|In this world of betrayals, searching for that forever kind of person..!!|
उस एक शहर ने मुझसे बहुत कुछ छीना है,
आज मुझसे मेरा इश्क़ भी छीन लिया।
The person I love or care about eventually leaves me.. yes this is the harsh reality.. things are not going well.. actually nothing is in place.. and as I have grown into the habit of sleepless nights I have started relying on tabs though I know it's not good.. but I can't bear when my eyes want to sleep but my senses don't let me to.. I don't know what am I doing with myself.. may be I have grown so weak that I am not able to bear the things going on around me..
Since I know everyone will eventually leave me this thought kills me each and every second of my life.. I have started fearing darkness I cannot sleep with the lights off . I feel restless when I don't find someone beside for moment...
Hey buddies today I just want to share a wierd experience which I had many times in the past but I never thought about it so much until some days before someone told me. I was sleeping with my aunt and cousins during the wedding.. next day she told me I woke up many times in between and started screaming for my mom.. I have also experienced this before at my home many times when I used to just woke up in the middle of the night.. then I realized it was a kind of phobia.. but I couldn't find the exact term for it.. it is something like I am trapped in a room in the dark and there is probably no end to this darkness and I may not find the walls as I couldn't see them.. I find myself alone and f...
Aj 20 saal baad apne gaon k us ghar gai jahan kabhi kai log raha karte the magar ab viraan hai.. jahan mene apne bachpan k un anmol palon ko jia hai.. un to mujhe kuch yaad nahi magar us aangan ko dekh apna bachpan ji ayi me.. wahan hasti kudti badmaasi karti moti si.. khudko khelte paya.. chacha ji, dada ji ki goad me baithti, khelti.. yun laga mano me badi hui hi nahi..
Isse anmol tohfa apne janamdin me or kuch nahi ho sakta..!!
Saw you after 6 months.. but you know what it felt like you were never away.. missing you is the toughest part but the love is worth the longing..
That hug after months which speaks of the sense of completeness and care is worth the distance we share.. Happy 39 months of togetherness.. it's only coz of you that we have came such a long way and yet to go far.. just keep loving me the way you do..
Kuch gunaahon ki maafi nahi hoti... Mehboob ki bewafai to phir bhi bhulai ja sakti hai lekin ek dost jab dagga deta hai hum ta umra use maaf nahi kar paate.. beshak apni zindagi me aage badh jate hai lekin wo zakhm hmesa yaad rhte hai..
Kabhi kabhi esa kyu hota hai k hum chah kr bhi bata nahi paate itni kosison k baad bhi wo lafz zubaan se niklte hi nahi jisme hum saamne wale ko samjha sake or bata sake apne dil ka haal.. kyu bas khamoshi si chaa jati hai.. or phir btane ka man nahi karta kisiko kuch.. khud me hi gum se ho jate hai.. sayad ek kaaran ye bhi hai k saamne sunne wala koi hota hi nahi ya phir jo hai uske paas itna waqt hi nahi k wo hamari baatein sun sake..
Wo jo kho jana hota hai bas wahin hu mein..!!
Let the night fall
And the moon will rise
Let the days be silly
And the nights be wise..
It's been a while since we broke up.. and that night after that when he was drunk and I called him up.. why.. I had no clue.. but atleast he was able to say everything.. he finally wished for me not to come back.. that moment I realised to what extent that relationship was broken.. we didn't respect each other.. it was not the way he used to talk.. actually he never talked in that way.. may be that moment I realised It was over forever now..!!
Sach kahein.. aj baht yaad aa rahi h tumhari.. jee chahta h k dor k tumhare pass aa jayein or kas k pakad lein tumko par wo kya hai na baht dur ho tum humse. Jante hai bahut mohobbat krte ho or haalat or waqt ne ese mod par laa kr rakh dia hai jahan se na tum wapas laut sakte ho na hum.. par phir bhi kahin mil jaoge tum esi umeed krne ko dil chahta h.. par phir khudgarzi chor kar ye dua kr lete hai k hum kabhi na mile tumse or tum khus raho jiske bhi sath raho.. aasan nai hai kyunki tumhare na hone k khayal se hi aankhe num ho jati hai or tumhe kho dia hai esa ab tak is dil ko bataya nai hai humne.. kya karein.. kuch samajh nai ata.. mohobbat karte hai aj bhi.. beintehaa karte hai..
