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camjes7

PO# 554419
United States
United States
I'm not this depressing in real life. I just need an outlet for bad days.
May 14, 2019
 

The voice of reason.

There’s a little voice inside me
That says: you’ve got it wrong.
There’s no more point in trying.
You’ve been doomed all along.

Why keep on going?
You’re just going to fail.
You’ve never been good enough.
You should just bail.

Just quit, it’s too hard.
You’re not good enough to make it.
They’re going to think you suck.
They’re going to know you fake it.

On days like this my little voice,
Isn’t small at all.
It beckons ever louder,
Like a siren’s call.

It screeches and it wails.
It grips and it batters.
It pounds at my brain,
Until my ears shatter.

I’ll be alright though.
I’ve been through this before.
This too shall pass.
Like a whale through a d...

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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May 13, 2019
 

Patience lost.

Please leave me alone.
Please just let me be.
I don’t want to destroy you.
But it’s down to you or me.

I’m not a mean person.
I don’t like to be cruel.
But I’ll be god damned,
If I’m gonna lose to you.

So suck it up, buttercup.
Confess all your sins.
I’ll burn this mother fucker down.
Before I let you win!

NEVER GIVE UP
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May 3, 2019
 

Dream song

I used to dream in rhyme.
Those words flowed softly by.
They’d whisper sweetly to me,
sounding like a lover’s sigh.

I’d wake up in my room,
straining ears to hear,
the echoes of my heart song.
For it had been so near.

Now I dream of war.
The violence of men.
And what I hear instead,
is the screaming of my pen.

I wake to salty tears.
And endless fucking rage.
And then I spend my night.
Bleeding on the page.

IN SEASON
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May 2, 2019
 

Dear liar,

You brought this on yourself.
This is all your doing.
You just had to stir this pot,
This shit you’ve been brewing.

You talk a big game.
Make it seem like you care.
You talk about ‘teamwork’.
You talk about ‘fair’.

Meanwhile you backchannel.
You undermine, you screw.
You live by just one tenet.
To thine own needs be true.

So, now you’ve burned your bridges.
Now you’ve been caught out.
You grovel and you whine.
You ingratiate, you pout.

So, as you make excuses,
Dependable as a clock.
Please do keep in mind
I hear both your faces talk.

DON'T TALK TO ME
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April 26, 2019
 

Peace at last.

Heartbroken and defeated.
The girl came to rest.
Underneath a cherry tree.
And a blackbird’s nest.

The blackbird sang his song to her.
From the low branch of the tree.
As the girl cried to the sky,
she fell down to her knees.

When the sun shone blue,
On the black winged bird.
The wall between the earth
And the heavens blurred.

Well, the tree, it did sway.
And the breeze, it did blow.
The tulips shivered softly.
The blossoms fell like snow.

The wind whispered love to her.
It’s warmth dried her tears.
In the beauty of the moment.
The girl forgot her fears.

The blackbird took flight,
Up toward the sun.
Calling to the angels,
‘It is done, it is done’.

CREATIVE WRITING
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April 26, 2019
 

Listen to the silence.
Watch the blowing leaves.
The secrets of a peaceful life
Whisper on the breeze.

HAPPY EARTH DAY 2019
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April 21, 2019
 

       6 years.

A circle on the calendar
Doesn’t tell me when to grieve.
You are always in my thoughts.
As often as I breathe.

A candle in the window
Won’t illuminate my night.
I lie in utter darkness,
You always were my light.

A picture in a gilded frame.
A hat hung on a wall.
These are what I’ve left of you.
That’s not enough at all.

A whisper on a death bed.
Flowers on a grave.
These won’t be able to repay.
The joy you freely gave.

TRUE WISDOM
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April 8, 2019
 

Skin

I watch when you’re not looking.
You are where I have been.
You don’t want to be present.
Your home is not your skin.

You’re body doesn’t mirror,
Who you are inside.
You don’t want to be seen.
Each day, you try to hide.

Give me some time to work on it.
Give me your trust, you’ll find,
I’ll make you a brand new suit.
New skin to match your mind.

