|Just another sad soul, in a world full of sad souls. who better to shear my thoughts and poems with.|
i was told i was beautiful today.. i cant remember the last time.
being and over thinker i had to think of the motivation behind it.
i couldn't just enjoy it.
over thinking sucks
lost and alone, set adrift on a rickety old boat,
On a journey unplanned and unintended.
It didn't start out this way,
I once set goals, my dreams were dreamt.
Then somehow, someway life happened,
Parts of me were broken, i couldn't fix them.
Now I'm stuck in the middle of know where with out a map,
without any direction.
Still hoping to be fixed,
hoping that my old boat will stay afloat in this wild and stromy sea.
Set adrift/New Hope, Lost// CMB
A few words here or there?
Just a little bit?
Has the world changed us?
Is there still a spark?
That ever present something?
That's been there since the start?
Is it still alight?
Or has time since put it out?
There's always been that little bit of something?
I'm now questioning it all,
right from the start.
//questions// new hope, lost// CMB
It's been awhile,
You still pop into my head every now n' then.
I don't know why.
There so much we left unsaid,
Words left unspoken,
By you and i.
I'm lost for words,
I can't string a sentence together.
All i know is that i can't take the silence from your end.
What is there left to be said?
I miss you now, like i missed you then.
It's been awhile my friend.
I still miss you now, like i missed you then.
Can i even say Hi to you anymore?
i miss not knowing,
i miss that.
i really do.
Even the happy me misses our conversations,
She just deals with it better.
The rejection still has a sting,
The feeling of not being good enough,
That still bubbles up every now and again.
I am getting stronger,
I can push it away, i know longer cry.
The happy me,
She is better you see?
Tears no longer wet my pillow,
The rejection doesn't slowly eat away my soul.
The feeling of not being worth it doesnt crush my heart.
Is it really the happy me?
Or am i lying to my self?
I once said i regret a lot of things that i did or that happened.
I realised i dont regret anything but the way i acted and i dont regret you at all.
I am sad but not disappointed so its not regret, its something else.
If i let go of these feelings,
The pain and the hurt,
I'll become okay again.
The pain and the hurt they will leave me.
If i keep holding on to the hurt and the pain,
I know im real.
The pain and the hurt remind me im real,
That i can feel things like a normal human.
Is all the hurt and all the pain worth it?
Worth the reminder that im real.
Or should I become just okay?
Im glad that i replied when i wasnt going to.
Im glad i got the chance to semi kinda know you
Im glad i got to speak to you again, it was fun and it made me happy.
Im glad i got to see how much of a legend you really are.
I hate that i miss you, when you were never mine to miss.
I hate that i still care, when you clearly couldn't give a fuck.
I hate the fact that i know I'll jump when ever you say jump.
I hate how much i want you here, when you don't wanna be here.
Your love came in like waves crashing to the shore,
I was lying on the sand broken, frozen into a billion deferent peace’s.
You brought me passion like a rolling thunderstorm, and with the rain you came, you washed the shattered peace’s away
where the winds blow in and with it, it brought me to a world of enchantment full of charm and witchery.
How was I mean too know the world you’d bring was so full of magic and sorcery.
The spell you put over me was pure, your flame shone brighter than the sun.
I was damaged, in my heart and soul
But just like a sentinel you stood guard over my heart.
You showed me the stars that shone bright out in the galaxy, which melted my paralyses heart....
How do i explain how i feel,
When im not sure i even know anymore.
Im normaly so intune to how i feel,
I can normaly pin point what is wrong.
You make me feel so many different ways all at once.
I don't even have to speak to you,
And i still feel all these emotions.
Im not sure i can handle it.
Im okay with being an emotional person,
What im not okay with?
Is not knowing how i feel.
When you went away,
That time you left me for someone better then me,
I cried my self to sleep for 3 nights.
I didn't understand what was wrong with me.
Why you hated me again.
Me and you have a long weird history,
Ive alway felt a connection to you,
Even when you diliked me so.
