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November 12, 2017
 

My love,

I'll admit
There are moments
When I lose sight
Of why I'm here.
I'll admit
The lapses
Come more often
Than they don't.

I am difficult,
I know.
I reflect my situation.

Know that
I didn't come to you
For a paradigm shift,
I came to you
For a lift of the spirit.
I need to know
I'm not alone in my worry,
Because my mind
Can be the loneliest of places
(I would rather be in yours),
And it's only recently
That I've discovered
It doesn't have to be.

I think it would be
Helpful if you could empathize-
Vocalize-
That we can do this together.
This is not forever,
We have agreed on that.
But it could just be
The beginning of it.

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FLYING HIGH
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October 28, 2017
 

My darling,

We have been undoing
Ourselves
From one another
For so long
That when we finally found
Ourselves unattached
We stayed near,
Our fingers and tongues continuing to
Practice knots.
Was it
For fear of the unknown,
Or the comfort in knowing
You're tied up in someone
That kept us close
In what should have been
Our moments of escape?

Had we forgotten
How arduously we worked
To set ourselves free?

Did we forget that
We taught each other
Things we should never
Have had to know?

We don't want this.
This isn't what we deserve.
And yet,
Here we are.

Untangled and side by side.

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BROKEN WINGS
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October 28, 2017
 

My love,

Some mornings are so gentle.
They wake you with
The heavy breaths
Of a loved one curled into you.
They wake you into a weekend
And let you fall back into them.
They wake you with
Scents of maple syrup
And coffee
And sounds of wind chimes.

There is so much to look forward to,
But it can all wait.

And it doesn't matter how stale,
How difficult,
The day becomes.
If entered tenderly,
Lovingly-
That will keep you upright.

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FLYING HIGH
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October 25, 2017
 

My darling,

Where I come from,
There are months that pass me by
Without allowing
A singular glimpse of the sun.
And when it comes,
In all of its bulbous glory,
My spirit frenzies to lift towards it.
For a moment
I do not know sadness.
For a moment
I am reminded of the relief
In the temporary.
Of the relief in change.

I come alive.

Where I am,
The sun is direct
And difficult.
I cannot turn to face it
And I simmer underneath it.
I do not remember how the rain feels
On my cheeks,
Nor the reprieve of a nebulous sky.
I yearn for what were once
Perceived inconveniences.

I blame the sun, or the lack thereof,
But I should blame the mundanity
Of seeing a sky so steady.

(Why do I need everythi...

SING LIKE A BIRD
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October 17, 2017
 

My love,

Tell me how to love you
When I'm searching for you, but
You're nowhere to be found.
Tell me how to love you
When you make your way back,
But I've already given up hope.
Tell me how to stay steady
In these rogue waves, my love.
There is so much back and forth,
So much rocking to and fro that
We forget how to coast.
We forget how to stay still.
And
Even on the calmest days,
We capsize.

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BE A BIRD
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October 14, 2017
 

My darling,

I cannot write yet.
I am static in a bygone time,
You see,
So the past tense
Does not make sense here.

I still write
I am (in love).
You are (in love).
We are (in love).

I cannot write yet.
The past tense
Does not make sense here.

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FAITH LIKE A BIRD
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October 12, 2017
 

My love,

You are water.

I cannot see to the depths of you, as
I can see my reflection in you.
I can quench my thirst by your body, as
I can become waterlogged by my own greed.

I can drown in your turbulence, as
I can float on the lull of your gentle seas.
I can be sucked into the undertow, as
I can be carried to shore like driftwood.

I can only tread in you for so long
Before I recognize
That I am not, in fact, able to hold you.
That I am solely able to be held by you
When you care to let me in.

You slip through the slender spaces
Between my fingers,
And I haven't the slightest of
Grips on you, have I?

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FIRST FLIGHT
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October 3, 2017
 

My darling,

My cognomen
Comes with flight.
I am a flight risk,
You tell me.
I am flighty,
You insist.

Every time I speak,
You see feathers
Falling out of my mouth.

I am circling above you
(Look up, look up).
I need air,
I need space,
But, mostly,
I need you.

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NO BIRD
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October 1, 2017
 

My love,

How did I get so far away from you?
I send you the sun while
You send me the moon.
We never see the sky
The same way at the same time
Anymore,
And it unsettles me.

Everything is burning in front of me.
Fire is as much the fear
As it is the inspiration, here-
Apricot sand dunes
And cinnamon buildings
That sway in the haze.
Cardamom roads holding a heat
That licks at your ankles.

The days are long and hot
And stick like tar,
But somehow they are always
Gone by morning.

The days,
They are so like you.

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THE BIRD
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September 26, 2017
 

My darling,

I am lacking in many ways:
My behaviour,
My pockets,
My word choice.
I feel them all distinctly,
But it is the poverty in time
That weighs heaviest on me.

I needed more time to get to you.
I was asking you for more time.