My touch will be the needle.
My words, the golden thread.
I’ll endeavor to remake you.
To love yourself instead.

With every single kindness.
Every laugh, so rich.
Every soft and gentle word.
I’ll take another stitch.

With every row of stitches,
Every seam and line,
You’ll feel a little stronger.
Just give me some time.
...

YOU'RE PERFECT
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March 21, 2019
 

Pull down the moon.

I used to be a wonder.
My inner soul shone bright.
But life can gut your candle.
And age can dim your light.

I’m tired of this muted spark.
I’m bored with this half-glow.
I want to shine like embers.
The warmth I used to know.

So let me loose into the night.
Let me dance and run.
Let me breathe in the soft air.
Til I shine like the sun.

Pull down the moon
Let it fill me up.
Until I don’t feel empty.
Pour it into my cup.

Pull down the moon.
Let me drink it in.
Fill me with that liquid light.
Until I’m full again.

I’ll shine like a beacon.
For all the world to see.
Let me be a guiding light.
Let me at last be free.

AROUND AND AROUND
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March 12, 2019
 

Just give me a minute.
I’ll catch my second wind.
I just need a moment.
Then, I will bounce again.

CELEBRATE EVERY TINY VICTORY
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March 12, 2019
 

Crown.

You caught me in a weak moment.
You saw me in a tough spot.
I’m not usually this fragile.
No, I’m absolutely not.

There’s no shame in a breakdown.
I’ve no pride left to serve.
These tears wash my face clean.
And polish up my nerve.

So, don’t you fuss about me.
Now’s no time to talk trash.
Soon, I will rise above you.
A phoenix from the ash.

I refuse to be beaten.
I refuse to be kept down.
I’m not kneeling to submit,
I’m picking up my crown.

LETTRS 2019 STAMP
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March 3, 2019
 

Sometimes

Sometimes I wake with a smile
Sometimes I meet with a friend
Sometimes I joke at my work.
And sometimes it’s not even pretend.

Sometimes I go through the day
And don’t think of you at all.
On a good day I get through the night
Without wishing you would call.

Sometimes I lie in my bed
And don’t dream about your touch.
And sometimes when I wake
I don’t cry all that much.

I’m getting better every day.
I’m tip top of the class.
Now, to learn to walk around
Like I’m not made of glass.

Like the slightest thing won’t break me.
Like my pieces won’t fall apart
Like the whole world cannot see
My sad and broken heart.

I still sometimes cry in my pillow
I still sometimes how...

HEARTS CAN MEND
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February 20, 2019
 

Carpe fucking diem

How could you not know I loved you.
How could you be so obtuse.
Or did you know and not acknowledge?
This doubt is a fucking abuse.

I loved you so many long years.
And now I will never know.
Were you just good at ignoring,
How much I needed you so.

A simple word or a gesture.
Would have changed my life.
Were there signs I was missing?
Were you just equally shy?

These are the questions that scream,
Inside my tiresome brain.
I’ll never know the answers.
Such an emotional drain.

For how can I possibly know
What I had meant to you?
When you never said the words.
You didn’t leave a clue.

I’m left with this years old puzzle.
Trying to assemble the past.
My l...

INTROVERTS WEEK
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February 2, 2019
 

Mermaid

I don’t belong here in this world.
My knees shake on the land.
I’ll never quite feel steady here.
I’m made for sea and sand.

I won’t be what you need from me.
I won’t be who you want.
I’ll never be some gorgeous thing
With a face that haunts.  

I’ll always want to swim away.
I will look for the door.
I’m always craving that escape.
I’ll leave you wanting more.

So don’t get too attached to me.
Please don’t tie those strings.
I’m not a girl who likes the leash.
I don’t want to wear your ring.

I am just a mermaid.
I swim under the waves.
I’m not some girl you marry.
I’m the one who gets away.

INK WOMAN
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December 28, 2018
 

Surrender.

A shadow creeps around me.
It oozes round the fringe.
It circles ever closer
So close, it makes me cringe.

A black spot in my vision,
A cold breath on my neck.
A creaking of the floorboards.
Goose pimples on my flesh.

