|24 💜 | Mother of 2 👩👧👦 | #BeardCrew | 2 Peter 1:5-9 🙏🏼|
Life doesn’t have to be this difficult.
HONESTLY like I just don’t understand why everyone makes life seem so hard and whatever. Yeah the challenges suck but if you make it harder the. Of course it gonna seem like life is rough!
It just blows me.
Life really doesn’t have to be this difficult. It’s the people around that cause the problems that place the extra obstacles who make it difficult.
Lord take me home, I hate it here.
I wanna be closer to you and your Glory. Take me to the place where I belong.
Take me to the place where everything is so simple and enjoyable.
Lord, Take me home!
Today I was reflecting on some things.
I asked myself “what is it that makes women ‘crazy’ per say when they’re in a relationship?”
And it hit me. We all just want to know and feel like we’re the most important woman to the man.
When you’ve been hurt, it’s easy to slip into that ‘crazy’.
It’s up to you whether you decide to let it affect you, or let it motivate you.
Like, are you going to stalk all these different females and be all up in your head asking crazy questions making yourself look psychotic, and most importantly, BUGGING your man?
Or are you going to look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that enough is enough?
Today, I looked in the mirror. Today I stated some...
It’s October 16th. Today is the day my baby girl is supposed to be here.
I have a game plan. I was in the hospital last night and they sent me home because I’m only 2 cm dilated and 60% effaced. Her head isn’t fixed into a birthing position but she is super low.
Friday I have another testing appointment and after that I will be sent for induction.
My game plan is long walks in the cold freaking air, eating as much as I can handle because once you’re in the hospital, they starve you! And finally, I’m motivating my daughter to come on out and be with mommy and daddy and big brother ❤️
If she doesn’t come before tomorrow I need to wash my hair and re straighten it so i don’t look complete...
Over the past 4 or 5 years, I’ve written you many many letters.
Some I’ve sent. Some I’ve left sitting in my drafts only because I couldn’t send them and start more bs.
About a month ago, before I ghosted you out and blocked you on everything because of the betrayal I felt, I wrote you a letter but I realized it wasn’t worth sending.
I have absolutely no problem being civil or friends with anyone as long as it’s true friendship and not just keeping me close to make sure I don’t attempt to take your man that’s never really truly been your man because he is married to me.
I pray for you often, that your heart would heal from everything you’ve been through. I pray that one day things can...
Isn’t it crazy.
I’m just 9 days away from meeting my daughter.
I feel like I’m not the least bit prepared.
I have mainly everything I need.
Pretty much everything actually.
The only thing I’m waiting for is this house to be clean.
This apartment to be taken care of
And finally, for my kids father to have the Time for so I can have our last baby girl on his schedule that way he can be there.
Crazy right. To think I have control over when she comes.
We’ve talked though. Maliah and I have an understanding. She needs to wait for her daddy. 🤣
Big brother is very excited to meet his little sister.
Mommy and daddy are ready to meet their little girl.
I still can’t believe it. ...
Everything is coming together.
Slowly but surely.
Tonight we got some more stuff that mom ordered for Maliah.
Still working on some minor details and getting things situated.
We’re moving in the right direction.
Tonight I realize that not everyone is coming to the next level with me.
This transition that I’m in has shown me alot of people’s true colors.
It’s shown me the using and the no goods.
I’m thankful that I’ve been able to cut the negativity from my life thus far.
I’m focused on my future work my two kids whether there’s a husband involved or not.
Either the man will act right for you or he won’t. Same goes for family and friends.
Either they act right and assist ...
I could’ve stayed.
I could’ve been in your arms all night.
I could’ve held your hand in mine until the sunlight poked through the window.
But I left.
It was a hard decision to make.
But I think in the end when our love wins, when our fire burns higher than the others, things will be so much better.
Way better than it was before.
Things will be different and life will be complete.
I’m patiently waiting for God to move.
For him to fulfill every promise he’s made.
But for tonight. I’m in bed with Maliah.
We’re watching our shows and we’re going to have some talk time.
I’m missing your touch and your kids already but everything will work together in due time.
I love you f...
On Sunday at church, one of our members was talking about going to the next level.
He was saying things that I swear were just for me.
He was saying things like” in order to move higher you have to get rid of the inconsistencies. The inconsistent people. The inconsistent family. The inconsistent friends”
When he said “get rid of the inconsistency so you can move forward and move higher!” I swear he was looking straight into my eyes like he was talking directly to me.
I prayed that night that God would show me all the inconsistency in my life that needed to be cut.
Tonight, I realized the biggest inconsistent person in my life is my children’s father.
The poor man don’t know what h...
It’s a typical summertime Sunday after church.
My husband is on the grill.
All of the kids are grown with their own children.
I’m in the kitchen with my daughters and we’re making the side dishes and setting plates for the kids and the boys.
The grandkids are all running around while my husband takes breaks in between flipping the chicken and steaks and hot dogs on the grill to chase them around.
The boys are all sitting at the patio table watching the kids all play, talking about life and their jobs.
This is what God had promised me long ago.
When he said “see what I will do.”
This is the promised land he spoke about.
This is it.
I’m finally realizing everyt...
The funniest thing about my pregnancies is the audacity of people.
“You don’t come around I didn’t get to see you pregnant very much”
How’s that my fault when you ignore my calls and texts?
“I’m feeling neglected because you don’t talk to me”
Sorry I’m a single pregnant momma trying to make it to the end of the tunnel.
