|I'm something of a mixed bag with much of my talent in most things creative - though my main areas of interest are writing and photography.|
I really enjoyed Mass today... though my favourite part of the day occurred immediately afterwards.
Firstly, a friend gave me a little book of prayers that also covers the Stations of The Cross, too. I plan to take a look at that some part of tomorrow. I will keep that in my Bible since it is the sweetest, most thoughtful gift that I've received for a while.
The other thing that went on after Mass was that Father seemed surprised to see me leaving church!!! It turned out that he had been looking for me as he preached his sermon and I guess that he either missed me or somehow overlooked me because he was asking if I had changed my pew or not... I have only changed my pew on two...
Late in the night
Is the big fight
Everyone wants to be the sight
All hoping that you might
Talk to them til it's light
Illness has taken its hold
Though their hearts are gold
They are in the mold
Can't be told
They walk the haze
Lost in the maze
Could take days
To find their ways
The poles will reverse
As they traverse
They will curse
Forgetting things could be worse
Deep in the low
Updates are slow
As they find their glow
You want to know
I have to say that it's not hard to overlook the reason why some people who are subjected to harassment commit suicide.
After three weeks straight of harassment, I'm now no longer going anywhere at all by myself... I was only going to Mass and back alone as it was - but that hour and half of alone time each week was glorious to me and something that I often enjoyed.
Sadly, I've had to sacrifice it because of a couple of individuals who feel that I don't deserve to peacefully go about my daily life or move on from an event that happened fifteen years ago.
Now, I know that I could get the police involved in one situation since I know exactly who is intimidating me - but I fail ...
I give up the fight
In the morning light
Don't like the sight
As I take another slight
They make me blue
Saying things untrue
They don't have a clue
But that's nothing new
For fifteen years
I've hidden my tears
Drowning in my fears
Watching as my time nears.
Never getting a fresh start
Constantly playing the part
Life is no art
Obtainable at the mart
In the end
They never bend
No matter how much love you send
Life is something you lend
I pretend I'm fine
Though I don't want mine
Can't face the next line
On who will they dine
I encountered another fake dom the other day... this one couldn't accept "I'm not interested in you" for an answer and spent a considerable amount of his time trying to convince me of how unhappy I am with Master. I blocked him in the end... only for him to start over again with a second account - which I eventually blocked, too.
I don't get how talking with other Doms translates to being unhappy with your own Dom... after all, we all speak to people of the opposite gender in our daily lives and it doesn't mean that we are unhappy with the man or woman that we are with.
The only reason why I speak with other Doms is because I am so fucking lonely that it is unbelievable. Many ...
My pain levels are pretty high right now... usually, I would tell Master about it - but I feel selfish enough as it is right now... especially when I know what He is facing this week and I am unable to support Him as much as I would like to be able to.
It's mainly my back from its usual spot radiating down into my hips so far. Hopefully, it will stay that way.
I felt a little suicidal earlier because I didn't think that the pain was ever going to ease up. I managed to suitably distract myself by looking for a submissive of my own again, though... I would never forgive myself if I took away Master's enjoyment of Independence Day because I couldn't tolerate a few hours of pain a...
I see in the news that they are trying to make the Grenfell Tower fire a "political issue" over at Glastonbury festival.
That's not quite sitting properly in my mind because of the way that they are implying that only the political party with the majority vote is capable of upholding the law. To me, the law is the law regardless of if the party with the majority vote is Labour or SNP.
The only real way that I can see it being a political issue is if the politicians are now going to hold up their hands and say "We are sorry that we didn't have safety measures in place to ensure your safety was the priority".
Of course, I already know that they don't have the safety measures in...
Dear Jeremy Corbyn,
Do the world a favour and close your mouth. You are expressing opinions on subjects that you know nothing about.
Until the investigations are completed and evidence has been found to state that the cladding used on other buildings was only placed there because it was a cheaper option to the fire RESISTANT (that's right, my friend, even the "proper stuff" isn't fireproof) it's a little premature to go accusing people of cutting corners... unless, of course, you have access to information that the open and transparent investigation hasn't revealed to the public - which makes the investigation less open and transparent than it should be.
As things stand right now, the publ...
If there's one thing that I'm tired of hearing about right now, it has to be Jeremy Corbyn and his take on how the government isn't safe to lead us through Brexit. It went on right the way through the last election and still seems to be all that he's talking about now if the media is anything to go by.
