Too much to lose
A freedom to gain
Escaped estranged secrets
Words weaponized hidden
in shadows and in caves
in depths of my eyes,
between breaths of my time
Secrets one shouldn't hear
Secrets bejeweled with freedom
Too much to lose
For a freedom to gain.
Truth that demands blood for blood.
Thought that screams silence
A head full of conspiracy, mine.
Where do I find peace
When even my mirror betrays me.
Standing in front is an enemy
Where do I seek refuge
when my heart pumps alien
Irregular, on the edge of sanity
How do I walk with a head held high
When my secrets wheigh me down.
Dragging me by my hair
A reckless disaster waiting to happen.
End of the world as I know it
I met a boy in Calgary Town.
Dimples and big brown eyes.
We sat by the table for breakfast
The world just seemed to zoom by.
He would look up, a radiant smile
I wonder how ridiculous I looked.
I hadn't seen someone so cute in a while,
Ate those pancakes small and good.
We talked of life and love
And how he'd sneak around his house.
We talked of the God above
And how world never made sense.
Wavy hair that fell on his face,
Shoulders, broad stood strong.
We walked all through downtown
Local boy and the traveler girl.
Just like in the stories.
I met a boy in Calgary Town
We met for breakfast and time stopped.
I noted him down the memory house
So when we left I'd...
The crisscross lines
Like gallis running chaos
In old streets of ancient muddy town.
Like noise in a traffic jam
Like a river, gushing and forcing its way
Through a rigid rock.
Hands. With crisscross, messy chaotic lines.
Color. Brown. Like coffee beans
In an African land.
Like mud soaked in rains.
Of chocolate layered smooth
Skin. Brown smooth skin.
Long fingers traversing long ways
Of exploring wrong ways.
Of holding skin. With skin.
Flesh with flesh. Bone upon bone.
Hands. Long, brown, smooth hands
Crisscross lines that embarked upon destinations.
Destination. Quest. An unmarked territory.
A pilgrimage to soul.
Home. Me. Skin.
Hands. Loose yet firm.
A lousy mission. A pass...
I saw you in the hallway today
As I walked past like you didn't exist.
I did not want to do that.
I wanted to stop and look at you.
And stare right into your eyes
To see beyond your mask.
A part of me was scared
To see how well you were doing
While I was a storm waiting to destroy myself.
A part of me was hopeful
To see remnants of normalcy
That was left off me.
I wondered if you were the same
Or if life was all sunshine for you.
Trail of thoughts that carried me,
I held myself close.
I wasn't ready for another blow.
So I walked past you
And you walked past me
Like two strangers
That never met.
And just like that
We erased a history
That once was.
There is a bitter taste in my mouth
The one I have after biting my words off.
The one I taste after putting away my emotions. I'm in pain. Just not visible on my face.
I hear a constant screeching of wheels stuck in mudroad. Trying to get escape the never ending ever sinking feeling. The feeling of pain undescribable.
My nose is a house of pungent smell. Of slow rotting of life. Of eventual death. Of a callous murder done by me. Of me. I'm in pain. The mute pain.
In broad daylight when the sun shines bright. My eyes, hurt. They are used to perpetual darkness of closed dusty rooms. Of cobwebs and 3 day old coffee. My eyes is accustomed to a mess and loneliness. The kind that I can nev...
There are some stories that inspire you and those that touch you. Today I will tell you one such story of friendship.
Like all classic stories, I'll start mine with Once upon a time, there lived an old man in the lap of Himalayas. Having lived a satisfactory life, he tended his garden with all the care and energy he was left with. Life was simple to the old man. Life was good through all it's hardships and he could say he had had lived as best as he could. A retired life was not all that bad. To him, it was just a little lonely because of minimal interactions with people. But nevertheless, not bad at all.
The old man had many stories from his youth that would often take hi...
seeking voice. Hers.
Secrets. Slowly seeping
into the daylight.
on her face- scared.
scared, trembling voice.
secrets stumbling by her chest
into the world.
