You know what i mean?
She banking zeros
She a QUEEN.
Last Night incident
Yesterday in the morning my best friend Nitin calling me. Actual me Usne apni bike service pr de rkhi thi to wo meri Activa lene ke liye mere Office aaya.. or le kr chala gya after 2-3 hour he calling me and said abe saale kya hai ye teri activa.
Mene pucha kyu kya hua bola saale 3Punchar niklwa chuka hu abhi tk esme se or 3KM tk ni aaya or waps se punchar ho gyi teri activa.. mene kaha bhai dekh le kahi pr hoga koi machanic or us se thk karwa le. chlo yaha tk bhi sb thk tha usne Total 5Punchar niklwaye jabki mene kal hi new tube change krwayi thi any way.. 7.30pm approx he came and again started mene kaha chod jo hua so hua.. or hum d...
100 Year Old Sex Maniac
An old man turned 100 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together. A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.
"Are these yor grand kids?" the reporter asked.
"Naw, sir, they all be my younguns," the old man replied with a sly grin.
"Your kids?" said the reporter. "What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?"
"Naw, sir," said the old man. "She be my wife."
"Your wife?" said the surprised reporter. "But she can't...
The nurse approached him, smiling. "The labor is going great," she said. "Wouldn't you like to come in?"
"Oh, no," the man shook his head.
The nurse returned to the mother's side, and the labor progressed smoothly.
As the birth neared, the nurse returned to the man, now pacing frantically in the hall.
"She's doing so well," she assured him. "Wouldn't you like to at least come in and see her?"
The man seemed to hesitate slightly, then shook his head again, "No, no, I couldn't do that."
He jingled car keys in his sweaty palm and resumed his pacing.
The nurse went back into the room and coached Mom's valiant efforts in pushing the baby into the world.
As the baby's he...
You women have all the 365 days to yourself because of the kind of cruelty you do to us men on a regular basis. Why should we owe one day to women and celebrate their existence?
No Longer Possible
An old man is walking in Amsterdam and passes a hooker standing at her door. She says to him, "Hey Granddad, why don't we give it a try?"
He says, "No thank you. That is no longer possible for me."
It was a slow night, so the hooker says, "Oh, come on, what have we got to lose; let's give it a try."
So, they both go inside and he acts like the young man he used to be.
"Oh my goodness," says the hooker breathlessly afterward, "I thought you said sex was no longer possible for you."
Says the old man, "Oh, my body is still highly capable; it's the paying that is no longer possible."
It's funny how we are all going through the motions and all trudging our way through this enigma called life.
Although we are all on the same journey, no one's story is the same.
It seems difficult to contemplate the fact that everyone around you has a life as complex as yours.
They feel the way you feel.
They laugh the way you do.
They experience loss the way you do.
They are loved ones to others and have people they love.
And one day, the journey ends for them- the same way it ends for you.
My country is freedom in chains.
Poisoned food to rot our brains.
We have an orange for a president.
The only place I wish to be a resident.
When u marry a woman,U take her away from her parents.
They had paid for her Education(which isn't cheap)until she iz successful,educated,visionary,the women u choose to mary and
" all u can care about is
If she can cook ? "
To all the happily unmarried men. Aged and married women deserve to be complimented by you because their husbands don't appreciate their beauty after a certain age. Be the first guy to reach out to her when her husband is the last one to look at her. And if the woman is your friend's mother, cross all your limits to spoil her with your love.
Men ain't giving butterflies these days!
Straight away high blood pressure trend is going on!
Once upon a time I had a very snarky English teacher. While looking down her nose at us she would carry on about how her students were always below average and couldn’t grasp concepts.
No one was able to surmount the Everest that was her intellect. In short, we all despised her.
One week, we were studying haikus - structure, subjects, 5-7-5, etc. She had us write out our own- I saw an opportunity and I seized it.
Mine read as follows-
“Five syllables here,
And seven more for this line,
And this class still bites.”
That made her crack up and the haiku went up on her whiteboard for the week.
I'm thinking of you today!
My Jollibee chicken joy...🍗
when can we meet again?
I hope someday 、
Note on Fridge
Found on the Refrigerator One Morning: My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy.
I am very happy with you, and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset -- I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this o...
What You Like Vs What You Need
A man was shopping in the men's department at Bloomingdale's when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter.
He went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam."
She smiled pleasantly and asked, "And what would you like?"
The man said, "I'd like to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight. Then run my hand up and down your bottom and squeeze that. Then run my hands along your inner thighs, up underneath your dress. When I get to your sweet womanhood, I'd like to rub that while simultaneously unbuttoning your blouse with my teeth and then suck on your beautiful breasts and bite your nipples lightly...
But what I *need* is a new tie!...
A young innocent girl is about to go on her 1st date and is given some word of advice and warning by her mother, "Look darling, they all want the same, so do be very careful and don't you ever let him;
1. Kiss your lips. Your lips are as soft as rose petals and will shrivel,
2. Or touch your breast. They are like of thin crystal and can shatter, and
3. Never ever to touch your "private" part. That one is like a "GRILL" and will burn everything coming to touch it."
The girl is off full of excitement and anxiety, and Mom waits and waits until just after midnight when she's back.
"How was it?" asks mom.
"Oh mom, it was absolutely fantastic, and I think I'm in love!"
~My Unconventional Family~
Conversations in this household on any given night include and are certainly not limited to; murder by glucose injection, guests staying the night followed by howling and barking noises coming from the room they're staying in... Oh my! 👀