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I’m going to bed soon, don’t have a lot to say either.
Life is not good right now and no it has nothing to do with the news on tv.
Not much is new, just working a lot.
I hope everyone is well today, it has been awhile since I posted a letter.
It has been a rough few months for me and it’s getting better but at a slow pace.
I think the weather is playing a part in my mental health and I started a new job! So lots of new things and trying to take one day at a time.
It’s Christmas and I am relaxing and will be knitting soon.
Not much else to say, happy holidays and hopefully I will post more letters on here.
It’s a beautiful day where I am and I went apple picking again today. I love apples and I have been making applesauce so needed more apples.
Also got apple cider, apple crisp mix and relaxed while picking apples.
Heading out again to see a new shop then home for relax more and start knitting another scarf!
I had a great day at work today which doesn’t happen often but I’m going to savor it!
I hope everyone is well and that things are going great for you!
Relaxing for now, not sure what will happen tonight but maybe a movie.
I go back full time starting tomorrow at my seasonal job which is great because I have a car payment to make.
Not much else is new, just working on being more positive and working on my mental health.
Today my seasonal job starts up again and I am having trouble coping. It’s been a rough summer and I think I pushed a friend away.
I hate when I feel like this, I don’t know how to put into words what is going on with me and I always push people away.
It sucks, hopefully with working a shorter shift today, I can figure out stuff and pin point what exactly is making me have anxiety.
Some of it is bills and trying to budget, it’s not easy to budget but I need too.
I really like this paper and stamp.
So much has happened this summer but I figured out today that I’m better off than to be with a guy who lied to me, lead me on and couldn’t be a man and tell me the truth!
I have made new friends and started knitting again, made a scarf and baby blanket. I’m knitting a sock and I think I did the heel wrong but I’m going to finish it.
Knitting helps me relax, I can put my frustration into it and I like trying new patterns.
I reached out to a friend today who gave me advice and said I should try a walk. They were right, it helped. My mind did not turn off but it helped me see things and I’m happy for it.
My watch timer is going off so need to take ...
How have you been?
I’m doing ok, dealing with insecurities, family and other things where I have been stressed out.
I’m doing a little better today but I also decided to go for a walk. Walking helped and the sun is out. I did 1.76 miles in 30 minutes which is great!
I was very sweaty when I got home but still did planks and push ups too.
This workout and walking will get incorporated into next week too because I think I’m inside too much and it’s depressing.
This paper is pretty neat, today is cloudy but we are getting scattered thunderstorms throughout the day.
I feel it’s way to early to be up but I have some good news!!! I started knitting a Irish Hiking scarf last week and I finished it (except bonding off) last night! I knitted 55 inches and I’m excited it’s done! Just need to bind it off after my niece leaves for the day.
I have another scarf to knit plus a baby blanket too but I need to get yarn for the baby blanket. I’m still going to use the Irish Hiking scarf pattern but the blanket will be double sided and there is a pattern for that too.
So busy month coming up but if I can knit a scarf in a week then I can do another sca...
I feel this paper reflects today which means the sun is out! It will also be warm and I can work on knitting today along with laundry.
How is everyone? Good I hope.
My life has been up and down lately but trying to stay positive which is not easy. Some days are better than others.
I also watch people stream online and they may be playing games, chatting or doing something else and I have a few people I watch which helps make the nights better.
Some of these people stream to help their anxiety, depression and speaking skills.
I enjoy watching and have found some games I want to get but I need money for that. I have money but bills are first and I’m trying to save.
My 52 week mone...
Good morning everyone! I’m applying to the place I volunteer at and I’m excited!!! I’m sure they will hire me but I need to start out part time, hopefully in August I can go full time too.
Not sure what they will have me do but I can do what is needed and I’m happy to be out there. Not sure what the pay is but as long as I’m happy it’s all good.
Also I get a free gym membership too! I don’t use the one I have but if I can get a free one I will take it! Then maybe I will workout more.
That is most of my news for now, the sun is shining right now and it’s almost 6:30am my time. I’m happy the sun is out today plus I made my lunch last night too.
When I volunteer I make a lunch and b...
I have not written for a long time!
Well I have been having a lot of anxiety but I’m finding by watching people stream Just Dance 2019 online and me dancing along really helps my anxiety.
If you are wondering what is Just Dance, it’s like Zumba and a good workout.
