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Denae

PO# 532680
United States
United States
I only know how to write what I feel.
January 11, 2019
Albuquerque, United States

I thought that

Cutting ties

Would set me

Free.

But you are still

Caught

In these tangled

Heart strings.

STARS
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December 26, 2018
Albuquerque, United States

It's time to say goodbye,
It's time to let go,
Its time to move on,
wouldn't you say so?

It's time to stop.
To stop searching for your name.
To stop pretending we're "friends"
To stop imaging we're the same.

I won't keep following you
Like a puppy,
Hoping for a treat.
I won't keep praying
That by chance,
We'll meet.

I'm not gonna wait.
I'm not gonna wonder.
I've stopped believing WE are fate.
My love, simply a blunder.

Yes, it hurts.
But, sometimes,
We have to hurt
In order to heal.

I'm ripping off the band-aid.
I'm abandoning my crutch.
I'm done being played
Done hurting so much.

It's time to say goodbye,
It's time to let go,
Its time to move on,
wouldn't you say so...

HAPPY 2019
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December 11, 2018
Albuquerque, United States

"True love conquers all"
Indeed.
In truly loving you,
While you truly love her,

I have been conquered.

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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October 2, 2018
Albuquerque, United States

I'll give you my love-
You must be warned
I don't love gentle
I love like a storm.

I'll give you my love
If you stand there and ask
I don't love gentle
You must love me hard back

If you stand there and ask
I'll give you every piece I have
You must love me hard back
There can be no halves.

I'll give you every piece I have
I'll pour my all into you
There can be no halves
I will soak you through.

I'll pour my all into you
Let my rain fall
I will soak you through
If you stand tall.

Let my rain fall
In furious waves
If you stand tall
If you stand brave.

In furious waves
I'll crash down
If you stand brave
I know you won't drown.

I'll crash down
Inescapable as thunder
I know you...

ASPHALT GREY
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September 29, 2018
 

I reflect on memories
I look back on "me"s
Who was that girl?
It's like a mural...
No, more of a mosaic
Even a little formulaic
All these tiny pieces
Creating a larger thesis
An ever changing image
Set up on a stage.
I can see her
If I flip through the theatre.
I know my history
If I take the time to see.
And yet, I see a stranger
Waking into danger.
And I cannot stop watching
Nor can I stop her botching
Up our future
Caught on your lure.
She was so pure.
So fragile and unsure.
She was afraid
But much less jaded.
She found hope
Learned how to cope.
She tried to plan
But found nowhere to stand.

I wonder is she
Would even recognize me?
I know
Something, though.
She loved you...

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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September 28, 2018
 

My eyes have glazed
My sight is unseeing.
Nothing can phase
This damaged being.

My skin has grown cold
My body lost its warmth.
Things can't be told
Once transformed.

My mind has wandered
My thoughts not my own.
Unable to ponder
Truths I am shown.

My soul has darkened
My spirit lies in shadow.
Past crimes unpardoned,
I lost my glow.

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ASPHALT GREY
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September 28, 2018
 

I wander
Fighting to feel

I watch
Searching for sight

I wound
Attempting to heal

I wait
Knowing nothing's coming

I waver
Blowing through time

I waft
Seeking for scents

I wage
Losing my bets

I weigh
Never measuring up

I whistle
Wind in tunnels

I wake
While I sleep

I weave
Out of myself

I will
While not knowing

I whim
Trying to plan

I win
Only to lose

I wonder
Wanting to know

I wish
Never to have

I wipe
Only to smudge

I wring
Staying too dry

I whisper
No one hears

I whittle
Seeing nothing become.

I want
Knowing I cannot

I wizened
Staying so stupid

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HELLO AUTUMN
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July 26, 2018
 

Hey
I just had to find a way.
I just had to say
Happy Birthday.
And I hope you may
Find joy today,
Joy to stay
And be a sunshine's ray
In every way
Everyday.

             - A mess of a heart with your name still etched in blood.

WINDOW FUN
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January 30, 2018
 

It was oh, so dumb
And I am completely numb.
And yet, I cannot regret
This secret I've kept.
You were warm and oh, so present
Me, enfolded in your familiar scent.
So lost in that eternal moment
So found in that fleeting content.
Had I ever been so at peace?
Not before, nor since the cease.
So perfect, it could've been a dream
Us, beneath the glowing moonbeam.
Your heart beneath my hand
Your lips an undeniable demand.
It all so perfectly unplanned
It all so exquisitely grand.
Something inside broken free
Could I even be recognized as me?
Caught in the eye of an internal storm
All my reason breaking form.
It's a calm like I'd never known
A calm I had never been shown
As I spend my time ...

STARS
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January 24, 2018
 

What the hell have you done to me?
Why can't I get better?
There was never even a "we"
Yet, I still see us together.

