And here I am once again terrified that I might become the person I use to be,
I look at the life I'm leaving and it's exactly what I've always wanted but at the same time I feel like everyday I'm at the edge of the Clif...
And it seems like He will be my down fall.
behind closed doors,
if sleep came knocking,
he would not find me here
this aching abyss
is no place for dreams
of broken bones and memories
i struggle to reside
in a place where thoughts collide:
struggle and yearning,
reveling in the past,
in what we were ages before
when we thought we knew it all,
when all we knew was nothing,
endless torture battling with a need
to relive e v e r y t h i n g
i draw a line in the sand,
take shelter in the silence
they said the heart cannot miss
what it does not remember
so in defiance
i shattered the parts
that were stained with you
- ashley jane
A lock restrained for my vile,
dark in these allies now in my drive,
I'm running to you in 15 frames,
Painting each layer after,
in some lighter shade of greys,
I Run to you sifting through my mist embossed gaze,
Your amber hair,
Leaving an afterimage of the now setting sun,
On my distant looking radiant face,
How the glass flows in time
Slowing down ahead of Me,
As if it were a race of fallen ecstasies,
in memory of older days,
I call upon thee,
A hesitant knock on your door,
Chances are more that it'd be Me...
Its that type of cry where you bite your lips to not sob.
The tense of your shoulders to control your breathing.
When you close your eyes as the tears fall down.
Its the holding your breath so you dont make a sound.
The hand over your mouth, in the shower, hoping the water covers the sound.
Its the feeling of despair and hurt, and sometimes you feel so numb yet you hurt so bad.
Its the physical pain of your heart hurting and then at the very end you smile a little because you remember that one good memory.
Maybe its the name they called you and you can hear it perfectly then you just break again.
Thats the worse type of crying because if youre doing that it me...
I know you’ve been back.
I watch for when
My mangled mind.
I didn’t know I could.
I get it-
I’m in love.
He and I
I’m cleaning my closet.
My grey-blue sweater?
The one with little,
I wore it
I was trying to
Selves and bottom?
I had on
We sat in
What about the
Black and grey
With the golden
I had it on
In Nob Hill
And when the night gently spreads its arms
I submit to the sheer shimmering silent charms,
That walks around me like a spectre.
Straight from the pages of my past.
The skeletons that I buried deep,
Within the layers of the labyrinth that I keep.
Steadily rise up to slowly stir
The same old thoughts I left to confer,
The emotions that I left to address,
Wrap me up in a tight embrace
And let my mind mildly caress
The memories that I wish to erase!
I bought this book at Target, called 3000 Questions About me and decided to post some questions on here and respond to them. Think it be interesting so here it goes.....
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
When you feel at peace within, comfort like home feeling.
2. What is your greatest fear?
That my children won't forgive me for the mistakes I've made.
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
That I have an addictive personality. That I wallow in misery.
4. What is your greatest extravagance?
I spend money on useless creative things.
5. What is your current state of mind?
I am just trying to maintain bala...
My dearest readers!
It is amazing the things you remberer. When you are talking to a friend, you haven't seen in years. I was remind of a funny story about being young.
When I was young, and dumb. A friend and I got into my grandparents liquor cabinet. And stole a really expensive bottle of wine. And a bottle of gray goose vodka. That was the last time I ever drank vodka. I can't even smell it. Without getting sick, to this day. A neighbor had this really stubborn donkey. So we thought it would be a great idea to take him for a ride. Our high school was about a mile and a half from where we lived. Some how we rode him all the way there. I don't know why the doors to the school was open. But ...
Often rises smile on face,
When mind goes to childhood.
Series of mischiefs at a glance,
As a naughty kid what I did.
Nails gripping deep
In return for warm breathless kisses
How would the memories unfold.....
On the bed of thousand creases
Twisting satin layered pillows
While you flared your emotions on
For the night to be so chilled
I knew not fire embellished in moans
Greasing my body in rage
I never intended meekness to be caved
You kept swimming in bottomless love
and I eased my body
In your bites over my bones
These tales.......... on islands forlorn
will remain unkown
Don't ask me how did it all............
