|Sometimes in the depths of our soul we find the feelings we never dealt with.|
Sometimes I let myself drown
By falling back into old patterns and self destructive habits
I’m a fire sign and my emotions can be hard to control at times
And I can let my anger consume me
But if this year has taught me anything,
It’s that I have to keep my emotions in check
And in doing that I can be the example to others I want to be
I care about people more than most of them even realize,
But I’ve been pushed too far & it’s made it hard for me to open up to people.
I don’t trust easily these days, and if I do it really has to be earned.
And I think I’m starting to be okay with not always being liked & with often times being misunderstood.
Not everyone deserves to know the rea...
Letting people go is really hard for me,
But today I really did it.
I’ve accepted that my past is set in stone but my present is for me to take the wheel of.
I’ve lost a lot of friends along the way. I’ve lost family, girlfriends... at times I’ve even lost my faith.
Even in some dark times I’ve lost the will to try at all, because it’s disappointing when everything you’ve wanted slips through your fingers.
However I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I ever even realized. My motivation and my energy is rising more than ever before.
I’ve let these dark times ignite this flame in me once again. I love myself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves me.
Because you know...
The truth is, I thought I had it all wrong..
Love is a complicated emotion and it is scary to cross that bridge with someone; especially with a friend that you need.
But you cross that bridge when you are ready, and I wasn't even close.
You see, everyone that came before you took a part of me with them.
I provided them emotional support, but it was ultimately for a temporary time.
They took advantage of my big heart, and it has made me bitter. The funniest part about it, is I still miss people from my past.
I don't miss the romances, I miss the friendships.
So this next relationship I have will have to be with a friend. Trust takes time to build, especially after a ...
Some days it’s okay to be lonely.
Some days it’s okay to feel sad.
Some days you don’t feel up to much.
Some days you feel like you want to give up on yourself.
But one day I hope you realize, that days can turn into weeks, which can turn into months.
And while it’s important to feel these feelings, you’ve got to turn the pain into motivation. That you won’t settle and won’t give up on yourself.
I know for me that this past month was probably one of the hardest months I’ve ever had. But I’ve been spending too much time focusing on all the bad.
Yes I fell down far this time, but a phoenix rises from the ashes. I’m determined to make things happen for myself. To pour my heart and ...
I’m truly sorry this time.
I wanted so badly to fall in love with you but the universe had other plans.
My heart really did try to open up, but when the odds started to feel stacked against us it was overwhelming.
You have to admit, things sure went south when we tried to reopen that door.
In my heart I truly want you to be happy. And as much as you argued that I made you happy I knew I didn’t.
My heart has gone cold again, and for me that means it’s time to build myself back up.
Isolation can be lonely, but it gives you time to focus on what you truly want & need.
Please don’t think of me in a negative light, focus on the good and I’ll do the same.
Maybe someday the time will...
Sometimes you drift back into my mind
Like a leaf blowing through the wind
You come without a warning,
But I have to remind myself why we drifted apart and how suddenly you turned sour.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last few months.
I cannot settle for less than I deserve any longer, and I cannot deal with toxic coping mechanisms.
Love yourself enough to be able to walk away from the people & vices you can’t depend on.
And sadly when I think of you A,
I think of all the pain you brought me, and that it overshadowed all the love I tried to pour into you.
It really is true when they say you can’t love someone fully until you love yourself fully. And from now on I’m going to ...
It’s time I stick to my guns,
I’ve learned too many lessons along the way and you just have too much left to learn
I gave you a full chance this time
But I can’t ignore my gut instinct or these red flags
And sadly you’ve given me endless ones
It pains me to say goodbye to someone who loved me as much as you have
But I can’t keep pretending that I’m happy.
I’m just not.
Someone is out there for you, I know it in my heart. It’s just not going to be me and I need you to respect that.
Love me enough to let me go. And love yourself enough to know that it shouldn’t be this hard.
Being an empath is incredibly frustrating
On one hand, I would love to heal everyone I come into contact with
On the other, I still haven’t approached any of my own healing
So that’s the problem.
My emotional bank is empty, and it’s time for me to fill it for myself again.
I’ll tell you something about healing,
It doesn’t follow any sort of timetable.
It’s full of mistakes, of slip ups, of pain...