And now, there's someone new
He's cute and funny and smart.
The problem? He's not you
And my heart will not restart.

It's so unfair
He's just what I need.
He actually cares-
You just make me bleed.

For so long
I've been your captive.
My bonds are less strong
But my chest is still inactive.

No. That's not quite right.
Because it does still feel
No matter how I fight
I'm still caught on your reel

He is all that he should be-
He should make my heart pound.
He should be all I see
But you still have me spellbound.

I am all out of ideas
All out of...

LOVE LETTERS
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January 17, 2018
 

This chill seeps deeper than the skin
Colder than I've ever been.
Even all the energy of the sun
Could not stop what has more than begun.
I'm already all too far past numb
Past the hope of help to come.
There is nothing left to save
No matter how strong or how brave
Any potential savior is-
My life will be gone as well as his.
I'm past the point of no return
So frozen I'm beginning to burn.

Best to keep your distance, to stay away
And not risk it all on a girl that's dead anyway.

STARS
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January 6, 2018
 

My hands shake and my breath quivers
I feel my heart pound and my body wrack with shivers.
Words fail.
How to tell this tale?
Oh how words fail.
Call me the epitome of the Fail Whale.
"No" falls so easily from my lips,
It's the inclination to say "yes" that deprives me of my quips.
So, if you can forgive me for being a juvenile mess-
The answer I have to give is yes.

WHALE
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January 6, 2018
 

7.4 billion people in the world
Not a single one had to be told
Though not all of us can be bold.
The feeling, the flicker, it starts small
Before you know it, you cannot contain it at all
It's something about the experience, the fall.
All of these relationships
Meaning more than hips-on-hips
More than lips-to-lips.
It's the beating of the heart
Not a simple stop and start
No- it will never depart.
The fire burns within
Everlasting, through thick and thin
Everything to lose, everything to win.
Beautiful and oh, so tragic
A mess of unchecked magic
And oh, so easily turned manic.
A sweet, paradoxical force
Our thumping hearts the source
A source we rip and tear
Bleeding whi...

ROARING FIRE
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January 5, 2018
 

I figured it out.
You don't want me to move on.
You want me as the trout.
To be played as a pawn.
Your hook still deep,
Your control still complete.
Me, as a thing you keep.
Me, a part of your fleet.
One tug, and I'm back to the surface.
One nudge, and I'm back to the past.
Floundering and gasping without purchase,
A simple piece to be where you cast.
A fish you pretended to release,
A piece you pretended was the queen.
But I can never find any peace,
Stuck as a cog in the machine.
What I can't get is the why?
What is there to gain?
You don't want what I have to supply-
That's been made clear in my pain.

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TROUT
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December 8, 2017
 

The butterflies more than flutter-
I scarcely know the words I utter.
You smile so charmingly,
So utterly disarming me.
You close some distance between us
And it doesn't take a genius
To see what's happening
To see the heart you're capturing.
And yet, you, I cannot read.
Is there a sprout, or even a seed
Of the affection that afflicts me?
How I long to know what you see.
Perhaps, indeed, that I am a mess?
Oh, please, think not that I am less!
The goal, for now, is that you see my best,
And that you laugh when I make a jest.
I have been broken for so long
But there's something about the way we get along.
Everything about you makes me grin
Maybe I can let myself feel again?
...

LIVE ONCE
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August 8, 2017
 

I may not be over you.
Honestly,
I may not ever be over you.
But, I think that finally-
Finally,
I may be moving on.
At last,
I may be moving on from you.

MOVEMENT
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July 23, 2017
 

I love Jane Austen.
Unfortunately,
Along with all her satire and wit,
She taught me something preposterous.
She taught me to hope against all sanity
That the person I love
Loves me back.
She gave me insipid courage.
Courage to hold on to loving.
Loving someone.
Someone that doesn't love me back.

ANGEL OF PASSION
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July 23, 2017
 

Of course she gave him another chance.
She fell in love with him.

LOVE IS...
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July 4, 2017
 

        She may not have always been the brightest crayon in the box. But He told Her that She was the loveliest colour.

ANGEL OF FAITH
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June 29, 2017
 

I fell in love with you.
But, sometimes, I wonder
If I ever knew you at all.

I still feel love for you.
But, the thing is, I know,
I really don't know you at all.

I will always have love for you.
I just with I could learn,
How to forget to love you at all.

GIRL'S BEST FRIEND
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June 29, 2017
 

You still have a place in my heart,
Even if we've been months apart.

Do you ever think about me?
Wonder what could've been "we"?

I cannot escape these questions,
They roll, nonstop, round my mind.
The thing about intentions,
Sometimes they are left behind.

Other things, too, are circling
In my nonstop, overfill brain.
These doubts I've been hurdling
Finally tripped me like a chain.

See, you never really let me in,
Never really let me get close.
It was much to my chagrin,
I was never the one you chose.

