Don't know how and when but plans were made for travel to one of the metropolitan cities, as to meet a person with whom I rarely interacted on social platforms, and we both had undergone same professional training as undergraduates. I did reach the destination with a close friend and met her who was accompanied by a group of her friends. We all talked for a while after which we both sneaked our way out of the group.
As we hang out together, we talked as if we weren't from different places. She suggested 'chai' after we had a light dinner. We talked as we walked, giving me a sense of happiness and excitement I never had being with someone. Then we sat together comfortably talking in a place...
It had been past a month we spoke. Trying to move on from what I'm clinging but with no future, hasn't been easy. In these moments, many a time our perseverance weakens and that time was today.
But until when would I fail against my self? What's your self when you can't win the battle of wills against the temptations that lay at every walk of life?
Isn't it after the defeat, we find the resolve to fight back?
Isn't it only after we are lost, the path is sought?
Isn't it after being held hostage by despair, hope keeps us alive?
Isn't it after the darkest hour of night, dawn appears?
Battle of inner self
How does it feel to see yourself turn into what you always despised and have grown hating?
You won't realize until you're the being you had despised!
But there still exists a part that you didn't become but it is feeble and weak.
Can you hold on to that better part and cling to it ?
Is it too late?
"Sorry", she said
As she couldn't love me back!
"mohtaaj manzil ka toh nahi hai, ek tarfa mera safar
This journey I undertook is not dependent on the destination, for it is one way"
Although it is of no significance
But I wish it to be you
After all, I remember that day as if it were yesterday
Such a beautiful coincidence it turned out to be
Woh bhi kya ittefaq tha
Ek haseen ittefaq! :)
It happened such that I visited an art exhibition in the spring earlier this year. As I walked through the gallery, I came across this one art that stood out as it was modest in its setting.
It was a painting of a river stream in which a kid was swimming and a girl who remained near the bank collecting marbles.
I looked for the artist, looking for the 'by-' line but there wasn't any.
I enquired with the event manager regarding the artist, and he pointed me towards the balcony where she stood alone.
Me holding on to you is an addiction
That I unto you in my nights!
But have you ever wondered, this is what makes me hollow, weakening my resolve and lets the darkness ovwrwhem me with extreme pleasure and guilt that follows.
As I go through a bad phase, I wish to undone the steps that brought me to this. I want to go back through time and stop it happen. I wonder if there is a parallel reality where matters are different, and is there a way to access it.
Well, then life would be perfect, wouldn't it? But the truth is no man lives a perfect life with every wish coming true and every desire fulfilled. No amount of money, fame and love can bring out perfectness. There will always remain moments that make you sad, matters you worry about and desires unfulfilled.
But does it mean we stop trying to be better. No, our efforts towards a better moments are the only thing that keeps us going. Yes there will be in life crue...
And now that those words have been lost
All the trace they retain is in the faint memory
The pain I thought of wasn't gone
And it has returned to trouble
Few moments of relief I had, they were nothing but a delusion. A delusion that I created to escape from the inevitable I thought wouldn't fall upon me.
What is it about this hollowness that goes on consuming me? Is it because I no longer have you or I can't have you?
For you to know, let me tell you getting consumed by this hollowness is something terrifying if ever pondered. You get sucked into this hollow black hole of darkness until there is no escape, and life isn't gonna be same after that.
If you feel lone for a while, then find someone to talk, to connect with, rediscover yourself with travels, because if you forget yourself, there is nothing worth remembering!
It's been 7 years since I saw you in person and since then what's between us is something that I would be grateful about. The coincidental chat that I had opened me to you and you to me. I wish we weren't destined to be separated all these years. I wish we could spend some moments together. I wish I had seen you laugh that I listened to. I wish there was more to us!