I figured it out.
You don't want me to move on.
You want me as the trout.
To be played as a pawn.
Your hook still deep,
Your control still complete.
Me, as a thing you keep.
Me, a part of your fleet.
One tug, and I'm back to the surface.
One nudge, and I'm back to the past.
Floundering and gasping without purchase,
A simple piece to be where you cast.
A fish you pretended to release,
A piece you pretended was the queen.
But I can never find any peace,
Stuck as a cog in the machine.
What I can't get is the why?
What is there to gain?
You don't want what I have to supply-
That's been made clear in my pain.
The butterflies more than flutter-
I scarcely know the words I utter.
You smile so charmingly,
So utterly disarming me.
You close some distance between us
And it doesn't take a genius
To see what's happening
To see the heart you're capturing.
And yet, you, I cannot read.
Is there a sprout, or even a seed
Of the affection that afflicts me?
How I long to know what you see.
Perhaps, indeed, that I am a mess?
Oh, please, think not that I am less!
The goal, for now, is that you see my best,
And that you laugh when I make a jest.
I have been broken for so long
But there's something about the way we get along.
Everything about you makes me grin
Maybe I can let myself feel again?
I may not be over you.
I may not ever be over you.
But, I think that finally-
I may be moving on.
I may be moving on from you.
I love Jane Austen.
Along with all her satire and wit,
She taught me something preposterous.
She taught me to hope against all sanity
That the person I love
Loves me back.
She gave me insipid courage.
Courage to hold on to loving.
Someone that doesn't love me back.
She may not have always been the brightest crayon in the box. But He told Her that She was the loveliest colour.
I fell in love with you.
But, sometimes, I wonder
If I ever knew you at all.
I still feel love for you.
But, the thing is, I know,
I really don't know you at all.
I will always have love for you.
I just with I could learn,
How to forget to love you at all.
You still have a place in my heart,
Even if we've been months apart.
Do you ever think about me?
Wonder what could've been "we"?
I cannot escape these questions,
They roll, nonstop, round my mind.
The thing about intentions,
Sometimes they are left behind.
Other things, too, are circling
In my nonstop, overfill brain.
These doubts I've been hurdling
Finally tripped me like a chain.
See, you never really let me in,
Never really let me get close.
It was much to my chagrin,
I was never the one you chose.
You always held yourself back,
Trapped, in that brilliant mind.
I was always ready to attack,
Always shut out and left behind.
There was just no way
That I could find to your br...
Her eyes kept returning to the familiar-faced boy. She knew he wasn't who he looked like. Still, her heart beat faster at the sight of him and her chest ached, the longing etched into her soul.
She knew he would soon notice the way her gaze was drawn to him- if he hadn't already. She spoke to him and explained. And then she saw him smile- and the air in her lungs turned to ice. It was the same. The curve of the lips, the creases lining the corners of his mouth. In her head, she saw the other boy, the one that was no stranger. The one whose lips she had once had pressed on her own. And in this short time, with such a small show of emotion from a total stranger...
...she was shattered.
I still can't seem to cope,
I find I'm still holding onto hope.
I'm still trying to move on,
Still finding this love long.
I still think of you each day,
Still search for some way
To move you to the past,
Still finding my feelings last.
I still see you when I close my eyes,
Still tell myself the same lies;
That I hate you
That we are through.
But still you spring to mind,
And I find nothing of the kind.
Your name still makes my heart pound
And, I swear, the whole world hears the sound.
I just think you ought to know,
That I still can't let you go.
What do you feel?
Because I do.
And I've only ever felt this for you.
I know I said I was done
And that you'll certainly never come.
But, sometimes, I worry
That some part of me
Is still waiting for you...
... for you to come through.
Why should I still cry over you?
How can you still make me so blue?
What was it that made me fall so deep?
I didn't realize we were playing for keeps.
Shakespeare says 'Love is not Times fool'
A bright red thread on a never-ending spool.
The threaded needle still piercing me through
It stretches the miles between us and attaches me to you.
That falsely coloured string is woven
Though this heart that was broken.
It was supposed to help it heal
But blood still seeps through the seal.
