No, I don't want to think about you.
But my mind flies back to you.
No, I don't want to think about the time we spent together.
But I do get subtle reminders every now and then about it.
No, I don't expect a future with you.
But my mind keeps hoping for you.
No, what you said did hurt.
But you were forgiven even before you uttered a sorry.
No, people around me think you are not good enough for me.
But why does my mind keeps stringing a future with you.
No, you didn't make any promises.
But why m'i waiting for you?
No, they talk about destiny, they say if it's meant to be it will be.
But why do I feel like re-writing it, just to make sure you are in it?
No, I really tried moving on....
Uss bandh darwaze k khulne ki aas mein saadiyan beet jaati hai par woh nhi khul ta,
Usse khol ne ki tadap aur zyaada hojati hai par woh nhi khulta,
Har yaad ussi peh aa rukh ti hai par woh nhi khulta,
Phir ek din jab aap thaake haare uss darwaze se muo modh k aagaye badh tey hai,
Bas ussi samay woh darwaza, kuch shan k liyeh khul k bandh jo jaata hai,
Aur aap usske khulne ki aas mein wapas jooth jaate hai.
Ear plugs on,
Music on high volume,
On the road,
Yet the lyrics couldn't penetrate through her thoughts and distract her.
She, did burn the bridge.
Stood there to make sure she sees the point of no return.
So that she destroys even the tiniest hope of his return.
It did calm her emotionally, when she accepted the reality.
But man lighting up the bridge was soothing.
Just when she convinced herself, just a few moments more darling and then it will be done.
That's when she saw him standing on the other side of the bridge, waving at her.
It took a lot of convincing from her logical part, to control her, from running back to him, in the process burning herself.
Hugging herself, she sat under the blanket of stars.
Admiring the beauty of the sky.
The moon - so bright, so lonely yet so peaceful.
The stars - so small, so many yet calming.
The slightly cool breeze connecting her with the atmosphere yet reminding her of the distance.
She finally learnt to pause her overanalyzing mind and cherish the tranquility the sky provided. These were the few moments, she looked forward to everyday...
Even without any promises made,
it seemed like she promised herself to wait for him.
Though I was nervous in the start, you eased the awkwardness.
When I tried looking everywhere but at you, you caught my attention.
You spoke about your life, career but your little gestures were what impressed me the most.
Your observant nature, your honesty, upfront questioning were like the icing over the cake.
I like you. I really do.
I know you want to give us a try, trust me I want that too. But I have my reasons to shut up and pretend we could remain as friends.
Maybe we'll meet again in the future, maybe we won't but I won't forget you for sure.
Maybe what you showed me about you was a façade , maybe it was the actual you but I won't forgot your ' I love you' ...
Just a few more days,
Then he'll leave and so will the chance to be with him.
He was secretly glancing at her every few minutes,
He made sure she was comfortable around him,
He was opening up to her,
He insisted on her preferences,
He did behavior like a gentleman,
He was just like the guy, she wanted for herself. But.. she couldn't start a relationship that had no future. With that thought she ignored all the possibilities, all the risks and smile away for a chance with him.
It was either letting go now or getting hurt in the future.
They might be pursuing - engineering, MBA, PharmD. But when one of them needed advice, they shift into psychologist mode.
They won't tell you it will be easy nor they'll tell you to back off. They make sure they give you a reality check and derive the answer through you.
They will warn you about the risks, at the same time they'll stand beside you while you take the step.
They'll push you to take the risk but first make sure you are ready for it.
He just texted - hi.
And she imagined half of their conversation before replying.
Still barring in mind with all the - 'what if's ?'
She's taking baby steps towards this new change. One moment with a positive thought and the next moment with a depressive one, she's stressing herself.
The - ' what if ' still scares her but the little hope she has, is what has kept her going.
Maybe this will become one of the most cherished memory or an experience.
This slow process is frustrating her and calming her at the same time.
Yet she's taking the risk.
He asked her out thrice,
And when she was finally ready,
He forgot about it.
We don't get what we want, they say, we get what we need.
By the time our want becomes our need, everything changes.
Cause when you want something, you crave for it. You do get to realize it's valve.
So when you finally get, what you wanted all along, it's too late.
That's because even though you have learnt it's valve, you have learnt to live without it.
I'm a girl who grew up watching all those Disney princess movies, with a happily ever after.
I'm a girl who knows the fact that reality is way different. There is no bed of roses ( actually strike that it's a bed of roses with hidden thorns )
I'm a girl who was always aww...ed with the magic in their life's.
I'm a girl who was taught nothing in life can beat hard work. So work for what you want but harder.
I'm a girl who was enticed with their sweet talks, dances , smiles. And wanted the same.