In this world one way or another,
In some weired twist of fate,
Some how we've alway been brought back together.
You tolerate me,
I admire you.
I value you, more then most.
But how do you even think of me?
I never know!
I always thought i needed saving,
Saving from myself.
My over active mind,
I over think most things,
It's always seemed like a bad thing.
I work my myself up,
To a point of stress and anxiety.
I always thought i needed saving from my anxiety,
Someone to save me.
But i think i need someone to teach me im worth it,
Someone to teach me how to save myself.
Just someone to love me and watch me save myself.
No one can save me, only i can save myself.
The knight in shinning armer,
How did i let this happen again?
How do i let you be the one to light up my world?
How do i let you burn so bright?
How do i let you take all the light out of my life?
How do i let you turn my world black?
When your in it the colours are so full of life,
When your gone my skys are grey and lifeless.
Was i not pretty enough?
What was wrong with me?
Why didn't you choose me?
Why did you have to break my heart, why not hers?
Why did you treat me like a fool?
Im not stupid you know,
I knew the whole time,
What was happening, the lies you told.
I would have loved you forever,
But now instead i have to get over you.
All i wanted was to love you forever.
Im not mad at you, never you.
You lied to me,
You feed me the best lines,
And like the fool i am i believed you.
I'm mad but not with you.
I'm mad at myself for falling into you web,
A friendship ended.
There is nothing left of us,
You not caring,
These things crushed me.
It's sometimes so hard losing a friendship.
I miss you, i already do.
But i can let you in again,
That kills me.
There are things in this life we cannot change
How a person feels about you,
How they treat you,
That most people never stay,
How you feel about a person,
You cannot take a mistake or a wrong doing back.
I feel thing so deeply,
Sometimes the light shines out of people,
And sometimes people are so dark and rotten.
As i sit here and relive my past,
Overthink and wish i could change the things i did,
Or the things i let happen to me.
I realise i cannot change the past,
But i sure as fuck can change the future.
In my dark times when the future looks so dark and rotten,
I remember that my future is in my hands and my hands alone.
I am not longer waiting to be saved,
I can do that on my own.
Who's going to save me from myself?
Who's going to find me?
Who has the strength?
If you couldnt stick around, no one can.
You terrified me with your strength,
No one can handle me,
I'm a dark mess of a person.
I just need someone to stay,
Why couldn't you stay?
The bitter taste in your mouth.
All these things are whats left behind,
When you want someone and they dont want you.
The loneliness that screams your name,
Knowing theres no changing them.
Feeling used and abused,
It comes crushing down on you,
You can hardly stand it.
When all you want is to be found.
never understood how i went from an extrovert to a hermit who cant string a sentace together, talk to people, open up or trust anyone..
It takes me awhile to understand and turley become aware of my self and the changes my brain makes with out the knowlage of my mind..
and when it hits you and you just realise you are the type of person to let people fuck you over.. extrovert, hermit or what ever... all i can hope to god is that i learn my worth and to just fucking let go of people who dont like me or care for me.
I dont know why i find it hard to let go of people i consider my friend but they dont consider me a friend and have shown time and time again they dont consider me anything t...
holding on to past mistakes,
words spoken years ago.
remembering small details no one else remembers,
these are the burdens i must carry.
they are my worst nightmares, long still past me by.
i hold on way to long,
never wanting fo let go.
you may be toxic, that only makes me love you more,
that only makes me hold on tighter.
holding on to something that in all reality is crushing me.
all these things come with an anxious mind,
i am a socail out caster me and my anxious mind.
It took me awhile,
But i got there in the end.
I'm back in my happy place,
No thanks to you.
Forgiveness is the key,
I forgive you,
For all of the mistakes you made,
For all the wrongs you did.
I forgive you,
I forgive myself,
For letting you wrong me,
For all the pain and hurt, i let you do,
To my heart, my mind, body and soul.
Forgiving myself was harder then forgiving you.
I'm back in my happy place,
Where my heart is cold, black and made of ice.