It’s so much fun and I love dancing along with the streamer. I’m still watching someone and I have at least danced for more than an hour and it’s great!
Also I bought a small rice cooker and it’s a crockpot too but I got it for rice and I’m excited I can use it!!!
I’m going to make rice tonight and I have baby book Chou I can use! I’m so excited!!!!
So today my anxiety did go up but dancing helped bring it down an...
I hope everyone is being safe today and remembering those who gave up their life for our freedom.
I’m just home relaxing today, knitting and doing laundry.
Not much else to write about so back to knitting. Enjoy your day!
It feels longer than it has been since my last letter.
Since the last letter, I’m doing much better! I’m sleeping and have the anxiety under control which is great.
I also started to volunteer too and I love it! It gets me out of the house and I get to interact with people which I love doing.
I’m still going to my doctors this week and maybe get a refill on my anxiety medicine just as a precaution, I don’t want to relapse because not sleeping was not fun.
Today is church day so I need to get ready. I hope the sun stays out today too plus I’m hungry so I need to eat and figure out the rest of the day.
Maybe do more laundry and knit.
This will be a short letter since I work at 5am.
Things are going better, I’m eating more food which is good and I’m volunteering too.
Not much else is new, just need to sleep. Will try to write a letter tomorrow.
It has been awhile since I wrote a letter and the reason is because of anxiety and I’m fixated on one thing. I have not been eating or sleeping very well and I need to stop and get better.
It has been awful not being able to sleep and I have medicine but the thing I’m fixated on may need to take a back burner even though that is a very tough decision for me.
I am babysitting at the moment and it has helped with the anxiety, it’s not as high as it has been.
I guess 2 year olds are good for relaxing.
More later I hope.
My job at the college cafeteria is done for the summer.
I'm in bed writing this letter and my brain goes in many directions. I'm happy, sad, feel like a loser, that I'm not good enough, I'm ok, I'm not a bad person and worry about bills.
Why I let my brain do this, I'm not sure why. I don't like it either and it's hard for me to be positive.
One factor is mothers day, I help take care of my niece and I never get recognized on mothers day.
It may seem selfish but I don't think it is. I do a lot for family and get little recognition.
My family makes me feel like a loser, I'm horrible, I'm never good enough no matter what I do.
I barely talk to any family member because all the...
I like this paper.
I'm on a lunch break at work and my morning has been busy which is good. My shift is half over and the college will be done soon for the summer.
That's today job is work at the college cafeteria and tomorrow is my last day for the summer.
It will be weird to be on summer break because I'm used to working all day.
Anyways I may be babysitting Holden if his dad is working. I offered and it will help Drew out a lot so he doesn't have to send Holden to daycare.
The sun is out today and wish I could get outside which I may do now before clocking back in from lunch.
I was trying to write everyday but I didn’t and it’s ok.
I’m eating an early snack/lunch because I cleaned some today then I went to Walmart to get some stuff.
Also, I donated clothes today! I’m excited for that because I have too many and I don’t wear a lot of what I have. The clothes were donated to Planet Aid which has boxes all over town so I stopped at one and dropped in 3 bags.
Going to work on donating more clothes that I don’t wear and it feels good to donate.
Yesterday I got to see Holden (he is 2) and see my man. It was nice and I helped my man pack because he is moving next week plus it was fun playing with Holden.
I also saw Kayden too yesterday because I picked him u...
I’m doing a quick letter before bed. How is everyone tonight? Good I hope.
Work kept me busy today and I ate way too much food, lol. One of the many perks of working in a college cafeteria.
Anyways things are ok for now, Friday is my day off and I don’t have much planned.
I’m going to relax and figure out what to do.
Good night everyone.
I’m very tired and it’s not my bedtime either. Work was good today and people were happy to see me.
It was nice to be back at the food service job and to be doing something during the day, I picked up my medicine today.
However I didn’t realize that I was prescribed two anxiety medicines. One is a high dose so it will help me sleep at night and the other one is a smaller dose that I can take during the day and I shouldn’t drive so what to do during the day?
Even though I’m tired I have not taken the higher dose pill yet.
I may take it about 9:50pm and I’m sure I will be out like a light.
I hope you all have a great evening and have great dreams.
Happy May 1st! Maybe we will now get warmer weather? I hope so.
Things are ok, not great but getting there. I had trouble sleeping last night so today will be a long day.
