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DIARY OF A METHHEAD

PO# 144836
Canada
Canada
Coming straight from deep inside the mind of a meth addict - a collection of poetry and diary entries.
August 12, 2019
 

"YOU MIGHT NOT FEEL LIKE MUCH"

They say
Write long and hard about what hurts
Well it hurts to think this way
Every night and everyday
I worry you'll tire of my bad days
Get up, wonder far far away
My head and the way it weighs
On everything, it wasn't supposed to be this way

They say,
Write long and hard about what hurts
Well baby, maybe it's not just you
Maybe it's me and the fucked up truth
Cause I know I do it to you too
And lately it's been on my mind like a break through
A permanent tattoo
Etched in my skin, deja vu
You're not the only one with residue
I too, pull strings just to get through

And what hurts the most is
That maybe, just maybe, I'm not as innocent as
I...

VISIONS
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June 27, 2019
 

From one heart to another
I'm still picking up my broken pieces
The shattered glass around my feet is sharp
Please be careful, but please don't leave
And I'm sorry if you cut your fingers
Helping me with such a mess
But baby you do it best, you do it right
Pick me up and make everything okay
I feel whole, I feel complete

From one broken heart to another
I'll pick up your pieces too
And put them back together
One by one, whatever it takes
I'm yours, and you're mine
Broken pieces or not
I'm here, I am here
I will always be here

-DOAMH

ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS
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June 10, 2019
 

"Expectations"

What hurts the most is
The fact that I feel
Like I've hurt you
Differently
This time
It's in my heart
It's on my mind
Nobody ever writes poetry
For the brokenhearted poet
Nobody ever writes poetry
About me

What hurts the most
Is the fact that
I hurt you again
In my dumb ways
I get stuck
And I spiral
Out of control
It's not fair
It's not fair to you
It's on my mind
It's in my heart
Nobody ever writes poetry
About the lonely poet
Nobody ever writes poetry
About me

What hurts the most
Is the fact that I
Bring sorrow
On days like today
I need you to know
I feel alone
In this dark place
I call my home
But nobody writes poetry
About the sad and lonely
No...

PASSION OVER PERFECT
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May 20, 2019
 

"Happy"

You made it so easy,
I fell for you quickly.
You'd bump my shoulder and then I would smile.
Those big hazel eyes,
They made me crazy.
So we touched, then we kissed and we made love.

I called and you answered,
I told you my problems.
I cried, I got mad, and then we had laughed.
You said you would be there,
No matter the issue.
I sighed, I got glad, and we said goodbye.

And I'm hoping that you,
Need me like I do.
I picture you with me,
Now my dreams aren't real without you.

I hope you feel the,
Same way that I do.
Cause nothing has felt as good as this has.
So real, so intriguing,
I can't get you out of my head.

I will tell you one thing,
You light me on fire.
And we'll bur...

WHITE CLOCK
1
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April 17, 2019
 

"Springs"

The nights are not long enough
Lying there next to you in the buff
I couldn't help but feel the rough
Ache of having to let you pack your stuff
In the morning, I need your love

I could never get enough of your touch
I crave it, so much, so much, too much
I want it all, grasp it in a tight clutch
Show me more, I want more, I won't judge
You've got a love I'd never get rid of

So give me your all
And I'll come full throttle
Ready to love you like my favorite novel
Oh, all the pages I could get lost in
Let's write a new story, where shall we begin?

-DOAMH

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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April 16, 2019
 

He said,

He wants to know more,
To take his time and explore
The depths of I,
The reasons why
I get so shy

He said,

Show me
Show me this part of you
What makes you true
What you've been through
Things you look forward to

I said,

Baby, this is me
And with you I suddenly believe
That wearing my heart on my sleeve
Isn't as bad as it may seem

I said,

Hey maybe you should stay with me
Get wrapped up for the night
I swear you're all I need
All I need

All I need   

-DOAMH

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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April 10, 2019
 

"Your name here."

I get caught up in his lust, in the moment his gentle breathing on my neck is all I need to live. He touches me again, I feel his fingers creeping up then back on down my spine. His hazel eyes catch my big baby blues, I'm lost, I'm found, there's no where else I'd rather be. Wishing this moment would last forever. I take his hand in mine and squeeze. He squeezes back. I squeeze again and he pulls my body closer to his. My thoughts are quiet, my heart beats fast; I'm running out of time, seriously running out of time. So when the clock strikes 10, I know he's gotta go. Back to his home and his life. I get so carried away in his arms that I forget what it's like to feel this ...

LETTRS 2019 STAMP
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December 25, 2018
 

Well, it's that time of year again friends. I made it to the end and I am so grateful I have. I couldn't count my accomplishments on two hands, nor with the toes on my feet. I made Christmas dinner and the family that are still important to me came with gifts and love. It made my holidays all the more special. But watching my daughters open gifts with joy in their eyes, that was the real accomplishment this year. A present mother (me) was likely the last thing on their minds but the best thing of the day. I know I felt that way. Happy holidays DOAMH.

