|All I need is to express is words .... learning the magic with Coffee 😄|
It’s a feeling everyone is judging me, I can’t connect I can’t fit in I can’t be accommodated,
I’m different. I don’t know myself. It’s like it’s like I’ve lost my identity to the abyss of this judgemental world.
Is it in my head or it’s true, I can’t tell anymore. It’s taking control over me, my mind is my worst enemy, it’s like it has a mind of my own.
Chaos is becoming my best friend.
- Dhawal J
And then I felt nothing,
The time we’ve spent, the nights we shared.
The feelings we expressed and the vows we took.
It’s all faded, it’s all gone. Can’t believe ... again ... it’s time to move on,
You find warmth in strangers arms, and I pretend to enjoy the cold touch of your arms.
And I can’t believe it’s time to move on ....
And I wish this was a rant,
I wish this was an insincere talk,
You make me insecure,
You make me vulnerable,
You make me wish you weren’t here,
You make me die for you .....
And yet I wish it were true this was a rant ....
and this was insincere talk ....
- Dhawal j
Peace is forged by battles, bloodshed, war, deception yet its peace ...
So is the paradox of life ....
- Dhawal J
Everyday seemed longer than the day before, yet time was slipping away as she sat there waiting .....
.... hopelessly, staring at his lifeless body, machines beeping around him, heaving for breath with the oxygen hissing through the mask,
All she wanted now was him to open his eyes for a moment stare into hers, so she could tell him ....
Pain demands to be felt
- Imperial Affliction
I never wanted to have a life with you,
I wanted be with you till death and beyond ...
- dhawal j
And I was giving up, feeling lost, adrift, forgotten, with no hope,
And like a phoenix’s tears you healed me, made me a believer,
I’m a neophyte to all this but I guess it’s true,
I’m immensely, impeccable, irrevocably, incorruptibly in love with you and all I hope is ....
It’s all true for you !!!
- dhawal j
Yes my loved ones, my so called friends,
I’m going to justify all my mistakes ....
There will be a verdict of right and wrong,
to me and not you.
I emancipate myself from your bonds.
- dhawal j
No the wounds haven’t healed,
But here I am once again,
A bare soul and handing you a sword.
- dhawal j
Yes today is the day, it all begins and lot ends.
Yes today is the day when I wake up to a new reality, I shun my past inhibitions.
Yes today is the day, I stand tall even if the sky is falling down.
Today is the day I take charge of me, I don’t let my mind be my enemy.
Yes today is the day I wake up as a new person, I direct myself to my goals.
Today is the day I will be free.
So he opened What's app again. He was checking her picture he was thinking of the memories, the time they spent together.
She was looking the same way he had dreamt time and again, wearing a red lehanga, a delicate golden necklace, a nose ring.
She looked so gorgeous, hardly able to contain her smile.
He wished he could see her this way all his life ....
He wanted to tell her she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met,
So he did, the blue ticks made him skip a beat ... but then a few moments later .....
There were no ticks, there was no picture ...
He realised me made the last memory with her just like the first one .... by telling her "she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met"...
Kuch keh jate hay ye ... bina awaz ke,
Dil ko chu jate hay ye ... bina pass aye,
Madhosh kar dete hay ye ... bina pilaye,
Kabhe dard chupa lete hay ..... jo koe samzh na paye,
Gehraiya hay inme itne .... ke in mey koe bhe doob jaye,
Par doobne par bhe inme use ek maza a jaye,
Dekhte hay jab mey mere taraf,
Rooh khil jate hay mere,
Jhuke jab ye haya se,
Mausam badal dete hay mere duniya ka .....
Tareef to inke lafzon mey nahe kar sakte,
Hum jeete jee kaynat bhe nahe dekh sakte,
Nahe hay humne ghum kisi ka agar ye hume apna le Pyar se ....
Aakhein ... tere ye aakhein
And it's happening again,
I'm falling into an Abyss so deep, so dark even the devil won't survive there,
I'm thinking, wondering, the reason for my fall,
but it's so dark in here I can't think, can't move, I'm tied in shackles and send to the Abyss,
it's doom, it's the end, every happy memory has gone blank,
can't open my mouth, can't wink,
Not breathing yet I'm not dying .... just feeling, the lack of air and urge to bat my eyelashes,
I have given up, yet I can't give up ...
I'm not dead nor alive, just fallen suspended in between no where ....
suddenly I'm alive ..... the dream is over,
it was horrific but so real,
I go to the washroom freshen up,
shout your name and realise you a...
Sitting on the back seat,
the wind was running through her hair,
there was sparkle in her eyes,
she wanted the night to be memorable,
she wanted to do everything she abstained from,
it had been a long year for her ... hate-words, fights, quarrels,
and now here she was ready to quit her past and start a-new,
she deserved a happiness, joy, someone's loving arms around her ....
She wanted a family, a friend, kids and a satisfied life,
She had suffered enough yet she didn't blame,
She saw me right in the eye ... the demon she tried to love,
A rush of emotions rolled down my spine ... tears welling down the eyes,
She was a strong woman, her beauty exceeded her strength to encounter life,
I did not become perfect,
Neither I'm close to it,
I just learnt to dance in the rain,
Go on a random drive,
Let go someone ... and be happy about it,
I learnt to live each day as it is,
Faced my fears, not ashamed of drowning in tears,
Faced my demons inside .... saw some of them on the outside,
Lived, Laughed, Loved, Learnt, Cried, Made mistakes, Aplogized ...
but I'm not nearing perfection,
I'm adding more imperfections ...
I have just broken my cocoon ... the flight is yet to come ....
And suddenly I'm feeling alive. Im getting impatient, I can't wait for hours my count down is in seconds.
I shy away, feel like a kid.
Can't find anyone more b'ful then her, take it slow I tell myself ... but my voice falls on my deaf ears, I can't wait to express neither I can express.
It might be a turmoil, a mess or it can be serenity but right now its a sweet disposition.
I feel resurrected, when she holds my hand and rolls her thumb over mine.
I wait for her perfectly straight hair to fall off the perfect tuck she manages behind her ears, so I can tuck them back.
I want to tell her she is the definition of beauty, innocence, admiration for me.
Paradox of hope ... something which gives you a vision a way ahead a reason to live or rather absence of it gives you peace, provides acceptance and gives penance.
Hope we don't hope, if they dont work then we are hopeless but once we are hopeless we are at peace .... there is nothing to hurt us anymore.