And my favorite from today,
“I’m feeling left out”
I just don’t understand. It’s a few different people who have “felt left out”
But last I checked. I wasn’t obligated to include anyone in my pregnancy. I’m not obligated to update anyone day by day or include y’all in everything i do.
Get mad for reasons that matter instead of getting mad a...
Being so in love with someone that you literally just can’t function.
They come around and it’s like everything you’ve worked hard to get away from and stop feeling just comes back with a few slick words.
But you know there’s more to it than just words.
I have to stay strong. If it’s meant to be it will be but it won’t be like this.
It will be how it was intended to be in the first place.
Mommy, Malachi, And Maliah will be just fine with or without someone there.
Praying for better days.
Learning and living and trusting God in the meantime.
Motto for the week. If it’s meant to be it will be.
Sometimes you just get tired of being lied to.
By everyone. Literally. That’s all I ever get from people.
Tomorrow starts a new week. Which is a new chapter.
I’m going to start this chapter off right. No longer will I be messaging people who I know have been lying to me for a while.
No longer will I be the one to reach out first.
No longer will I care about being nice and including others when no one cares to do that for me.
I literally put my neck out for people just to get nothing in return. Not even a thank you or an “I appreciate you”
My life for the next year is going to go how I plan it to go.
Alone. Me. My kids. Work. My education. Their education and most impor...
Reasons why I’m ready to leave Illinois.
#1: I’m getting tired of the people here. My family and the fact that my son loves his dad so much i can’t take him away from that. It is literally all that’s keeping me here.
#2: I seriously am starting to HATE my kids father and the lies he keeps up with.
It makes me sick to my stomach that he lies about the dumbest things. I just want no part of him anymore. I don’t feel anything when he touches me anymore. When I dropped our son off today and he kissed me, I felt nothing. I’m truly over him and all the bs that comes with him. I can’t do it anymore.
I believe that he was a season that God put me through to make me stronger but now, it’s time...
Today I conducted my very first intervention.
I planned it out and set it up.
I held an intervention for my mom.
It was hard. It was tough to take some of the things she said. I failed a few things but she still took the deal.
My mom got on a plane tonight to go home. Rutland VT.
This morning when I saw her she had been living in a tent with the same man who put his hands on her.
It was really hard to hear her say she was always used and everyone took all her money from her and no one cared.
I’m the only child of hers that has cared about her. I’m the only one who has attempted to help her.
So today I gave her the final choice. You move to Rutland with your mom and dad and bro...
I’ve been back and forth on what to do.
I know what I want.
I just don’t know how to make it happen.
I’m praying for some guidance.
Maybe God has other plans,
maybe his plans are what I want as well. Or they could be what I don’t want but need.
Sometimes I hate relationships and being in them.
I wasn’t ready for this relationship and it shows.
I get tired of some of the bullcrap.
I’ve also been asking for guidance about these “friend” situations I seem to have.
The lies just don’t sit right with me.
I see and peep everything and that’s what others fail to realize.
The amount of pure betrayal and disrespect I feel is at an all time high lately.
Lord guide me where you ...
Trust is something I have very little of.
For some people, I have zero trust and zero faith in their words.
Today has been a stressful day. I’ve been thinking about just going MIA on everyone.
I’ve been trying to figure my life out.
I’m at a breaking point and it’s been very hard being basically alone.
I’m doing my best to stay afloat, but I would really like to pull a Meredith gray and run away to live my life.
Praying for a better life and better days. Until then, I’m staying to myself.
Praying for Tonight, I’m praying for a better place for my children and I.
Tonight I’m praying for a financial break through.
Tonight, I’m praying for God to pour his unconditional love onto me and my son so we don’t feel so empty and lonely.
I’m praying for guidance.
Thanking the Lord for the small wins as they come.
Something bigger is in store though. 👌🏼
I’ve been the girl who get taken advantage of, mistreated, and disrespected my whole life.
I’ve always been so easy to walk all over.
I have a true heart of gold.
I’m the lost giving and loving person you will meet.
I stress a lot and worry a lot.
People blame me for a lot of things.
They use me as their excuse to be a crappy individual.
They blame me for what they did to me. It was my fault they treated me unfairly.
I’m always the first one to smile at you when we cross paths.
I’m the first one to extend my hand when you fall.
I’m the one who offers encouragement and advice when you ask, but can’t take my own words into consideration for my own situation.
I’m a true “sw...
Today is one of the days where I’ll be sitting in the shower crying because I’m so stressed out.
I’m tired of being disrespected and shit on.
I’m tired of being stressed out over dumb ass cunts who give no fucks about me or my kids.
Family or not everyone’s about to get cut off.
I have a good maybe 4 people who I’ll continue to talk with but other than that they can all shove it and kiss my ass.
Today is just one of those days.
Leave me be or be prepared to get cussed out and possibly punched if you’re close enough.
One. More. Day.
Baby M is just as excited as I am I suppose.
This morning I’ve thrown up twice within an hour.
I haven’t been eating too much lately because my appetite has been less than great and my stomach has been quite messed up.
Tomorrow however, Baby M makes their appearance for us to find out what the gender is.
I’m thinking it’s a girl. Malachi wants a girl, and my mom wants a girl.
Just one more day. 32 hours to be exact 😫
I’m taking nap 1 of the day to get a head start on this count down 🤣