2019
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December 17, 2018
 

"How I became unlike my mother"

In the beginning, this wasn't true
I was just like her, through and through  
We had different eyes, and different hair
But just like her, I learned to not care
I learned to hustle, I learned a game
It was as good as mine by just saying your name
Your misfortune my gain, I grew up this way
What's yours is mine no matter what you say
I took what I wanted, no shame no gain
It was all part of my play, I loved the pain
But one day I said enough was enough
I tossed in the towel, picked the lock on my cuffs
I gave myself a chance to take back what was mine
My identity, my life, my children, my sight
Those evil views of the world I held with all my might
I g...

CHRISTMAS FLOWERS
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September 22, 2018
 

I've settled into a life without you
I lost that 10 pounds I said I would
You said to stop and talk to you
And I told you there was nothing I would do
To save this, to save us, oh but for what?
Baby I bled from the words that you cut
"We're not compatible" yeah I guess not







"I'VE SETTLED"
-DOAMH

ORIGINAL
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August 14, 2018
Edmonton, Canada

Dear self,

I just wanted to let you know that I am proud of you. I know I don't say it often enough but here it is. You've been sober now over 2 years, got your kids back, have your own apartment, and start school soon. You did it. You did everything you thought was impossible. 2 years ago you were on the streets. You were lost. You were afraid. Now you take reign over any obstacle that comes your way. Look at you, you go girl!

I knew you could do it. I believed in you from the very start. There's something deep inside of you that calls truth and integrity in everything you do and say. Keeping holding on to that. And keep doing what you're doing because you're doing fantastic and I canno...

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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March 27, 2018
 

Coming up to two years sober in exactly one month. Looking back at this diary and reading all the entries...wow who could have guessed I would have made it this far. 2 years in 30 days. Life couldn't be better. ❤️

DAY OF TRUTH
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July 10, 2017
 

I peel away the wallpaper
And before me lies an iron door
I take a good hard look at it
And remember why I had shut it
So many years ago

Beyond that door lies a withered past
One with no path and no reason to last
A face so emaciated, we all have seen and passed

Beyond that door lies a broken girl
Stuck in an unforgiving world
She knows one day there could be more

And that's why the wallpaper covers
The heavy iron door

SIMPLICITY DAY
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July 10, 2017
 

Its been some time and I'd just like to let my penpals know that I am doing great! 15 months sober and I've got (another) little one on the way! My daughter will be living with me full time VERY SOON and life is fantastic.  Can't wait for the next chapter. <3

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 27, 2016
 

"Ridges"
     
  
An excerpt



I SHOW HER  
WHAT I'VE LEARNED IN THE 2 SUMMERS

since I met her

TO PROVE THAT I HAVE LIVED UP TO ALL SHE'S HEARD  AND GREATER


SO JUST AS MUCH AS I AM A TRICKSTER

I AM EQUALLY NOT A FIBBER
   


I show her my flick, my flicker,

this is MY wrist, miss, and it's quicker
   

Tina's

TWIST TWIST TWIST

BECOMES MY NEXT BEST TRICK

RIGHT BEFORE HER EYES
                                             (TWIST TWIST TWIST)
   
IS THE ONE AND ONLY
   
For once and all of eternity

could it be worth more than this shit

or should it?
   

THIS IS LIFE
  
and the truth in our lies

WITHOUT IT DOOMED

HAVE Y...

ORIGINAL
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March 11, 2017
 

I had to fight for my life in order to survive.

Now that I no longer need to survive,

I must find a new way to live -
                                                 a way to feel alive

ORIGINAL
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March 8, 2017
 

"NOT PERMITTED"

IN THE BEGINNING
When life meant MORE
We grew up kinda happy
Even if we were kinda poor

When enemies tried to bring US DOWN
We rose up with jeweled crowns
Wearing them on upside down frowns

IT WAS THEM DAMN DEMONS IN THE END
Who taught us how to play pretend
PLAYING BEST, your very best friend
As a winner after all was said a done,
Just made you even more of a sinner

As good as DEAD AS GONE
We did not JUST stand for one
But for two who could not repeat love songs
Nor would it ever last for long


-DOAMH

ORIGINAL
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March 8, 2017
 

"WIRELESS DEVICES"

I can't hide the fact that I can
Become number than numb
It's a feeling I've just let overcome
And I know exactly what from
It's written all over these pages-
Within who I am supposed to be
(Purely wishes, a fantasy!)
I get caught up in so many things
That I forget humans have emotions
True feelings
I'm just so high almost all of the time
I fail to realize these frames of minds

So don't hate me if I sometimes take your love for granted
I do know the value of a dollar...
I simply get carried away with the stuff I've always wanted
I won't always hear all the things you say
Most likely I'll forget memories from just yesterday

These things shouldn't hol...

ORIGINAL
2
1
March 8, 2017
 

Going to be putting in some serious effort to post more!

