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♤◇Jade ♡♧

PO# 149423
United States
United States
I love music, writing and art.
February 17, 2015
 

Their eyes lay upon me
But they do not see me
I'm invisible to most
The few that do see me
Don't see me clearly
They see the smiles
The laughs
The jokes
The games
They don't see
The tears
The dark thougts
The pain
The dark shadow around me
So I keep showing them
What they want to see
Even though inside
I'm planning ways to
Kill me

-Jade

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February 17, 2015
 

I sit here surrounded by others
And I feel the tears coming
The flood gates
In my eyes opening up
I fight them back
As my thoughts persist
I don't know
If I can take much more of this
The pretending
The lies
As I slowly die inside
I want to die
Can't they see?
My mind has got a hold on me
I cannot run
I cannot hide
For there is no way
To escape your mind
All I can do is cry
As I plan out ways to die

-Jade

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February 11, 2015
 

I smile bright
I laugh hard
But if you look
In my eyes
I'm crying

I'm sad and scared
I can't show it
What would people say?
What would they do?
I know I shouldn't care
But I do

I can't bare
To be looked down on
Anymore than I am now

I'm broken
I feel alone
Even when surrounded
There's nothing I can do
But fake happiness

I can't risk hurting other
With my pain
Or drawing attention
To myself
It would just make it worse

So I fake
A smile
A laugh
A conversation
I fake my way through life

-Jade

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February 11, 2015
 

I'm dead inside
I don't know why
I'm sad all the time
I can't help but cry
I want to die
Everyone else wonders why

The don't see the real me
The me
That cries herself to sleep
The me
That feels so ugly
The me
That feels so stupid
The me
That can find
Every flaw in myself
But not one thing I like

The me that is
Overwelmed by everything
The me that is
Constantly worried
The me that feels
Like everything goes wrong
Everyday and its never
Going to get better
It'll just keep up
Day after day

I just want it all to end
I want the world to go away
I want to stay in bed all day
I want to fall asleep
And never again open my eyes
I don't care to see the sunrise
I just want to close my e...

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February 9, 2015
 

As I lay
In bed
The thoughts flood
My head

The demons
I fight to keep quiet
All day
Contine to play

They run through my head
As dark as ever
But they do no change
They remain the same

They whisper
In my ear
All my mistakes
And flaws

Then they scream
The thoughts
Of those
I love
Who care about me

The demons
They fight
Amongst themselves

The battle
Of life and death
So profound

They fight all day
They fight all night
It doesn't matter
If I'm in the sunlight
Or in no light

They are always there
And rarely silent
Although they are
Almost always violent

They rip me open
They cause me to cry
They make me want to die

-Jade

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February 9, 2015
 

As the
Hot tears
Stream down my face
I wish to leave
This place

I know many love me
I know they care
But they don't understand
How I can't bare
Much more
Of life

It makes me cry
It breaks me inside
I care too much
But not enough
This is breaking me

I don't know
How to go on
But I will
Even if it kills me
Inside everyday
I'll remain

-Jade

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January 30, 2015
 

If you love them
You'll let them go
Knowing that their
Life and Happiness
Is far more important
Than yours

You'll cry yourself
To sleep for months
And never say a word
To them
Of how deeply
They damaged you

See them everyday
And fight the urge
To cry or say Hi
As you die inside

See their posts
About their newest love
And never not read them
Until you unfollow them

Push your feeling down
And never let them see
The scars they left
On your body
As well as
Your heart

Love hurts
And isn't always shared
Or shown
But it is undeniable

There's no denying
The look in your eyes
When they are near
Or how when they're around
Your smile disappears
As it becomes harder
To br...

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January 30, 2015
 

Everything
Should be changing
But no
Its all the same
Yes I'm about
To turn another year older
But it will be
The same as the last

I'm hoping
In this year
That I can fix
Some of
My flaws,
Insecurities,
Problems,
And feelings

But in my heart
I know
They make me
Who I am

But if you
Don't like
Who you are
Then why not change

Too sad it is
That change
Isn't easy
If it was
We could all be happy
Is what we think

When really
It would only
Ruin us
More

-Jade

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January 28, 2015
 

Each day is
A battle
The pain
It grows
I fight it
I tell myself
To push through
Although somedays
That takes so much
Out of me
That getting up
Going to school
Talking to people
Is excruciating
Pretending to be fine
To be excited
Takes so much effort
That it exhausts me
My lack of confidence
My moments of no self esteem
Leave me breathless
Life is a battle field
Battles leave you
With scars
On your skin
As well as your heart

