|I write what I feel. I write whatever comes to my mind.|
How many times do you have to lie?
And so many times you somehow made me believed you again and again.
Shame on you for such a big liar.
But shame on me for swallowing up your lies.
Hook, line and sinker.
How many times can you break my heart for the same thing, over and over again?
Did I make it easy for you?
Too easy, to just walk right in and out of my life?
I know my guard is currently a little too high.
It's because I have not forgotten what happened.
I still remember the reason why it went up in the first place.
“You are so brave and quiet
I forget you are suffering.”
- Ernest Hemingway
Is it possible to feel everything?
And feel nothing, at the same time?
Because I do.
Even though my body isn't tired
My soul is.
Let me rest
Is it too late to run away from you?
Or is it too soon to tear us apart?
Which one of us is setting me free?
I thought you were my saving grace
But you were my ugly disgrace
My beautiful disaster.
You were my devil in disguise
And I fell
To your never ending chaos.
Well you look like yourself
But you’re somebody else
Only it ain’t on the surface
Well you talk like yourself
No, I hear someone else though
Now you’re making me nervous
You were the better part
Of every bit of beating heart that I had
Whatever I had
-- You're Somebody Else, Flora Cash
But I am just a lost soul
Not wanting to be found
But waiting to be saved.
And I will be forever in pain
For I have lost my self
Ever since the night betrayed itself.
A Self Reminder:
Not everyone around you is a friend.
Know who is on your side and will defend you in your absence because only a few people actually cares.
Be careful who you vent to.
As they say, "even the devil was once an angel."
"Nobody will protect you from your suffering.
You can’t cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away.
It’s just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it.
You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal.”
~Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things; Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar