Let me admire
This beautiful, wonderful woman.
And tell my wife not to feel bad about it.
Why must she?
I didn't do anything wrong.
I'm simply admiring someone else
When i know she needs my admiration too.
Let her be. She'll be fine.
"My life in his eyes"
Live your life.
You have options,
Do what you want.
Choose what you want.
Go where you want.
Be the best.
Always be you.
Live your life to the fullest.
So in the end you don't blame me
for all the missed chances
and all your could have beens.
-The greatest gift i can give is your freedom
I am on my way.
To that point when i no longer care.
To reaching that freedom from my insecurities
fueled by your insensitivity.
To getting that wholeness that doesnt yet belong me.
To living the life without a gaping hole in my heart.
To having the freedom from the heartaches and pain.
To being that person who i always wanted to be.
To being me. A me without you. Just me. Me.
I'm on my way.
soon, i will get there.
I'm on my way there.
I don't even know where it hurts anymore.
Is it just me?
Is it just in my head?
Is it my heart?
The pain just echoes.
It echoes everywhere.
It's so tiring
To live and wake up every day
Waiting for the next heartbreak to happen
He may not hurt her physically
But he has abused every inch of her
Mentally and emotionally
He knows i am upset.
He knows why i'm upset.
He knows how to get me upset.
Simply, i ask him to choose.
Again and again, i lose.
He wouldnt do anything about it.
H doesnt see wrong in what he's doing.
He doesnt understand what im feeling.
He'd simply leave me,
Wait until im okay again.
Just like that,
as if nothing happened.
Because to him,
my feelings dont matter.
I dont matter.
He said he loves me.
But everytime he's caughtt
between me and something else
Or me and someone else,
I never get to have the upperhand.
I always lose.
In his list of important things,
I'm never at the top.
I'm always at the bottom,
Always losing to them all.
I want to cry.
I want to cry it all out.
I want to get mad, lash out
I want to lose it just to get rid of it.
But i feel depleted.
She needs me to be strong for her, us.
But i feel so lost and empty and alone.
I don't know what to do.
I am so tired.
I want to go far, far away.
I want to go home.
And yes, it hurts.
Fuck, it hurts like hell.
You know that feeling when
you know something is about to crash and burn
but you still try to be optimistic about it all?
That's my marriage right there.
I feel it weakening, decaying, fading.
I don't know why or when it started exactly,
there are many things i can think of.
But the most i can do is try not to care.
That's the best thing i can do for myself
and for my child.
I can't even cry anymore.
It hurts so bad i can't cry anymore.
I just feel numb.
Or at least i want to feel that way.
I am so tired.
I am so, so tired.
It feels like it is gone.
Whatever was there before
Is not there anymore.
The thirst has been quenched,
The hunger has faded.
All that's left behind
Are good memories and
reality that's jaded.
Her issues never mattered to him.
So he let her be.
With her paranoia and fears,
her flaws and insecurities,
He let her be.
Alone with her uncertainties,
He let her be.
I have so many things
That to wanted to say
But i only have you
And you dont want any of it
You said my insecurity is my issue
Not yours to deal with
So here i am
Weeping beside you
in the middle of the night
Waiting for when it will all go away
Or when i'd finally burst and give up
"If you keep on telling the same old story,
you'll keep living the same old life."
There is nothing more
heartbreaking and soul-shattering than
being cheated on.
You literally question everything,
you ask how and where you came up short,
you lose confidence in yourself
and the things you do,
you find it hard to trust completely
or to simply be at peace anymore...
Be with someone who
is sensitive enough to
understand your flaws and
respect your insecurities
I understand that you're busy
I understand what it takes to have you stay with me
But please also understand,
we need you in our lives
we need you now more than ever
I need you to help me through this
I need you to help me through it all
Will you always be like this
every time she calls?
Will you always choose not to notice
every time it happens?
It's been long since i last wrote.
And sadly, nothing has changed.
The struggle continues.
Let’s go for a long walk
in the woods of your childhood,
and you can recount
your memories one by one.
Let’s watch our favourite films
back to back and not get out of bed at all.
Let’s celebrate the moments
rather than the years.
Let’s get drunk on each other
until we fall away into sleep
in each other’s arms.
I promise you a love like no other,
a love without expectation,
a love that loves you for all of you,
a love without forevers
but a love with roots that grew.
I don’t want forever.
I want just now.
I don’t want always.
I want us to remember each other,
and that’s all we can promise each other really,
because in the end,
that is all human beings can do.
We are small,
and fragile and insignificant
in the grand scheme of things.
And the universe, nor time
is ever going to wait for us or love us,
or turn itself upside down
so that we can be together.
But that is just why it is so important
for us to treasure each other in this moment,
because this moment and each other
is all we have.
For who knows
if tomorrow will ever be the same?
Who can tell if tonight
is the last time we ever see each other again?
I would rather love yo...
So no, I will refuse to promise you forever.
Instead, I promise you just now.
Instead, I promise you the present,
for it is the only gift
we really have to give each other.
In this moment,
I promise to love you
the very best I can possibly love you.
In this second,
I promise to give you my whole heart –
free of the past loves that have broken it,
and free of the future fears
of if you might break it.
In this moment,
I give you everything I can possibly give you.
So let us do the best we can,
live it to the fullest.
In laughter, let us laugh
more than we have ever laughed before,
and in love, let us love
more than we have ever loved before.
We do not know tomorrow,
R.A.G.E. is ultimately the gateway to healing.
You can then REMEMBER who you are,
that you are worthy,
and what you have learned.
You can ACKNOWLEDGE your hurt,
pain, needs, and your culpability.
While it is not your fault,
it may be a response to your actions
or behaviors as the other half of a relationship.
While you are culpable for
your contributions to the relationship,
you are not responsible for his choice.
The most important step of feeling R.A.G.E.
is beginning with GRATITUDE
in order to pave the way to GRACE.
There is always a reason to be thankful —
sometimes it’s the lesson learned
or the danger avoided.
Most of all, you can be thankful
for the strength to move...
Instead of dealing with
the reason he feels unfulfilled
in the relationship,
he chooses to get an escape.
This gives rise to a paradox in relationships —
men and women are often
frustrated with each other
for unspoken expectations,
yet they abdicate responsibility
for withheld communication.
They fail to take responsibility
for their choices by choosing
to remain silent and selfishly expect
the other person to know what they need.
They don’t have the courage
to tell their significant other
what they really need.
create disappointment and assumptions
that lead to misunderstandings.
"The Other She"
Rage is a good thing.
Rage is the outward acknowledgment
of the hurt, pain, disappointment,
disgust and unworthiness
that a woman ultimately feels.
Rage that is suppressed
eats away at the soul and
slowly kills from the inside.
But a woman can’t get stuck
in destructive rage.
It will cause her to act out
on her feelings in a way that
will not only be unhelpful
but could land her in jail.
-Stephanie Barnes Taylor
Maybe he fell out of love since
Maybe he's just here because
he's so used to loving me
that it's become a mere hobby
I do not know
I'm so scared
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to think
I feel so alone.
It will always hurt
but if--no, when--
by good luck and heaven's grace,
it stops hurting
and simply leaves a scar
i think it will be enough
to take a brief glimpse of it
then forget and let it go
because our love should be
bigger than our mistakes
bigger than our flaws
big enough to stand,
brave enough to be strong
good enough to be better
tough enough to survive
because baby, we are worth it
you are always worth it