It all started with the pain of
"Leave me at my own"
do you remember
those summers down by the lake?
friendships kindled with kept secrets
and the help of fruity drinks, a straw and umbrella
we’d sit for hours under the sun,
watch it slip over the horizon
so the starlight could shine
you’ll often find me lost in thought,
caught up in the nostalgia,
daydreaming of a place
that doesn’t really exists anymore,
of the people we once were
home still tastes like dark rum and apricot
it still sounds like laughter and loud music
but how do you find something
that’s been lost for years?
- ashley jane
I remember you
The way you would catch my eye and hold it prisoner for an eternity or two
Your deep voice sinking into my soul
Like gravity belonged to you
I remember us
So drunk in love
Untouched by reality
O how I wish I didn’t but
I remember you
- Shefali Dang
The heavy scent of leather and embers fill the room moving me occasionally to places I least expect to be. Something about this smell, just like all others that make my heart weak I walk away from sad thoughts I carefully guard. I tell myself, "no... not right now. I have better things to do." No matter where I go, the scent has now latched on to me. Ignoring it no longer works as if I have no other choice of what air to breathe. I breathe in unwanted memories and unfortunate realities. To be here and now means to die slowly, hopeless and helpless. To give in and travel back to the past, I only find myself digging out of a shallow grave. Breathless, I am consumed by sorrow unyielding. Whateve...
I mean it when i say
I cannot imagine a life without you.
It is not plain emotions
It is not a phone full of photos
It is not being immature.
The whole time
I have been breathing your air
Thinking your thoughts
And waiting for a life
Maybe memories will fade
Maybe situation will change
but my body's every curve will still want you
The nights will be colder without you
My days will not see sunshine without you
I cannot live normally without you
and if i say otherwise, do not believe me
I am lying.
I’LL NEVER FORGET
2 years sober, 5 years sober,
10 years sober and so on.
It didn’t matter what I had been through good and the bad
What mattered was I had a solid foundation in recovery to build a life as a young adult
I was never ambitious, kinda wallflower, dabbler in many things but I wouldn’t walk through my fear to pursue my dreams.
The one constant in my first 10 year sobering life was that I was so strong in how it was the one thing I was proud of in my life. I did that all on my own, making a conscious decision every single day not to drink or drug. I felt so accomplished. With the help of a lot of support in place. And my strength in my core being from that I will alwa...
Hello dear fellow writers,
This is just an experiment to encourage you to dig a little deeper than usual into your soul.
Try and picture your childhood self as clearly as possible. What is the most drastically different aspect of your personality today, when compared to your childhood self? What brought about that change?
Please leave your answer in the comment section. Just trying to find out how each one of us is brainwashed into what we eventually become...
Thank you in advance!
- Tina 🍀
With all the love i feel for you,
Build an ice castle under the sun,
Swim in the clouds,
Upturn in zero gravity.
Like a shooting star
Half broken and flying
the rest burning ablaze.
In the forever's forbidden forest,
Twigs break as i depart,
Every breath leaves a mark
but i do not.
I could say sorry
and walk away
But everything is so beautiful
To walk away from
I could take the blame
and let go
But you hold me tight
It is impossible
To let go
I could wait
and act alright
But you know me so well
Even my smile
cannot fool you
I could breathe
Pour all the burden on you
But the guilt is too much
That pain i cannot
put you through
What is worse
Seeing you sad
or staying away
What is right
Stealing you for myself
or giving you up
What is good for you
a lifetime of us
or faded memories ?
Do you know the torture of memories of lost love?
I get lost in them sometimes and then I realise I am mad at whole world. Words hurt you know.
But then I always pick myself up and just walk away from those memories. It’s better this way.
In the quiet chill of the night,
is the soothing crackle of a burning cigarette.
A soft tune playing in the background,
pulls at your attention,
then the breeze hisses by your ear and you draw your attention back to the cigarette smoke,
realising that it was just your mind playing games with you.
That there was no music but just an old faint memory of one and yet again, you lost yourself to it, and left another cigarette burning without a puff inhaled.