I sit here at the top of my stairs, thinking of the good times I shared.
It's been a while since any laughter has been heard, sound from footsteps of my family filled with love not hurt.
I sit at the top of the stairs, thinking of all the bad I've had. Then.........
It's hits me tears fall from my lashes it was a daydream not real. Your family has gone now no more happiness for you.
Im sat at the top of my stairs, being only half the person I was, as you can never fix a broken heart made up of industrial strength super glue.
I'm such a disappointment, I fail at everything, I try not to give up, but when there is no light no hope nor faith your always ganna be a looser a victim of life.
I am a looser a victim of life I try my best and never get past the start line. I hope everyday that my happiness is round the corner, but infact it just seems to be more darkness than light!!
As the new year begins, as the crisps mornings start, get out there, take a deep breath and let it out.
Get them positive feeling running around, be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you been given and what you will receive.
Take notice of your surroundings and if you day ends bad, be thankful for what you have, as a new day dawns, you can start all over again ......
Happy new year bright blessings to all
I wish you could write a letter, a letter to heaven. To all our loved ones who are not around the table this year.
But I know this time is difficult, for some more than others, don't for get to set a place for the loved one who in heaven
I guarantee they will be sitting eating with you in spirit form.
The loved ones are never gone, they are always around. So don't just remember them more at this festive season remember them always and forever more.......
Strange gaze dark days
Emotions are high, for it's that time
To share the love and care we have all through the year.
For that one perfect day everyone dreams of having.
Think of the people that have nothing to smile for, for they don't have anyone to love and care for
Think of those who also have no one there just spend a moment or thinking what it be like to be them. Don't be greedy or selfish or rude, for Christmas is round the corner for everyone to have smiles for.
Memories are good at times, even make you feel warm inside.
Memories can be bad too, remembering what you had and now what's gone for good.
People say life is a game, some people throw 6's all the time.
Me I'm a person that only throws 1's and feels like I'm going backward too.
As long as you have a smile on your face I'm sure you can find the positive floating in space.
Today is the day a beautiful man was born, he was and is my father.
I can't celebrate like everyone else, as instead he watching me from above.
I still buy cards presents too, it's sad I know but in my heart he never left this life.
My hero, my saviour, my best friend my day I miss you dearly and will never stop till we meet again.
Aint it sad to think we was born on this earth with every possibilty in sight , nothing blocking our way, taking that first breath of air, as we just open our eyes for first time. we dont realize what coming to us, the pain and sorrow, grief and heart breaks. the cruel thing bout it all is that neither one of us has a clue what evil lays in the road for you.
It's now past half the year, I'm still here. In the same place I was this time last..... I'm desperately wanting that change,. But I fear the unexpected.
They say better tell devil you know...... But is that the best way to live you life in that moment?
What should I do where should I look you can't always find the answers in a book. They say just your gut feeling, but what if you don't know what that feeling telling you????
I feel so lost, yet I know where I'm going...
I feel so numb, yet I'm hurting....
I feel so angry, yet I come across all smiles...
Why has my life been trouble from the start?...........
Yet I was innocent from the start........
What caused this horrid crap, thrown in my lap......
Will it ever go away, but yet will I still be the same person if it was all Rosey and bright???.............
I used to have a family, partner, child a dad.
It's disappeared with no hope of getting back.
I try to make my self feel better,by saying I will become someone in the future.
But in the back of my head I no I have no purpose.........
I've never been on a date, is it getting to late?
I want to find that special someone, to spend my days with, snuggle with, become the life and soul of me.
I never been on a date, is it getting to late?
I'm not getting younger, but won't the love and fun, my soul mate to make me whole and one again, to be loved for me not to change me.
Is there such a man about to take on my craziness,fearless life I have.
I've never been on a date before now am I too late!
I sent my daughter a birthday card, it is special as I haven't seen her much.
Her step dad punished me in walking my children away, soon after the rock in my life my dad passed away.
My daughter is sixteen, so beautiful and I'm so proud. I'm hoping she has read and understood there was no intentions apart from love.
One message sent over social media, I thank mother universe for her answer.
I'm not meant to be here, I feel it in my soul.
I haven't had the life of finest, full of nastyness and disgrace.
If I'm here spirit form I can then protect the ones I love dear, guide them better than they had before.
I'm not meant to he here, it's now time for me to go.
Leave this Earth but able to shine from above protecting who I low below.
I'm not meant to be here...........
I'm now going going gone!!!!!!!!!!!
Time flies by, we don't even see, how quick the time is passing the.
Time doesn't wait, doesn't stand still. So start the bucket list you have written down.
For time doesn't stand still for no one. Not even me, stop starting in the past and worrying what could be, start living for the future, for the future is free.
8 years ago at 9:33 am today my daughter was born.
So tiny precious beautiful miracal. Amazing feeling of having my baby girl, so happy and prepared to be perfect mum, but for my bad luck I had a spiteful ex, and never got her home from hospital, it's been 6 years since he stopped me from seeing my precious baby girl. Not a day goes by I don't think of you miss Brooke Adele, happy birthday precious girl. Your mummy loves you and has and will never stop. Have a magical birthday boo. Love your mummy who loves you. Xxxx
The road has been hard, sad and painful, only seems like yesterday, you were sat chatting away.