-Jade

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January 28, 2015
 

I lay here
Tears streaming
Down my face
I can't stop it
The sad feelings grow
Stronger each day
My thoughts
Torment me
Telling me
My worst fears
Proving that they exist
In the smallest
And simplest
Things people do
They'll never know
How much
their little words hurt
I know in my heart
They didn't mean it
That way
But my thoughts
Scream that they do
On repeat
Leaving me
With a puffy eyes
And tear stained checks

-Jade

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January 23, 2015
 

I have no reasons
For why I feel
The way I do
I just do
I don't know why

I don't belive that
I am pretty,
I am special,
I am smart,
I have worth

I know I'm loved
By many
That's the only reason
I am still here

I don't want
To disappoint them
I don't want to become
Someone that left
Too early
That had so much
To live for

I don't want to be
some pitiful ploy
I don't want anyone
To feel its their fault
Or they missed something

No one understands
That I'm so good
At hiding my feelings
That there was no way
For them to know

It was in no way
Their fault
So I don't want them
To think even for a second
that it is....
I don't want
To be their regret

So here I will stay
As long as I can
T...

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January 23, 2015
 

You Think I Need Help
You Never Thought
For Even A Second
That I Was Sad And Unhappy

It Hurts You
I'm Sorry
I Never Wanted
To Do That

I Kept It From You
So Long
Because I Thought
I Was Protecting You

I Pretended
Everyday
Anytime I Wasn't Alone
I Couldn't Show You

I Held It In
But I've Hit
My Breaking Point

I Don't Want To Live
But I Don't Want To Die
I Just Want It All
To Go Away

I Want The Hurting To Stop
I Want My Thoughts To Stop
I Want To Believe Compliments
People Give Me

I Want To Be Happy
I Want To feel Pretty
I Want To Be Confident
I Want To Continue Living

But Lately
Its Been Getting Harder
Harder To Get Up
Each Morning

Harder To Pretend
I'm Not Hurting
That I'm ...

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January 22, 2015
 

Alone
I feel
Alone I'll stay
If I tell you
How I feel
You'll lock me away
I don't feel alright
I'm not okay
I feel like its getting harder
day after day
There is no escape
From this horrible fate
This never ending loop
Each day the same
Yes the location may change
But its still all same
No I don't want to
Kill or hurt myself
But I do want
It all to end

-Jade

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January 22, 2015
 

When you talk
About her
It tears me down
How foolish I was
To think
I was the only one
You talked to that way
That I was the only one
You liked that way
But now here I am
Simply feeling foolish
For thinking
I was special
That you cared
But no
You're just like the others

-Jade

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January 21, 2015
 

Here I stand
The wind no longer in my lungs
As the words she just sank
into my brain
one by one
it cannot be
how does she know
Oh No
This could end it all
This could ruin me
If this doesn't
Stay quiet
I don't know
What I'll do
If it gets out
I'll truly want to die
Then what will I do...

-Jade

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January 21, 2015
 

I thought
What we did
Was supposed to be
Hush hush
But you told her
Don't worry I've told too
But if you want to
Play this game
I will play it to
Only you will lose
For I am better
At this game
You are just the same
As the rest who play
This dreadful game
You lie, I lie
But the question
For everyone else is
Who is telling
The truth?
But who will they belive
Me or you
You the player
Or I the innocent
I guess this
Is going to force me
To be a bitch
Its all your fault
Why couldn't
You just keep
Your mouth shut?
Now i have to clean up
This mess that I
Didn't make
But did help create
When they ask
about us
I will simply say
I'm too smart to do that
The only way he'd ever have me
Is in h...

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January 11, 2015
 

As I think
You come to mind
How your lips
We're like wine

Well not wine
But instead strong liquor
For I got drunk
By the sight of you

Well not liquor but a drug
Because when you
Touched me
I became high

When we kissed
I became intoxicated
You made me feel
Like no one else has

I hate
That you
Made me
Feel that way

Why you?
Why couldn't
It have been
Someone else...Anyone else?

You broke me
And yet
I still long
For that feeling

The one you gave me
One that I cannot forget
That sits just out of reach
I deeply long for that feeling

So here I stand
still going through withdrawl
Like you are
Some powerful drug
That I cannot rid from myself

-Jade

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January 10, 2015
 

These feelings
They continue
Day after day

They make me feel so much
Of others emotions
And leave me envious
And hopeless

This life
Doesn't get better
Day after day

It makes me feel
So small
Like it will never
Get any better

I keep trying
My hardest
Day after day

This life
Is not
What I thought
It would be

This life
Is leaving me
Hollow

This life
Is making me
Not want to live
Another day

-Jade

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January 9, 2015
 

Sometimes I look
At the sky
And wonder why

It makes no since to me
Why you are still around me
Why can't  you leave?
I don't want
To see you
Its bad enough
Dreaming of you