Hurray for Hollywood
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February 19, 2017
 




SOME DAYS,  it's not easy to look at the past
and realize HOW MUCH TIME has passed
I often thinking about the times we laughed
shared in a moment, GONE TOO FAST
YOUR DYING BREATH i hoped wasn't your last

some days, i still wonder if I'M AS INNOCENT AS
they really say i am; i guess we all crash
FALL, BURN; i need to DETACH
but i still FEEL LIKE a PIECE OF trash
and i'm so sorry man
I DIDN'T know you were going TO DIE
if i did, i would GO back
to change the EVENTS of that night
that ULTIMATELY led to your death -
my biggest regret

each day, it HURTS to think about the PAST
ALMOST 2 years has passed
man, TIME sure does fly by fast
your DYING BREATH, i wished WAS...

GOLD TRIM
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December 25, 2016
 

I'm on the other side of the bathroom door
Listening to my family laugh and more
This time they sound like happy cries
And I'm not worried about the voices
Because for once, I'm not getting high
Today I reflect on my life choices
The reason I'm here, enjoying some freedom
It's Christmas eve, and I'm not going to lie
I'm so glad I gave up chasing that high
Tomorrow, when I see my family's faces
Delighted with joy, heavens oasis
I'll smile and feel like for once
I'm doing something right
It's Christmas day, and I remember why
I'm not behind this bathroom door
Just to get high.

-DOAMH

GOLD TRIM
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September 4, 2016
 

She's changed since she was a baby
Now a toddler and I can tell she isn't happy
My selfishness always getting in the way
Always disappearing for days and days
My little girl, I've changed but please don't throw me away

I guess you have been wondering where mommy goes
Before I am able to kiss you goodnight
Already off into the night
And grandma has locked the doors

You know, I remember what it was like to be a mother
Being the single provider
It started with the booze and my desire to prove my self worth
Ending in a place that made me hate myself even worse
I just wanted my own happiness
The things I thought I did deserve

So there I camehttps://lettrs.com/official_theme...

FORTIFIED
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September 4, 2016
 

"Ridges"
     
  
An excerpt



I SHOW HER  
WHAT I'VE LEARNED IN JUST THE 2 SUMMERS

since I met her

TO PROVE THAT I HAVE LIVED UP TO ALL SHE'S HEARD  AND GREATER


SO JUST AS MUCH AS I AM A TRICKSTER

I AM EQUALLY NOT A FIBBER
   


So I show her my flick, my flicker,

this is MY wrist, miss, and it's quicker
   

Tina's

TWIST TWIST TWIST

BECOMES MY NEXT BEST TRICK

RIGHT BEFORE HER EYES
                                                TWIST..
                                                                TWIST...
                                                                                TWIST....



-DOAMH

ORIGINAL
1
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July 30, 2016
Edmonton, Canada

'COUNTY'

I've been talking about this old me
Like it's still the person I'm supposed to be
'Cause all I do see
Is who I have been
And not who I could be
If I were...
                    ....me

FORTIFIED
1
1
July 30, 2016
Edmonton, Canada

TO THE WOMAN I MEANT TO BE

I heard you were looking for me
If it had been at all clear to see
That you were trying so hard to be free
There I would have been
I am sorry, me
I am sorry I was not there
Instead playing hide and seek
I know now that it was not fair
And you shouldn't have had to look far but near
I just wasn't in a state to care
I am sorry, me
To the person you had to be in defeat
So please you
You are no longer who I want me to be
I am sorry, me

Though if you seek
I will be there
I will be here
I will care
And I will do what I need to
To be me

The woman I meant to be

-DIARY OF A METHHEAD

WIN $500
2
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July 30, 2016
Edmonton, Canada

Posting right away!

WIN $500
1
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February 7, 2015
 

I swear I never wanted to become this person. Engulfed by anger, so easily did I pick up the pace, learning quickly when and if to play fight or flight. I would scream bloody murder when it came down to who hurt who the most. Your ego or my self esteem, it didn’t matter where we stabbed. In the end, all of it lie 6 feet under, destroyed by selfish behavior. Blackened by jealously, my need to control meant drilling you with every possible guilt trip in the book as if it could make you stay. But you would. Every time. It was painful to admit yet so obvious to the crowd - love did not just blind me. No, love also controlled me. Oh, but baby, it controlled you too. Was it love? Honestly? Although...

ORIGINAL
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March 4, 2016
 

    
     
You haven’t told me you loved me in over 46 days
   
I’m running out of space and I’m leaving this place
   
It just reminds me so much of your elegant face
    
The bitterness and how I’ve forgotten your taste
   
Baby it’s two way lanes but you arrived too late
   
This is the way we weigh just how to say goodbye

I'll never be the same you've change me deep inside
   
So say goodbye, baby
  
The train and I depart come 2:30

-DOAMH

ORIGINAL
0
1
June 17, 2016
 

It's been a while guys! But I've completed treatment and am 50 days sober today. Can't wait to get back to life and writing.

Miss you guys!

Talk soon.

ORIGINAL
1
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April 24, 2016
 

It's  been a while guys, feels like forever honestly. I hope to have something posted in the next few days. In the mean time, anybody have any artistic  skills , perhaps for lettering and such?

Thumb_signature_1461489035
LETTRS CHALK
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