My oldest Is 10 (I call him Bear). Looking at him is like looking in the mirror! I get the most frustrated with him because he is me. I sit back without him knowing and I could tell you his every move, as if I were directing a movie. He's so much like me that it even scares me at times. His heart is so pure, but can be so mean. Everyone's friend, there is no in-between!
My second is 7 (I call Him Baide) He is strong like me but he isn't afraid to go get what he wants. He loves with all his heart his eyes tell a story of innocence. He is everything I ever hoped to be in life. He's got big hopes and I know...
Loving her had always been easy until today.
Finally realizing his worth he knows what he has to do today.
Scared that once he sees her face he will break and lock his feelings back in their cage.
37 years an Love has never his him this way.
Sitting at the table this morning he can't help but question
Does she see the hurt on my face?
He's always been who she needed even if that means having to share her, until today he never questioned second place.
Tell her to choose, or love she will forever lose.
These are the things he hopes to tell her today!
It's been a long and busy week for her. As she walks on the side of the road, her backpack feels heavier with each minute passing.
Her legs are shaking, stomach is turning, mind is racing, and her vains are yearning. Addiction's got her sick, "God, please send me a trick" she desperately whimpered to herself.
One block... Two blocks... Three blocks.... Four!!! Finally she's standing in front of his passenger side door. At this point she'll do whatever he asks for.
Bent over the seat breathing in cigarette ashes and what smell's like cat piss, hoping he cums quick so she can go get her fix. Fighting back the tears, wondering how she let herself turn out like this?
She didn't ...
Lost, which way do I go
I feel like a DOG without a home
This JOURNEY took my soul
Look at me I've lost all hope
I thought I was stronger than this
TEARS me up but
I'm ready to call it quits
As I sink this blade into my wrist
Knowing when to let go
Saying goodbye is never easy, especially when you love the person you're saying bye to. There comes a time in life when you realize what's good for you and what's not! Sometimes we choose to hold on because we're scared! We trap ourselves in toxic relations because we get comfortable with what we know. We fear the unknown so self Sabotage is how we cope.
The wolves were her life. She was with them any free moment she had. And they were always right there, waiting for her. One day she woke up with a weird feeling. Something wasn't right. She ran to the wolves and she noticed that they weren't there.
This had been their home for 3 generations before this pack. Could it have been the man that was here the day before asking so many questions? Could he have came in the night an....
"No, surely one of them would have attached him... Maybe he got one or two, but all 12 of them!!?? Impossible" (she thinks to herself)
Rushing back to Radio for help she goes off the trail. She didn't even notice it until she stopped to catch her breath. ...
"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”
Do you remember you're childhood dreams? Are you honestly the person you thought you'd be? Or has growing up completely stripped you of who you hoped to be?
Life is beautiful! It's crazy, but it's still beautiful. Nothing is how the child in me thought it would be. Let's be real 8year old me thought I'd just get big one day an I'd get a nice house, the best car, two kids, and a dog. Crazy thing is I don't even like dog's! The 8 year old me thought that as soon as I got old enough I'd just have these things. An I'd live my life completely the opposite of my parents. As we learn and understand what growing up really means an our innocence starts to disappear. So no my life isn't where I thought...
A connection strong and true
Sparks fly when I'm with you
This feeling different from what either of us has ever knew
Hearts broken because we're convinced it's not the time for a love like this to be true
Minute conversations we look forward to
Mile's between us living life as two
It's scary thinking I'll be just another memory for you
What's one to do when they didn't love their person Pure and True?
I first downloaded the app in 2015! I didn't use it like I do now. I guess that's because apart of me had it labeled in the same category as fb, ig, and other social media apps that are used in very judgmental and negative ways! This time I dove in and I love it here!
During the summer my boys and I practically live outside. Camping, fishing, hiking, swimming, and shooting!
What do you do when you're not writing?
😁Smile it's good for you
I know apologising won't take us back an change the way I've always treated you. It won't take back all the hurtful things I've said either. I've wasted two decades making you feel less than a person, like I was entitled to disrespect you, I've said "I HATE YOU" more than I've said "I LOVE YOU" I've been so unfair telling everyone that you haven't been a good Dad! But truth be told I haven't been a good daughter to you either.
