|Mother, wife, gamer. Anxiety/social anxiety/depression/chronic pain/migraine sufferer PS4: drakon_805|
In a life of ups and downs, mostly downs, you learn to adapt.
When life was at it's worst I took on a challenge.
The challenge was simple, go back to my roots.
When I was a child things were simple.
With the technology and convenience of machinery it is easy to forget how things used to be.
When times got tough I went back to simple.
Hand washing clothes and hanging them to dry, instead of heading to the laundromat and spending more money than necessary.
I started using baking and vinegar on the shower.
I stopped purchasing propane for cooking, it was cheaper to buy canned heat or BBQ.
I cut costs and sacrifice a lot, it is worth it to me.
It was easy to adapt a basic way of living.
I grew up...
My greatest pain, where do I start. It all ties in together really. When I was in my late 20s I was injured at work. For a year my condition went misdiagnosed. What the doctors thought was just a pulled muscle was really much more.
For a year I could barely move. I could barely breathe without pain. For a year I dealt with a torn disk. Months after I learned that I had actually torn a disk I was in a car accident. I developed sciatica on top of the torn disk.
Years of treatments, pills, pills and more pills. Nothing helped, nothing helps. I gave up treatment and deal with chronic pain every day. The back and sciatica pain causes migraines.
My pain is so severe at times I cannot get out of...
My story #4
My family drinks a lot of bottled water. The tap water is nasty, it has lead and rust. We use bottled water for cooking too.
We would recycle the bottles and cans when I was driving. We no longer have a car and I only drive if my mother needs me to. We no longer recycle our bottles and cans. Instead we save them and give them to people who could really use them.
My husband is an assistant manager for a small business. He deals with customers daily. He used to work the night shift and that is where he met some of the homeless people. We are on a fisrt name basis with most of them now. When he was working at night they would come in for coffee. Instead of charging a dollar someth...
In bed next to you, the cool breeze flowing through the open window.
You are in a deep sleep, I am wide awake.
The sound of your breath is soothing.
For the first time in weeks I have a clear mind.
All I can think about is you and all of the memories we have made together.
With each cool touch of the night air on my skin another memory emerges.
When I finally fall asleep i hope to dream.
I want to dream a long vivid dream of you, of us.
Sleep well my love, I shall join in the slumber soon.
I woke up just as you were leaving.
You came over, hugged and kissed me.
I know you didn't want to go.
I know if you had the choice you would have stayed in bed with me.
But you left for work this morning.
I was trying to sleep in a little bit to help this migraine go away.
I was awoken by the sound of the neighbors screaming, again.
I never even heard him yelling it was just her screaming.
Not too long after I had woken up you called me from work.
You shared your good news with me which made me feel a little better.
I'm sitting in bed hoping this headache goes away eventually.
I can't wait to see you when you get home.
Until then I'll be sitting here missing you.
My story #3
One evening my husband, oldest daughter and I decided to take a late night walk and get dinner. We were on our way to a restaurant but we had to walk through a few parking lots to get there.
I was walking behind them, I am a slow walker because of my back. I was trying to catch my husband's attention but he could not hear me. He had just stepped on a $10 bill. I got to it and struggled to pick it up, my back issue. For some reason he turned around just in time to see me stand up. I showed him what I found. He told me that was a good thing, we were about to be short on cash. I looked at the money and said no this is not for me to use. This is a gift to give away.
Two weeks late...
You knew what my body wanted.
What I was craving the most.
I knew what was coming when our tongues met.
When your hands caressed my body.
You pulled my hair back and bit my neck.
You pinned me down, taking what is yours.
The screams in the night filling the darkness.
You held my wrists so tight.
The motion of your body over mine.
I begged for more.
Cries in the night.
Our bodies united in passion.
Everything is falling into place.
I feel like things are falling apart.
Good things are happening.
I feel like I am not meant to be happy.
So many things to celebrate.
I am stuck in a place were there is nothing but worry.
The future is bright.
I am still living in the past.
Time is moving forward.
I am at a stand still.
My story #2
Our summers can get extremely hot. It gets a little cooler towards the evening. This makes it the perfect time to take a walk. My husband, youngest daughter and I decided it would be a good idea to go to the pharmacy up the street. We went to get a couple of cool drinks and some snacks.
We spent a good 45 minutes inside of the air conditioned store before we paid and left. As we were walking outside I was trying to put a bag in my backpack and talking to my husband. My daughter asked me if I had any money. I had a little and questioned her about what she wanted money for. She pointed to a couple at the end of the parking lot. She said they looked like they could use some help. I...
Every day has been hell for the last two weeks.
I try to take care of my household duties.
I find myself in bed all day silently screaming.
My head is throbbing, I am sick to my stomach and all I want to do is cry.
Medications stopped working.
No one cares that this migraine is killing me.
They only care that nothing is getting done.
Sleep is a dream that is yet to come true.
I know tomorrow will only bring more pain.
I will stay in bed until this nightmare ends.
My story #1
There are people that like to judge me and tell me how to live my life. People who are so self absorbed they have no clue what I have been through over the years. These people could care less about my past. I get a lot of negativity when it comes to helping others. I try to teach my children that sometimes people need a little help. It could be money, food or just someone to listen.
There was a time when my husband and I were struggling. He was out of work but looking every day and applying everywhere he could. It was rough.
One morning we decided to get coffee at our favorite diner. We were talking and making a game plan for the day. We noticed a couple walk in and sit at th...
You don't know this now but things are about to change. This change is going to try to break you. Things will be said that will hurt. Things will be done that will hurt more. Just stay strong. You will get through it.
