Worry worry worry
My mind doesn't stop, oh mercy!!
Having surgery so scared to go under the knife.
I don't want to lose my life but let me dream of my wife.
Worry worry worry
Don't make them hurry.
Make them be sturdy.
Help me heal
Help me deal
Help me to have faith.
Even tho if I do go to do space.
Tick tock goes the clock
Eyes wide shut like a lock
Mind races like the docs
Tick tock goes the damn clock.
Life of I.
Family can be a bitch. But hey you don't get to fucking pick who's your blood, unfortunately. I'd rather be related to some of my friends who are assholes than my family. Goddamn they piss a person off. Of all the things I did for them to only get treated like the outcast. The pimple on their ass. Really? I mean really? It's shaming. I hope one day they feel the pain they have caused me to the point where they can't catch their breath with the crying they have done. Fucking pricks. What really tweaks my ass hairs? Is they think they are better than me. How? How is another human being better than another? Is it just by house and home? No. I've met some pretty amazin...
I would simply wish for my wife and I to live forever. To not have her by my side would devastate me. Forevermore.
With head hung and bottle in hand mans best friend never fades. He stands with tail up and head borrowed in owners lap loving him. No matter the circumstances he stands. Whether you are angry or sad he stands. He borrows his head in your chest with unconditional love. This is our friend our family our dog.
One day before sunrise a fallen angel was hanging her head crying on a cliff. Serendipity was her name. She was the angel of shame. Watching the light between oceans she cried. Cried for herself and for mankind. She felt such shame for herself and for the poor people that walk the earth in pity. What could she do to fix them? Nothing. That was her demon to bare. That she could do nothing to fix the shame of the people.
I am bipolar.
When confronted with the willingness and the perseverance to get out of bed in the morning it's almost as difficult as not drinking and drugging when your an addict. Some bipolar people say they wouldn't rather live in a manic state because it can be chaotic extremely irritable or you can be really angry but with me to be honest I think I'd rather be manic and live in this depressive state of mind where I can't or don't want to get out of bed in the morning and I just cry. I cry for the willingness to get out of the oyster and I am the pearl because the longer I stay in that bed and more beautiful I made you come because the uglier I feel. It's so hard to explain to people wh...
Short and violent jolts
Go through me like lightning bolts
I'm laying all relaxed
Then boom I grasped
All at awkward times of the day meetings, appointments, sleeping
Hands grasps forehead in despair why why me screeching.
But after awhile of taking mind off the problem
I am now an awesome possum.
Movies and good reads
I always say my story would be "life of I". What it would entail would be some epic battle between the devil and his brother GOD. But that's not what life is really about is it? Life is really about our internal battles and how we handle them. The "little bumps in the road" so to speak. But how the fuck am I dealing with my "bumps". Not well actually. I have issues let me quote
"I'm jealous, I'm overzealous
When I'm down, I get real down
When I'm high, I don't come down
I get angry, baby, believe me
I could love you just like that
And I could leave you just this fast
But you don't judge me
'Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don...
The perfect date. I would like to get treated like a princess for day. Jetted off to Scotland because that's where my wife is from, dress up in a beautiful expensive dress have my hair done and have a limo pick us up from the castle where we are staying and take us to the most gorgeous place to see and eat the is. Once done then go back to a ball. Change into a ball dress and dance with my wife and friends till the sun comes up. When the sun comes up kiss under the stars.
Skylark challenge 82
With her crimson hair she gazed out the window with empty coffee cup in hand. Her mind wondered with a peculiar compassion for the woman outside begging for change on the corner, as she listened to her mind the rhythm of her heart slowed with sadness; she used to be that woman on the corner. The trail of how she got there to here wasn't important for the only thing that was, was the people who showed her compassion along the way. For that was the true human spirit.
She sets the city on fire.
Here's the lyrics.
"She Sets The City On Fire"
Everybody knows she's a perfect ten
And I'm hanging on tight til the whole thing ends
Cause New York sky don't get much brighter
She sets, she sets the city on fire
Somebody told me if I'm not careful
Well, this one's gonna roll me
I got my hands full and this one's gonna own me and control me
I'm so mystified
She caught the last train last night, left another note
Saying "see you next time; miss me if you don't"
You look good in your bed; til we meet again
You went through my head and nobody told me so
Everybody knows she's a perfect ten
And I'm hanging on tight til the whole thing ends
Cause New York ...
