaps even my face?
I think I'm asking for too much!
No, you misread my intentions.
It's not your fault, it's never been.
I mean instead of interpreting me
In a gen...
Do you pass like this everyday?
Through the shallow woods,
With your eyes downcast
Lost in the intensity of your thoughts,
Left to the integrity of their present.
Do you realize that when you pass like this,
Unperturbed by the worlds around you,
You create the epitome of perfection?
Which imperfect souls like me yearn for.
You seem like a portrait left out there in the open,
For people to decipher and attach meanings.
Have you ever realized the way I leave
My gaze to wander and waft around you?
Sometimes when I see a beam of sunshine flowing
Passionately towards you, escaping the crowding branches,
And finally finding that perfect spot on your face to rest.
No, I think you observe none, not...
Have you ever felt like the man on the beach?
The solitary man in the confinement of his mind!
Unsettling like the wind, while living among his kind.
Now what is worth looking, is his eyes.
The look that fills his eyes, as the silent time flies,
Riding upon the waves, ingrained in every grain of sand.
The look that comes to him, as he with all his passion tries,
To capture the last rays and the feeble feeling of setting Sun.
It's a wonderful thought, a strong feeling; I must say.
To be that man on that lonely beach, witnessing
The setting Sun, with his unsettling eyes.
Waiting and expecting in each passing second,
For the darkness to engulf him back to the void.
To behold the be...
Before I die, I would want you
To meet me again, once.
Just before I die.
No, not to let you know
How much I have lived
Loving you but to let you know,
How much I loved
Living with you.
For those each moment
Have etched a memory
So deep, so pensive,
Such that ones imagination
Meet me again,
So that I can point out
All those hidden messages
And intonation left out there,
In all that I ever created,
For you to see and understand.
Meet me again,
So that I can tell you about
My attempts to fight away
My thoughts of you, and
My thoughts of loneliness
I want you to interpret me again,
This time with sadness and pain.
Do you find a difference?
Let me help you with it.
You see that gaze of mine,
Is not of a person who has
It's of a person who has learnt
To draw his inspiration from
His losses, it is not content that
Reflects itself in these eyes,
It is the loneliness instead.
You can trace the history of
Massive proportion of self-conflict
Spread out on this forehead.
Now that smile...The smile,
Let it be lost in your interpretation...
For it has been indecisiveness
That has given rise to that smile.
Leave out that smile for me,
When you interpret me the next time.
In the solitary confinement of my mind,
I have reasoned, recorded and debated
A thousand times; over the reasons,
And decisions that ensued.
Of everything that happened
And everything that never happened.
And I have realised but two things.
What am I? Nothing but a bag of bones and flesh,
Held together by a great lie.
And what is love? Nothing but an emotional rush,
Felt constantly but denied.
Sometimes I think; are you even real?
I mean I have heard you,
Always from a distance.
I have seen how beautiful you look,
When your eyes are left wide open,
Enough to let loose your wonderful smile,
That feels like warm blessed sunshine.
Yes, it's a blessed smile for people
Like me, who have spent much of
Their life in the colour of darkness.
I have known that tremble in your voice,
Rather I have heard it, I can imagine
How your eyes would moisten,
With each dab of pain that's wrought
Upon them through subtle love.
I can sense the intensities of
Your lost emotions and memories.
I can touch your confusions,
As if they were formulated in my mind.
And yet sometimes, I can't help but think.
Yesterday in the stillness of the night,
I visited those lanes, etched
In the colours of our memories,
I think it was the darkness in me
That attracted their attention,
Though I would want to believe,
It was the dreams that really mattered.
For they receded within and fetched,
Those dormant emotions attached,
Buried deep within for none to understand.
In those shimmering memories I saw,
As lanes like decisions led one to another,
I understood what was never uttered.
Now with the conviction of a lost man I say.
That we are like planets, we both apart,
Encircling and deflecting each other
At the same time.
Bound and separated from each other
By the same force.
What keeps us apart is what
I will remember you in my death,
For people tend to forget
What they intend to remember in life.
So, I will remember you in my death.
I will wrap you in layers of my memory,
Slip you into the niches of my mind,
And everyday thereafter, I would remind
Myself to forget you inch by inch.