माना के अब डर नही लगता तुझे खोने से
मगर फिर भी नजाने क्यों सहम जाती हु तेरे न होने से।
तेरी नामौजूदगी अब कुछ इस तरह मुझे खलती है की
तेरी यादों से लिपटी हुई मेरी हर शाम ढलती है।
आज भी वो वक़्त थम सा जाता है जब
तेरी बहो में लिपटी हुई उसका खयाल मुझे आता है।
हाँ तेरी बेवफाई के उस लम्हे को जिया है मेने
खामोशी से अपने दिल के हर टुकड़े को सिया है मेने।
फिर भी तुझसे और सिर्फ तुझसे मोहोब्बत की
तुझे अपनी खुसी अदा कर तेरा दर्द लिया है मेने।
Have you ever imagined to meet your best friend after 15 long years.. Like that person whose face you don't remember perfectly but there is a faded blur image at the back of your mind and you find each other after decades.. And then both of you get back to those childhood school days and can't stop your tears and smiles..
Well I think I am lucky enough to get you back after such a long period of time.. All I wanna say is that I missed you.. really.. I won't say daily but yes I tried to find you in all the possible ways and I am glad that I got u back.. And I am even more glad that you remember me the same way I do..
ना ख्वाहिस है पास रहने की और न तुमसे दूर जाने की,
अब तो बस तलाश है एक मुक्कमल आशियाने की।
She smiled and felt so happy. But deep down she knew at some point this would all change. Nothing ever stays the same after all. Her fear became reality when she went through those conversations that gave her the sniff of betrayal which she was ignorant of. She was already replaced by someone in his life just the ceremony of heart-break was left to be celebrated..!!
A rainy day.. water droplets being poured out of the sky seems to be pious diamonds whose radiance got stucked in her eyes and they glittered as the moment freezed.. those water droplets while falling in sync create a melodious song for her ears to listen and heart to feel that they have been singing. With that black cup of coffee engraved a red heart which ended just below her lips and coffee being poured down her throat. Her eyes lost in that book where she just noticed his name and a smile engulfed her face.
So you been dreaming about him again??
Hey diary hi...
I am missing bro like hell.. you know how much he mean to me and that now he too has gone I feel incomplete.. I want to fight with him on those silly topics each and every day.. All I had was he to share about everything. This will be the first time when I won't be celebrating rakhi, coz for whom will I celebrate it. Anyways life been a freaking blood thirsty vampire but still we gotta keep moving... Now all I am doing is focusing on my goals.. but everyday I miss him.
Days are not that great but I am trying to be motivated as much I can coz I know what does giving up at this point of time mean. But you know sometimes it's too difficult to do that. The thoughts just haunt visciously but I try to calm my demons.
As you know after giving a lot to the people who didn't deserve it I understood that nobody is going to be there forever, so I don't feel like wasting my time on anybody now. I have given a lot of time to the wrong people and therefore wasted piece of life on them..
Anyways I am very sleepy gotta go.. good night..
Aj phir apne sapno ko tut k bikharte dekha.. phir ek bar usi kashmakash me dub gai zindagi.. kya chor kar aage badh jaun? Ya phir ek bar phir in tukron ko samet lu or jodne ki kosish karu? Kai sawal hai jehen me or jawab ek bhi nahi..
Hey babe hi..
Today it was not a great day.. I got that terrible sprain and can't explain that pain, couldn't move my leg for few minutes.. it's not completely alright yet.
You know sometimes everything is in such a chaos that my head burst out. Just want to leave everything.. A lot of thoughts and options and couldn't choose one. I feel like if I choose one I will loose something and the same is the case with other. So I am in terrible confusion.