You always held yourself back,
Trapped, in that brilliant mind.
I was always ready to attack,
Always shut out and left behind.

There was just no way
That I could find to your br...

FRESH AND FRUITY
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June 4, 2017
 

Her eyes kept returning to the familiar-faced boy. She knew he wasn't who he looked like. Still, her heart beat faster at the sight of him and her chest ached, the longing etched into her soul.
She knew he would soon notice the way her gaze was drawn to him- if he hadn't already. She spoke to him and explained. And then she saw him smile- and the air in her lungs turned to ice. It was the same. The curve of the lips, the creases lining the corners of his mouth. In her head, she saw the other boy, the one that was no stranger. The one whose lips she had once had pressed on her own. And in this short time, with such a small show of emotion from a total stranger...
...she was shattered.

TO THE LIGHT
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June 4, 2017
 

I still can't seem to cope,
I find I'm still holding onto hope.
I'm still trying to move on,
Still finding this love long.
I still think of you each day,
Still search for some way
To move you to the past,
Still finding my feelings last.
I still see you when I close my eyes,
Still tell myself the same lies;
That I hate you
That we are through.
But still you spring to mind,
And I find nothing of the kind.
Your name still makes my heart pound
And, I swear, the whole world hears the sound.

I just think you ought to know,
That I still can't let you go.

THE LITTLE PRINCE
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May 18, 2017
 

What do you feel?

This ache.

This desire.

This want.

Because I do.

And I've only ever felt this for you.

MY ROSE
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May 18, 2017
 

I know I said I was done

And that you'll certainly never come.

But, sometimes, I worry

That some part of me

Is still waiting for you...

... for you to come through.

THE SWEETEST
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April 21, 2017
 

Why should I still cry over you?
How can you still make me so blue?
What was it that made me fall so deep?
I didn't realize we were playing for keeps.

Shakespeare says 'Love is not Times fool'
A bright red thread on a never-ending spool.
The threaded needle still piercing me through
It stretches the miles between us and attaches me to you.

That falsely coloured string is woven
Though this heart that was broken.
It was supposed to help it heal
But blood still seeps through the seal.

The stitch is exceptionally strong
And far, far too long.
Thing is, it only captures one way-
I was not enough to have some sway.

So I'll continue to pluck and saw
At this thing that conn...

FOXTROT
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April 4, 2017
 

The world swirls around
And I wonder when I'll touch the ground.

Everything is slipping from my grasp,
Beads falling from a broken clasp
Scattering across the stones
Each finding itself alone.

The foreign eyes in the mirror stare
As I search for their long-lost care.
But there are only storms within
Threatening what has once been.

I hear whispers in my ear
They cause me to still with fear,
My whole self frozen
Listening to the sound of the broken.

The mirror is shattered
The beads things that mattered
The whispers are my own
Reminders of things I've always known.

SWAN
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March 7, 2017
 

                                                     Perception

             So what was I? A silly fish you thought it would be fun to catch and release? Unable to resist your lure, dragged around by the hook in my mouth. Thrust back into the Sea- confused, with pain screaming through me- just when I had accepted my fate.
       
             No. No, of course not. You were a bird. An exquisitely rare bird that I had sought to catch and clip your wings. But I had also never imagined that you'd be within my reach. And then I caught you- and my plans were all undone. You were too beautiful, I could not clip those perfectly crafted wings. I knew then that I could not keep you. You could on...

BLACK HAWK DRAWN
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February 2, 2017
 

I don't think about you every day.
No.
I think about you every hour, every minute, and, sometimes, every second.
I tell people that they should be wanted as strongly as they want the other.
But, I fear I've reached a level of caring that makes me careless.
Careless with myself.
Because I feel so much.
I want you so bad.
I take what I can get.
Scrounging for scraps,
Scrounging for pieces of you.
Desperate for the hope of cool rain.
Desperate in this drought.
Clutching the threadbare blanket closer.
Clutching it for warmth.
The warmth of you with me.
The warmth of your "care".

But.

You once chose a "her" over me.

Maybe...

...maybe it's time I choose my happiness ov...

WINTER CAPS
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January 15, 2017
 

       #SkylarkChallenge69
   
       My senses returned to me slowly. First, I became aware of the musty scent in the air, with an underlying sickly sweetness. There was an earthy taste filling my mouth, and, if I ground my teeth, I could feel grains of sand. Next, it was the sound, bird calls above me and a gentle scuffling nearby- my mind filled in a small critter searching for his next meal. Outside.
    Finally, sensation spread through my stiff body. It started simply, with pins and needles flooding from the crown of my head down to my very toes. Tears pricked my eyes that would not open and a cry of pain pressed, silently, on my immovable lips. The ground beneath me was uneven and cold...

SKYLARK CHALLENGE
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