I do not want to recollect you
In the height of my madness,
In my dilemmas and indecisiveness.
I want to think of you as whole,
In the height of my happiness,
In that one moment when I
Know my purpose and role.
Hence, I think and I should
Remember you in my death.
Why is that we remember
Pain more often than
Is it because, pain is the
Only constant and
Happiness is something we
Or is because, pain is
What we are?
The flesh, bone and marrow
A projection of our sorrow.
If you can read between my lines,
If you can look past my sadness,
If you can reach subtly to my emotion,
If you can perceive my perception,
For I think sadness is the certainty
Which love has to achieve.
Believe it or not,
I think that's what it is.
Perhaps, it matters not,
How much we love.
What really matters is that
How we love?
It is not the words that make up the meaning of expressions. It is the silence between them, it is those assumed pauses and periods that make them beautiful.
The journey if it begins
Is a long one.
Spanning into days and years.
Would you be able to bear
With me for so long?
Would you be able to wake up
To the steady degradation of me?
Everyday, night after night.
Would you still be able to love me?
When my smile would mean nothing
But a mark of silence on my lips.
When there would appear
Thick lines on my forehead.
Scars so permanent which
Life would have given me.
I would commit things which
Cannot be forgotten or forgiven.
When perhaps I wouldn't be able
To remember the first word
Of love that you uttered.
Would you be still able to
Understand me in my silence?
Would you still feel for me
The way you feel for me now?
What is it I am afraid of?
Is it the unknown in you
Or the known in me?
That tends to lend
My thoughts the element of doubt.
I think I am afraid of them all.
My thoughts, my beliefs
My wrongs and my rights,
My desires, my delights.
I think I am afraid of me.
For I know for sure about you,
But I ain't sure about me.
Six years is a long time,
Too long a time to love someone,
And of all, Me!
Now the question is,
'Am I really worth it?'
Worth all this attention
And this emotion.
For I am,
A person flawed
At many levels.
Broken at places,
Catching and sifting pain,
Destitute of a man,
Ever floundering in self-pity.
I don't deserve that depth,
That passion you have to offer!
No, I don't know you!
In fact I never may.
I may not even want to.
Where you live?
Your dreams, your fears,
Your happiness, your tears,
I might never see them.
I would perhaps be a stranger,
And would prefer to be one.
The scent of your body,
The way your lips would
Quiver when touched by mine,
Will all be a part of my fantasy.
But what I know for sure
Is that I love these unprecedented
Meetings, the unintentional glances,
Unconcerned talks and those
Unknown emotions that waft
Into the breeze just to let you
Know that somewhere someone
Appreciates the beauty in you.
I think what connects us
Within, more than those,
Known scars and pain,
Is the hope that we kindle...
Within, unknown to even us.
The hope for that life,
That we have sketched...
Erased and then sketched,
Until in us it remained etched,
The shards of those happiness,
Well hidden as a remnant
Of some past life,
Under our skins,
Under our very hard skins.
Let me begin by wishing you a very happy and wonderful birthday!
Consider this also as a special note of thanks, not just on my behalf but on behalf of all the lettrists around the globe. We are just bursting with thoughts and expressions, all thanks to You and your wonderful Team, for you have not just given us a beautiful platform to express our conflicts, views and desires but you have given it such a beautiful and passionate pattern.
It feels like, as if I am in love with Lettrs, I just don't want to be away from this world, there's not a single day, which passes by when I don't come here, maybe just to escape from the realities of the real world or maybe for the reason t...
We have only this moment
To fall in love,
And love like there's
For I have my happiness
Found, in the unassuming
Words of sorrow.
Words that seem to take a
Strong liking of my emotions!
I have loved your eyes,
Your smile, your skin...
But what I have loved
And imagined more,
Is the reassuring
Sound of your sighs,
The pain that you
Hide always within.
Yet, sometimes I think
That we should love
For today and live
Sometimes I wish, if only
Love had a more concrete form.
If only it were something like
A piece of paper...
I could have easily crumpled it,
When I felt like.
Flicked it without a second thought.
Exchanged it for something
Passed it around with no caution,
Been immune to the selfish users.
If only love were less abstract!
It would have been easier for me to
Forget and move on...