Just want to share a little gratitude !
I've always been a selfish person. Doing the things that would hurt everyone that Love's me. As long as it was something I'd somehow benefit from. No matter the cost.... Who I had to hurt to get it.... When my mind is set, there is nothing else!! I'm human, but I'm a spiteful self-seeking human! We all go through hard times. But for me instead of taking responsibility for my actions and doings I chose to blame everyone I love. I used to think that I had to hate the men I had kids with. My mind had highlighted all the crossed word's, every disagreement, every tear cried, and Everytime things didn't go my way. Not realizing that we both can still be good...
The past year has been a nightmare
Jealousy seemed to be the only emotion
Wanting to be in control
I pushed an tried you
You're feet planted, standing firm
Calling my bluff, no matter the cost, you had a point to prove
A constant back an forth
With you, now I'm confused
You want me, but need a break too
Not wanting to get hurt
Giving our all was something we both hesitated to do
In the moment of Truth
I can honestly say that I want you
Looking back to the day I met you
I can see all the ways our love has grew
You're love has been planted in my heart
An like a flower, it will forever bloom
This is our nightmare, an I only want to wake up if it's next to you
I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT........
Am I the only one that goes completely fucking insane when someone looks at me and says.....
"Happiness is a choice"
First of all you "HAPPY BITCH"
DO YOU THINK I ENJOY FEELING LIKE THIS??
DEPRESSION IS SOMETHING I CANT EXPLAIN, AN WHEN I TRY TO ANXIETY TAKES COMPLETE CONTROL.
Just know I'm not always this way. This isolated state is something I've never been through. I'm learning how to cope with it too. I understand if it's something you can't do! Just know I don't wake up wanting to hurt you. I apologise for hurting you while trying to find me.
Her heart was frozen
Intimacy left out in the cold
Insucurities tell her she doesn't deserve a love like his
No one cared to know her like this Gently pulling her close he kissed her lips
He knew her body never quivered from a passionate kiss
When you slide into me there's no other place I'd rather be
Your flex tells me your the one for me
When I'm away from you it's like I can't breath
D*** so good I sometimes start a fight
Just so you'll angry ***k me
I have no control over my body once you're in me
I wish you could see what I see when you're on top of me
I used to wonder if sex was the only thing between you an me
The fact of being with one person forever used to scare me
Now it scares me to think about not having you next to me
My heart has never been so free
Under you is where I want to spend eternity
You deserve to be with someone who respects you. Your time is valuable and you shouldn't have to set yourself on a shelf while he's doing time. I've fell for the same Ol "Prison Song" my 2 oldest boys their dad has spent more time locked up than with our kids. We got together when I was 18. I'm 30 an I've spent all of my 20's listening to the same jailhouse blues. it doesn't get better it will only get worse, I promise you! Your little lie is telling him that you love him at the end of the phone calls. Maybe you do have love for him but not in love with him! You don't want to hurt him especially while he's locked up right? Let me ask you this. Do you honestly believe that you're the...
Just a kiss an you control me
Trembling from the inside out
But my heart is completely content
I wake up looking forward to nights like this
I'm Happy Being Me
Your pride will kill you
Be humble, if not you'll die alone too
You pushed away someone who without questing would go to war with you
Our whole relationship wasted
Spent inside your head
You're imagination played you
Painting a picture of the drug addict me
Making it where you thought you didn't have to respect me
The silent treatment controlled me
Picking apart my personality
Your imagination convinced me
I believed you were better than me
Turns out you fight the same demons as me
Check to check
Now I know why you went days without speaking to me
Your tolerance continues to increase
Pain killers are expensive
But without them it's hard to sleep, Wake up, Eat, Work, Laugh,...
For years I put finishing this off! A few sentences in I'd be lost, not knowing what to say. In my mind I had you still living! Pretending you'd come home in a year or two. Telling myself you we're just in prison helped me cope with the fact the world lost you.
So many people tried to change an twist my memories of you. Sitting here right now in this moment I'm laughing with you. You're presents is so strong I swear I can feel you! Every guy I've been with Envy's you. It's funny cause I can here you saying
"I'm a player, I told you boo."
To this day I've never had a man have my back like you. An Without realizing it, I've had relationships fail expecting them to be like you!!! That i...
Mental health issues in America have always had a stigma around them and the only way for that to end is for us to openly and comfortably talk about them. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness, do your research and utilize your resources. It’s very imperative to find your support system, go through the proper channels to receive the right treatment for you and find coping mechanisms to get on the right path to stability and healing. Let’s share things that have helped us and the people that love us to cope and heal. Let’s be kind to each other and most importantly to ourselves.