I’m trying to ignore it.
I’m trying to be brave.
It is so relentless.
I can feel it crave.

It wants to devour me.
It wants to eat me whole.
There will be nothing left.
No piece of me I know.

I’m okay this minute.
I’m holding it at bay.
But I’m growing weary.
It could be any day.

It will change my life.
The ultimate game ender.
Will it be disaster
Or relief to surrender?

ANGEL OF PASSION
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December 28, 2018
 

The voice.

My inner voice keeps screaming.
“Get up and move your ass.
You didn’t try hard enough.
You don’t get a pass!”

“Other people can do it.
Other people succeed.
What the hell’s your problem?
Why can’t you just LEAD!”

“Just keep on trying.
At some point it will take.
Just put in more work.
Just TRY, you big fake!”

I’m tired. This isn’t working.
I can’t.  Just leave me be.
I’m done. I’m worn out.
There’s no TRY left in me.

At what point can I give up?
At what point can I quit?
I’ve been trying for years
To get milk from this tit.

I keep banging my head
on this wall they call life.
There’s got to be more
than this pain and this strife.

I need a vacation
I need a pla...

2019
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December 28, 2018
 

Introvert

When my soul is weary,
when I need some rest,
I withdraw from everything
and huddle in my nest.

When I just can’t take it,
when it goes from bad to worse,
I have to get away from folks
to try to knit my hurts.

So please don’t be offended
when I don’t come out and play.
It’s not you, it’s me.
I’m not peopling today.

2019
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November 4, 2018
 

Grief is stupid.

It’s supposed to get better.
This empty pit in me.
It’s not to be forever.
The experts all agree.

Grief fades away to nothing.
That’s what I’ve been told.
But I know I’ll carry it
Until I’m gray and old.

I wear it like a brand you know.
Just underneath my clothes.
It’s there, though none can see.
The way it burns and grows.

It never quite heals up.
It stays an open sore.
It oozes and it festers.
It reaches to my core.

My heart is like a giant bruise.
All black and blue and bleeding.
My mind takes it out each day.
For it’s brutal beating.

I can not let you go.
I can not move ahead.
I can not adjust myself
To knowing you are dead.

I am just so ANGR...

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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November 1, 2018
 

Frenemies

Wait until my back is turned.
I can see you coming.
I can hear your footsteps
Even though my heart is drumming.

Move the blade just slightly.
You’ll want to miss my spine.
With nothing to deflect it,
It will slide in fine.

Now comes the most exciting part.
The tip against my skin.
Add a bit more pressure.
You’ll want to dig it in.

Now bury that blade to the hilt.
Give it a little twist.
Squeeze the handle tightly.
My blood will grease your fist.

Now that the mess is over.
Go wash your hands of me.
Watch me circle down the drain.
Along with all my dreams.

Now run along to your queen.
She’ll give you a pass.
After all, she taught you well.
This was her maste...

BADASS WOMAN
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October 5, 2018
 

One finger salute.

Sure you got knocked down.
Knocked right on your ass.
It doesn’t mean you lay there
And watch your life pass.

Stand up Baby Girl!
Dust off your hands.
Get yourself moving.
You know you have plans.

You’ve got work to do.
There’s no time to wallow.
Just keep on leading.
Who cares if they follow?

You’ve got your goals set.
Your eye on the prize.
So flash them the finger.
Get on with your life.

THE EDISON BULB
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October 5, 2018
 

No matter what I accomplish.
No matter what I achieve.
“You’re not good enough”
Is the voice that I believe.

THE EDISON BULB
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September 24, 2018
 

When doubts drag you to the edge
and shadows push you in.
When demons pull you under,
that’s when you learn to swim

BE KIND
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September 9, 2018
 

      New Day

This is a brand new day.
I am a brand new me.
I get to start all over.
From the way I used to be.

All my issues in the past
Don’t have to be today.
I can make all new mistakes,
Or dream the day away.  

Every single morning,
I get a brand new chance.
To be the me I’d like to be.
To have that big life dance.

I could screw it up again.
And on the day right after
I will get another day
To fill my life with laughter.