I can't wait
For you to leave
Though I know
It will hurt me

It is better to feel
the sting of knowing
I will not see you
For a long while
Than to feel
The pain of seeing you
Nearly every day

And because of that
I wish I could
Speed up time
All to get you away
From me

-Jade

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January 9, 2015
 

My heart it pounds
So loud
My thoughts
They crowd
My head
As I  lay down
To go to bed

They replay memories
Of things so beautiful
And serene
That I have seen
And experienced
Many haunt me
For I do not want
Them to be seen
Inside my dream

My dream is haunts
It pulls me awake
With the feelings
I once had
That now leave me sad
For they show me
How things used to be

How you used to
Look at me
Touch me
Talk to me
The ways you made me feel
Yhat are all too real
I  want to forget
You see
But for some reason
My mind
Refuses to let me

So days I awake
From my dream
I  feel
I might scream
For you are not part of
Memories I  want to remember
But a part of those
I wish to forget

-Ja...

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January 8, 2015
 

The sun
Which delicately peaks
Through the clouds
Shines down
Giving light
To the once darkened ground
Waking up the earth
Bringing nature to life
Breathing air into our lungs
For the night has left
And is giving us a new day
One full of promise
So they say
But I wouldn't be so sure
For I've gone
Through this before
The illusion of light
To disguise the night
For the it is not the sun
Making the light
But the moon
Which will leave all too soon

-Jade

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January 8, 2015
 

My body it craves
My mind it desires
As I  lay here engulfed in fire
Not one that burns
High and bright
But one that smolders
And keeps me warm at night
But this is no ordinary fire
you see
This fire is inside
of me

It longs
For a touch
I've long denied
It wishes for a love
So hard to find
One that my mind
Simply cannot deny

-Jade

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January 7, 2015
 

My heart it pounds
My head its aches
If this is life
I don't  know how much
I can take
It poisons
your thoughts
It crushes your  soul
How do you get through it
No one knows

-Jade

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January 7, 2015
 

My mind goes numb
My hand they follow
My thought slow down
I feel hollow
All that I let go
Was just too much
Now here I lay
Under a thick layer of dust
I  do not shine
As I  once did
Now I am dirty
And my beauty
Is covered
Now hidden underneath
And all I  can think of
Is how I feel
Underneath my smile
When I let my guard down
And actually feel
That smile it fades
At its will

-Jade

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January 6, 2015
 

Those  I  want
Don't want me
Those I  don't  want
In the slightest
Want me
It seems that happiness
Will elude me
Until I  find this "love"
Because  my heart
Hasn't been the same
Ever since he left
It feels empty
Like I'm  missing  my heart
And somedays it comes  back
I can feel it beat
But it seems its
Not long before
This peace
Leaves  me
Yet again
Feeling alone

-Jade

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January 6, 2015
 

Here again I  am
Allowing myself
To be used
I swore  
I  wouldn't do this again
But yet here I am  
Giving people
What  they want
Because  I think  
they  want all of me
When really
They  only want
The dirty  things
Not me  big  surprise
Nobody wants all of me

-Jade

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December 26, 2014
 

It is in fact the light
That creates the darkness
It is the good
Which create the bad
It is the happy
That creates the sad
It is broken
That shows us what is fixed
It is hope
That gives us might
Its is the day
Which gives us night
It is the sun
Which illuminates the moon
It is the time
That tells us what is soon
It is sour
That shows us sweet
It is living
That allows us to meet
It is hello
That leads to goodbye
It is a smile
That ends in a sigh  
It is love
That makes us cry
It is pain that makes us lie
It is heaven
That creates hell
It is sickness
That makes us unwell
It is the sky
That creates the storm
Others leaving
Makes us mourn
It is the warmth
Which tells us what is cold
I...

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December 22, 2014
 

Alone I am
Broken yet again
People don't see both sides
Only I see
Apparently that's not enough
And here I am again
Not fitting in
Closer to alone
Than I've ever been
And yet I stand
Alone
Stumbling through life
knowing
There's no going back
But yet making
More regrets each day
Fight to change
But I don't know
If I can change
So I'm going
To stop

-Jade

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December 17, 2014
 

As I stand
On the stage before you
Surrounded by others
My heart pounds harder
And I must force a smile
My legs begam to shake
And it takes all of my strength
To stand
I want to collapse
But I won't
I will not let you win
Not again
Never Again
Will I Let You See
How Much You
Ruined Me

-Jade

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December 17, 2014
 

Seeing you
It knocks the air from my lungs
It leaves me suffocating
It makes me feel as if I am alone
Although I am surrounded by many
As I stand near you
I feel like an insect
Just seconds away from being stepped on
I cannot change it
I cannot stop it
I can only force a smile
Pretend I am okay
And that seeing you
doesn't tear me down all over again

-Jade

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