|Mother, wife, gamer. Anxiety/social anxiety/depression/chronic pain/migraine sufferer PS4: drakon_805|
The hot summer sun is shining.
I watch the day through my window.
I think about going outside.
I am comfortable inside.
I find peace in the beauty of the day.
I enjoy the quiet and warmth.
My heart feels light.
My head feels calm.
True beauty belongs to nature.
It is the purest form.
Love the day and enjoy the peace.
The fog that hangs over me blinds me.
I don't see anything good.
I only see the bad, the pain and hurt.
My days are filled with doubts.
I doubt myself and my worth.
I lost more than a husband.
I lost myself, my life, my world.
I lost my home.
Everything is slowly disappearing.
My marriages were never the real deal.
I have lost respect for marriage.
I have lost faith in love.
I have given up on happiness.
I am all I have left.
My time in this life is winding down fast.
There is nothing left for me.
I am ready for the end.
Tearing down the walls we built
Mending my heart
Exposing the raw insides
The disgusting part of you
You took from me
I am taking from you
The life we had
The memories of better days
My only hope is one day I will see
See who you really are
Nature never disappoints me
Nature is my church
My place to heal
You can never take that from me
Passionate kisses, you bite my lower lip.
Undressing me, tongues entwined.
Holding me down, one hand around my neck.
Biting my ear, you whisper, I want you.
Forcing my legs open, fingers so rough inside.
Teeth marks on my breast.
You whisper, mine.
You force yourself inside.
Staring into each others eyes, moaning.
You say, yeah baby that's it.
Thrusting harder into me.
You whisper, yeah baby just like that.
Faster, harder, deeper.
Passionately gazing into each others eyes.
We moan in ecstasy as you collapse onto me.
Sweating and breathless.
You whisper again, mine.
They were sitting around the fire together. Julie was telling one scary story after the other. Yet nobody was scared. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. Until they heard a loud creaking sound behind them. As they all turned around they could see two glowing orbs peering out from behind the trees.
A sudden rush of fear struck them as they stared into the darkness. A loud groan echoed around them. The group began to panic, Julie screamed as she stood to run.
Suddenly, the ground began to shake violently. The entire group was thrown to the ground. The sky was completely black and fog rolled on quickly. The fire that they had been sitting around extinguish...
The rain is falling, the cats are sleeping and cars go by.
I am sitting in bed waiting for breakfast to be delivered, more like brunch.
All i really want is to curl up in bed next to him, watch The Goonies and listen to the rain.
I know he will be home soon, but it feels like an eternity.
The time we spend apart eaves me feeling empty and lost.
The time we spend together makes me feel alive and loved.
I can't wait for him to get home. To feel his arms around me and his kiss on my lips.
Through lack of sleep and early mornings we have been so cranky.
Through the anger, hunger and tiredness things have been crazy.
Somehow, we pull it together and get through it all.
I can't wait for you to get home from work. Take a nap and maybe play a game together.
Come home soon.
A movement to help house 1000 homeless women in Los Angeles, California by August 2018.
SheDoes deserve shelter.
SheDoes deserve better.
SheDoes not deserve to die on the streets.
SheDoes have a right to feel safe.
SheDoes not deserve to be raped, beaten or trafficked.
SheDoes deserve love.
Love comes in all shapes and sizes.
Love is all colors.
Love is something to share.
Love is what life is about.
Love is what builds us up.
Love is what tears us down.
Love is in all living, breathing beings.
Love is what we are.
Love is what we do.
Love is for everyone and everything.
Love is beautiful.
Love is ugly.
Love ties us together.
Love separates us.
Love is what we need more of.
Today I woke up and all I could think of was you. I miss you when you aren't here. My favorite days are the ones we can wake up together. I love the days when we have time to drink coffee and talk.
I love you for so many reasons. You are always there when I need you. Always a phone call away. When you call me in the middle of the day just to see how I am doing it melts my heart. I can't wait for you to get home.
We laugh and joke about how much we spend time together. We always laugh when we are in sync. When we say the same thing at the same time. Even when we do something at the same time and exchange looks like really.
We always have fun together. It may not always be e...