Im a mess of a human,
i am slightly unhinged.
but i am just the right shade of crazy,
loveable but bloody mental.
i will always believe in you,
i will always side with you, through thick and thin, right or wrong.
ill never give up on you, turn my back or walk away.
i know, nobody loves a sad person
nobody wants to be with a sick person.
a crazy, mental case of a person.
but im not just these things..
i am more then the broken person.
i am so much more then a sad person, a sick person.
you left, it was your choice.
to leave me behind, to turn your back on me.
i never go to thank you..
i was such a mess, the heartache.. i couldn't think clearly.
thank you for picking me up off the floor more times than i can count.
thank you for saving me
thank you for making me realise my worth
thank you for showing me i deserve better
thank you for believing in me even if it was only for a short while
thank you for being my reason to smile
thank you for you just being you
thank you for leaving me
i can find my self again
thank you for reminding me of what it was like.. to be wanted even if it was just for a little while.
so thank you for showing me that my heart can still ache
I got a little lost along the way,
but I've always been me.
someone who cares way to much,
someone who trusts too many jokers,
someone who will always see the good in the devil,
someone who will always hope for the better, even if you are a cheat.
someone who will always give to many chances to a lair.
and someone who will always be a person who feels to much for a thief.
I miss you but im not a fool,
I know you don’t miss me.
Don’t come crawling back to me,
I am not your last resort.
I know you don’t value me,
Im worth more then that.
I miss you,
but I miss myself more.
I value my self,
you taught me how to do that.
I miss you, but you know what?
I miss my self more,
that person that you stole.
so ill carry on missing you,
while I find my worth,
while I find the person that you stole form me.
10 years ago, i killed someone...
i killed a part of my soul.
it wasn't the mistakes made...
it wasn't what happened..
it was me.. me, myself and i...
i killed it, all on my own..
no one helped, nothing that was done... did it..
there is no one else to blame,
i killed a part of my soul...
10 years ago i lost someone...
they were my world but i didnt need them anymore..
so i killed them.. i never wanted them or anyone else to make me feel that way again.. i knew I'd never miss them...
so i killed a part of me...
that part was:
that part was the ability to always look for the good in everything,
to always have faith in others.
You gave me hope,
You thought me to believe in myself again.
You made me believe that i deserve better, that i am worth it.
And for that i am forever grateful.
You saved me,
You being you.
You never let me think i was worthless.
Even now when the darkness is setting in,
You being you shines through, all the hurt and sorrow.
You gave me hope, you gave me a friend.
I'll miss you,
Our talks and our jokes,
The smile on my face when i saw your name.
I owe you my thanks,
I owe you my gratitude,
My sanity but most of all
I owe you my friendship
if you ever you need a friend, someone to take care of you,
as you did me,
ill be there.
Being full of mistrust and panic, is no security at all.
it sets you adrift on a journey full of sorrow,
the destination is isolation, full of a soul crushing grey.
On a rickety boat filled with holes, you are misplaced in a world so full.
A world so vibrant and full of magical colours,
All you can see is the shadows of fear and judgment.
On a journey to a destination unknown,
On a boat filled with holes.
The grey and the shadows will lift, the holes will fill.
The mistrust and isolation drift away and a world full of mistrust ans panic will be filled with
trust and confidence.
All i ask for is time
and i will give you all the time in the world,
for you to be filled with colour, trus...
We’ve gotten older now, a lot of time has passed us by.
You’ve been gone for some time, but I’ve gotten a little wiser.
You see somethings are just meant to be, i can’t tell you if it was time, fate or knowledge that brought me here but i can tell you what i know.
You see you’ll always be many things to me, at times I couldn’t understand but im wiser now.
I can hear your heart beat, its been many a year since I’ve laid my head down on your chest. Your heart beat is ingrained in mine, ill be able to hear it to the day i die.
You see my home has been a house with out a roof, it has a heartbeat that’s ingrained in mine.
Im older now, im wiser now but there are still some things that...