I struggle with
The strongest/weakest person you'll ever met. My heart wants to b...
I never pictured being unhappy like this. Lonely, I'm starting to realize I've created a monster! I've got her trapped in a mess.
Happiness dangles in front of me, but the unknown has me frozen. I escape in my dreams though.
It's a quiet morning the first day of May. It's 2039! I'm drinking my coffee in a small town called Pekin located in Washington Indian.
You're thinking that's odd. Corie why Pekin an why May first especially in 2039?? That's 20 years from now!
Well let me explain......
I'm not saying that I'll go the next 20 years in pain. I'll have little moments that keep me sane but, in 20 years I'll be right where I want to be.
Kid will be just graduating high s...
My oldest Is 10 (I call him Bear). Looking at him is like looking in the mirror! I get the most frustrated with him because he is me. I sit back without him knowing and I could tell you his every move, as if I were directing a movie. He's so much like me that it even scares me at times. His heart is so pure, but can be so mean. Everyone's friend, there is no in-between!
My second is 7 (I call Him Baide) He is strong like me but he isn't afraid to go get what he wants. He loves with all his heart his eyes tell a story of innocence. He is everything I ever hoped to be in life. He's got big hopes and I know...
Loving her had always been easy until today.
Finally realizing his worth he knows what he has to do today.
Scared that once he sees her face he will break and lock his feelings back in their cage.
37 years an Love has never his him this way.
Sitting at the table this morning he can't help but question
Does she see the hurt on my face?
He's always been who she needed even if that means having to share her, until today he never questioned second place.
Tell her to choose, or love she will forever lose.
These are the things he hopes to tell her today!
It's been a long and busy week for her. As she walks on the side of the road, her backpack feels heavier with each minute passing.
Her legs are shaking, stomach is turning, mind is racing, and her vains are yearning. Addiction's got her sick, "God, please send me a trick" she desperately whimpered to herself.
One block... Two blocks... Three blocks.... Four!!! Finally she's standing in front of his passenger side door. At this point she'll do whatever he asks for.
Bent over the seat breathing in cigarette ashes and what smell's like cat piss, hoping he cums quick so she can go get her fix. Fighting back the tears, wondering how she let herself turn out like this?
She didn't ...
Lost, which way do I go
I feel like a DOG without a home
This JOURNEY took my soul
Look at me I've lost all hope
I thought I was stronger than this
TEARS me up but
I'm ready to call it quits
As I sink this blade into my wrist
Knowing when to let go
Saying goodbye is never easy, especially when you love the person you're saying bye to. There comes a time in life when you realize what's good for you and what's not! Sometimes we choose to hold on because we're scared! We trap ourselves in toxic relations because we get comfortable with what we know. We fear the unknown so self Sabotage is how we cope.
The wolves were her life. She was with them any free moment she had. And they were always right there, waiting for her. One day she woke up with a weird feeling. Something wasn't right. She ran to the wolves and she noticed that they weren't there.
This had been their home for 3 generations before this pack. Could it have been the man that was here the day before asking so many questions? Could he have came in the night an....
"No, surely one of them would have attached him... Maybe he got one or two, but all 12 of them!!?? Impossible" (she thinks to herself)
Rushing back to Radio for help she goes off the trail. She didn't even notice it until she stopped to catch her breath. ...
"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”
Do you remember you're childhood dreams? Are you honestly the person you thought you'd be? Or has growing up completely stripped you of who you hoped to be?
Life is beautiful! It's crazy, but it's still beautiful. Nothing is how the child in me thought it would be. Let's be real 8year old me thought I'd just get big one day an I'd get a nice house, the best car, two kids, and a dog. Crazy thing is I don't even like dog's! The 8 year old me thought that as soon as I got old enough I'd just have these things. An I'd live my life completely the opposite of my parents. As we learn and understand what growing up really means an our innocence starts to disappear. So no my life isn't where I thought...
A connection strong and true
Sparks fly when I'm with you
This feeling different from what either of us has ever knew
Hearts broken because we're convinced it's not the time for a love like this to be true
Minute conversations we look forward to
Mile's between us living life as two
It's scary thinking I'll be just another memory for you
What's one to do when they didn't love their person Pure and True?