Except they are bullets
piercing write through her soul.
Secrets. Soul splitting heart shattering
Family breaking Feirce bold secrets.
Skipping through her eyes.
Ah. Tears on pillow
on cold lonely night.
Secrets cannot be spilled.
Secrets cannot come out.
Secrets destroyed will destroy lives.
Secreets live. Feed. Rage. and Kill.
Secrets. seeking voice. Hers.
Let me grow
Let me grow like the rock and sea
Calm under the harshest suns.
Unfazed by the burning heat.
Violent with the chaos beneath
Violent enough to touch the shore and back.
A game. A game of growing.
Of learning and unlearning.
Of relearning what matters.
Let me grow like the cycles on moon
One day full, one day half and one day
Visible at noon.
A period of revealing all I am
Then a period of hiding all I got.
Like the moon bright in a starry night.
A process of safe guarding what matters.
Let me grow like a snail but let me grow.
Where the time goes slow
And I move without a care in the world.
Fast paced lives that won't really matter
Because I'm my own time keeper.
Let me learn f...
2016 was a year full of emotional rides. There was so much that happened. I learnt loss and death. I learnt the ugliness of politics. I learnt that truth isn't always displayed like the sweets in a sweet shop. It can be hidden in the dark room on a moonless night. You wouldn't ever notice it until you want to. I learnt that the world is imperfect and there's hardly anything I can do to fix it. I learnt hard-work and team building. And that I can really do anything if I aim to. I learnt that some friendships shouldn't be meddled with and sometimes when people hurt you, you forgive them because they're worth more than your hurt. I learnt to let go. I learnt that I can be scared of change and de...
Whatever you do when you miss someone?
Do you look at their dozen pictures over and over again? Hoping that they'd come out of the two dimensional frame and kiss you right away.
Do you go down your memory lane and think about everything that you've done together. Everything that makes life special.
Do you think about future and how is it going to be? Just the two of you in the entire world. Or the two of you in your own world.
Whatever you do when their thoughts don't let you sleep at night? Do you text them? Do you call? Or do you sleep and hope to dream of them?
Whatever do you do....
If I could wish for anything today, it would be to meet you in person. No, its not plain flattery or anything else. Its just gratitude of having known you and interacted with you on lettrs. Just a simple wish of meeting you in person and knowing you a bit more. I can't thank you enough for lettrs and I won't. This is where I come when I'm upset or an overwhelming need to write overpowers me. University keeps me pretty busy and if I still need an escape, I always come back to lettrs like it's my home. Maybe, it is. And you, you are the reason why I've a home here.
Happy birthday, Drew. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
Hold me, like you always do
Looking into my deep brown eyes
Hold me with your gaze
that showers all the care in the world.
Arrest me with your smile.
That comes only around me.
And when you do that
I'm yours, alone.
In that moment. Forever.
Hold me, because you're that someone.
Sometimes I wish I could talk to you. like, really talk to you. Tell you how the sun rises a different in my world and you'd understand. Not mock or judge. Tell you that I do things differently or believe in different things. I'll never be you, Mom. Tell you that my colours are a bit more iridescent for your tastes but I like it here. I like somethings that are probably a no go area for you. Mom, I am different as different can be and yet some of my nature matches yours. But mom, I still dance to different tunes. Mom, I wish I could show you all of my weirdness and wildness and you'd tell me " Live your life, dear girl". For once, you wouldn't try to mould me into the vessel that...
To roads that go nowhere,
I stride on them with purpose.
Almost waiting for a miracle.
I'm wearing my happiness
And carrying sadness on my back.
Dark alleys. The hidden fears
Of my relentless mind.
Meaningless banter of the mind
Love is a drug. I'm a druggie.
Yet an almost empty pit
Knots my heart.
I miss him.
You grow on me
Like a vine tree
On a broken wall
Of ab abandoned house.
Come. We'll sit together
In some dusky corner
Where people never come
And it will be moon light and us.
Singing our own song
Making our own wind.
