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camjes7

PO# 554419
United States
United States
I'm not this depressing in real life. I just need an outlet for bad days.
August 8, 2018
 

        The Rut

I’m trapped in this life.
There is no way out.
I could slit my wrists.
But, that’s not what I’m about.

Instead I’ll walk this rut.
I’ll walk it without sigh.
I’ll walk the best way I can.
I’ll walk it ‘til I die.

I will not be defeated.
I’ll not kneel down and beg.
I will keep on going.
‘Til I’m on my last leg.

So get out of my way.
I’ve got a rut to tend.
This is my chosen path.
I’ll see it til the end.

STAY PATIENT, TRUST YOUR JOURNEY
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August 5, 2018
 

  Me neither (a song)

Pushing that old basket.
Wandering down the aisles.
My body’s in the deli
My minds a thousand miles.

I pull cans off the shelving,
I try a brand that’s new.
And when I turn the corner,
come face to face with you.

I recognize you instantly.
You flash me your grin.
And as I chuckle awkwardly
It all comes flooding in.

The night we sat on your tailgate.
Just looking at the stars.
I was feeling oh so safe.
Wrapped up in your arms.

Do you recall those moments?
The way we were that night?
Do they ever haunt you?
When you turn out the lights?

Me neither.
I don’t remember every little thing.
Me neither.
I don’t remember your touch on my skin.
Me neither.
I...

SAY HELLO TO SUMMER
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May 12, 2018
 

         Remember me.  

Remember me when I am gone.
Remember I was kind.
Remember  I was funny.
Remember my good mind.

Remember too that I was weak.
And that sometimes I lied.
Remember how I’d get mad.
Recall the way I cried.

Remember how I would curse.
Remember I was lazy.
Remember how I’d panic
Recall how I’d go crazy.

Don’t dwell on the good things.
Though nice, they aren’t the story.
Remember all the bad as well.
That’s ME. In all my glory.

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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May 11, 2018
 

       My Song.

A soul is never quiet.
It’s not some silent thing.
It hums into the background.
If you listen, it will sing.

My song is one of patience.  
It’s sometimes hard to hear.
It whispers to my heartache.
Tells me to persevere.

My song is one of faith.
It helps me to cope.
It croons to me when I am sad.
Tells me to love and hope.

My song is one of strength.
It courses through my veins.
It thrums to my heartbeat.
Tells me forget the pain.

Sometimes a lilting whisper.
Sometimes a raging wail.
It will always steer me true.
My song will never fail.

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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May 4, 2018
 

                 Never again.

Never again will I have a first kiss.
I won’t ever again fall in love.
Never again will I flirt with a crush.
Never will lust heat my blood.

Had I to do it all over again.
I would run wild in the night.
I would let nothing stand in my way.
I would scratch, I would fight.

I would never be weak and afraid.
I wouldn’t let others decide.
I would slave to my own desire.
I would let my own heart guide.

But those days are past me now.
They are birds that have flown.
I had my chance to live a full life.
And now my chances are blown.

So never again will I have a first kiss.
I won’t ever again fall in love.
Never again will I flirt with a crush.
Ne...

INTROVERTS WEEK
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April 14, 2018
 

Behold the caterpillar.
Struggling through her day.
Not a very pretty thing.
But cute in her own way.

Slogging through the daily grind.
She has so much to learn.
She keeps her eye trained on the sky.
Hoping to one day turn.

KEEP FAITH
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April 14, 2018
 

    Moon Dance

Tiptoe down the garden path.
Stroke the buds and blooms.
Breathe into the soft night air.
‘Cause morning comes too soon.

Call out to the hooting owl.
Hum to the crickets’ tune.
Sink into night’s melody.
‘Cause morning comes too soon.

Waltz into the velvet night.
The pathway, flower strewn.
Arch up to the starry sky
‘Cause morning comes too soon.

Sway amongst the bluebells
Dance under the moon.
Frolic in that silver light.
‘Cause morning comes too soon.