The stitch is exceptionally strong
And far, far too long.
Thing is, it only captures one way-
I was not enough to have some sway.
So I'll continue to pluck and saw
At this thing that conn...
The world swirls around
And I wonder when I'll touch the ground.
Everything is slipping from my grasp,
Beads falling from a broken clasp
Scattering across the stones
Each finding itself alone.
The foreign eyes in the mirror stare
As I search for their long-lost care.
But there are only storms within
Threatening what has once been.
I hear whispers in my ear
They cause me to still with fear,
My whole self frozen
Listening to the sound of the broken.
The mirror is shattered
The beads things that mattered
The whispers are my own
Reminders of things I've always known.
So what was I? A silly fish you thought it would be fun to catch and release? Unable to resist your lure, dragged around by the hook in my mouth. Thrust back into the Sea- confused, with pain screaming through me- just when I had accepted my fate.
No. No, of course not. You were a bird. An exquisitely rare bird that I had sought to catch and clip your wings. But I had also never imagined that you'd be within my reach. And then I caught you- and my plans were all undone. You were too beautiful, I could not clip those perfectly crafted wings. I knew then that I could not keep you. You could on...
I don't think about you every day.
I think about you every hour, every minute, and, sometimes, every second.
I tell people that they should be wanted as strongly as they want the other.
But, I fear I've reached a level of caring that makes me careless.
Careless with myself.
Because I feel so much.
I want you so bad.
I take what I can get.
Scrounging for scraps,
Scrounging for pieces of you.
Desperate for the hope of cool rain.
Desperate in this drought.
Clutching the threadbare blanket closer.
Clutching it for warmth.
The warmth of you with me.
The warmth of your "care".
You once chose a "her" over me.
...maybe it's time I choose my happiness ov...
My senses returned to me slowly. First, I became aware of the musty scent in the air, with an underlying sickly sweetness. There was an earthy taste filling my mouth, and, if I ground my teeth, I could feel grains of sand. Next, it was the sound, bird calls above me and a gentle scuffling nearby- my mind filled in a small critter searching for his next meal. Outside.
Finally, sensation spread through my stiff body. It started simply, with pins and needles flooding from the crown of my head down to my very toes. Tears pricked my eyes that would not open and a cry of pain pressed, silently, on my immovable lips. The ground beneath me was uneven and cold...
Why is it that I always seem to find the wrong people to care about?
Why do I choose to let in those that keep me out?
The stone heart that feels nothing.
The fickle heart that did not want me... enough.
The childish heart holds its impenetrable wall close around itself.
What is it that attracts me to their aloofness?
How do I get the pieces of me back that I gave to them?
In My Head
In my head, I try on that stupid tinsel sweater.
In my head, I grab hold of your hand that I only nearly reached for.
In my head, you love me back- it's okay that you don't. But,
In my head, you do.
In my head, I fall asleep by your side and,
In my head, I open my eyes to see yours in the morning.
In my head, your lips are on mine and I don't have anywhere else to
In my head, we can hold each other and I don't need to go.
In my head, I walk with you, hand-in-hand, across the whole world.
In my head, we can be together.
In my head, I mean the world to you.
In my head,
I'm in yours.
They sat together on the unforgivably hard bench. Their bodies sat so close as to be gently touching, her hands clasping those of her neighbor. They stared out at the ocean as the waves crashed heavily into the rocks below them.
She turned, for a moment, to observe the the profile beside her. The Beauty. This wonderful overachiever that somehow saw something worthy enough in herself to call her friend. The Beautiful girl beside her turned to look at her, and a smile lit her face.
They were separated for months on end by nearly 2,000 miles. But they would stick together, always. Beauty meant the world to her, and neither time nor distance could chan...
Do not fall in love, my friends.
You will not care to see how it ends.
Wait- is it ending?
Or is it merely pending?
You will hate how it feels to be separated,
Just thinking leaves you frustrated.
You will hate how your whole chest aches for them,
A June bud cut from the stem.
You will hate the fear that grips hold
It makes you feel alone, and cold.
