Yes, you beautiful soul. I am not sure how did I get here. I don't know if I even asked for you, but since the universe brought you into my life, after so much pain and so many obstacles and tests I feel like I have started living again. I might have called your name in one of my dreams, in my subconsciousness. I didn't know what I needed, I didn't know if I even needed anything, or what it would be that would fulfill my heart with such joy and motivation, but in some way, you came and did the simplest of things, as you once wrote: "I exist".
Your existence fuels me to want to be better, to want to keep on pushing harder even when my lazy ways want to take over and make me feel...
Well, where should I start?
Surrounded by great people such as a wonderful family, a marvelous boyfriend and precious friends but how is it possible to feel lonely and empty?
Have you ever felt that way?
I no longer know what to do with the empty spaces that remain
– they exist in the same way that I exist and yet I barely exist at all.
Time doesn’t move for me anymore,
I see it,
I feel it,
I hear it,
but I am no longer part of it.
We parted ways the day I held you wanting nothing but time,
only to have to watch time fade from you as though it didn’t matter,
as though you didn’t matter
but you mattered to me,
you were all that mattered to me.
I remember holding you in my arms,
my whole world filled with time,
and yet you were not.
You were no longer you and I was no longer me and, in that moment,
I decided I no longer cared for tim...
डर डर के ।
जो लोग डर डर के जीते है ।
असल मे वो लोग मर मर के जीते है ।
दूसरों के खुशी के लिए कुरबान होते है ।
शुरू होने से पहले ही खत्म हो जाते है ।
- संजय उदगीरकर ।
She wasted years pretending to be perfect and adoring,
She never meant to go this path of self destruction and self loathing.
You know what's hard?
To look in the mirror and see the person I've become...
To see that I've done every single thing I said I would never. That I hurt myself worst than anyone could ever hurt me.
Today I couldn't recognize the girl in the mirror, she was a total stranger to me, and the worst part was, it wasn't a stranger I wanted to meet...
So I cried, I felt broken, sad, angry
And I apologized to her, for hurting her body, her mind, her heart... Just for everything I've done wrong, for tearing her to pieces. I broke her, I broke myself.
I promised that girl, the one that I couldn't recognize, I promised I would try to glue back every piece of her, I would stand everyday and work for he...
My heart is telling me it's time for me to move.
There's nothing for me here.
But my feet stay cemented in this empty place.
My everyday life has been infected with hallucinations I wish were reality.
You may say I'm "crazy", go ahead I'm used to the phrase.
I cannot shower without seeing my lifeless body beneath my feet bleeding wine.
Nor can I relax on the couch without a glimpse of it spun up in rope, dangling from the tree branch.
Whenever I don't see it, I feel the rush of air as I plummet to the ground from the height of my three story building.
It's an endless cycle of being in agony with no wounds to bare, because it's all in my head so it's fine, who should worry?
Besides this is my "normal", I have lived no other way.
I don't remember when I didn't feel my mind eating me whole.
I've come to terms that...
I am not enough. These four powerful words. They were going through my head on so many different occasions, and I knew that they were wrong. I keep fighting with these thoughts, I keep fighting with myself, because I know how important it is to have self-belief. My story of redemption has been one I can't explain, but I'm always trying to be better, to be more than before. I keep thinking, and I keep thinking until I overthink. Why am I so sad? Why do I form words that make me feel like I'm not meant to be here?
I never wanted to fall so far, but it's something I must live with. I hate to be around people because they don't understand or have an inkling to who I am. They try to say that I'm ...
I’m writing this now because I’ve had some time to think. I keep thinking, and I keep thinking, and I overthink. Is it because I didn’t do this? Is it because I didn’t do that? Is it something I missed? Something I did wrong? It’s always me who is the problem in my mind. I blame myself for everything, and it’s so hard to pinpoint exactly where I went wrong. Maybe I didn’t leave when I should have. Maybe I felt like this love was the only thing that was keeping me going. I never wanted to shift the blame over, even if it wasn’t my fault to begin with. Maybe my problem was being so attached to something that was never there.
I keep trying to be nice. I keep trying to make it seem like this is ...
Depression is suppression
It is a Hell from which there is no
Someone waited anxiously for their arrival
Someone waited anxiously for that one text message
Someone went out of their way and gave it all
Only to find out that they have made new friends
I feel I have taken this zoning-out thing a bit too far. The last outgoing call was made weeks ago . The last party and get-together happened months ago. I really don't remember the last time when I talked to someone wholeheartedly and laughed crazily.
After all this alone time I feel like going back to 'normal' which probably doesn't exists anymore. I want to meet someone without having to explain them the past and just live the present. I have been so laid back that I look for upcoming events but whenever something is about to happen my excitement starts turning into anxiety.
Does this happen to you too ?
If there is a story of mine,
It's you in all the pages except the last one.
Sudden thought pictures in my mind.
That how I lost few people
Who would be there for me in no time.
Everything was perfect
We were best friends
We both made a mistake,
We misunderstood things
We thought we were in love keeping our friendship at stake.
But that was just a fling,
If we’ve had not done that
We would have been talking
I wish we understood
That ‘butterflies in my stomach’
Happens in friendships too,
It doesn’t necessarily have to be love.
If it was love, it was meant to be for me and you
You know how we messed up.
And I think if there’s any way?
The feeling I feel is weird and sad at the same time
Because I know what I lost can’t be mine.