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fizkhan

PO# 487802
India
India
if chaos is a work of art, then my heart is a masterpiece!
April 24, 2019
 

Dear Friend,
Yes you will always be that for me..even if you have shunned me from your life. Wish you the best always. Hope you get genuine people in your life, not like the ones I get!
Luv ya
Fiz

HAPPY EARTH DAY 2019
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August 24, 2018
 

I want to write n write n never stop
...I want to spill it all, my happiness, my sadness, my joy, my pain ...all in words..all for u to c, maybe then u will understand that I am so much more than just someone who smiles behind the desk, and ask "how may I help you"... Can I get someone to ask me this just once. I am a story waiting to be told...

Rgds,
Fiz

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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June 28, 2018
 

"Shut up for a moment I need to focus on the call" I tell the voices in my head.. "Yes Mom I am taking care of myself" "no mom I have not had any anxiety attacks" ...you are a burden to her..you are a freak..you are troubling her so much...the voices in my head repeat these like a mantra.."Mum I gotto hang up..I am getting another call" She knows it's a lie, coz I say this each time but she accepts it n hangs up..only to call after a few hours just to make sure I am alive! "C even u know u r a burden to her..no one likes u..u r fat..u r ugly..that's y ppl look at u..u r a freak" oh God the voices just don't stop..pls stop..pls stop..let me sleep..i can't be late tomorrow..n somehow the voices...

STARS CAN'T SHINE WITHOUT DARKNESS
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May 21, 2018
Mumbai, India

Dear Someone I used to know,

So you said it all in the last mail that you send me. Made you feel better, didn't it? Venting your emotions electronically and then asking me to respect you by not responding to it. Why has it always been like this? Why has my submission to your demands always proved that I loved you but my revolt never did make you understand my need to be loved..why has it always been you ending the topic, the conversation, and now the relationship....why is it that you never want to hear my side of the story..why is it that I am the one always being doubted and then left behind..why is it that you don't give me my share of peace but making me choke on my words and feelings......

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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May 20, 2017
 

Phir shaam e tanhaai jaagi..phir yaad tum aa rahe ho..phir jaan nikalne lagi hai..phir mujhko tadpa rahe ho...can't stop listening to this on repeat mode...not that I think of u each minute..not that I gave forgotten u even for a second..not that I want to c u...not that I want to lose myself in your hugs again...is it OK..if I say it in my heart...that I miss you a lot..n I m far from being over you....I ges the pains of a broken heart does take a long long time to heal.... waiting to feel better again.

Rgds,
Fiz

THE KISS
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May 16, 2017
Mumbai, India

Yeh tumhari meri baatein..yunhi chalte rahe.. dunno y but humming this since morning..Diary is it a good day? I am smiling after all..

Rgds,
Fiz

AMOR
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May 15, 2017
Mumbai, India

Dear Diary,

Wished mum! She is happy..but my Life is à little messy now...
zindagi ko suljhao kaise, ulajhti hai har pal,
Aaj bhi wahi sawaal Jo saamne  khade the kal..
Dil darta hai ki kahi phisal na jau...
Dhoko ke dal dal mein kahi phir se na qaid ho jau..

Praying for myself tonight..need strength!!

Luv u loadz
Fiz

AMOR
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April 4, 2017
 

I am too fat..
I am too clingy..
I am not pretty...
N I just coloured my hair red

And yet I am the kind of girl people fall in love with..but don't stay there for long.... n I knew it always...but someone made me believe in this today...I am not for love....

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
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March 21, 2017
 

It hurts me..the way u easily discard my feelings...the way you can easily become indifferent..the way you love me one and then don't care at all..it hurts me..n I just wish u would know how much

Rgds,
Fiz

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
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March 1, 2017
Mumbai, India

Give me a smile, give me encouraging words, give me hope, give me a gift of love...

Rgds,
Fiz

Hurray for Hollywood
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February 28, 2017
Kolkata, India

It's my birthday...and I am just waiting for one gift that I asked for...your call..

Rgds,
Fiz

Hurray for Hollywood
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February 28, 2017
Kolkata, India

29th Feb is the day I was born...a day that comes once in four years...I celebrate my B-Day each year on 28th ...but this year I won't even do that ...coz I thot u will call n u didn't..n u were online..n I thought maybe u will wish...but u didn't ...should I still stay up..hoping against hope...waiting for that one call...or should I sleep n remember that tomorrow is just another day..nothing so special anyway!

