My God, just how freakin deep does it all go? I mean I have known for quite some time a portion of it all, and adding to that portion as time has progressed until the amount of deception and of people who (most) willingly participate in it all is astronomically mind bending! I said (most) because I know some don't want to for a fact, as a memory periodic flits in and out of my mind! One of those puzzle pieces that didn't quite have a very clear picture in order to be placed effortlessly, not like an edge or corner nor possessing any real clarity! Just an odd shaped piece that was an attention grabber continuously until it's place among the puzzle was identified! I was on the bus and this la...
What I see from the window
A life of love I'm not the recipient of sadly.
Excitement and adventure I'm excluded from daily.
Friends & family who go place to place together while I'm here all alone, a nobody!
Every hope. Every dream. Every wish. Ever desired reminding me they will never be for me.
Freedom from this personal hell where glass and pane have turned to iron bars and lock with no key.
What life could be if only I could be free.
EVERYTHING I WANT LIVES
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
THE WINDOW FROM ME!
That's what I see...
looking in or looking out,
remains the same
HAHA...omfg, I'm such an idiot! Imagine you actually being jealous, that's hilariously sad cause you would have to actually care in the slightest for that to be a factor! I'm not sure why my brain lies to me at times to then reveal the truth after shit has already gone down, maybe it's to protect me in that moment when I'm the most emotionally connected so I won't be destroyed completely beyond healing! I'm not sure though just a theory is all! I'm not sure the wait time was long enough this time tbh! You see my stupid ass thought you wanted the pic to prove I wasn't with a dude BUT haha nope not even close! You and your lying cheating THOT ass wanted a pic of us cause u were worried I was ...
The thing is there's ALWAYS gonna be someone prettier, someone skinnier, someone funnier, someone who is something more then or less then I am! It's inevitable! However I hope there's others like me left in this world! The kind who cherishes EVERYONE for exactly who they are! The kind who falls in love with a person for exactly who they are and only has eyes for that person! The kind that is there for you no matter what, even when they themselves need someone but feel like they are alone in EVERY battle they face, still they are there for you! The kind who has your back, even if your in the wrong, cause that's someone who means more than the world to you! The kind who might be ...
Ant thanks for the reminder...
...Lord knows I hoped way to hard for a never to become a forever,
While you stayed forever stuck chasing a never!
Somebody was in my house, in my ROOM, the night before last, while I was sleeping! I don't know who or why or what the fuck happened! I just know I woke up yesterday feeling like I had been drugged with a splitting headache! It was a struggle to wake up! I was sitting on my bed trying to clear the fog my brain was in while trying to get to a point where I could function when I noticed the very thing that told me someone had been in my house, in my still locked bedroom, my iron! Might seem silly or insignificant to some and had I not struggled with it when I had placed it where I had, trying to get the cord up there and get the iron in a spot to prevent it from falling (I was super tired and ...
I swear it NEVER fails...the very moment I'm at a point in life where I just need someone to be around, that's all, just near me so I'm not so alone in my hell of a life...that's exactly the time when whoever happens to be in my life at that point and time falls off! Of course, as soon as they need me to be around for them it's never an issue for them to suddenly be around again!
I'm just so damn tired of all the hypocritical, insincere bullshit!
How is it that the very person asking me if I'm O.K., knows damn well I'm not and that they are the main reason that I'm not, like seriously what's the point of asking if for one your causing it and two it obviously doesn't even matter if I ...
Please Dear Lord let me, if not overcome this, then at least grant me the strength to endure it till my Drs. office is open in the A.M. !?
I'm not sure what's going on with me at the moment but it feels a lot like the Angina attack I had when I was like 19! My chest feels the same, I have a slight headache bordering on migraine and I'm really nauseous (which has increasingly gotten worse the longer my chest has been hurting!)
I guess due to my history of already having had an Angina attack, plus my family history of heart problems; my "mom" (possibly bio GM...?UK!) has a history of Angina attacks that took place in her early 20s & my "sister" (possibly my actual bio mom...?UK!) was...
Nope not my role...If you want me to respond use my name! If you want to use a nick name I have plenty...or I'll even compromise and let you choose one!
Babe isn't an option just as I'm not an option...MY choice, MINE alone & your input isn't desired or required! I'll ignore EVERY single BABE you choose to utter point blank!
Now you KNOW!
I REALLY hope she's worth it, and as much as I hurt, I pray she loves you!
I may at times allow things that I shouldn't or even excuse people for things that never should've been said or done and often without even an apology, but that doesn't mean I don't notice or that I haven't got a clue about any of it! Nor does it mean I lack intelligence...now as for being idiotic, ok, on the level of "unable to guard against common dangers" I give you that! Well not that I'm unable to, more so I choose not to since I tend to believe everyone is inherently good and has intentions, if not the same as mine then at least similar, and that even good people make mistakes and deserve a chance to be th...
I may be heartbroken for a while,
Your fashion of loving is out of style,
Does it matter loving you makes my soul smile,
Am I to continue alone down this lonely mile?
Time is of the essence,
if it matters, if I matter,
if WE matter...
To many gunshots,
to much worry,
I give 2 more hours for u to be here,
for you to prove it...
I know you get my messages ALL of them
So now I'll know what I truly do mean to you all within 2 hours time span...
You asked me who gave me black eyes and I was honestly confused then figured it was my eyeliner you must have been seeing as black eyes, till just now looking in the mirror with no make up on at all and I myself can see the dark circles under my eyes... Now I have an answer to your question on who gave me black eyes!
At least these 2 at this time! They are a product of all the tears I've cried over the past months! Especially the last couple weeks! So yeah the person who gave them to me is YOU!