But it’s also making me feel alive again.
And I’m far from perfect, but the fact that I feel more like myself than I have in nearly two plus years is something I’m celebrating.
Even today, my conversations with complete strangers left them wanting to know more.
And you know what?
That feels pretty fucking good.
The bottomline is...
I never needed you.
And it’s time for me to realize that you never even deserved me at all.
For a long time now I've been caught in the middle.
I've been the peacemaker, I've been a friend to everyone,
But too many betrayals have done something to me.
I don't care as much as I used to, and I am making peace with that.
Maybe I just am not as nice as I was before,
Frankly, because not everyone deserves my kindness.
That has to be earned now, and once you lose it; it is hard to earn it back.
So go ahead and talk behind my back, but know that you lost a friend
who always had yours.
It’s hard to let you go
I’ve been struggling with it for quite awhile
I miss what you & I had.
When it was just us, I was the happiest I’ve ever been
But it’s been far too long
And I just can’t hold on any longer
So this is goodbye,
For real this time.
It has been awhile,
Yet the pain I feel still hurts to this day
I hope you are out there kicking ass and taking names
I hope that all your dreams come true,
I miss you, but I am tired of feeling this way
You clearly let superficial things get in the way
And maybe you weren’t the genuine being I thought
I’ll always wish the best for you
Nothing could ever make me hate you
But I hope someone someday will make me forget you
Letting what we had go was the mistake of a lifetime,
And I will never forgive you.
I loved you more than I have ever loved anything.
But you left too many things unsaid, without even an explanation.
At some point you have to draw...
I’m starting to think I had it all wrong.
You shouldn’t have to chase someone to love them. You should receive it naturally from someone that shows you what you’ve been missing all along.
I’m sorry that it took so long for me to realize this, and I’m trying like hell to open my heart again.
Maybe that’s what it is
You want to give your all to someone new
But you are still finding out too much about yourself
And you can’t distract yourself from this momentum
In fact, when you ask yourself: “when was the last time you lived your life for you?”
It’s a struggle to even remember if that’s ever been the case at all
Dear past me,
I wish you didn't have to endure so much heartbreak and pain. There were so many people that you gave your all to. Friendships, relationships, and even family let you down and it broke your spirit.
Dear present me,
Acknowledge the fact that past you had mishaps, but don't let them make you bitter. Learn from them, let them go, and focus on all the positive people and things you currently have in your life. Let go of your fears and go for your dreams.
Dear future me,
I hope you are happier than ever. That you've finally learned how to love yourself first above all so that you can lift up the people around you effortlessly. Also, I hope you feel loved and keep...
I’m not looking for that mediocre love story
I’m waiting until my heart sours with even a simple touch
When I think about them day and night
2 in the morning or 2 in the afternoon
And I know it because I’ll feel it
And I haven’t felt that way in far too long
It’s hard when you know the timing is wrong
Because your feelings don’t stay out of it
I’m falling for you but I’m afraid of trying something different
And frankly I don’t know how I could share you
My heart has been set on you since I met you
And I hope you will feel this way too
You are my favorite person
And I think I’m in love with every part of you
I didn’t think a best friend could be a lover
And I hope you’ll see it this way too
And then one day I woke up
To the fact that I’m a prize too
And I will not settle for anyone
Who doesn’t make me feel like I’m the only one they want
I’m forgiving and forgetting about all those that have let me down
My heart has healed and it’s stronger and wiser now
I’m sorry to those who lost their chance,
But moving forward hasn’t steered me wrong yet.
It took me awhile to figure it out,
But now that I have it my soul is shining brighter than ever;
And people are starting to take notice.
I’ve committed myself to being alone,
Because you have to tackle that void and loneliness you feel.
Don’t just fill it with someone else.
So now I am reprioritizing and my life is starting to look better.
Positive momentum is building as I cut the toxic out,
And I just want to keep it rolling.
Things are weird between us right now but our bond is getting stronger
And I am just gonna let it ride.
Maybe if we both help each other, you’ll finally see me the way I’ve always seen you.
Unfortunately as much as I want these feelings to fade...
