|~this chapter is messy and vulnerable and processing a lot of dark times in my life, reflection. Finding the courage to step into WHO I REALLY AM!!!|
It can be wherever you decide to rest your weary head
It can be a person
It can be a place
It can be transient
It can be stagnate
Wherever you feel truly comfortable
Being you and creating your sanctuary with ease
I'm alone, in shock
Where did it all go wrong
My heart sinks at the
Thought of you
Your vacancy is profound
Well, love came and went like a flash in the night sky. Maybe it was a UFO or could've been just my mind playing tricks on me. I repeatedly go over our last words in my head. These thoughts are so dark and murky, where has the sun gone? All color has left my face and this weight gets heavier in the pit of my stomach. My heart had just begun to rest in a wide open new field. Now it runs back and forth between one dead end to another, stuck on a treadmill. I've returned to my quiet, dark cave. I've lost my footing, my hope, my dreams, my love. I wish I could give you one last kiss. That would last me throughout the years of solitude to come....
I've been a fool
I lost myself in
I stayed there
Dreaming of a
I clung to what was
I still drift in
And out of this
Used to be reality
I long for my center
Where I'm living each
Day truly living my Calling
I work on patching up the holes
in my heart and nailing shut all
the doors and windows that were
Why is it that our words don't resemble our hearts? When I look
at you all I see is beauty and warmth, but when I speak I say vile things.
I don't know when our hearts will reach our heads but I long for that day again...When all I see is love and compassion and the mere thought of you by my side is enough, no matter what storms we face.
We could conquer the world if only we'd let ourselves...
As I sit here feeling the onset of an unavoidable crash I have to remind myself to not let it consume my worth. I can breakdown, I can cry, I can collapse, I can mope but I have to remember that this part of me is also very valuable. Without my ugly, without my scars, without my brand of suffering I would not be as useful to those who come after me. Instead of shunning a depressive episode I can shed light on all this darkness and find treasure hidden in the red dirt that buries my souls gentle nature. The years go by, life takes its toll, these dark days always come no matter how much glitter and therapy I throw at them. Now my ugly is just bright and shiny and validated. Maybe a trauma real...
Leave your horrors with me,
They're beautiful. Leave all
The things you've always
Wanted to forget, and leave
Everything that hurts. I'll show
You that you're not crazy.
You're just a little different
And I've always been a
Sucker for that.
- R M Drake
We met for the first time completely by surprise. That night We stared into each other's eyes and talked into the wee hours. We skipped the small talk and spoke of purpose-filled topics. And when the those topics exposed wounds I cried. You listened. At the end of the evening I expected to say goodbye and never lay eyes on you again because I was heading for a nervous breakdown whether you were coming or not. But instead your response was to bundle me up like a baby and take me to your home.
For the next two days I could barely speak. I just cried. When you asked why was I crying I couldn't answer. You tried everything to comfort me. You put me in your bed and fed me home-cooked meals. You p...
Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.
- Alan Cohen