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Blueeyes

PO# 566526
United States
United States
Broken.
November 28, 2018
 

I’m finally free from your love

I’m sorry
I’m no longer trapped in the disaster of us
I’m sorry

THE BEST IS YET TO COME
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October 13, 2018
 

I guess in the end
I’m learning,
To build a
better boat.

When the water rushes in
I turn around and head for the shore
To try again
To rebuild
This boat
In my life

The boat is my life
Patch the holes
And keep sailing

WHITE CLOCK
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September 16, 2018
 

I smoke
I drink
I hurt
Slowly destroying my organs
One by one
Hoping I won’t have to be alone for that long...

ORIGINAL
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September 12, 2018
 

The suicidal feelings are strong tonight, I’m scared to close my eyes.

NEVER FORGET
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August 12, 2018
 

I’ve forgotten your voice and it hurts

BE KIND
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July 14, 2018
 

I hate you.
I hate you for never loving me.
I hate you for making me feel as if I could never be enough.
I hate you for leaving me.
Yet,
I love you.
I love you for giving me something to prove wrong.
I’m not unloveable, you just never understood.
It wasn’t meant to be then, it’s not meant to be now.
I hate you, I love you.

A MAN'S BEST FRIEND
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June 24, 2018
 

I never hated you
Not once
Even when you left me
Broken
Hating myself
Asking why
I never hated you

I don’t hate you, hell I love you
I’ll always fucking love you
You tried and tried
But
You didn’t know what to believe
Didn’t know what to do
So you went with familiarity
Peace
Didn’t want to risk the feelings and heartache

I get it

But you can’t hate me for moving on
I let you go, you didn’t want me
So
I took the time to change
I took the time to be who I want to be
And someone else found me
So I decided to no longer be sad
Took the chance
And
He makes me happy

Isn’t that what we wanted for each other?

Peace and happiness

I still wish you were my best friend.

ORIGINAL
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June 11, 2018
 

I didn’t need you to fix me
But
I thought you wanted to stay around and see who I could really be.

ORIGINAL
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May 28, 2018
 

And this time when he kissed me, I didn’t miss you.
- maybe I’m finally moving on but I’m not sure if I want too

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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May 6, 2018
 

Today I held a red hot piece of metal to my skin.
I used to just cut the pain away, but then I needed something more.
I remember when I first tried it, only about a week ago... I told myself I wouldn’t do it again.
The emotions inside of me become overwhelming and I have no one.
I face my battles completely alone and it’s the hardest thing I have ever done l

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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May 5, 2018
 

Did it hurt to give up on me too?

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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April 22, 2018
 

The nights are long.
As I lay in here with thoughts in my head.

The nights are long.
As I think to myself, Why couldn’t it just be me.

The nights are long.
As I think about another friend of mine who is gone.

The nights are long.
As I think about how it’s all unfair, the good die young.

The nights are long.
Suicide is everywhere around me.

The nights are too long.
Life is too hard and I’m too much of a failure.

Wow, the nights are long.

EVALUATE YOUR LIFE DAY
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March 28, 2018
 

I don’t care if it’s temporary, the effects of the hurt are permanent.

No regrets
No remorse

The world keeps turning.

DAY OF TRUTH
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March 20, 2018
 

I always wind up being abused
It’s not physical though
It’s emotional
And sometimes I think that’s worse
I couldn’t even leave because I was afraid
Of what?
Hurting them, I was worried
But then
I stood up,
No longer can I take it
I walked away
And it burns
But
I think I’ll be okay.

I miss the only person who treated me right
The one who loved me
The one who I loved
I wasn’t easy to love
I barely could trust
I hated myself
I just wasn’t alright
But
They didn’t wait
They could only wait so long
The storm didn’t pass quick enough
They had to jump ship
And
Now
I’m alone
Missing them all over again

I LOVE WRITING DAY
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March 19, 2018
 

I think I care so much because nobody had ever showed me what it feels like to be cared and loved for. I try to please because I know how it feels to be unhappy, I just want to make other people happy... if I can’t feel it, it’s always good to see it.

I LOVE WRITING DAY
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March 14, 2018
 

New pills
But
Still the same sadness

Does it ever get better?

What’s the purpose?
My existence is so minuscule nothing actually matters.