It wasn't my love for you
That was feeble, for
That grows, still.
I wanted to come to you
Strong and stable,
As someone you deserve.
I didn't want to believe that
My quest for solidity
Would be what would unsteady us.
That prolonging my arrival
Would draw us out
Instead of draw us in-
Our plan was conceived too quickly,
And our plan fell apart just as fast.

I felt the urgency between us then,
As I feel the state of emergency
Between us now.
You promised...

A BIRD WITHOUT WINGS
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September 24, 2017
 

My love,

It's been one week since we
Spoke for the last time
Because I had to go.
One week since I had a
Mouthful of endearments
And handfuls of poems.
My heart is so full of you, but the love pours out like the tea of a teapot,
Seeking new bodies to warm.
The spillage,
You should see it.
I am roaming,
I am roaming the world again.
You asked me as I departed:
What better way to live is there?
And I told you that
A life is better spent
In love.  

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FREE BIRD
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September 22, 2017
 

My darling,

I don't know how to write you,
And still my hands pull me to paper.
Is the urge to let go
Or the desperation to preserve you
That cradles the pen between my fingers time after time?
These letters, these stories,
They're replete
With love and loss and language,
And you thread through them all.
You're the only thing
That ever kept me together-
Did you know?

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BIRD OF THE SOUL
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September 21, 2017
 

My love,

Most days,
I don't know if I'm writing
To myself or to you,
But the ceiling is alive today,
And it is all the same.

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FLYING HIGH
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September 16, 2017
 

My darling,

I couldn't decide
If we could hack it-
An ocean between us,
Such a distance apart.

I desperately queried:
"The gap wouldn't
Draw us close,
It would swallow us whole-
Would it not?"

But you looked at me,
Laughing:
"Oh honey,
It's just the world."

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SINGING BIRD
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September 15, 2017
 

My love,

I have been torturing myself.
I am a masochist,
The way I dwell on you
As though you were here.
My mind doesn't believe me.
My heart needs to make sure.
I am standing in a pool of blame;
I am hurting everywhere.
The pain is a reminder.
It's what is left of you.
So I soak in it.

I read the love letters.
Yours, others'.
I read about love and I bottom-out.
It is so heavy, holding a feeling
That has always been cultivated and
Carried by two.
(Why didn't it leave with you, and
Will it ever go?)

It weighs on me-
I am not strong enough to lift it up alone.

It's taking me down with it.

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LOVE A BIRD
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September 13, 2017
 

Sweet one,

There are days
When I know
I've lost you.
But I will look for you,
Always,
As if I were a dog at a window,
A coastguard in a storm,
Or manning a fire tower.

I will find you again,
As I often do-
All smirks and reassurances.
I won't speak
Of how I didn't blink or breathe,
Or of how I prayed relentlessly
For your safe return.
I won't utter a word
Of regret,
Of anger,
No.
My fear mutes all else
(I am afraid I can't keep you).
My languid movements
Will disguise it as relief,
And it will be all too easy
To believe it as truth.

I will know how to measure time.
I will know how I am losing it.
You see,
I will know how long it takes
To lose you.

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LOVE A BIRD
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September 11, 2017
 

My love,

I am combative today.
I am fighting myself
As a means of
Fighting for you.

My mind
My mind
My mind

It tells me I am undeserving.
It tells me I am going to ruin this.
It tells me all of this goodness
Is temporary.

It is a spiral,
A slippery slope,
A slide.

But the landing is always soft,
The landing is always you.

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BROKEN WINGS
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September 11, 2017
 

My darling,

I learned so young
(I was so impressionable, then)
That integrity was
A desideratum
When it came to my
Personal growth.
It wasn't enough
To stand in it,
I had to surround myself
By those who
Navigated with it.

You see,
I move too much of myself
To the rhythm of
Too many people, and
When I am swayed
In the wrong direction
Things do fall easily from me.
Like rotting apples,
They plunk, roll-
I have to wait.
I have to wait
Until they grow back,
Robustly,
As they will.
And, my, will they
Take the time.
The time I
Can never afford
To spend,
But am always
Prescribed.

(Nurture those traits,
Time insists-
No trait is formed
Without care).

There is so much hurt
That hurtles in...

EARLY BIRD
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September 10, 2017
 

Couldn't you see,
My darling,
That when you planted
all those doubts,
It was in their nature to grow?

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FEATHERED BIRD
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September 9, 2017
 

My darling,

I fear what's forthcoming but I'm not sure you'd know it to see it.
I keep saying that I feel so empty.
I keep being told to be positive, so I smile and bite my tongue.
No one will let me be sad the way you did.
It's just that it drowns you when your hands are tied.
It's just that I never drowned when you helped me swim through it.

They insist that every change is a learning opportunity, even the bad ones (especially the bad ones).
It's just that I've already seen too many and they haven't left me yet.

Here I am, so young to be set in ways that I have yet to call my own but crave at any rate.
Lately, I yearn to live in sameness.
To spend my days
Smelling honeysuckle and crack...

YOUNG BIRD
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