Rgds,
Fiz

Hurray for Hollywood
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February 25, 2017
Kolkata, India

You ask me the difference between reality and fantasy...it is the same as the love that I feel for u and what I hope u feel for me...

Rgds,
Fiz

Hurray for Hollywood
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February 24, 2017
Kolkata, India

"Hi I am leaving tonight so will you.." and before I could complete my sentence asking him to call me....he said "no"...he knew what I was going to say...I told u dear heart he loves me..he know what u want to say, before I say it..."yes" my heart said sadly, "but he won't call you"..he will ...I know he will..Sitting in the airport lounge..clutching the phone in hand, I waited...the boarding announcement started n I was going to keep the phone in my bag...when he called and said it all in one breath "Have a safe flight, take care , bye" and I said "I love you too"

Hurray for Hollywood
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February 22, 2017
 

The room is so dark...your voice, my only guide....guide me to you my luv...guide me to your warm embrace...guide me to the world that's ours..guide me n I swear I won't look back!

Rgds,
Fiz

Hurray for Hollywood
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February 20, 2017
 

You love me...u love me a lot..I know it..I believe in it...but as u have said time and again u won't show it...I called u now to just ask you, is it that easy, as you make it look....not showing love to the person u love...the recorded message said " the number you are trying to reach is unreachable"...and my heart repeated "so is the man"

Rgds,
Fiz

Hurray for Hollywood
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February 20, 2017
Mumbai, India

We were talking..you were talking to me..I had a smile on my face..n then u realised that u shouldn't be talking to me..your voice turned into ice n you said "just because I am talking to you nicely...doesn't mean I want to talk to you" ...a lone tear slipped away unnoticed...my heart broke some more..congratulations... mission accomplished and that too, with ease..

Rgds,
Fiz

Hurray for Hollywood
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February 18, 2017
Mumbai, India

I fought with my friends...I wished my mom..her B-Day you see..I worked hard..I got appreciated...planned events...send tons of mails..heard bosses rants and taunts...and amidst all this kept checking my phone that u will call..coz u said u will...n u did not..n I called..and you were busy..and you said you will call later at night...and then you messaged..you will call tomorrow or maybe day after....and all the while I kept thinking, knowing you the way I do that "did he even eat today?"

Rgds,
Fiz

Hurray for Hollywood
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February 17, 2017
 

I called..u picked up..I asked u how r u..u said u r getting married..it felt like a punch in my guts...in a split second..my mind froze..my heart skipped a beat...n I lost all my sense...n then I remembered u once told me, u love me more than anybody in this world..including yourself...so my dear love stop wasting your words and your breathe in such silly lies...u love me but u want me to move on ...I know..y u r lost dese days..coz u r hurting..n u think it will be OK for me..it's not..so let's do this one last time..stop loving u..I can't..stop showing ...trying baby..stop calling...almost there..stop thinking about u..doing my best ..so u c I heard u..n I m doing almost all of it..but now...

Hurray for Hollywood
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February 15, 2017
Mumbai, India

Dear love,

For each of us the definition of love is different..for me it means just being with u, for you it meant letting go...I am no one to judge you and you shouldn't judge me either... let's just do the best we can... you trying to move on...me staying frozen in the memories we created. I am not saying that I will die, or the world will again look ugly...no , no , not at all...how can I die, coz I will live in hope that u will come n meet me n envelop me in one of your warm, warm hugs..(oh how I wish u could hug me now).. n the world is not ugly anymore, coz u would be somewhere...smiling, laughing, joking...So my darling I will learn.. I will learn to not crave for your voice but remem...

LOVE IS...
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February 14, 2017
Mumbai, India

U leave me at will..I wish it was so easy for me ...that I could stop loving u at will.

Rgds,
Fiz

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
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February 12, 2017
 

I write for you dear sweet love of mine...I write each day for you, there is no other way that I can express my feelings for u, the way I can, when I write...so what do I write about you today...yes..there is something..your voice...an enigma, a peace giver, a soul crusher, a ray of sunshine, a hard slab of ice, sometimes as sweet as the sweetest chocolate, sometimes as bitter as poison...it's what I crave to hear..every second , every minute ...it's what I fear as I dunno the words u might just speak next might destroy a hope...your voice dear love is my life line and it's also the knife that stabs me n leave a deep cut in the inner recesses of my mind n soul... it's my medicine that cure me...