How could you!? How could you become this version of you that you have become? How could you be so heartless and cruel? How could you destroy me so carelessly and effortlessly like I'm less than the garbage lining the streets!? How could you betray me so immensely knowing full well how much I love you and what you mean to me!? How could you become worse than the worst who have hurt me thus far? Was that your goal? To be better at EVERY aspect where lovers from my past were concerned? Having obtained my unlimited love, my ENTIRE heart, you then had to destroy me simply so you could have my heartbreak too?
After I bared my heart and soul to you reading you that letter (which was WAY more pers...
Can I just say Food Poisoning SUCKS!!!! Thankfully it appears that I didn't have to much of whatever it was that was bad and I'm at the last bit of misery from it! So freaking hungry but still scared to eat anything! Just happy I no longer have the urge to vomit, that's a HUGE plus!
Well di Amore Amaretto isn't quite Disaronno but considering how buzzed I am already, I have a feeling it'll do quite nice! I'm a light weight at best with ANY kinda alcohol so I'm about to be FUCKED UP!! 😎🤣💋
So on my way home after my failed attempt to go to Walmart the other night, a car passed me going the opposite direction, with a woman driving and oddly the thought I had was about the body damage and thought that's possibly what the car that hit Juan might look like! Crazier things have happened but I didn't actually think it was the car. I continue on my way and she actually turned around and slowed down to stare at me as she passed by me once more! Now I'm wondering if it was in fact J who was the target or if instead it was actually me! Wonder what she was planning had ur dad not been heading my direction, he was at the light as she got there & turned around to head there direction I was...
Don't allow your false perceptions to become your reality!
What you perceive of me isn't always true, which is what you fail to see!
I can't ask you to live in this hell with me, especially when you're so much happier without me!
I'd give anything just to see you happy, even at the cost of destroying me completely!
There's been no one else but YOU since Nov. 9 whether or not you choose to believe!
All I have to offer is ME, which I get isn't exactly a grand prize, instead it's a lot of brokenness even more love, truth and no lies!
My love is legit and doesn't stray, I only focus on one love at a time, you're that one here and now, just wish you would realize!
It's your choice, I've ...
It's so hard to hold on, to stay fighting a losing battle! Especially when what you're fighting for doesn't even give a fuck about you! My entire life has been me fighting for those I love while never managing to be enough for anyone to love me too! All the little things I do are done outta love, cause they are important to me! I love getting or making things for people who matter to me and not just random generic things that have no significance either! The littlest tiniest detail could be the reason behind what draws me to get or make something for someone but there's ALWAYS a specific reason that links to the person it's for! I guess that's why it hurts so much that I've never manage...
Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut! Why can't I ever fucking keep my damn mouth shut!? Like I'm not pressed for time as it was, and I had to open my mouth and let him know my thoughts, my fear! I have no proof, I just have a feeling, deep in my soul I KNOW something isn't right! I wish I wasn't so fucking alone! I hate that I'm gonna have to run with no direction in which to head, no plans on how to make it work, no nothing but the knowledge that I HAVE to! I can't pretend everything is ok cause it's not! Things have happened that have shown him that while I'm alive he can't have my son and since he knows I will NEVER be with him again I'm sure his evil ass is doing something to fix his i...
At least now I know what I look like through your mirror...
Funny how the view through my mirror didn't cut quite as deep!
I know I'm not who you want or need based on the way you treat me.
I'd never treat someone I hated like you've treated me!
You love me was just another joke on me!
I wish you all the best though, I truly do, I'll leave you to continue to be free of me!
ALL my LOVE...
Somehow somewhere along the way I think I became your way of exacting revenge or your way of one-upping your rival! You failed to realize the only one you were hurting is ME! I meant NOTHING to him just as I obviously mean NOTHING to you! The other day when you drew what I had believed was our names, I couldn't understand why you spelled mine with two E's or why you took it when you left. I don't remember what you replied as to why and it's not really important that I remember as it was simply another one of your lies! What I didn't know or even realize was the fact that in your world I'm not the only Bre even if she uses 2 E's! I wonder if her name is Sabrina as well or if it's more commo...
Sometimes it's good to walk away, to ease the aches & dull the pain,
to quite the arguments & stop the fights.
Sometimes it's ok to stay & converse though the night, expressing internal feelings, neither one nor the other even if differing opinions, wrong or right.
When one alwayz leaves & the other is alwayz left behind, it's as though they are left to brave alone, the fall from the highest heights!
I know not how to express that YOU truly are my star, that even in my darkest nights, guides me through with a light so bright!
Wish in your arms to forever be held ever so tight,
Day & Night 😘💋
Revenge is Karma's double edged sword;
Only She gets to hold the handle...
...ALL others must grab the blade!
She posted NO Help Wanted signs, nor is any help desired!
You're only causing unnecessary pain to yourself when you seek to do her job!
(Besides you and you alone have managed to hurt me more than ANY others and yet I wish you no harm AND I forgive you!)
Just stop lying to your self,
lying to me,
lying to everybody!
You waited for my heart to be free and yet yours was never even an offer for me!
Keep your friendship, keep your fake care, keep everything YOU away from me!
Can't you see that you and you alone have destroyed me more than any who may have hurt me thus far!
Like I said b4 who is gonna have my back where your concerned?
You have ALWAYS hurt me had you ever stayed around long enough to see that, instead of running like you always fucking do then maybe you would've seen how destroyed I was every time I found myself losing you!
I'm fine, I'm good, I'm ok... If that's what u need to hear to make it all ok, to make you not b...