I’m back to my food service job today too and it will be nice to be there and we are done next week. I work in a college cafeteria and next week is finals week so I will be off for the summer.
Still have my nursing job which is good and I can hopefully get out a little more too.
Not much else to say but I may post another letter later today and will see how work goes.
Almost time to leave, have a great Wednesday and we are halfway through the week!
Did some cleaning today and it doesn’t look like I made a dent! I have so much stuff and I’m also going through clothes I have and don’t wear, the clothes will be donated.
I need to throw out so much stuff, things I don’t use and see what I can donate while doing this.
Laundry is going and just trying to make it through today. I want to cry and have been having anxiety too.
The food co-op in my town has calming chocolates which are yummy and until I get my medicine those chocolates will help for now.
I cleaned for a half hour which is good but there is so much left, maybe I will do some more then call it quits for today or for a bit.
I really feel overwhelmed and I don’t want to...
Today has been good with a few down moments. I got to see my man today!!!! And hugs too!!!
Seeing him made my day brighter and I'm happy I was able to see him.
I also went for a walk when the sun was out and it was about a 30 minute walk but it was great to be outside.
Now to get ready for bed.
Church was much needed today and I’m glad I went. I talked to a few people which helped and didn’t stay long after because I was meeting a friend from New York.
My friend and I went for a walk around campus which I needed and we talked. It was insightful and really good to see my friend before he heads back to New York.
I want to message my man but I’m trying to hold out til 2pm, I think that is about 8 hours and apologize for my behavior through texts yesterday to him.
I shouldn’t have taken out my issues or frustration on him and he has a lot on his plate too.
Well I checked 2 things off my list today and now I’m home relaxing and going to knit in a little bit and watch a movie....
First I want to explain the stamp. I’m disappointed in myself for the way I behaved yesterday.
I was being selfish, needy and clingy yesterday. My poor boyfriend had to put up with my long text message and I did message him once today and I’m going to try to not message him again.
I realized how I was acting yesterday and man, I need to take a step back!
So today I’m stepping back for a bit with people. I think I need to recenter myself and just have a “me” day and relax.
Not sure what I was feeling but it messed with me a lot so today is church day and relaxing day.
In good news I did a lot of knitting yesterday and plan to do more today.
I don’t have much more to write about...
How does one survive not talking to the guy they live? My boyfriend is at work which it’s his normal workday.
But how does anyone not talk to their significant other because they need space? How do you do this?
I want to message him because I’m home bored out of my mind! I watched a movie, cried this morning and made lunch earlier too.
I’m working on not giving in so I can have some time to myself but it’s hard.
As I write this I listen to my ceiling drip only because the roof needs to be fixed. It now leaks into my room.
Earlier tonight I made a post on social media and it was not to get attention or sympathy. I wasn’t sure how to put into words what I was feeling.
I posted that I didn’t like myself and want to die, now I am not going to harm myself and rest assured I plan to live.
At the time of the posting I didn’t know how to put into words what I was feeling and it cane out like that.
There are many days where I feel like I have no one to talk to or vent to and it’s very hard to write my feelings out.
My boyfriend isn’t helping much but his plate is more full than mine and I now have...
I’m dealing with so much right now it’s not boring well with my health. My ceiling is damaged by water because part of the roof is damaged so my ceiling suffers.
My grandfather probably won’t do anything about it either so I’m stuck with a crappy roof and ceiling.
I haven’t seen my boyfriend yet and it makes me feel like crap about myself! I really wanted to see him last night and I waited to pick him even it if it was late but he never called.
Made me very sad.
I’m finally home!!!!
It feels so good that I am home and I can relax after I get some newspaper for the guinea pig cage to clean them out.
I will say it’s a lot cooler here than in Florida but still happy to be home.
My aunt fed the guinea pigs while I was gone and I think she only cane once a day because they were out of hay when I got home and doesn’t look like she cleaned the cage, oh well. I will clean out the cage tonight.
Making plans to see my boyfriend tonight after he gets out of work which will be nice because I missed home the whole time I was gone.
Okay I’m going to relax for a bit then go out and get stuff for the guinea pigs and figure out food later.
I’m on the New Jersey Turnpike now and hope we don’t hit too much traffic today because I want to get home.
Went through Delaware fast and I’m tired. Didn’t sleep well last night and being in my own bed tonight would be great!
Just wanted to write before losing reception at n my phone.
My niece fell asleep as I’m trying to stay wake.