I first downloaded the app in 2015! I didn't use it like I do now. I guess that's because apart of me had it labeled in the same category as fb, ig, and other social media apps that are used in very judgmental and negative ways! This time I dove in and I love it here!
During the summer my boys and I practically live outside. Camping, fishing, hiking, swimming, and shooting!
What do you do when you're not writing?
😁Smile it's good for you
I know apologising won't take us back an change the way I've always treated you. It won't take back all the hurtful things I've said either. I've wasted two decades making you feel less than a person, like I was entitled to disrespect you, I've said "I HATE YOU" more than I've said "I LOVE YOU" I've been so unfair telling everyone that you haven't been a good Dad! But truth be told I haven't been a good daughter to you either.
I was so wrapped up in the ways I needed you and how I felt like you had failed me that the only thing I took the time to know was what you could do for me! An when I don't get my way I blow up and shut you out until the next time I need you. I've been so focused...
After every shower I find myself sitting with my back against the door. For hours wet, cold, naked, OKAY wait...... Let me stop you!!!!!!! ya lil Freak!!!! This isn't going to be the same ol love story you've heard again and again. This isn't a story about lust an pleasure. This my friend is what it looks like when you're standing face to face with you, AND ONLY YOU!!!!
So..... Like I was saying!!!
The last few months I've been haunted by a childhood memory. I've thought about this time an time again. Always over looking it. Until now.....
I'm 5 years old (maybe 6)
I remember because I wasn't old enough to go to school.
Even at 5 my anxiety would throw me through the loop. I remember sit...
Before I put my pen to the paper my mind already had a dozen pages wrote out perfect just for you. I overthink so much the letters were already in the mail just waiting for you to open up the box. I've been sitting here for an hour maybe two anticipating a reply from you.
The envelope is filled with blank pieces of paper. Let's be honest here, I'll never share my secrets with you! I'm satisfied with the imaginary conversations I have in my head with you.
Have I gone crazy?
I'm not crazy!!
If I'm not crazy.....
I must have had a drink,
Just one drink?
You picture the bottle empty.
This time it's not what you think.
Chemical use no longer helps...
I know you're confused as to what's going on!! But I promise you I am too. It's hard as fuck for me to tell you because you're the only person I want to be with and it's like right now in life your the person I can't be with. For the first time in my life I can't say the things or explain what I'm feeling. I'm scared of the future because I fear it won't be with you I can't answer the questions I'm being asked because my mind can't even make sense of it all.
Living my life for you and not me
Everyday the same battle
waking up not knowing who to be
Everyone in my life knows a different me
As I get older I often forget who I should be
I have this bag it goes everywhere with me
It holds everyone of me
packed nice and neat
I won't leave the house unless
they go with me
This has been me so many times before! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the illusion were living in we get tricked by our own facade and lose track of reality. I am my worst critic.
They say I'm wild
hard to defuse
Walking around lost
not knowing my next move
Making sure my wall
you never break through
Setting fire to reenforce
the distance between me and you
I don't know how to trust
it's always been the hard to do
Convinced I have to leave
before you get the chance to
Scared if I settle down
I'll end up getting burnt with you
Always worked for me
that is until I met you
Taking me by the hand
my fire you slowly defused
Scraping through the ashes
you found pieces of me
I never even knew
exploring my past
while letting me know I'm safe with you
The leavel of peace I felt that first night sleeping next to you
made me feel things I only dreamt...
Hi baby !!! What are you doing right now? Are you awake, maybe you're sleeping, You could be talking to Cierra, maybe you had to get out of the house, I can only hope you're not keeping someone else company, that would hurt, but I can honestly say I know where you're hearts at.
My head is spinning so fast
My mind hasn't stopped
My heart is trying to figure out a way to make it last
I'm so confused.. ..
I don't want to let go of you
From your view I look cold and cruel
I know it's not fair to you
But baby please know I never intended to hurt you
I'm scared lost and don't know what to do
My soul never felt alive until I laid next to you
I never knew peace until i confessed my dee...
(My eulogy I wrote it as if it was my older sister talking)
Corie Nicole was born June 13th
My life definitely changed when Corie was born. She was the second oldest of seven. Corie and I shared a bond like no other. She was my very first best friend. When I looked at Corie I saw reflection of myself. For the last few years I've had to love Corie from a distance. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind, her life here was more than a gift. She struggled but fought harder than anyone I've ever known. Although incredibly difficult this reminds me not to feel sorrow for her death, but feel grateful that her presence has blessed our lives. We are better people because she was a part of it. Corie had...