Movies and alone.
I have been constantly searching for something for someone to connect with. "Everyone around me feels connected to something connected to something not me never have have" since a child I have never felt I had belonged anywhere. That sense of forever searching for home. But the feeling of being connected is different. I believe they are talking about more about a higher power. How we all should feel connected and unconditional love for the man in the sky. I feel as for me as I work the steps of AA I will be more connected. To myself and to others.
Skylark challenge 80
Aye I was just a wee thing when all mates and I decided we'd go to the creek and play in the running water and watch the trout jump and cause ripples out of the then calm open water. You could hear chirping of many of animals it almost made you like you were not alone.
We all were only children probably should not have been out there alone but it was would you do. On our way back to the river after sack lunch two mates of mine trying to running while doing Breaded flowers for their. And the obvious happened. On girl fell chipped her front tooth. One of children had a grest idea what if. They make a makeshift raft and sail it with s sleeve. It could actually would. ...
It was this tag was sent out from the universe right to lettrs tonight. What is my addiction? While others simply put "coffee" or "chocolate" or shoot maybe "tv" or "social media" I'm not so simple. I'm an addict/alcoholic and my name is Beth. From the time I can remember I loved booze and how it made me feel like I had control. Until there was too much control and I drank into dark places where no one should seek. Where you chase the demon from drug abuse seeking that first high. Constantly chasing the alcohol addiction with the drug addiction. This is my disease. This is my addiction. Where if I don't go to meetings and associate with sober people I will go back out because I ...
Skylark challenge 79
She had never been to "Beauty and the Beast". This was her chance to go with her dad. Bell was a tall thick caucasian girl with blonde hair. Obviously named from the movie. So this year for Father's Day she decided to draw up this gorgeous invitation for when the play was on broadway, Bell bought two tickets. One for her and one for her father. The day of the play Bell was on her way over to her parents house. Not living far away the drive to the city wouldn't take long, she began to feel confusion, loss in time, and ended up somewhere else? She awoke in front of a long beautifully set table with high candles with an in wall china cabinet. She wasn't tied down. Just sit...
Life of I
Sometimes I find life difficult with the zest of drama. Especially my kind of drama. The occasional flirting here the side to side gesture there. Just like to gently remind everyone I still got it. Or am I reminding myself after bouts with sickness I still got it. I crawl where it is familiar. In the trashiest of ways at times. I spy someone with in my reason has certainly grabbed my attention and answered all my questions. I lock them in like the eyesight of a gun. Slightly obnoxiously obsessed with them but they don't seem to care due to they are getting what they wanted too. Sex. This is where it always gets fuzzy as I start to develop feelings in my manic state. Ha...
Beauty is how she looks at me with all my imperfections
Beauty is how I see her eye glint as she looks in to mine ever so slight.
Beauty is how softly she runs her fingers thru my hair.
Beauty is how she holds me like no one ever has.
Beauty is how her lips touch mine at the exact place they had never been kissed before. To me that is beauty.
Life of I.
I suppose if I'm gonna do a play by play of my life I had better include some of my experiences with delusional thinking and hallucinating/voices. When I was six I had two make believe friends. Meet Emma and jack. Emma was the proud protective one while jack was the wild risk taker. Emma usually was dressed quite well with her long hair up with not a wrinkle. But jack he looked broken and abused with holes in his jeans and a ball cap. Now these two would fight over me and my attention all the time. Could you imagine how loud that got for a six year old. I didn't understand it was my mind projecting these images I thought they were real. I began cutting the palms of ...
Life of I.
Oh the great wonder of my lips thus do dismiss, I shall say yet today this gorgeous day in yet February. Still I must admit that you dare do share a sudden glare with that snare. How crude how rude I've yet become to have brewed this here friendship. The girl is only just a shimmer in my eye but a glimmer in my heart. She lives like wild horses, coarse,and full of force. But tame in my heart.