You will be lost in an endless sea
Wondering, again and again, 'How can this be?'
I hardly know what to say,
My words got caught with my breath.
Can I ask you to stay?
Not until our death-
Just a little while longer,
Please, stay at my side.
I thought I was growing stronger
But, really, I just went to run and hide.
"Love Waits" stares me in the face
And though it is not about you and I,
I find you can never be replaced.
So, I wait to say goodbye.
I wait to hear from you...
Have you ever been in love?
Have you ever felt that all consuming passion?
The kind that seems sent from above?
The kind that, once lost, turns your world ashen?
Say the word, my dear, and I will be yours.
Say the word, my love, and I will ignore all the naysayers.
Tell me not that you care, I want more,
Tell me you are no longer part of the game- you are a caught player.
I want you to stay with me
For as long as we choose
Now you've been caught, you see,
I want to be your one and only muse.
It's hard to admit, my dear
But, I'm afraid some pretty thing could turn your head.
You may tell me it's an irrational fear,
But, I'll remind you of the last time my heart bled.
She paused for a moment, looking back at their footprints trailing through the glistening snow. An icy breeze blew wisps of her blonde hair across her face. She reached up to brush it back from her cool cheek as she turned back around. Lifting her chin up, she saw his slender form in dark contrast to the lowering sun. He had stopped and was giving her a look that made her want to both cover her face and run from him in embarrassment and run toward him and press her lips to his at the same time.
His eyes spoke of such a deep affection. Behind that, though, she could also distinguish a burning desire, a longing for her. Or... maybe that was simply her ...
Her bare feet slid on the unctuous stones. She managed to catch herself just before her head slammed onto the large boulder beside her. It was dark and, for a moment, an image of her still body with blood pooling around her, her hair clotted with the thick, deep coloured substance rose to the forefront of her mind. 'No.' she told herself, 'Not this time'.
She felt something warm and sticky ooze down her naked legs. So, she hadn't quite managed to completely save herself from harm after all.
Still, she pressed on, unable to keep herself from stumbling in the barely lit space. It was damp and musty, but if she could just make it out, if she could just reach the ...
She is so scared. She is terrified of Him.
She gave Him so much control- She gave Her heart to Him.
The problem is that She had never fully been able to wrench Her heart free from His grasp, and now He had come back.
She finds Herself tumbling, falling into the past. Why did He have to mean so much to Her? How could He be gone for six months and still have so much power over Her? When did She lose Herself so completely? What does He feel for Her?
He sees her fear- He wants to know if He can help?
And even as what She says to Him is 'No', two words spring to Her mind.Two words pulse at the back of Her head. Two, impossible words. Two words that She knows that She shoul...
You sly fox, you came in and swiped my heart.
I have been torn apart
And I can't seem to restart
A single part.
My mood turns tart,
No way to escape this poison-filled dart.
You were too smart,
You got a fresh start.
But I could not depart,
And these words I do impart
As I try and try to jumpstart
My stopped heart.
There's something I need to say
I love you.
Would it be okay?
I love you.
But I need to see you face to face.
I love you.
Can we find a meeting place?
I love you.
I know that I shouldn't
I love you.
But I tried to stop and couldn't.
I love you.
So I just need you to know.
I love you.
Before I can let you go.
I love you.
But I need to do this in person
I love you.
Before I start cursin'.
I love you.
I've been waiting.
I love you.
Too scared of instigating.
I love you.
But you never came, you see.
I love you.
But you never came for me.
I Love You.
Ah, yes. Now I understand it.
A fox, a thief, a bandit.
You took something very precious
And left me rather breathless.
You set your sights on me
I was the prey stuck in the tree.
Your piercing eyes watched me falter
Your hungry gaze saw me altered.
I got lost in the pretty words you breathed
Never realizing I was being deceived.
You carried me off in your powerful jaws
What came next I never foresaw.
I had gone without a struggle
Your pernicious intent ever so subtle.
Until you ripped into my flesh
Just the thought starts my pain afresh
And then the way you left-
Of you I have been utterly bereft.
Even now, I find myself seeing Red
My anger and love still being fed.
Did you n...