When realize the way he treats you is wrong, stay strong. When you fight back, stay strong. When he kicks you out, stay strong. When you fight hard for your girls, stay strong. When the divorce is final, stay strong.
The next guy in your life will treat you like a queen. He will treat your girls like princesses. He wants to be with you when even though you think you aren't worthy. He doesn't care about your flaws. He wants.to take care of you and your girls, the ri...
There is never silence when I need it.
Sounds of daily life echo into the room from outside.
People living their lives, working the day away.
I sit alone waiting for silence.
When the quiet does come it is like a prison.
My mind trapped in thought.
I cannot escape the things in my head.
I want silence, complete silence.
The silence never comes.
The first time I saw you, I saw the true you.
Your eyes and your smile, I just knew.
You were there for me years later when my mind was in a bad way.
It was hard to gainsay my feelings for you that day.
It was that moment I let you into my heart.
Now I know our love is true and we will never part.
When our story began we were both in a dark place.
We were both going through difficult situations that seemed impossible to overcome.
The first time we really talked and got to know each other was the first time in a long time I felt understood.
We both saw a spark that ignited a fire between us.
That fire is still burning strong.
We may have had issues between us that caused the fire to dim a little.
Somehow we always work it out and the flames grow higher and burn hotter.
I appreciate you and all you do for this family.
I love you!
There is nothing we cannot work out as long as we always work together.
A queen needs a king and I have found mine.
May this spark live on forev...
To my girls:
The years are going by so fast, I hope your memories of our good times last.
I think about you every day, the times before when we would laugh, sing and play.
You are all older now with friends and school, I guess spending time with mom is still not cool.
We do not always have an easy life.
I do what I can, when I can as a mother and wife.
I miss our moments when you were small, Now I barely get an email, text or call.
I love you girls with all of my heart, even if time is trying to tear us apart.
Someday we will be close once again, I won't be just mom but also your friend.
Until that day I will help you grow, I will help you become someone everyone is proud to know.
You were so amazing yesterday.
Yes, you gave me a little attitude when we were getting ready to leave.
I admit that taking five 12 packs of soda and water did seem a little over board.
There was also that look you gave me when I ordered 14 pizzas.
In the end it was all worth it.
You were the hero yesterday.
We fed my baby, her friends and their friends.
We even had plenty to share with kids that were just walking by.
All of the kids know you are her step dad and they still refer to both of us as her parents.
That is because we are always there.
They see how involved you are and how much you care.
It is only once a month that we do this and I appreciate you coming with me.
You work 6 days a week, for what?
To pay a few bills and put food on the table. Do we really need to eat that much?
You get up for work and wake me up before the sun has even had it's coffee.
You go to work, come home, eat, sleep and repeat.
We spend as much time as we can together, is it enough?
I need to have a talk with the universe.
We need a little more "us" time and a little less "me" time.
- Your wife
I have good days and bad days.
On my good days I get things done.
I hand wash the laundry, do the dishes, clean the house, etc.
My bad days... The days I try to forget even when I can't forgive myself.
The days where I lay in bed and do nothing.
The days you call me from work just to hear me yelling.
The days when all we do is fight because I can't control my mouth.
Those days are the ones I hate the most.
Those days are also the days that show me how much you really care.
You put up with me, good or bad.
You help me through.
It is shameful the way I act on my bad days.
You still stay by my side.
I'm sorry for being me...
I love you
The touch of your hand on my bare skin wakes me.
I open my eyes to see the midnight sky.
The stars, bright against the blackened sky.
I feel your lips on my neck as you kiss and bite me.
I feel the butterflies in my stomach, just like the first time with you.
I moan as your hand explores my body.
My temperature is rising.
You pull my hair hard back towards you as you kiss my lips.
I can feel your body against mine as we moan with pleasure.
A shockwave surges through my body as I scream out in the darkness.
You grab me, hold me close and whisper "mine".
Like a tidal wave I feel good at the highest peak.
I start off feeling okay.
Okay turns to great.
Until it all comes crashing down.
This is when everything starts falling apart.
I have thoughts that linger for days.
Sometimes they stay for weeks.
Fighting these thoughts are like fighting against the tide.
I feel hopeless, I want to give up.
My thoughts are a strong current pulling me away from the shore.
Drowning in my emotions.
I prepare to take my last breath.
Suddenly, I feel buoyant.
I stop struggling as the waters settle around me.
I feel a sense of calm.
The waves gently moving me back to solid ground.
Now, I wait for the next storm to pull me back.
There is always a next storm.
Your alarm went off at 3 am.
The sound of rain falling filled the room.
You shut off the alarm and put your arms around me.
We held each other while we listened to the rain.
By the time you were ready to go the rain was falling harder.
You kissed my cheek and left for work.
I listened to the rain and thought about you for a while.
I made my coffee, put on some music and replied to my mom's text at 6 am.
I just want you home so we can cuddle bed and listen to the rain.
The perfect end to a rather drab day.
Sitting in bed watching my team play.
Enjoying our time together.
Listening to you cheer on my team too.
Perfect... Absolutely perfect.
I can be complex.
I can be moody and angry.
I can be happy.
I can see the world for what it is.
I can see people for who they are.
I can be shy.
I can be bold.
I can be a ball of crazy emotions.
I can be introverted.
I can be a lot of things.
You... You always allow me to be me.
You woke me up at 5:30 am.
It feels like my brain is going to explode.
You gently kissed my cheek and left for work.
I cannot sleep now.
I need coffee...