Demons ferociously and rapaciously clawing underneath the fractured skin of my soul
Telling me that I'm unworthy and too broken to EveR begin anew
And that there's only ONE thing left to do
But deep down I know it's a vehement lie
My tears burn like acid as I can't help but cry
A tornado 🌪 of buried emotions sweeping thru me within
Can Jesus really redeem me from ALL of my sin?
How do I completely forgive myself for past mistakes?
When almost EveRywhere unwanted memories flood my messed up mind?
At times, making God exceedingly difficult to find
Or am I just really still so blind???
The sun and moon will be one soon
Anxiously awaiting the strawberry moon
So many vast unknowns
Have You seen how much I've grown?
I know it's still not enough for Your Highest standards
I struggle greatly here
EveRY breath often is excruciatingly painful
You sent me here for a reason
I'm so ready for the Eternal Spring season
Waiting for Your immaculate Glory unknown
Where Your Beloved Bride is seated by Your side on the Right hand of Your Majestic throne
Praying I see that day arrive
When All of Your precious Creation can finally thrive 🌈
A multitude of incessant thorns savagely and rapaciously piercing EveRY piece of my already shattered heart 💔
Don't You know that IT was already Yours from the very start???
Yet You have chosen to torture me beyond recompense and measure
Is this how You get Your sick twisted pleasure?
How much further over the edge must I fall?
Do You EveN know me at all?
You love seeing me crawl on my bruised and bloodied knees but I will NO longer beg you please...
How much OVERWHELMING pain is ONE soul supposed to bear?
Pushing me to the point where I NO longer can EVEn care
The double standards are becoming irreprehensible and the damage irreversible
Don't worry My Love,
My frozen ashes will soon enough ...
You're going to miss her when she's gone
You're going to wonder where she went
You couldn't EveN hear her screaming for help and that she was barely hanging on by a frayed thread
Casually dismissing most things she's said
I suppose 'IT' doesn't matter now
She's somehow off better wherEveR she is now.......
New moon 🌙 is here
I can feel You EveR so near
But is it all just an illusion?
Am I just adding to my perplexing confusion?
Sometimes I don't know what is REAL and what isn't especially in this world 🌎 of constantly increasing make believe
Where do I go next?
Does this wild and rattled Gypsy move once again?
Or stay put in highly claustraphobic quarters for awhile longer?
Please, please I beg of You to graciously bestow upon me Your answer and what You know is best for me
Especially now that I can no longer see because my heart ❤ is irrevocably blind
Open my ears👂to hear Your gentle whisper thru all of the increasing chaotic noise
I feel like this will be my FINAL breaking point over the fat...
Lost in between the unending void
Desperately trying to hear Your voice through all of the increasing noise
Which path am I to take?
What is this masterpiece that You want to create?
So many shattered pieces of me already strewn across Space and Time...
Will You need EveN more to complete Your vision?
Trying to prepare the best I can of just how much more I'm left to break
The higher I get to Heaven, the further my inevitable fall into Hell
Will I survive 'IT' this time around?
As I already feel myself plummeting faster towards the hard, cold and unforgiving ground
Will I finally Rise once my ashes are scattered to the wind?
Is that when You will descend?
As I tragically ascend and We can m...
She's frantically burning the candles at both ends
Fighting incessant battles that she can't EveR hope to win
Losing her tenacity to sink or swim
When will it End?
Still trying to prepare for the Final battle
Mundanely and tragically monotonously watching all of the zombie like people behave like cattle
Each day closer to decimation and slaughter
They care more about their phones than their Lost Daughter
The atmosphere here is sucking the very life from Her shredding soul
You must act soon before the next full 🌙 moon
Because the 13th one will be Her last
And She just might raise... that one.. Last glass.......
I can feel Your strong presence in the atmosphere
The closest I've felt You since Death rapaciously ripped me from You since before Existence excruciatingly began here
Earnest to seek only Light in the EveR growing and growling Darkness
I can feel the veil painfully but thankfully being shredded away piece by peace
Please give me Your strength with what's to come
As the Time near s for the precious sacrifice
To equal both of Our united delight.........
We have been 'almost home' for billions of endless centuries now
My soul continues to fade away
Getting Lost in the heavy mists of darkening and ferocious gray
Holding onto Esperanza and His frayed thread by the hem
We have passed the point of sink or swim
EveRything is done on a fleeting whim
Lead me where You want me to ultimately be
Take me out of my own way
Attune my ears to hear only the things You say
Keep me this Time!!!
I can't afford to be carelessly and callously thrown away again
It will be my ultimate undoing
Please allow me privy to all that You are construing.....
I shall behave the best I can
Faithfully serving You and My Beloved man
Meet me underneath the place between infinite Space and Time
Where You and I become One of the Heavenly Divine
Where Our starry chaos of souls can fondly and gratefully intertwine
Where I am 4-Eva Yours
Where We are hidden in this uncharted Enigma of the ultimate Oscuridad
Where We can grow together as One completely united and balanced
Where Our collected souls of the Dark and the Light meet on the Twilight horizon anew
Finally making flight into a world that We will have both taken Joy and pleasure to create
Let NOTHING EveR again let Us separate.........