Sometimes it’s hard for me to love myself
And it’s not because I don’t,
It’s because I don’t like removing people from my life
So I drag out relationships to the end, friendships to the brink,
And let toxic and negative energy drain me
You see I won’t let myself do that anymore
And this year has really shown me how quick your life begins to change when you surround yourself with constant positivity.
It’s sad to say goodbye, but it’s amazing how quickly things improve when you are truly happy on your own
Since I made these changes, the universe has been in my favor
And I’m happier than I’ve ever been
I love myself and someday I’ll meet someone who will love and support me even th...
Perspective shifts are important in life.
You see I spent awhile hoping to find someone to love.
Yet that whole time I wasn’t fully loving myself.
How am I supposed to meet the right girl if I don’t give off the full me.
Because I want the full her too.
And I know for sure I haven’t met her yet.
So I know I can get that momentum rolling.
Sad boi season is here yet I plan on being happy again
And by the grace of God I am right now.
And that feels damn good.
What hurts isn’t sometimes what makes sense
And thats okay.
Nobody knew how best to live.
And everyone learns along the way.
Sometimes it even means not giving a good one a chance.
Because you believe this can still happen.
Or you want to find a man that could give her what you know you can’t.
Too valuable to each other as friends to take it further.
And he was coming to terms with that.
Dear the one who deserves the world,
First off you really caught me off guard
What I thought was a fling started developing into something bigger
But my heart was caught up on someone else
And with a heart as big as yours you deserve someone’s undivided attention
They say timing is a bitch and it’s the truth,
I think our story could’ve been different had it unfolded at another time
Where I wasn’t in love with a friend who will never see me as more
But until I’m over her, it just wasn’t fair to keep you waiting in the rain
Because you’ve been through enough of a storm already
So find a man who gives you his all because you deserve everything.
And I pray that you realize that.
Life is weird
One moment you think you are okay
And the next you come crumbling down
I’m in love with you but you can’t see me as more than a friend
It hurts me when we are together but also when we’re apart
You know too much but you’ve made it clear you can’t see me that way
This is one tough pill to swallow &
Maybe I should just walk away
Meeting him was like 151 rum on an open wound
What I thought had healed was reopened once again
It’s true I left you
But I needed you to tell me the truth
My love didn’t go away, it strayed because I sensed that I didn’t have the full story of what happened with your ex
You broke my trust and I ended up in darkness once again
So I hope that he makes you happy
And I wish you the best
But the truth is that I didn’t feel my heart was safe in your hands again.
Seeing you again was like seeing a bad memory
What once was so special turned sour because of you
And you handled it all so poorly
I trusted you and I gave you my heart
But you left it at the shore when you sailed away
Forgetting me so easily
So when I saw you at the place we met and ran away
I knew that I was finally ready
To leave you behind
And I won’t lie it feels really f$@%ing good
What is hard is that I know what you deserve
You are beautiful, kind, fun, easy going, and smart
I tried just being your friend but I want more
When we get together sparks just fly
Unfortunately I know how dangerous of a game I am playing
You are still in love with him even though he doesn’t value you like I would
So I am going to keep doing me and hope that some day you’ll come around
Whatever happens I just want you to see what I see
You are special and you deserve to always feel that way
All my love
My heart is big and I used to keep a wide circle of friends
But time has a funny way of reminding you
That the good ones are few and far between
All I’ve wanted is loyalty, kindness, and support
But after everything
Now I’m just feeling disconnected
Hurt and broken my heart, mind, and spirit
Life hasn’t been too kind
Yet I still try to focus on the positives
Because it’s been a pretty fun ride despite the downs
And I’m grateful for everyone that has stuck by my side.
Learning from my past I’ve learned
Don’t just let anyone in
Until you are fully happy yourself
The last few have crushed my trust
And I’m learned to not be disconnected from myself anymore.
My heart is tired
Of giving so much to have it crushed time and time again
When I sit back and reminisce
It’s like little parts of me left when they did
Although I left a few, it was after they broke my spirit
I have to learn to trust my instincts better
And not let my guard down so soon
But it’s hard these days because every corner I turn
Stands someone beautiful and new
So I beg to the universe that you stop wasting my time
Because I don’t want to be hurt anymore
Or hurt anyone else
I’m tired of starting over
But yet I keep dreaming and hoping
That the next one will be here to stay