Jeremy, you need to understand that you aren't some special little cupcake. The truth is that neither you or Theresa are really fit for purpose when it comes to negotiating Brexit... the only difference is that she happens to look less like a local bum who has spent his time between sessions living on the street with all the other homeless bums.
If you ever want to be taken seri...
I'm feeling alone and hurt right now.
It would appear that Master is busy for now, so I am on reduced attention until He returns to me. I'm holding up pretty good in the face of this though.
The thing that I'm struggling to bear is the pain and suffering of others.
It seems that every time Master gives me this break, my life takes a different path for a while... and that path has been the same path for almost two years now.
I don't understand what it is about me that sends transgender and cross dressing people to my door with their problems, but, no matter where I go, they find me and I try to guide them as best as I can.
This time is no different apart from the fact that I...
I've decided that I have a hate hate relationship with sleep right now. I hate sleep as much as sleep hates me.
I'm lying here in bed now and I'm still not sure if I can sleep or not... I merely sent myself to bed before Master does when I update Him that I haven't slept later on.
It's hard to not get stressed about the fact that I've gone full circle and I'm now back to sleeping solely during the day and being awake at night. I know that getting stressed out about it is just going to create bigger problems down the line, though.
It's just so annoying that things have played out like this and I have to admit that I've considered hurting myself over it in my weaker moments. I ...
I give up... I've got so much in my mind right now that I don't even know where to start on writing it all out!
I don't even know how to describe how I am these days.
I've been spending a lot of time researching nuclear disasters... and my mind keeps going back to Chernobyl and those who are still living within the exclusion zone.
I can understand why they went back... if I'm honest, I don't think that I would be able to leave here easily and to be told that I can never come back again would be unimaginable.
I would love to be able to visit there and see for myself some of the sights and what provisions they have to make life more like the life that we know.
I've seen that they have a library and even heard mention of a museum that was built, opened then mysteriously closed down by t...
I got to spend some time in my favourite place today... out in the garden - fair enough, part of that time was spent trying (and failing) to dodge missiles flying 5 feet in the air as my husband mowed half of the lawn since I don't want the landlord mowing through my plant pots if they ever decide to come and mow the rest of the lawn.
I really need to replace a couple of the worst of the plant pots that I have out there, too... though I'm happy to say that my lavender is budding again now, as is another, unidentified orange flower that I had blooming last year.
I pulled up some of the weed and had a little tidy up around my plants - though i couldn't do much more than that tod...
Some say the hair gives them a scare
Others stop and stare
That's not why it's there
But they don't care
About the stories I can share
I choose to be humble
As those around me grumble
Voices rising to a rumble
Ignorance needs to take a tumble
Changing the course of hate
Means accepting my fate
Few do that of late
#ode to the beard
I've got a few things on my mind right now. I've been researching the nuclear disasters at Chernobyl and Fukushima nuclear power stations and I have formed some thoughts on them that perhaps should be subjects for future websites.
I've also got views on how our governments are enabling financial abuse - which will be a subject for another day.
As you know, I have been researching the Chernobyl and Fukushima nuclear disasters. I think that I took my research a little too far, though because I was unable to sleep after my overactive brain convinced me that I was living alone in the Chernobyl evacuation zone - and I was startled by a wild boar, then I had a radioactive man pointi...
Once upon a time, there was a girl who would do anything for anyone - no matter what the cost to herself. She knew... she knew what it was like to be in need and not have anyone.
She knew that with a little love, she could lift others into the light... though she could feel her own light fading.
Her heart was broken in a haze of pain and her tears fell like rain. She sought refuge wherever she thought that she would be safe as she awaited her knight.
When he arrived and chopped down the foliage that had taken root around her, she reached out her hand and shakily presented him with a scrap.
"What is this?" he wondered aloud.
Hesitating, she replied "It's my heart... it's all that I have l...
I'm still lying here awake, trying to process my thoughts. It feels like Master and I just might be the only two sane people that I know right now.
Even my husband has deflected back to the side of "Send all foreigners back" in the wake of the terror attack... of course, I did tell him to learn what he was talking about before pointing out that the terrorist was British born.
His next question was "So, it's a British foreigner?". Of course, that question went unanswered because I know that I can't reason with this level of stupidity - though I am trying to work out exactly how someone can be both British and a foreigner in their own country for future reference.
I swear that ...