Night before the illuminous flower 🌼 Super Luna 🌙
Last one for this year
Will I still EveN be here?
Too much calamity and chaos
Drowning in unfathomable, tumultuous depths and losing my grip in the bleeding gray
No one gives a damn of anything I've left to say
I hear so many whispers and words left unsaid
Funny how they don't hear me screaming while acrimonious tears are ferociously yet silently streaming
But They will finally listen to me once I'm found Dead
Soon I'll be on my way to a new adventure into the EVAnescent unknown
And eveNtually I'll be sitting upon my Scarlett throne
In that secret and enigmatic place,
I shall NO longer be alone.......
3 angels connected through a secure line provided by the Divine
Helped remove sharp weapons of spiritual warfare from my back
After such a heavy month of bloodshed and savage, brutal attack
Such grievous injuries endured
Trying so hard to remember how EveRything occurred
Sin Esperanza and full of fear
Having lost all that I once held dear
Leaving me utterly broken and in sharp shattered pieces
Losing yet another unborn son
I feel like such the helpless one
God if You are still there...
Grant me the Serenity in the things I still can NOT see
Yeshua will always be there for me
The ominous darkness of morbid depression setting in...
Damn demons clawing and clashing to get out underneath the soul of my fractured skin
Hopelessly holding onto another acrimonious tomorrow
Always filled with such gruesome unexpected sorrow
I feed Them what's left of the tattered pieces of my shattered heart
In vain feeble attempts to give myself a head start
To perhaps finally one day make 'IT' to the OTHER side without being pathetically defeated
And just maybe you'll stop being so vindictive and conceited
Remembering WHO you truly are...
My Darkest Burning Scarlett Star
Barely hanging onto this God forsaken tethered Scarlett tattered thread
Depression slowly yet rapaciously creeping in and clinging onto this decaying and repulsive mortal skin
As if covered completely in Onyx tar
You soon lose Sight of what and who you truly are
Keep wishing upon that falling and dying star
Any place now is better than where you are
Crying out for help in vain
How can you let Your repugnant Creation wallow in so much pain?
I know I've yet to complete my sentence here
Just keep letting them push me avEr the edge
Not much too much longer and She will soon run out of Ledge.......
She has tragedy deeply carved into the bones of Her archaic soul
And finally almost EveRything has taken its exhausting and ultimate toll
She's tragically destined to always be alone in the end
Consistently losing another
Counting down Her dwindling and numbered days
Where She can at last slip into the shadows of the g;reys
I'm still watching and searching for you my darling and most precious Daughter from Star who is tragically Lost from afar
I know your soul is stopping from too much weeping and eternal bleeding
Keep looking for the true and pure Light in all that you say and do
And know that ONE day I will finally be able to come and rescue you
I appreciate the immense patience you have shown others but please don't forget to extend the same closest and upmost courtesy to yourself
I'm working on tracking down all of your brothers
While continuously trying to reassure your poor and worried Mother
Do your best to enjoy this day NO matter what is thrown your way
Continuously seek My peace in all that...
Dark night with no moon in sight
What is my final plight?
Obscure heaviness shrouds my fracturing mind
The Truth is becoming harder and harder to find
Almost EveRyone here is becoming fatally blind
Who is responsible for this intricately WICKED web of caustic design?
Thus genially and fabulously crawling behind the fear of the ill fated crimson crime
Time shredding as We speak
Plucking apart the generic fabric and weaklings of society
Does this entity feel at all the slightest bit guilty?
No idea what lies ahead
But I'm stuck on the front lines NOT of my own volition
But by My King's Royal command
So sick of this world's greed and selfish competition
I will do all in my power and His to be p...
Oh My Love
I can't wait to spend the night with you underneath this beautiful full pink moon!
Losing track of Time again
Lost until Our eternity
Eyes playing tricks on me again
Which part of the Veil am I seeing underneath now?
Until then is playing once more
What color is this door?
Amarilla floods my mind
What a relief that it isn't Scarlett or Onyx anymore
I'll keep counting the joy in EveRy battle because I know that's where You will be
My weary ears eagerly listening for New melodies not yet heard in this hated and fated realm
So EveNtually We can take over this hell bound helm
And redirect it's course
Apocalypse Orchestra plays The Garden of Earthly Delights
I want to block out all of t...
Get me off this highly toxic planet NOW!!!
Please My Love, think of some way or somehow
The eeriness in the atmosphere keeps silently yet ferociously growing
I'm internally screaming and exploding
Trying my best to power through another painfully programmed day
So many listless zombies in their gloves and masks
Not listening to a word anyone has to say
Only serially selfish endeavors to meticulously cross off their monotonous household tasks
Why are You trying to push me beyond my breaking point?
I suppose this is supposed to make me stronger in what's to come soon
Please just let me have some strength from my Beloved full moon
Excited She will be here tomorrow
Hopefully able to alleviate a s...