I went shopping with my mom yesterday. After we checked out and was bagging our groceries the person behind us realized one of my mom's items got missed. The cashier told her she would take it off and the lady told her no it's ok I will pay for it.
My mom smiled and thanked her. She also told her she will remember to pay it forward.
I woke up as you were leaving.
I couldn't go back to sleep.
I have to be up soon anyway.
My parents will be ready for the drive we are taking today.
It is too early for me but some coffee will help.
I know what time you are off today and I am hoping we get back before then.
I can't wait to get back home to you.
It is a come home and cuddle kind of day.
The type of day that is just beginning but you already know it is going to be rough.
Time goes by slowly at first and then you realize how late it is.
All you want to do is get back in bed.
I will have you to help me forget the day when I get back.
You will make it all better, you always do.
Husband: Why is it so hot in here?
Me: I am cold!
Husband: It isn't cold...
Me: I said I am cold.
Husband: Is that heater on?
Husband: Turn that damn thing off!
Me: No I'm cold!
Husband: This is why I can never sleep!
Me: That's not why you can't sleep.
Husband: I don't care, turn it off.
Husband: Then I'm opening the window.
Husband: It's cold in here turn the heater up.
Our journey began with two broken people.
The roads we have gone down were rough and unsteady.
We made it through together.
We still have a long road ahead.
We have traveled a million miles without going anywhere.
That never stopped us from trying.
We are finally on the road to victory.
Together we can make our dreams come true.
My gamer best friend,
The first time you tried to talk to me in game I told you to leave me alone. You had been trolling some trolls but all I saw was you being a total douche. You sent another tell and I ignored it. For a week you tried to talk to me and I continued to ignore it. Finally, the game allowed us to block people and I blocked you. For two weeks I didn't have to see your tells.
After two weeks I removed the block and as soon as I did I got another tell from you. It was then I gave in and started talking to you. We ran some quests and you helped me with supplies for my trades. What started as a once or twice a day game play turned into a three day straight instance run. No sleep...
Tonight you held me close.
You whispered sweet words in my ear.
Just us together.
Two people lost in love.
Your lips on mine.
Your hand in mine.
We are one.
The time we have been able to spend together has been amazing. Even though you are working six days a week and taking all of the over time you can. I have enjoyed the little time we get.
Our talks of the future and plans when everything comes together. Talks about your job and the people who work there. I find it funny that you have me text people for you and they laugh when I sign it "the secretary".
I know you woke up late the other day. I didn't care because I got to wake up next to you. Your boss didn't care either. You keep proving yourself to them every day. You keep moving up the ladder slowly.
What you thought was a small dead end job that was a placeholder until som...
Her screams echo in the night.
The sound of furniture breaking.
His voice raised in anger.
Her cries and screams become more frequent.
Day and night the sounds of arguing.
He waits until it is dark to throw out the furniture.
Most of the fights end with her leaving.
She always comes back.
We call the cops, nothing they can do.
No bruises, scratches or marks.
It continues on and on.
A cycle unbroken.
It was nice not waking up too early when you leave for work. Today you have a meeting out of town. We don't know when you will be home. For now, I am sitting here drinking my coffee and writing this letter.
It was nice to feel your body next to mine when the sun hit my fave and woke me. You are off tomorrow and we can spend a little time together. Before we get that time we have to take 14 pizzas to the school. It is lunch with your kid and we feed a lot of kids.
Tomorrow we can relax and take a little break from the world. We can focus on us. We get time together, those few hours after work before you fall asleep. You work six days a week. On your day off work still calls ...
Leaving my house is excruciating.
My anxiety makes it hard to breathe.
I have panic attacks.
Walking to my mom's house three doors down is hard.
If someone talks to me while I'm walking to my mom's it is terrifying.
My brain freezes up.
It's like they are speaking another language.
I find little comfort outside of my home.
It is easier when I am with my husband or daughter.
My "service humans" as I call them.
I find a lot of comfort at home.
The only thing that gets me through the day is playing video games.
I feel relaxed and it takes me away from my painful life.
Just for a moment I feel alive and able.
I play games to ease my pain and anxiety.
I am happier when I get back into my life afte...