I'm a girl who quickly learnt sweet talks come with sugar-coated lies, dance moves and smiles should be done caution otherwise there would be misinterpreted.
I'm a girl who wo...
God, indeed is the best teacher. Cause he repeats his class till you have learnt your lesson.
Plus there is always room for special classes.
Now when people expect her to react to situations,
She inserts earplugs and switches on her playlist,
She's just too numb to react anything,
It's not that something is wrong with her, she's been through this before, with different people and comparatively now it doesn't hurt that much.
Maybe it's a boon and a bain in itself.
I really like you but just as friend. I don't want you to get hurt, on the second thought I don't want anyone to get hurt cause of me. I haven't seen you more than a friend. I do respect your feelings but I hope you find someone else and get over with it. I might sound mean but... What can I say, you are not that person I picture of, I didn't click with you that way . I know you said we would remain friends and you could tapper your feelings, but.. I still see them in your eyes, your smile.
You blush while we speak and your eyes shine. It just makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty at the same time.
I'm happy a crush on someone doesn't last that long, but while it lasts...
I dreamt of him again.
This time I was under the covers, on the verge of falling a sleep, when I felt something behind me.
There he was, without a single emotion on his face, his eyes held an untold intense emotion. I was lost in them. One had resting under his head, the other one over my belly. His grip wasn't all possessive but strong enough to claim my body as his.
His eyes held a magnetic force which pulled me to him. Soon I found myself in his embrace, my head on his chest, his hand moving up and down my back, soothing me. While his eyes held me captive..
Why do those eyes speak so much in my dreams, whilst in reality I don't exist for them.
Sometimes it doesn't matter when people question my presence.
But there are times when I pause and look around, while I look for some peace I lost. I find their calculative eyes on me.. I feel slightly hurt. Isn't family supposed to be warm and welcoming ? Why do their words seem so cold, even if they try to be understanding. Why is it that even if they are standing right next to me, I feel we are miles apart. Why do I have this need to feel their love? Why does it even matter?
You can't completely pour out your feelings into words,
It either becomes overwhelming or are taken for granted.
Sometimes we are so busy fantasizing about that one person, we neglect the fact that we are non existent in their life.
When everyone was busy blaming each other for the incident, his body remained in the same spot.. lifeless.
Whilst the family was mourning over the loss, his soul drifted into the oblivion.
It's scary how death can suck the life out of the person and just the body remains.
His parents wept the whole time, his friends demanded justice whereas others just dusted their hands and moved on with their life's.
Just like yesterday, the previous day and a day before that, she stood near the buses waiting for him to leave.
She didn't know him nor did he know about her. But whatever she had heard about him was enough for her to glance at him, once in a while.
She made sure she stood near by so that she could catch a glimpse of him before he left on his bike.
The sound from every passing bike made her turn but it wasn't him. That's when her subconscious mind murmured about her acting like a silly school girl. She signed and indulged in a conversation with her friend.
Luckily her friend was a good distraction. Cause of a silly joke they both burst out laughing.
She was smiling giddy and turned left ....
She offered friendship,
They laughed at her.
Before she could show what she was
A tear rolled out,
Lump formed in her throat,
All she did was turn and weep,
While others continued to laugh.
With every tear rolling out,
she felt weak,
She couldn't stand for herself,
She felt weak,
Letting them hurt her,
She felt weak.
Pushing this all aside, she called herself strong.
Cause some days are there to test you, your strength. They toy with you, push you down, disable you.
You just have to dust yourself and stand back. Collect yourself, all the pieces, one by one. Your fall will be a permanent memory instead make it your permanent lesson.
You make me cringe with all sorts of updates, all those disgusting plus kiddish videos, yet you make me laugh no matter what. You literally drip with sarcasm, irritate me to a point, yet you make me smile.
Whenever I approach you, you are ready with all the guidelines, making sure I'm prepared.
God! You come up with the weirdest nicknames for me, to top it off you try to convince me, that how well the nickname suits me rather than my actual name.
Though I could go on and on about you being an ass. I just want to thank you.
So... Thank you for being there. Thank you for your support. Thank you for today. Today, my day started with a smile, all thanks to you.
Thank you fo...
And one day they just walk off..
All you have are those mixed feelings..
Irritation cause you don't know the reason.
Frustration cause they promised to say.
Anger cause they left without a word / an indication / a sign. You feel like a fool.
Sad cause they left.
Guilt cause you feel, you did something that made them leave..
At that moment you crave for a conversation with them.
It will be days, weeks, months before they reply. Till then you are left with these feelings, questions, thoughts, emptiness.
You will wait to hear from them, anything, anything! a word? Yes. You will just want them to be there. Cause in your mind you already forgave them, before they utt...