A chilly morning out in the wilderness
I can't bear to be contained inside human structures
I don't mind living out of a tent
It sure is a lot cheaper than paying the much too expensive rent
Listening to the birds sing with cheerful melodies
Gleefully unaware of the world's present tragedies
I wish I was a bird
So I could fly away
As the sun sets into the night of day
My wings still broken and shattered
Having Lost EVErything that eveR and truly mattered
Maybe one day I'll fly
But oh where to go from here?
I do pray that Christ's Return is imminently near
Gypsy soul n-EVA resting
This indeed will prove to be the ultimate testing
Exactly 10 months ago today
I decided it was more than Time to finally put the Drink away
I regret not doing it sooner
But I wasn't ready then and still hadn't hit my rock bottom of this seemingly endless pit of life and strife
So much internal Discovery and hidden reasons that drew me to the bottle like a moth to the flame
Now NOTHING in my life is the same
I've burned so many bridges and reaped so much sorrow
At times EveN now, I still dream of n-EVA seeing tomorrow
But that is thankfully NOT an option with His abounding Grace that I gratefully and daily borrow
I still don't know where I'm going from here
But I know it's better than anywhere that I was last year
Perhaps He will be able to m...
Been awake since 3:33am
Running on the fumes of fumes
Daily and painfully watching how all encompassing greed continues to consume this dying and tragic world
I've read Isaiah 61 but what's plaguing me is EveRything that's coming with Revelations 13
Post apocalyptic nightmares almost on a daily basis
But with a baby boy who must be protected at all costs because if not then ALL will truly be Lost
I don't know what EVErything means
Other than NOTHING is what IT seems
I'm not sure that I can eveN believe my dreams
Too many forms of various deceptions
What a WICKED Game of Inception
Another Wolf has been sent my way but this One seems different than the others before
Perhaps Time will tell
Estoy perdiendo mi maldita mente
Solo tengo 91 días de esté infierno en la Tierra
¿Dónde estás Mí corazón?
Estoy perdida y jodida
No puedo ajuantar la locura aquí
Està creciendo más y más cada día
La enfermidad està creciendo
Mientras más de las ovejas están saliendo
No puedo entenderlo para nada
Paso mucho tiempo con Los arboles y Rios Escondidos para descansar mi Alma tan rota
Quiero escaparme de esté Mundo cayado
¿Dónde estás Mi guapo Desperado?
Sending multitudes of infinite vibes of the purest Love into the Universes across the magnitudes of Space and Times
Hoping that miraculously they will find You
I don't know what to do here anymore
I'm perpetually LOST in the endless maze of doors in this Twilight Matrix on repeat
Has EveRything reached it's FINAL Apex?
Please try to let me know soon
I don't know how much longer I can nurse these open wounds of blaring increasingly incessant apocalyptic sights and sounds....
Please just don't put me 6 feet under any grounds
Almost exactly 3 months left of my contract with You
Then I can be ONE with the wind and perhaps OUR Lost Love can begin again...
Is it true?
Have I finally found You here?
I think I'm dreaming again...
This can't really be You in physical form gloriously manifested so near
I'm afraid that it's too good to be true
A Time when the world is going mad with a global pandemic
Yet a New love story unfolding despite myself
How on earth did You manage to scale almost all of my walls without setting off my internal alarm?
Please My most precious Love, this shattered heart can not withstand any more harm
Nor will I be wooed by Your impeccable charm
Are You the key to all of My chains?
I desperately want to go to the Light You are calling me to
But You keep telling Me not just yet
Please just don't Forget this Time
My fragile hu...
Bye New 🌙 in 3 days time
I'll be battling the crimson veto crime
It shall be anything but sublime
Ruby, Sapphire, Onyx, Amethyst and Jade will be witness to my impending mortal decay
I don't think they know that I'm 4-Eva going away
Shredding this pernicious Immortality with a LONG awaited venemous fatality
The Time is ticking down to its last grains of sand
I'm nothing but a foreigner caught in the ✝ 🔥 in this strange land
A deal was struck 3 years ago
For Him to finally let me go
Only 133 days left in my captivity
Death will serve as the ultimate form of enlightened Creativity
Oh hellish bells ringing in my Wars
Skins of defeat on the bodied & bloodied horizon
Ears maliciously ringing
I am unable to hear victory singing
Acid rain engulfs the rooting decay
There are not any words for you left to say
I will take my place in the Darkness that you forsook me to
And DAMN YOU!!!
You have now lost the power to tell me what to do
I'll navigate this New Hell on my own
Oh the Drink.......
is far too excruciatingly slow to hasten imminent yet elusive Death
Not to mention, the Dead give away on the Breath.....
In desperate need of a New method of Jaded Fairytale's ultimate defeat
Venom thrust into a delicate river portal
TIME to truly test the theory of ImMortal...
Solo quiero a Ti
Mi Deseo de Mi Alma
No LO quiero si no estés ahi
Tú Corazón rompa el Cielo
Muy despierta mientras el mundo está dormiendo profundo
No estoy lista por esté capitulo sigiuente
Falto la fuerza pues Tu lo tengas para Mi
Estoy ciega y sorda
Perdí a mi misma
Llevamé sobre La Oscuridad
La Guerra Finál
Quién más sabe?