I'll peal your mask off and you, mine.
We'll sit like two curious people
Exploring each other.
All those unattended thoughts
The dismissed ideas. The hidden emotion that homes underneath.
I'll let you cry. I'll let you bleed.
Just let me love you
The way you let loneliness
Let me kiss you
Like the world ends today
Let me hold you in my arms
Because I've found my home there.
Come, let's sit together
And count all the stories
We missed telling anyone
And let me make your heart beat different
I promise, I'll let you love me too.
How do two listeners have a conversation?
They listen the unsaid.
The secrets buried in the heart.
They listen to the music of air
That surrounds them.
Peace. They listen to peace
They listen to chaos--
Muffled in the rhythm of the heart.
But they listen to stories
That want to be hidden.
They don't talk. They live.
Silence becomes their sentences
And smiles become understanding.
They don't talk, listeners.
Swings went up higher and higher, her spirits touching that inner peace she always got retouching childhood. Her legs dangling up in the air, her head laid back, strands of hair teasing the sand underneath. Nothing could stop her now. Not even adulthood. Not all those heart breaking news she would so often hear or all those moments that forced her into growing up. She was a child, caged into life. Just like everybody else. She'd still swing... Letting everything go with the gush of air. She'd learn to fly, again.
He put on his hoodie, sitting still on the swing that sang to her presence. Engrossed in his ever so comforting phone. It was probably just habit. The only comfort he was used to. B...
Give me a full stop. The sentence is too long, too complicated to be understood. It has been dragged into meaningless hope and bitter past. It has been twisted to a breaking point by ego at the hands of lies and jealousy. Give me a full stop. The sentence needs to be changed. The story must go on.
The simplest words
Were all that were uttered
When life threw stones at them.
Simple hopeful heartfelt words.
Words that seemed as distant as stars
The simplest words were those
That filled the empty minutes
With hidden emotions.
That healed the broken hearts.
Words like I'm sorry
Or I care.
Words like always And forever
And hey and good night.
They were simple words
From simple hearts
Yet they never uttered
Beyond the lines they always made.
The story teller
From the iris of his eyes,
He spun stories
out into this world.
They weren't all magical
They were common tales
of the forgotten houses.
He'd tell them
as if they were a part of him.
Like the skin he wore
around his beautiful body.
He said he could never write.
He didn't need to,
his stories lived on his lips
and lurked from his eyes.
That's how I fell in love with him.
Through his stories,
that needn't be written.
He kept walking on the footoath, a usual dusk met him with full force. An overcoat hiding most of his injuries. But the deepest remained revealed in his eyes. A smoke of puff and he headed back to the playground. His daughter was there hours ago. Or was it days? Or years. It felt like forever. He could no longer here her cackling laughter. He could no longer hold her hand and usher her forward. He could not tickle her and laugh with her instead. His very reason to go on in life had left him so unceremoniously. Just like a passing wind in his favourite season. The wind took with all the colors his life ever had.
He sat by those swings, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. He was so much ...
A boy on swings
A boy of something 19,
a stubble and ruffled hair.
A boy of rage and despair
Came to those still swings.
A boy of loneliness,
Mark of weakness in his eyes
Dark, sunk in, sad eyes
Sat on memories he had forgotten.
A boy, a man. A boy becoming
Emotions and confusions
Disillusioned time that rambled
Brought the boy to lonely swings
And he swang. Higher and higher
Shedding sparks of anger.
Of hopeless angst. Of hatred
Of self loathing ideas.
A boy, a man; swung
Unto the vast vast sky.
Like an explorer
Set to find a new land.
The boy swung beyond limits-
He constructed as he grew.
He let go, that boy.
He was a child with no worries.
Heavy eyes now filled with air
A little l...
It's been ages since I have written to you and today, I want to give all of me to all of you. I want to write to you all those layers of years resting on my skin that you've missed. I want you to see what I see and breath the same air I do. Today, I am.. in love with you. Again. Like a forever found in a time leakage in space, sucking me in. Into you. Again. Today, I am yours. Running as fast as I can to get closer to you. Again. Listen.. to your beating heart and eyes that are meant to gaze at me.