The words we write
Hold a lot of might
The power to continue a fight
Or for a soul to take flight
Maybe they'll make a day bright
Tell someone that you care
Even if you don't dare
Reach into their lair
And pull up a chair
You may be the only light
In their dark fight
Preventing them taking flight
Hold on with all your might
The reward is a beautiful sight
Watch the flower bloom
Deep within the gloom
Soon, there will be no room
In the dark of the tomb
You will walk in the light
Happy and bright
Having got through the fight
I know that some of you have been following my journey in the catholic faith... and I am much aware that I haven't really posted much on this topic since my baptism - so, here goes.
I am still attending Mass regularly... and I took the time over the Easter school holidays to branch out and attend an extra Mass that I wouldn't otherwise have attended. I didn't really like that Mass because it was shorter than I expected it to be and felt almost rushed in my mind.
When RCIA class resumed the following week, I reverted back to my more usual routine of attending RCIA class and my usual Saturday evening Mass because I felt that there was a chance that much more than that would have...
I caved in and reached out to Master for a little help tonight after my mind got stuck in the Manchester terror attack, preventing me from getting on with anything requiring more than minimum brain power.
Whilst I can't share His response to my dilemma, I can say that I think that it will work. I already feel like I could do my Bible study... except that I'm not so keen on getting up at 5am to study the Bible (I'm sorry, Lord).
We studied marriage in RCIA class tonight - though i was unable to focus on anything beyond the cross of the rosary in my hand... I didn't even fiddle with the beads as much as I typically do when I am listening and paying close attention.
It was sweet...
It seems that I don't understand... I don't understand so much that is going on in the world right now.
Why bomb a gig full of unarmed people? They never did anything to you and their only possible defence was to run away from you.
Why bomb children? They never even got a chance to experience life in all it's glory.
Why is the media so obsessed with blow by blow accounts? It was a fucking terrorist attack, we already know that people wouldn't have been dancing and partying.
Why do our governments insist on saying things like "We will come out of this as the victor"? Yes, maybe you will - but what about those who lost their lives and their families.
Why is there no real in...
Frankly, all this talk about nuclear war makes me feel nervous.
Master and I spoke briefly about it the other day and He thinks that America already has the weaponry that it needs to reduce North Korea to a glowing pile of cinders quickly and efficiently... though He understands my concerns, given that we took a battering in the second world war.
The thing that is really bothering me isn't so much the idea of going to war or whatever the outcome might be... it's more the fact that there's no real information on what warning systems we have in place should war actually become a reality.
My research has turned up a number of reliable suggestions as to what warning system we cou...
Dear LS (me),
You have had some stupid ideas over the years, girl, but this one not only takes the biscuit but the whole freaking barrel!!!
Why are you even thinking about asking for permission to go back there, knowing what you almost had to pay last time?
It's taken a lot of work to get you to this point in your life, if you go back, there's a chance that you could undo all that hard work... is it really worth that risk for someone who didn't care about you all that much when she had you???
You might think that you can get your Domme side back again, but She may not have gone anywhere in the first place... you know that you have felt Her just beneath the surface on occasion, so it's lik...
I'm fighting to remain strong and not go back to princess - but it's so damn hard when I'm feeling as lonely as I do right now. Typically, it wouldn't have been quite as big a deal because I would simply go out and make new friends - a routine that I've done many times before... but Master has deemed that my profile picture must always reflect my submissive position and I may not change it without his permission and approval of its replacement.
Naturally, I don't mind this because it is an example of the type of control that I need. I will gladly wear whatever Master deems to be fit for me and I will be thankful to do so.
The interesting part in all this lies in making friend...
I'm feeling pretty dominant right now, so I think that I'll just let Her talk to you for a while... She has a tale to tell, so, here goes.
I made the mistake of checking up on My princess... I just wanted to see how she was doing without Me. What I didn't factor in was the fact that the same old feelings would come flooding back - especially when I saw that she still recognises the Domme in Me. God, I want to protect her from this cruel world so bad!
I have chosen to remain silent for now because I'm not certain what her needs and motives are. she doesn't give much of anything away to give Me a clear direction that I could take things in if I was to try to convince Master that...
I've spent most of my day just sitting quietly at Master's feet... and though it is now past 4am in my time and almost bed time in His time, i'm still not ready to call it a night and sleep just yet - even though I know that He would rather me call it a night by now.
I'm feeling pretty cruddy after spending most of the day fighting with my husband over my decision to attend church - even though I didn't actually get to attend church this week.
Instead, I did some cleaning to escape the atmosphere that was created by the fighting.
I'm at the point where I really miss writing, but I just don't feel that I can write anything that people would be interested in reading while every...