I was so wrapped up in the ways I needed you and how I felt like you had failed me that the only thing I took the time to know was what you could do for me! An when I don't get my way I blow up and shut you out until the next time I need you. I've been so focused...
After every shower I find myself sitting with my back against the door. For hours wet, cold, naked, OKAY wait...... Let me stop you!!!!!!! ya lil Freak!!!! This isn't going to be the same ol love story you've heard again and again. This isn't a story about lust an pleasure. This my friend is what it looks like when you're standing face to face with you, AND ONLY YOU!!!!
So..... Like I was saying!!!
The last few months I've been haunted by a childhood memory. I've thought about this time an time again. Always over looking it. Until now.....
I'm 5 years old (maybe 6)
I remember because I wasn't old enough to go to school.
Even at 5 my anxiety would throw me through the loop. I remember sit...
Before I put my pen to the paper my mind already had a dozen pages wrote out perfect just for you. I overthink so much the letters were already in the mail just waiting for you to open up the box. I've been sitting here for an hour maybe two anticipating a reply from you.
The envelope is filled with blank pieces of paper. Let's be honest here, I'll never share my secrets with you! I'm satisfied with the imaginary conversations I have in my head with you.
Have I gone crazy?
I'm not crazy!!
If I'm not crazy.....
I must have had a drink,
Just one drink?
You picture the bottle empty.
This time it's not what you think.
Chemical use no longer helps...
I know you're confused as to what's going on!! But I promise you I am too. It's hard as fuck for me to tell you because you're the only person I want to be with and it's like right now in life your the person I can't be with. For the first time in my life I can't say the things or explain what I'm feeling. I'm scared of the future because I fear it won't be with you I can't answer the questions I'm being asked because my mind can't even make sense of it all.
Living my life for you and not me
Everyday the same battle
waking up not knowing who to be
Everyone in my life knows a different me
As I get older I often forget who I should be
I have this bag it goes everywhere with me
It holds everyone of me
packed nice and neat
I won't leave the house unless
they go with me
This has been me so many times before! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the illusion were living in we get tricked by our own facade and lose track of reality. I am my worst critic.
They say I'm wild
hard to defuse
Walking around lost
not knowing my next move
Making sure my wall
you never break through
Setting fire to reenforce
the distance between me and you
I don't know how to trust
it's always been the hard to do
Convinced I have to leave
before you get the chance to
Scared if I settle down
I'll end up getting burnt with you
Always worked for me
that is until I met you
Taking me by the hand
my fire you slowly defused
Scraping through the ashes
you found pieces of me
I never even knew
exploring my past
while letting me know I'm safe with you
The leavel of peace I felt that first night sleeping next to you
made me feel things I only dreamt...
Hi baby !!! What are you doing right now? Are you awake, maybe you're sleeping, You could be talking to Cierra, maybe you had to get out of the house, I can only hope you're not keeping someone else company, that would hurt, but I can honestly say I know where you're hearts at.
My head is spinning so fast
My mind hasn't stopped
My heart is trying to figure out a way to make it last
I'm so confused.. ..
I don't want to let go of you
From your view I look cold and cruel
I know it's not fair to you
But baby please know I never intended to hurt you
I'm scared lost and don't know what to do
My soul never felt alive until I laid next to you
I never knew peace until i confessed my dee...
(My eulogy I wrote it as if it was my older sister talking)
Corie Nicole was born June 13th
My life definitely changed when Corie was born. She was the second oldest of seven. Corie and I shared a bond like no other. She was my very first best friend. When I looked at Corie I saw reflection of myself. For the last few years I've had to love Corie from a distance. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind, her life here was more than a gift. She struggled but fought harder than anyone I've ever known. Although incredibly difficult this reminds me not to feel sorrow for her death, but feel grateful that her presence has blessed our lives. We are better people because she was a part of it. Corie had...
"You can grow up and do whatever you want to do. You can be who you want to be. Life is what you make it."
This is something everyone hears as a child. Not just once... But over and over again! From our parents, school teacher's, aunt's, uncle's, or any type of authority figures in our lives.
When you're a child you cling to phrases like this. It's what gives the innocent heart hope.
We live in a cruel hateful world that blinds us from the truth.