I know we blush when we're together but you and I.. are something. You and I are the best we can ever be. Two bodies conscious and comfortable. Gosh, I miss your eyes. And all those...
Restless, sleepless cold night
Restless, sleepless lone souls.
His hand finds way to her's-
Fingers entwine; touch each other.
A sudden rush of blood;
Through the rusted veins
And in the mirage of dreams,
They find solace.
Scattered dreams.. teary eyes-
Two worlds meet,
Under one moonlight.
Pale lilac on brown skin-
Lullabies and sleep,
An innocent sin.
Two bodies, skin to skin
Sleep. Closed eyes
A sleepless girl in a sleeping town
Where dreams are sewn together.
Small dreams of jumping frogs
Inside a pond called life.
Simple dreams of old scriptures
Repeated in a new fashion.
Dreams of looking out the glass window
And seeing dazzling city lights.
Of green paper in pockets
And sweet girl in beds. Of course, after marriage!
Dreams of taboos and voiceless voices
Echoing like the jumping frogs
In a pond where life is just the pond.
Small. Circular. Vicious.
Of babies popping and boys living.
Girls. Just for marriage.
Making tea and a cloth on head.
Decent little lives. Decent little dreams.
Love in the eyes. Staring down the head covered little ladies.
Oh! How they blush. Being stared a...
Shh. Stay quiet. Sit.
I'm here to talk to you.
But your eyes are more truthful.
They won't deceive me.
What do they say?, You ask.
They say you're sorry and hurt
Scared.. and confused.
You don't want to mess up.
You did. You don't know.
What are you looking at?
That ice around my heart
Won't melt so soon.
Stop pleading. Stop persuading.
You won't give up will you?
But you don't know.
You hope that I'll stay.
What? No. Don't.
Your words will not heal
My words will not be complete.
So let's just talk like this.
You and I. Eye against eye.
Shh. Quiet. Your smile
Will. melt. me.
I'm sorry too. Was I too cold?
Shh. I can hear.
Your eyes speak.
You've missed me.
I missed you Too.
You care. You l...
Being lonely was a thing. His thing.
He knew the dark crevices in his wall.
Those small holes in the corners
Of his wooden windows.
He'd crawl under his bed
To say hello to the rats.
Share a toast or two with them.
The torn out pyjamas never bothered him.
Or the over grown beard
Making his face, an enchanted forest.
One that people stayed away from.
It didn't matter what he did.
All he cared for was to capture the sun
Before moon toon over.
He could hear the rhythm rustling
Of the dried, fallen leaves.
And the snakes rattling
In the over grown backyard.
Some days were different.
He'd wear his only tuxedo.
Comb his hair and put cologne.
He'd hold a broken glass
And fill it up with cheap wine...
In my throat
As I speak.
My voice, shivers.
Soft. Struggles. To avoid
All the eyes
That stare at me.
Yes. I am guilty.
Of a crime that doesn't count.
Guilt that lingers in the air
That I breathe
And I inhale it. Every inch if it.
As it fills my lungs.
Enough to spread like cancer
In my body.
The guilt of so many.
The guilt of changing.
Of redefining me.
Of small lies to escape questions.
What am I?
Guilt. That takes me prisoner
In my very own skin.
And I wrap it around me
Like a blanket
On a wintery night.
And I sleep with it.
Bare. Unarmed. Guilty.
Urgent lips. Moving. A song
Had to be played
On their mouths.
Biting and teasing. A mark
Had to be made on their face.
Hands. Exploring the stranger skin.
Tracing bones that hold their
Windy. It's windy and a cloud of lust
Lurk in their hypnotic gaze.
Lips. Urgent lips. Making a home
Together. A secret of the night.
Pushing against the cold wall.
A story had to be written.
Lips. Urgent lips.
Building all the possibilities.