AROUND AND AROUND
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February 24, 2018
 

   Ground Rules.

I am having issues.
We both know it’s true.
But let’s agree on ground rules,
If I’m to make it through.

Let’s both pretend that I’m okay.
Pretend my hands aren’t shaking.
Pretend my eyes are not wet,
my voice isn’t quaking.

Don’t show me any pity.
Don’t offer helping hands.
Don’t ask if I need to talk.
It’s kindness I can’t stand.

I need to maintain my balance.
I have to keep forging ahead.
I can’t feel sorry for myself.
So listen to what I said.

I can be strong all day long.
I can smile and laugh.
But give me one kind gesture,
And I will break in half.

TINY QUEEN
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February 18, 2018
 

          I’m okay.

My house is falling down.
The roof is leaking on my head.
First the washer, then the dryer.
And now the fridge is dead.

My work is so damn stressful.
They laid five more off today.
I hate this job, I’d quit it.
If I didn’t need the pay.

But I’m okay. I’ll be just fine.
See this big smile on my face?
Don’t worry about me.
I’m alright. Yes, I’m okay.

My kids are growing bratty.
They don’t hear unless I scream.
They just fight with one another.
It’s like one long, bad dream.

My relationship is cracking
Too much pressure on the frame.
It’s more than half my fault.
And I don’t want the blame.

But I’m okay. I’ll be just fine.
See this big smile on my fa...

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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August 8, 2016
 

You lied.
I believed every word
...So naive.
Now I know the truth.
And hate you for it.

ORIGINAL
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February 17, 2018
 

      The road.

I have two paths before me.
Which way do I turn?  
Both end in sure disaster.
Should I drown or burn?

Should I stay the course I’m on?
Keep plowing straight ahead?
Keep on walking in this rut
Until I wake up dead?

This path has had its bright spots.
Flowers and happy days.
Sometimes a lovely sunset.
But mostly it just rains.

The rain is nearly constant.
There’s lightning and there’s thunder.
The mud sucks greedy at my feet.
It’s going to pull me under.

The other path seems better.
It’s hard to tell for sure.
The smoke there clouds my eyes.
It makes my vision blur.

Do I risk the better road
Knowing that I might burn?
Is it just smoke to slow me down?
Or fla...

INK DROP
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January 17, 2018
 

     My Lovely Bones

When my time on earth is done.
When it’s time to rest.
I’ll find myself a meadow.
And I will make my nest.

I’ll pile my bed with fragrant hay.
Only the sweetest grass.
It will be so soft and deep.
There I will sleep at last.

When my meat has been picked clean.
And insects had their meal.
That’s when, at last you’ll see the truth.
My beauty will reveal.

My bones will shine with ivory white.
They’ll glisten in the sun.
They’ll glow under the pearly light
Of moon when day is done.

A willow sprouts beside me.
Its limbs dance in the wind.
As they sway, the leaves will fly,
To tickle at my chin.

Wildflowers riot through me.
Their vines weave in my ribs....

GREY AND WHITE
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January 17, 2018
 

          Run.

When my life is harried.
And pressure is a gun.
I have to force myself to stay,
Because I want to run.

I want to break these bonds and go.
Run wild into the night
Run so far and run so fast,
That I will just take flight.

And then I’ll fly.
I’ll ride the wind.
I want to know true freedom,
Before my bitter end.

I want to run.

ANGEL OF AMOR
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January 17, 2018
 

              Perfect

Life can be a hardship.
Constant pressure to be ALL.
Perfect wife, perfect mother.
Don’t stumble, don’t you fall.

You need to work harder.
You just need more strength.
You’ll never quite measure up
To perfection’s length.

Just put yourself  last.
Other needs are greater.
Give more of yourself.
You’ll get to rest later.

Keep it up, keep going.
Maintain this pace for years.
Don’t cry now, dry up.
There’s no time for tears.

More is expected.
You still don’t measure up.
Dig deeper, go harder.
There’s still some in your cup.

When my time is over
I’ll go through death’s door.
Thinking ‘I’m not perfect,
I should have done more.’