She wakes to find herself in a dark room. The moonlight through the window casting shadows on the wall. Her heart begins to race, her mind searching for clues. She wonders how she got here. The last thing she remembers was getting home from work.
She sits up and moves to the edge of the bed. A cold breeze flows around her body. A chill goes up her spine. She tries to shake it off and puts her bare feet on the icy cold floor. She realizes at that moment she is only wearing a shear night gown. It is nothing she would ever own or even wear by choice.
She moves slowly across the floor searching for an exit. Feeling around the walls in the pale moonlight only to find she is trapped. Panic sets...
I love you.
I hate you.
I trust you.
I don't trust you.
I need you.
I don't need you.
You are the best.
You are the worst.
You make me happy.
You hurt me.
I gave you my heart.
You broke my heart.
You say you love me.
You tell me to leave.
I want peace.
You want war.
It is 4 am, the new design has yet to be made.
You promised it would be ready before the sun can cast a glimmer of shade.
Your mind has been blank for hours.
Too tired to think straight, you are losing will power.
The stress has started taking it's toll.
You stare at the screen, trying to stay awake, wanting to climb into a deep dark hole.
Resting your head, the screen is taunting you.
No new ideas for the design, the deadline soon due.
Just endless thoughts of disappointed faces.
Your mind is exhausted, your still heart races.
Time ticks away, you know you are beat.
Ready to cry, to give up and admit defeat.
It is one of those days when you wake up and the universe tells you to stay in bed.
Of course you don't listen and get up anyway.
Especially after a sleepless night.
Pass out at 2 am.
Get woken up at 3 am.
Get back to sleep at 4 am.
Woken up again at 5 am.
Go back to sleep at 6am.
Woken up at 7am.
Back to sleep at 9 am,.
Woken up at 10 am.
That was just my night.
My day is worse.
The windows and door wide open, it is chilly.
No ground coffee ready.
People calling and texting, can't ignore the important ones.
Email is non-stop.
My adult daughter coming over every half hour.
Even my cat is screaming at me to get back in bed.
In a life of ups and downs, mostly downs, you learn to adapt.
When life was at it's worst I took on a challenge.
The challenge was simple, go back to my roots.
When I was a child things were simple.
With the technology and convenience of machinery it is easy to forget how things used to be.
When times got tough I went back to simple.
Hand washing clothes and hanging them to dry, instead of heading to the laundromat and spending more money than necessary.
I started using baking and vinegar on the shower.
I stopped purchasing propane for cooking, it was cheaper to buy canned heat or BBQ.
I cut costs and sacrifice a lot, it is worth it to me.
It was easy to adapt a basic way of living.
I grew up...
My greatest pain, where do I start. It all ties in together really. When I was in my late 20s I was injured at work. For a year my condition went misdiagnosed. What the doctors thought was just a pulled muscle was really much more.
For a year I could barely move. I could barely breathe without pain. For a year I dealt with a torn disk. Months after I learned that I had actually torn a disk I was in a car accident. I developed sciatica on top of the torn disk.
Years of treatments, pills, pills and more pills. Nothing helped, nothing helps. I gave up treatment and deal with chronic pain every day. The back and sciatica pain causes migraines.
My pain is so severe at times I cannot get out of...
My story #4
My family drinks a lot of bottled water. The tap water is nasty, it has lead and rust. We use bottled water for cooking too.
We would recycle the bottles and cans when I was driving. We no longer have a car and I only drive if my mother needs me to. We no longer recycle our bottles and cans. Instead we save them and give them to people who could really use them.
My husband is an assistant manager for a small business. He deals with customers daily. He used to work the night shift and that is where he met some of the homeless people. We are on a fisrt name basis with most of them now. When he was working at night they would come in for coffee. Instead of charging a dollar someth...
In bed next to you, the cool breeze flowing through the open window.
You are in a deep sleep, I am wide awake.
The sound of your breath is soothing.
For the first time in weeks I have a clear mind.
All I can think about is you and all of the memories we have made together.
With each cool touch of the night air on my skin another memory emerges.
When I finally fall asleep i hope to dream.
I want to dream a long vivid dream of you, of us.
Sleep well my love, I shall join in the slumber soon.