As you know I am in the terrible habit of not speaking out things now and prefer being quiet. Like I don't feel like wasting my energy on explaining things to people.
Have become more of introvert again.
The past couple of days I have been thi...
Hey babe hi..
So Mom and Dad is back home and life is back on track.. atleast I am not starving now.. well I had a very tiring day today. Saw Soorma yesterday.. I liked it.. Diljeet was just awesome..
In the evening I was just having my tea and chilling out when thoughts were rushing my mind.. sometimes I feel so glad when I find myself surrounded with such people who are always inspiring and supporting. But then again there comes the thoughts of people who can make fun of others so easily without giving a second thought about it.
But it fades away as fast as it arrives coz they are not worth giving a thought.
Anyways again got a bad news but all we gotta do is be strong and keep going.. ...
Hey sweety hi..
Sorry I couldn't not write to you.. you know it's july and the hectic schedule.. I will be relived a bit after mom dad comes back.. one more week to go.. I miss dad.. I keep on shouting at him but he is as always calm and caring .. I love him the most.. and of course mom too..
Well I didn't go to office today.. was not feeling good.. and my head feels like I am in hangover.. No I haven't drunk after sunday I promise.. may be its due to stress..
Anyways its been raining cats and dogs for the past couple of days and yes I love rain but not when it destroys your plans.. I am feeling hungry gotta go.. bbye..!!
Hey sweety good morning..
So today is sunday and the office is off today but a lot of chores to do. Forgot to turn off the AC last night so caught cold but it's not that severe so will be fine. So 10 days are left for mom and dad to come, then finally I will b relieved and it's been raining almost daily, love it..
Going out for a party today but right now I am hungry as hell.. will prepare breakfast now. Babye.
Hey diary good morning
It has been a lazy day today.. sometimes you don't feel like waking up doing the regular chores and then rush to the office.. sometimes you feel like letting the moment pass sitting in the balcony with a cup of coffee in your hand and soothing wind playing with your hairs while you get lost in your thoughts.. but then realize you are getting late and again the hassle starts..
I too have to rush.. make breakfast and other chores.. Well I forgot to tell you I have started yoga, hope it works..
Hey diary good morning..
The past two days were very tiring as I was working for the specially abled children's program and it went very well.. they were all so happy and it made me feel so glad and satisfied with that smile on their faces.. Yah missing mom and dad.. as you know I am terrible in cooking half of the time I am starving myself so miss mom the most then.. Anyways met an old school friend in the event and it was awesome school memories flashed upon and I wished I could be a child once again..
Yes I was frustrated for the past couple of days coz they have again found a guy and want me to get married, but of course I am not doing that.. but it creates a mess in the head and you g...
I tried leaving this app but it's not just an app it's just like my diary..
So he came.. yes all the way from Delhi just for me. Why?? Because he didn't want to loose me and no matter how many times I deny I can be angry at him but ultimately can't live without him.. yes I was upset but still loved him the most and I know nobody can occupy this space in my heart other than him.. He has barred me for more than two and half years now where we had fought like hell and loved like heaven.. he taught we how to trust, he taught me how to never give up on something you want for the rest of your life.
I was nostalgic the moment I met him after months.. but felt as if he was never away. He held my ha...
Hey everyone on this app..
It has been a great experience since I joined it and I met many people who gave me a lot to remember and a lot to learn. It was a great journey, many ups and downs but altogether it was awesome.
Today I am finally leaving you guys coz I won't write anymore. I am leaving in search of new journey and experiences.
Thank you everyone you all were great.
Love you all.
It's been 18 month today and I don't know how I would have survived without you.. You were looking cute as always and the way you look at me makes me feel on the top of the world..
His grandmom is in the hospital, I went to see her unaware that his mom too was there, bit nervous for a second when he introduced both of us but she is friendly I liked her. I don't know what's her opinion about me, she liked me or not.. spent sometime later with him, I hope everything goes well..