FASTER, HARDER, STRONGER
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December 31, 2017
 

        Divorce pie

Swallow everything you want.
Swallow all your dreams.
Swallow all your girlish hopes.
Swallow all your needs.

Swallow down the aching hurt.
Swallow down those tears.
Swallow every unfair thing.
Swallow all your fears.

Now take the anger that you feel.
And stoke that burning rage.
Don’t mellow to a simmer.
Increase heat as you age

Throw in every ounce of pride.
Mix in sorrow, loss
Let that grief just trickle in
To bitter up the sauce.

Now pour into a greasy crust
and eat that bastard whole.
It’s guaranteed to break your heart
and wither up your soul.

HEARTBREAK
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December 31, 2017
 

Another turn of calendar page
Another New Year’s date.
Another year without your smile.
What’s there to celebrate?

MIDNIGHT
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December 11, 2017
 

      Sorrow

Sorrow is an inky bird.
Whose home is in your heart.
It’s born into the moment
That your beloved departs.

It is a restless little bird.
It scratches at your walls.
It always seems to make you hurt.
You can’t escape it’s call.

When the dusk fades into black
And daylight turns to night.
The tiny bird outgrows it’s nest.
And then full winged, takes flight.

Up it soars, up past the trees,
Up past the mountain’s scars.
It grows into a massive thing.
It spreads across the stars.

It is the only thing to see.
The only sound, it’s cry.
It coats your world with velvet dark.
It blackens out the sky.

Courage, Love, do not despair
You’ll make it to the morn.
And the b...

UNIVERSAL BIRD
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November 18, 2017
 

    Grounded.

I live in reality.
Sometimes it's cold and hard.
I am thoroughly grounded.
These are my given cards.

Once I was a dreamer.
I used to fly so high.
My feet never touched the ground.
I lived up in the sky.

But then Life interrupted.
And took away those things.
I can't take flights of fancy
On my sorrow dusted wings.

ANGEL BREATHING
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November 18, 2017
 

    The fall.

I am mediocre.
At best, an average girl.
I strive for the middle.
The dance, without the twirl.

Just keep it straightforward.
Don't swagger with your stride.
No need to get all fancy.
No need to show your Pride.

Pride is for the others.
The stars of Big Life Dance.
It's not for the folks like me.
So I don't need the chance.

I learned it really early.
To blend into the scene.
The Best Supporting Actress,
The one who does not preen.

The times I came the closest,
To climbing to the stars.
I found the next rung broken.
And I dropped ever so far.

My Mama always said:
Pride goes before the fall.
so I have found it safer
To have no pride at all.

NO FUCKS GIVEN
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October 22, 2017
 

         Heart born

When you were born I watched you.
Take first breath and cry.
The doctor gave you to me.
To keep you safe and dry.

I had to pass you along.
To mother’s arms you’d go.
For though I loved you fiercely,
You were not my baby, no.

You were a fussy little guy.
We’d walk and rock and sing.
When you’d finally go to sleep
I would watch you dream.

My friends watched us together.
And later they would scold,
Don’t get too attached to him.
He’s not your baby, no.

You grew up as babies do
We’d laugh and joke and dance.
You were my little sidekick.
I was with you every chance.

But then would come sharp words.
The reminder like a blow.
You are not his mother.
He ...

EVALUATE YOUR LIFE DAY
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September 20, 2017
 

The tourniquet

The final cut was deepest.
It sliced me to the bone.
My aching heart in ribbons.
I'm bleeding out alone.

This emotional hemorrhage,
my gushing aching soul,
is emptying my body.
It's taking such a toll.

I need someone to help me.
Help me gain control.
I just need a bandage.
Someone to stem the flow.

So, be my tourniquet
Come close and hold me tight.
I don't want a lifetime.
But I need tonight.

LAST HUG
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September 13, 2017
 

      The pound

Come sit with me and be my friend
We'll share all our stories.
I'll be there when you are sad.
I'll revel in your glories.