I LOVE WRITING DAY
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March 4, 2018
 

Nobody ever has my back
Nobody ever believes in me
Nobody wants me to be happy
I’m just a mule, people pile their burdens on me and so I take the weight, I take the abuse, you never argue where I come from... it’s a yes and a no kinda thing, do what you’re asked and give respect and you shall receive it, but that’s the flaw of it all. I don’t get respect for all the good that I do.
I give out my heart, I lend my shoulders to be cried on, but here I am... alone, fucked up in the head, and nobody ever asks if I’m okay.
Nobody cares, why can’t I grasp that? Why do I want people to care when I know they won’t. I wish I was my own friend, no.. I wish I were dead. Everyone forgets me always, it do...

PULSE
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March 4, 2018
 

Stay with me until the end
It won’t be much longer

ORIGINAL
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February 28, 2018
 

My best friend could die tomorrow.
I’m too numb to think about it... no I’m drowning I can’t face it.
8 years, her whole life...
Why is death part of life?
I can’t survive the death of my baby.

PULSE
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February 18, 2018
 

I’m suicidal and nobody can help me. I have nothing left that makes life worth living. I drank today, I didn’t even think about it, I just keep grabbing another bottle. I don’t care about my sobriety right now, I don’t care about my recovery, I don’t care anymore.
I’m lonely, and I’m in a place that nobody has been to before. How can I be saved? No one will find me, and I can’t make it back out. I knew this would happen again, but I’m not going to try and stop it anymore. I think I’ll let this feeling swallow me whole, I don’t have it in me to fight or feel anything else. I haven’t felt a real feeling in months everything is numb and I feel just like a waste of space. Why am I alive? I don’t ...

ORIGINAL
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February 14, 2018
 

I’m sitting here on the bathroom floor with a razor in front of me. I could put my phone down and stop writing and carve my thoughts into my skin, but I’m trying to stay strong. I’m fighting a war I can’t win, a war on being lonely, but I can’t win because I’m always alone. My mom is dying, my dog might have cancer again, and I just want a drink. I could drink until my inhibition is gone, then I’d be brave enough to just end it all... but deep down I think some part of me holds onto something... I want to leave this world but I have my doubts... I’d never get to know the rest because I’d be dead... but that’s what I want right? Death, silence, nothingness. No longer existing seems right, but ...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
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February 9, 2018
 

I hate this month.
I hate this whole valentines thing.
I’m not loved and won’t be loved, and when reality hits each year... a piece of me dies... soon there will be nothing left of me.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
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February 8, 2018
 

You’re forgetting more and more these days, and it won’t get better.
Each year I lose more and more of you. All I have are the fights burned into my head, I’m sorry I wasn’t better, or more grateful, or just a good kid in general.

I love you momma.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
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February 5, 2018
 

The world would be better off without me

MESSAGE OF LOVE
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January 22, 2018
 

I sit alone at night by the window. I look at the street, but not too many cars drive by. The silence of night is peaceful, it’s like the world is turned off and for a moment I’m okay.

But the nightmares creep in and the loneliness eats at my sanity.

Just me and my dog... I can’t leave her, she needs me... but I can’t stay, I don’t belong here.

The tear stains have turned red, deeper and deeper the wounds have become.

I LOVE WRITING DAY
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January 22, 2018
 

No one is ever around when I need them.

I’ve been fighting my head for as long as I can remember, but then something will happen with a friend.

I pull up my bootstraps and carry the weight of their burdens on my shoulders.

I try my best to keep us alive... but slowly I’m sinking...

So no longer do I want to save my own soul, but god please take the weight away.

Let my friends be happy, drag me back down to where I’ll eventually drown.

I LOVE WRITING DAY
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January 21, 2018
Webster, United States

I don’t belong here

ORIGINAL
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January 20, 2018
Houston, United States

I was never wrong, all the times I said you’d walk away. I knew it would happen, no one ever stays for me. I am exhausted of fighting on my own.

I LOVE WRITING DAY
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January 19, 2018
Spring, United States

Your tired, quiet eyes drew me in.

I LOVE WRITING DAY
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January 19, 2018
Spring, United States

Please, just please.

I LOVE WRITING DAY
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