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
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January 31, 2017
Mumbai, India

We have all heard it....something is better than nothing...but seldom do we realize the meaning behind these words and treasure that "something".. For me it came in the form of a call...As usual, I called him..he was still sleeping..I tell u the luxury to stay asleep till 10 in the morning is what a few really lucky ppl enjoy!! Nevertheless today he remembered to call me back...the conversation was light..the mood was friendly..and then I ended up saying that something stupid which starts from I, has tons of love in between, and ends with a you!! Thankfully the sky didn't fall down on me, like I expected it too..but politely I was told not to ask him to say it back...my heart frowned for a se...

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
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January 30, 2017
 

Me - Hi...wake up sleepy head
Him - hmm...will call u back when I wake up...

Awesome..he didn't sound angry ..he is gonna call...I hope he receives my gift  today...n god heard me..in an hour or so I receive a call from the courier person...asking me to confirm his address..the dumb friend of mine...wrote my number..n not his..nevertheless..lemme try waking him up again..

Me - hey sorry ..u need to wake up n take this number..

Him - I am out..what number

Me - u r up? U didn't call? OK...at least call up this courier person..

Him - u didn't have to...OK msg me..

He sounded the least interested..I can't even tell u how much it hurt...y does he hate me so much? And then in a matter of a fe...

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
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January 27, 2017
 

Oh dear lord..u are kind...the day was great..d day was awesome...we spoke...he still didn't say much...but it was the friendly banter that we always enjoyed...there were moments when his words made me sad..there were moments when I went weak in my knees again...I luv him..I luv him so much..I don't think so I will ever get tired of saying this. He said he doesn't read my letters..but then again he hinted that I am showing him in a bad light...but that's not true...just because he has his reasons to part ways..doesn't make him bad....maybe he thinks it's for the best...but what he doesn't know that "this best" might not be "the best" idea ever for me....

Rgds,
Fiz

CELEBRATING REPUBLIC DAY
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January 27, 2017
 

I didn't call him the entire day today...though I was pretty much at home...though I was dying to call him..coz he is unwell...though I didn't care what he would think of me if I called...but I didn't....I luv him so much..that I am really trying my best to give him what he wants....but times like these it becomes so difficult to not butt in...n tell him to take care..or hear his voice to know if it's a little better than yesterday..yes I did think of him a thousand times..yes I did pray for him..yes I did wish him a good morning..yes I wish he had amazing day..and can u believe it what made me happy...a msg which I saw almost an hour late..he send me a link to a movie asking me to watch it.....

CELEBRATING REPUBLIC DAY
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January 26, 2017
 

Yesterday he wasn't feeling well..he's caught a bad cold..his sounded terrible. How do I know all this when I didn't call him? But that's the thing ..I did. And before u hate me dear brain for being clinging..which I most definitely am..I mean am not..he replied to my message in a way I didn't expect him to...and somewhere deep inside I felt all is not good with him..so keeping ego..and even self respect aside..I called him..and he didn't hurt them, by receiving my call..Two minutes into the conversation I realised I am using my office phone and coz I wanted to talk a bit more, I casually asked "is it OK if I call u back from my mobile" and he said " y what's the need ... we are done talking ...

OUR LOVE
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January 26, 2017
Mumbai, India

Soooo...I didn't call him this morning...thinking what if he doesn't take my call..what if he is sleeping..what if he is with someone and I will be disturbing ...so many what ifs..but the only answer I gave myself...he doesn't want u...and as he said "u r not needed" ...give him space...let him be....love him from far..coz I can't stop loving him..so I didn't call him while going to work.. I was proud of my self control n then all it took was one song on my mobile phone to blow away my self control n i messaged him "good morning ..have an awesome day ahead"!

Rgds,
Fiz

OUR LOVE
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January 24, 2017
 

I heard his sleepy voice on the line..and I ended up asking some stupid question..when all I wanted to do was tell him..that I love him..but he already knows that..maybe he just doesn't know how much..and by setting him free is the only way to show it ..then so be it..but I luv u n I will luv u always..they say u can't guarantee anything in life..the way u told me that u don't know u might be with someone else ...you will fall in love with someone else...but I can't again...coz I didn't love u with the desire to possess u...and now that u don't want me..I should stop loving u..Sorry Sir, it doesn't work like that for me...u made me fall for u..n know that I am in love with you ..I can't ever ...

NOT STIRRED
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January 23, 2017
 

"I will call you later, I am busy"..he said..I said "okay" and we hung up.. " He won't call, don't bother waiting" The mind screamed.."you never know" the heart whispered clutching onto a piece of hope..

Rgds,
Fiz

TRUMP, 45TH PRESIDENT
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