13 reasons why
Why would a dead girl lie?
Now when I see this I think to things one how is the sentence being used? Why would a dead girl lie? Option one. To deceit. What are 13 reasons to deceit.
2. Affair or affairs
3. Drug / Alcoholism
4. Other illegal activities.
5. Party groups. BDSM ex
7. Mental illness
8. Emotional trauma
9. Spousal issues
10. Family issues
Or the other way to look at the word death. To cease.
1. Freak death.
3 heart attack
7 system failure
8 car accidents
11 hit man
12. Unknown causes you just die
13. Murdered. Look at previous ...
Skylark challenge 78
We had planned this vacation for months!! Muggles are only allowed in Diagon Alley during the spring. The tricks and magically trades book store was full of spells for muggles and magical alike. The books were stacked everywhere like book cites. Wedged in so tightly they were touching end by end, side by side and top over top. They all seemed to be strategically trying to cover a 18th century mirror. It look very similar to the one harry saw his parents in. But that couldn't be. Why wouldn't it be at the school? Maybe I should look into it? I'll look. I moved some books out of the way some took out in mid flight others weeped when moved. I stood right in front of the m...
Life of I.
Stop. Wait. No. Go. One two three four. I just have to have it on even numbers for important ideals. Radio tv grocery store items. Did I lock my door? Fuck I better go check. Even if it is six hours later and 3 am. Did I poop today? Fuck again!! I must be constipated better take a laxative I must poop everyday. I feel warm I must have a fever. Shit I didn't get my flu shot that means I obviously have h1n1. Did I really lock my doors? God damn it I'm tired I don't want to go check. I'm freezing. I must be getting sick. Of course I am I've ran outside twice in the past hour to check my fucking doors!! Did I do the animal count before bed, are they all accounted for? ...
Skylark challenge 77
Destined to wonder the diamond sands as a solivagant he crawled on his belly as his punishment for loving her. Feelings of melancholy over comes him as he continues to crawl like the breast he has become. Murmuring to himself the long lost words of his love, that will never be forgotten.
Life of I.
I think I've brought up that I have schizoaffective bipolar type and that I'm on disability for this condition. Schizoaffective disorder symptoms may vary from person to person. People with the condition experience psychotic symptoms, such as hallucinations or delusions, as well as symptoms of a mood disorder — either bipolar type (episodes of mania and sometimes depression) or depressive type (episodes of depression). I experience the manic and depression symptoms usually they correlate with the weather worse in the winter and better in the spring and summer. I have a tendency to go manic in the summer and wreck havoc on my life and sometimes have disassociating ep...
One cannot be a good friend without the loyalty and trust of dog.
When I met you almost a year ago I was immediately drawn to your British boldest and wanted to explore that. We slowly stared to talk and I started to "poke the bear" to see if you could be trusted and in the summer you could be. I decided that you could be trusted with something very complicated and delicate and you listened offered suggestions time and time again without judgement. That was the most important thing to me the no judgement. So now after coming into my home for Christmas and me coming there all the time I just want you to know that, there is no one like you, I'm proud of you, and I love you. I also wanted to say I appreciate you for all you do like. Working hard ...
Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest of the gods? I'm sorry dear chaos but your sister infinite is the fairest of the gods. But dear mirror if she's the fairest who's going to become queen? Oh dear chaos. Parallel will become queen due to her ability to be something identical or similar in essential respects; match. One last question. Yes my master. What is dimension job? Her job is simple to make sure none of you fuck anything up.
There he was lurking with his black beanie leaning against the building, brooding, starring, and smoking that one cigarette. I noticed him right away probably for the fact that he wasn't in the crowd but outside it watching it but not only watching it but me. With all the balls of a bull I strut over there ask if he's got the one thing I know he has a cigarette. I lean in close enough to feel his breath on my neck instantly I'm inthralled, excited and enticed. I wanted him, I knew I'd get him. We ended up at a friends apartment talking throwing flirtatious remarks back and forth till when I got up to leave and he stood tall as a defiant mountain and I couldn't control myself I wrapped myself...