The sun is rising in the sky
And I’m awake to say,
Let’s get this fucker started!
This is a brand new day.

SUMMER IS AN ADVENTURE
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September 7, 2018
 

   Equality.

Be a strong woman.
That’s what we’re taught.
Show them all who’s boss.
Fight what needs fought.

I’ve done that my whole life.
I’ve lived it every day.
What has it gotten me?
What toll have I paid?

I’ve got a weak and lazy man.
Who lets me work my bones.
Who is content to stay behind
and wallow in my home.

I’ve got a job that I despise.
I’m the backbone of the unit.
I hate every single day.
But goddamn, I’m good at it.

In being such a strong girl.
I’ve let myself run weak.
My face is beat to hell
From turning the other cheek.

I want a man to hold me.
And treat me like I’ll break.
I want to be protected.
I’ve given, Let me take.

BE KIND
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August 14, 2018
 

    
Rejoice in the garden.
The blooms bursting forth.
Stretching up to heaven.
Reaching for their source.
There’s laughter in the flowers.
Charm in buzzing bees.
Solace in the warming sun.
Peace in the trees.
I don’t need to go to church.
My garden is God’s art
I sing my hymns to flowers.
The cathedral of my heart.
              —
        

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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August 12, 2018
 

Passerby.

Where do I belong?
I don’t know the answer.
I don’t feel at home here.
It eats me like a cancer.

I have never felt at home.
No matter where I’ve been.
I’m always just passing through.
I’m searching for my kin.

I am always searching.
Scanning all the faces.
Looking for my people.
In all of the places.

I just want to find them.
No matter what the cost.
I want to come home at last.
I have felt so lost.

Where do I belong?  
Not here, it never was.
I am just a passerby.
Playacting at love.

NEVER GIVE UP
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August 8, 2018
 

        The Rut

I’m trapped in this life.
There is no way out.
I could slit my wrists.
But, that’s not what I’m about.

Instead I’ll walk this rut.
I’ll walk it without sigh.
I’ll walk the best way I can.
I’ll walk it ‘til I die.

I will not be defeated.
I’ll not kneel down and beg.
I will keep on going.
‘Til I’m on my last leg.

So get out of my way.
I’ve got a rut to tend.
This is my chosen path.
I’ll see it til the end.

STAY PATIENT, TRUST YOUR JOURNEY
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August 5, 2018
 

  Me neither (a song)

Pushing that old basket.
Wandering down the aisles.
My body’s in the deli
My minds a thousand miles.

I pull cans off the shelving,
I try a brand that’s new.
And when I turn the corner,
come face to face with you.

I recognize you instantly.
You flash me your grin.
And as I chuckle awkwardly
It all comes flooding in.

The night we sat on your tailgate.
Just looking at the stars.
I was feeling oh so safe.
Wrapped up in your arms.

Do you recall those moments?
The way we were that night?
Do they ever haunt you?
When you turn out the lights?

Me neither.
I don’t remember every little thing.
Me neither.
I don’t remember your touch on my skin.
Me neither.
I...

SAY HELLO TO SUMMER
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May 12, 2018
 

         Remember me.  

Remember me when I am gone.
Remember I was kind.
Remember  I was funny.
Remember my good mind.

Remember too that I was weak.
And that sometimes I lied.
Remember how I’d get mad.
Recall the way I cried.

Remember how I would curse.
Remember I was lazy.
Remember how I’d panic
Recall how I’d go crazy.

Don’t dwell on the good things.
Though nice, they aren’t the story.
Remember all the bad as well.
That’s ME. In all my glory.

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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May 11, 2018
 

       My Song.

A soul is never quiet.
It’s not some silent thing.
It hums into the background.
If you listen, it will sing.

My song is one of patience.  
It’s sometimes hard to hear.
It whispers to my heartache.
Tells me to persevere.

My song is one of faith.
It helps me to cope.
It croons to me when I am sad.
Tells me to love and hope.

My song is one of strength.
It courses through my veins.
It thrums to my heartbeat.
Tells me forget the pain.

Sometimes a lilting whisper.
Sometimes a raging wail.
It will always steer me true.
My song will never fail.

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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