Years have past and never gets easy to say how long it's been since my last hug and I love you.
My father, my best friend, my rock and my hero. Was my dad but to me he still is spirititly. You never liked Father's day you always said it was a waste, but for me it was to prove even more how precious you are and mean to me.
Miss you pops and always will I love you pops and will never stop. Your safely tucked in my heart untill the day we meet again.
Happy Father's day popper bear. God bless and sweet dreams xxx xxx
Life's hard life is crazy, life sometimes feels so hazy, I sit and think of all I've done and wonder if I could of had more fun?
I sit and onder what life will bring me but something tells me to live in the moment and e free!
Lazy days, summer haze, winter's chill, wasted days, life is short. Know one knows when it's time. So I better start living this life of mine.
I'm sad I'm scared I'm frighten and not prepared. I thought life was like roses full and pretty. But life for me is sad and bitty. I want love I want happiness but will I ever find it in this world that is now madness.
Life is hard, life is a game.
Life hurts life causes pain.
Life is crazy life is insain.
Life can craze you every minute of every day.
Life is once no second chance,
Life can be all that you could ever dream of.
Life is hand but stand strong.
Life becomes fun when you forget about the little problems and remember we only get one.
I'm scared, I'm alone.
My thoughts are hurting the scars on my heart,
I can't find all the pieces in the dark.
I can't see light, as I look all around.
I really need help to be pulled out of this hell.
Angels are trying, to guide me right, but I can't hear them, through this bubble of darkness I'm in.
I feel them their, I feel their pain of trying to get through to this bubble of pain.
I cry but tears don't help, makes me feel that I'm weak no doubt.
I wish I had a magic wand to bring all I had I've now lost.
I'm hoping my angels are strong enough, to break through this painful darkness bubble I'm in.
I hope I can keep my fighting strength up,before I feel it's time to GIVE UP!!!
I haven't been on for a while, had life issues to sort but in style.
I told the love of my life that I wanted a chance, but he knocked me back with the biggest of rejects.
Patching my heart up still, doing new hobbies to keep life real.
I feel a bubble is around me, to keep me at arms length of releasing me.
I feel good health wealth and freedom coming, just got to keep strong and keep going.
I'm back peeps hope you are all well I'll keep posting. X
SOMETIMES YOU MAKE THE WRONG CHOICES TO GET TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
I sent my one true love of 17 years, a card and a chain, on that one special day where we can confess our love for who we love.
The chain splits in two and I sent both parts to him to choose?
I've not heard from this man, should I take the silence as a good sign instead?
Not quite sure what to do or think. Maybe the Stars will tell me tonight when I go walk to look up at the bright twinkling lights, the shine and twinkle so pretty and bright.
Maybe I'll get my answer then.
On what to do with this problem I have.
As I lay asleep with you late Saturday evening gone,
I lay with my back turned away from the person that has my heart for good.
We not together as much as I will it to be, I think of all this as I lay heart beating fast.
In the quiet I hear a voice " come closer to me" so I snuggled in, his arm around me for my head to rest, while the other I hold. I squeeze tight.
As I lay wrapped in his arms, I felt soft kisses placed apon my neck, it felt so sweet so breath taking so deep. I felt so special safe and loved. Untill the morning came we had to depart I cried all the way home for I wish I'd of told him I love him dear but at what expense would it come to.
Would I lose him for ever for telling h...
I met with the person who has held my heart for 17 years,
Sitting and talking to him with out breaking a tear.
The love so strong I just want to tell him so much,
But scared of that rejection and could mess the perfect friendship up.
So stuck on what to do for being inlove with him for so long. I feel so lost and confused. He never said no nor has he said yes, what does this mean for me with his actions and his word he said.
I'm so confused up set and hurt.
Please mother universe help me choose.
The 18 January was a scary day
Sat at the back of a court, to find out results of a lasting experience.
Braced and ready to read my impact statement, trying so hard to hold back tears.
I feel them rolling down my cheeks.
I get a tissue look to the judge applogise for being so shaken and withdrawn.
Carry on in a soft voice and take your time. I continue to read to the last word was said.
I sat back with mum, holding her hand braced and scared angry and fear, I hear everything and my tears stream, then to hear those words that he got what was deserved was humbling.
I still feel justice not been served, but I've saved so many lives now with one nasty evil twisted human behind bars, with my life ...
The new year has started, I got a text.
Happy New year it said but also hope,
Hope I've hoped for years and years to come.
Or is this my heart ruling my head again ready to be hurt.
What do I do make a fool, tell the truth fingers crossed hoped for best.
Or leave it be move on but my heart won't let me it just keeps holding on......
New year's Eve is upon us, all getting ready for fresh new start. While most will be celebrating in the new year cheer.
I'll be sat on my swing looking into the night sky, looking for a magic shooting star I can wish upon this night.
In belief I will receive what I ask, for nothing can be more special that the heart of the one you love.
To start your new year full with love.
Written for my special someone who has the missing piece of my heart.
To feel your heartbeat, every single beat.
To touch your skin, with just my finger tips.
To smell you in the crook of your neck.
You have become my addiction, an addiction I cannot over come.
You are an amazing high, never felt before.
I wish you felt the way I do, I've fallen hard for a lot of years truth.
I wish I knew how you felt for real, guess work it's a kill.