It's been a long, long time
Since I had someone like you.
My skills might be rusty
But I'm loyal and true.

So, sit with me and be my friend
I need you so, it seems.
Maybe you might need me too?
We'll make a mighty team!

POSITIVE THINKING DAY
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September 2, 2017
 

       I rise

I am not a wise woman.
I have no advice to give.
I struggle just like anyone.
But here's how I choose to live.

When my dreams are full of death.
And terror fills my head.
I know that Day will surely come.
And I will leave my bed.

When I'm grieving all alone  
And crying swells my eyes.
I know the sun will appear.
And with it, I will rise.

When my bones are tired.
And comfort seems so thin.
Morning light will filter through.
And I WILL rise again.

There's very little in this world
Consistent as the sun.
So I take a page from it
When feeling weak, undone.

Instead of lying in my bed
Covering my eyes.
I don't  feel sorry for myself.
I chase the sun and rise...

BE KIND
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August 17, 2017
 

The fight

Do not do this to me.
I can't take it today.
You just keep on picking.
You have to have your say.

Please, just let it lie.
Don't prod at this old sore.
Let me have a good night.
Please, walk out the door.

I can't fight with you now.
My heart needs a rest.
Please just go away.
Leave, it would be best.

But, you keep on picking.
Maybe it's just as well.
Let me warn you now,
You've awoken hell.

HEARTBREAK
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July 22, 2017
 

             MUTE

I started with a soft voice.  
Not much power to be found.
But it had great conversations.
It was friendship bound.

But time is sandpaper.
The daily grinds me down.
Now, I can go for days
Without meaningful sound.

The longer that I live
The more advanced my age.
I find that I'm quite mute.
Except upon the page.

KISS KISS
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July 14, 2017
 

Awkward

Please don't look toward me
I'll have to turn away.
Please don't try to greet me.
I won't know what to say.

Please never compliment me
It makes me want to die.
Please just disregard me.
Truly, I don't mind.

I'll not go to your party.
Don't bother to invite me.
Please don't be offended.
I'd rather dogs would bite me.

I'm awkward don't you see it?
I'm awkward to the bone.
I'm tired of trying to hide it
I'm better off alone.

DON'T TALK TO ME
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July 13, 2017
 


Though I want to fly away
I know I won't get far.
My colored wings beat ragged
Against my little jar.

ANGEL OF FAITH
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June 29, 2017
 

     Bootstraps

C'mon, you can do this
Pull yourself together.
You weren't raised a quitter
You were raised better.

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
With more effort you'll succeed.
You're not trying hard enough.
Someone has got to lead.

Just keep on going.
It doesn't matter how you feel.
There's work to be done.
You'll  just have to deal.

There's no time to rest
You cannot leave the trail.
Faster, harder, better.
You simply cannot fail.

I've been doing this forever
My battle's so long fought
My heart checked out years ago.
Bootstraps are all I've got.

NEVER GIVE UP
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July 2, 2017
 

The Sin Eater

Tell me all your secrets.
The deepest, darkest ones.
Tell me all your sorrows.
What makes you come undone?

Tell me all your nightmares.
The things that make you fear.
Tell me all the things you hate.
Your prejudice so dear.

Tell me all your poisoned tales
and I will drink that cup.
I'll just calmly listen.
While you fill me up.

How did I come to this role,
Confessor to the mass?
If I could do it over,
I would surely pass.

These secrets that I'm holding,
these sins I've got on loan,
have hollowed out my middle
and turned my guts to stone.

DON'T TALK TO ME
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June 9, 2017
 

          Clean

Tears, tears trickle down
Wash this pain from me.
Just a few more drops
And then I will be free.

Rain, rain pouring down
Wash this mark from me.
Wet my skin, soak right in.
It's there, though you can't see.

River, river rolling by
Wash this stain from me.
Sweep me with your current.
Rinse me in your deep.

Sea, sea crashing hard
Wash this blight from me.
Rest me on your sandy bed.
At last, I will be clean.

CHRISTMAS ICON
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