When we're born we are born to a tribe. An if you want to survive in this world...
Hold her while you can
Her heart will never belong to just you
She'll settle down only to pick up again
Some say her love could be compared to the wind
Calm for a while, but the storm always rolls in
Confusing love with a moment of peace
She'll seduce both men an women
She doesn't have to lie because she never says a word
Her eyes are so piercing they do the talking for her
An if that fails she undresses
With skin made of silk it's what she uses to reel you back in
Sex with her will leave you sick
Begging for one more night of sin
That's when she knows her poison has set in
Don't worry she'll be back
She waits until you're storm ends
An when you find peace
She'll storm back in just like the w...
Waking up this morning she was ready to end it all
But wasn't sure how to do it
Pulling the trigger would be hard to do without a gun
She thought about hanging but didn't know if she could dangle without cutting it lose
Drugs seem to make her feel to good so that was out
How about flying to the end
This bridge was a great ideal
She fixed herself up so when she looked into the mirror her reflection was beautiful
She decided to walk to the bridge
Her mind was going 100mph
She had the courage to do what she wanted to do
The walk was a little under 16miles
By the time she had reached the ledge the sun was setting
The view was so peaceful
It was in that moment God showed up
Her view was so beautif...
Just wanted to say thank you for the stamps that you send !!
Smile it's good for the soul!!!
She has been here so many times before. So tonight when he came home, he figured she just had one to many like the night before. He doesn't dare wake her because he's over the fight she has in store. Without saying a word he walks down the hall thinking in just a few she will crawl into bed and by morning he'd wake with her in his arms.
Oversleeping he wakes up angry. She was the one who set the alarm. He jumps up in a panic rushing down the hall ready to give her a piece of his mind. He's so pissed he don't realize that she's lying the same way she was when he walked passed her just hours before.
Going on and on he screams fuck it I can't do this anymore!! Packing his ba...
I didn't know you're brother Kenny!! All I know is that he was an amazing person. I know that when he was alive his life was exciting and everyone loved him!!! You are such a good brother for never forgetting who he was and keeping his spirit alive inside of you. You have lived 39 years for him. Your a great man Tim, your strong! Because even after 20 plus years you keep your brother right by your side. This is something so many people can't and never do!!! But you can't live your life the way you think he would have lived his baby. He wouldn't want you to because you are you and not him. You can keep him alive and with you and still live a different life.
I swear I didn't know that thing's was this bad between us!!!! I guess after the fireball I'm more sideways than I intended. I expected you to pull back, but never thought it be this easy for you to ignore me. My mind is spinning. I'm panicking. Can I really go everyday without you? I have become someone I can't stand. My heart is always racing in a frantic mess. I've never hurt like this. What I'd do to just taste your lips. Last night I dreamt, an I swear I could feel you flex! Setting you free, I have to come to terms with, I love you an it hurts to live life like this.
I hate feeling like I'm being ignored by you!! Seriously starting to rethink the whole situation were in! It's not fair to me or you! How can love feel so real an fake too. I wish I could could take back all the pain and start from the beginning an wholeheartedly give my all to you.
Another day psycho
Waiting for nightfall
So I can lie next to you
Our love has become a game of clue
Tell me where's the room
I'll go to the Moon
If I can just cry to you
When morning comes
I know I'll lose you
Left anticipating the next moment I get to spend with you
As time passes
I see less and less of you
I know you've had enough
Cause now I barely hear from you
I'm sorry how far I pushed you
Scared you will never believe when I say
"I Love You"
So why not pick a fight with you
You'll get me back
Then I'll get you
The scoreboard has to be one up
(Weather it's me or you)
I never craved a man the way I do when I'm not next to you
I love the madness too
It's worth it
As long as I ...
Her eyes have always shown a different kind of sadness
Pain has been entwined with her soul
Born chasing the thunder
She's so hardheaded
She will die in the storm she's created
Most people who know me will say I'm a controlling person. Honestly I would describe myself more as a stressful worrier! To me stressing everything would be in control. Life is funny! You see I can control my moods and how I react to situations, but when it comes to being in control of my life I actually have no control at all. Plans don't always stay the same because the world doesn't revolve around me. Life moves in so many directions. The only thing I can be in control of is how I take it in.